Well, folks, my holiday is over. Not that I really got one to begin with, but I had more of one this year than I did last year! Two whole days in a row. It's nuts, I tell ya.

In spite of that, though, I got to spend even less time with my family than I have over the last few years, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

When I go to my 'rents, I feel trapped (part of that is not having a vehicle, part of that is feeling obliged to spend all my time with them). But this evening when I came back to my apartment, I felt empty. Like I'd not spent time with them. I don't know how it is that my family, that I love so much, ends up meaning so little when I actually get to be with them. It's nuts.

Anyway, here's a belated Christmas/early New Year's gift for y'all: For the first time in digital sound... its... me! It's safe to download - I promise. I made it myself.

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

Found on the BookBonobo's website...

So I tried throwing a small party this evening and had invited about 30 of my friends. I had 10 RSVPs that people were actually coming. Add to this peoples' friends and significant others, and I was expecting about 15-20 people in my apartment this evening.

I had a few last-minute cancellations. That brought my total down to about 12-17 people for the evening.

Only seven showed.

I had a great time with the people that were here. Love them to bits. But that means that about 4-5 people that were on my "Attending" list didn't show up.

And I'm...

Hurt? Pissed off? I can't quite decide which.

At least have the courtesy to tell me you can't come, even if it is just an email at the last minute. Don't just not show.

I think hurt is winning right now. I was looking forward to spending time with these people, and was anticipating seeing them tonight. Instead they've blown me off for whatever reason. Not impressed.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: The Heritage Crusade and the Spoils of History (David Lowenthal)
For Fun: Santa Claus: A Biography (Gerry Bowler)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: 18

My self-imposed attempts to keep up with the BookBonobo project having completely failed, largely due to my own laziness (I get home from work and most nights have no more energy than to play the next few moves in Scrabulous on Facebook or watch some pointless TV) and in part due to other reading necessities, I have joined a book club that, to my mind, seems rather more manageable.

Rather than the noble, but in my case apparently unattainable goal of 52 books per year, I've joined a book club on (yes, where else?) Facebook started by a former co-worker. The Constant and Quiet Book Club will be reading a book a month, and discussing on Facebook.

I'd tried the BookBonobo project in an attempt to expand my reading horizons. It's worked, a little. I've read books that I might not have otherwise picked up. But I still find myself gravitating towards history books, or historical fiction, and it's time to move on. Even one of the better comedic books I've picked up recently was historical fiction (Lamb: The Gospel According to Bif, by Christopher Moore, anyone? And on a completely random note - I saw another copy of this in Chapters yesterday that actually looks like an old-school Bible, complete with black leathery cover and gold-embossed print, along with the gold leafing down the edges of the pages and the ribbon bookmark... awesome! No, I didn't buy it. I only have two bookcases, and they're getting suspiciously full... And while the e-Book reader that Sandy recently purchased does look cool, I still need to be able to physically turn pages made of paper. E-Books are not for me.).

So first up is, go figure, a book that is essentially a history of Santa Claus. History. Ah well. I did vote for it. Spirit of the season and all that. And the history nerd in me was really excited. But I'm sure I will get outvoted at some point in the near future and my horizons WILL be expanded.

So, since this will be occuring, I will, from here on in, provide a revised version of my old "Currently Reading" at the bottom of each post. I haven't started Santa Claus yet (waiting for it to come in at Audrey's, so that I can buy it at the US price, rather than the Canadian), but as for the rest of it, here goes:

I Am Reading:
Quasi - Academically: The Heritage Crusade and the Spoils of History (David Lowenthal) 17
For Fun: Le Parfum (Patrick Susskind)
Pile of Unread Books on my bookshelf: 17

I feel like a bit of an idiot. Today I attended a funeral. I didn't know this woman particularly well. I don't know her family. I don't know most of her friends, and only barely know the rest on a professional level. I didn't interact with her at all outside the university, with the exception of a couple of emails after I went away to England. And yet her death and the fact that I won't ever see her again are affecting me a lot, and I don't entirely understand why.

She was an absolute whirlwind. As somone pointed out today, she was like a force of nature - sometimes a tornado, sometimes a rainbow. To continue quoting from the eulogies, she knew what she wanted, when she wanted it, and as long as she got it at precisely the right moment, she was pretty easy to please. And lord only knows, she's probably up there attempting to micromanage the way Saint Peter runs the gates of heaven. She drove a lot of people nuts at various times. What matters most, though, I think, is that she showed me kindness during a period in my life when I really needed it. And it is that that I will always remember. And from what I heard today, I was not the only one.

What gets me, is that it was yet another person that I know who's died of cancer. It's snatching up the best and brightest, and ripping them away from us.

Dietlind Bechthold was an amazing woman. Especially in the last fourteen months of her life, as you can see chronicled on the short website she and her loved ones mainted.

I will always remember how I finally learned her name. After continued banter about some paper or other I was handing in after a long semester of handing in paper after paper, I finally said something along the lines of "You know my name now, so what's yours?", and it started from there. She'd photocopy papers for me - but only in return for my postering half of the Tory Building... I can still bring to mind our chats about her German courses, the paper she had in storage for me from a prof that I didn't want back, the discussion with another faculty member about the colour of a third faculty member's robes (he claimed 'Crimson', we all thought pink...). She was about the only person behind that counter that didn't scare me half to death - and the only one that ever bothered to learn my name, even after 5 years of handing in papers and picking things up and asking questions.


I wish I had faith. At least then I'd believe that she wasn't gone for good and that maybe we'd get to trade witty insults again some day.


Much love to you, Dietlind.

So I had my first super-bitchy client today. I wasn't able to accept the madam's paperwork for a few very key reasons, and she was less than impressed (and yes, I use the word madam in multiple senses). She was even more unimpressed when I had to confiscate a piece of her paperwork and refused to accept my explanation. I finally had a much more senior person talk to her. She was still unimpressed. As she packed up and left my area, her purse was zipped with such venom that I wanted to reach out and smack her. I refrained, and just sat in silence, giving a 'tough shit, your own damn fault' look as she huffily turned and teetered out.

The kicker?

All this was in French. I'm fairly confident working in French. That's why they hired me. But I still don't know all the 'lingo', so to speak so there are words that escape me - especially since I don't use the French on a regular basis. Part of the reason I had someone more senior come out and explain was because I was afraid I wasn't communicating something properly. But listening to their exchange, nope, I was using the right words the right way. Big wiping of the sweat from the eyebrow.

I was able to step away and get out of the office shortly afterwards, and it was a good thing I did. The whole incident really drove home just how new I still am at this whole thing, and harped on all my professional insecurities. I was left with shaking hands and a feeling that I wasn't performing adequately. It doesn't help that the two others who were hired at the same time as me are both completely fluently bilingual. I feel ill-trained, ill-equipped, ill-informed, and ill-prepared right now.

Hopefully it will pass soon enough.

On a completely different note, my father had surgery on Wednesday. Just day, laser surgery, but surgery nonetheless. Yup. The skin cancer had made a few inroads. They think they got it all, but he'll be going for fairly frequent checkups from now on. The kicker? My mother didn't tell me until we had lunch together on Monday and she just casually happened to mention something about taking Wednesday afternoon to take my father to his surgery. I'm not sure whether I'm grateful to her that she kept me in the dark and didn't make me worry, or pissed right off that she didn't inform me of something that important a little bit sooner.

*sigh*

So I've discovered that I will actually be trained next week. There will be much learning. There will also be much sleeping in, as I won't have to start until 8:25, although it does mean I won't get off until 4:40, unlike my usual 7-3:15 shift.

I have learned that I missed choral performing more than I remembered. All the fun of solo work without all the responsibility to be perfect. Ok, granted, you're still aiming for 100%, but if you only hit 98, there are other voices to help you out.

I have learned that 3.5 weeks of doing nothing but calling people withouth a telephone headset causes shoulder injuries! Horrible ergonomic arrangements. Part of it's my own fault - I shouldn't have been holding the phone the way I was.

I have learned that I can survive on 6 hours of sleep a night, but not for any extended period of time.

And last, but not least, thanks to Mike Rowe and his "Dirty Jobs" show, I have learned that the moulds for bells contain horse shit. And other random interesting facts.

And that is all.

I've changed my name.

Only on this blog.

But unfortunately my current position with the federal government means that I will need to be as anonymous as I can be for the moment.

If you really feel the need to reach me, and don't already know my email address(es), give me a shout at katcall42 at hotmail dot com - just put something about The Tudor Rose in the subject line so that I don't delete it as spam.

On a completely random note, blogger seems to think I'm German. All the instructions about HTML and formatting have suddenly switched to German.

Much love to you all.

So I started the new job.

It's been a week and a day, and the only way to describe it is... badly managed, disorganized, negative, and hopefully I will be out of there soon.

I arrived on day one only to be told the person I was meant to meet wouldn't be there until at least an hour after I'd arrived. And all the managers were in Ottawa for the week, so no one had any idea what to do with me.

So for the first hour I sat on the couch in the reception area and read. And then HR came and made me fill out paperwork. And more paperwork. And then I took their respectful workplace online training course. And then I did more paperwork. And then I started scanning.

Day two I shadowed another worker. Day three I started working on callouts and that's all I've been doing since. 7.5 hours a day on the phone.

They haven't told me when I'm actually going to get formal training (I'm supposed to get a week, apparently). I don't even know who my direct supervisor is right now. The people I've been shadowing have only been there 2 or 3 months themselves. It's like a giant revolving door, with people always moving onwards or upwards. One of the people who interviewed me has only been there since January. They're short staffed, but they can't keep anyone. A guy made a joke that he doesn't bother learning anyone's names until they've been there for 6 months. He wasn't entirely joking.

People are overwhelmingly negative about their coworkers, the situation, life in general. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it is starting to. And that's after only one week.

I've run into some people from a past life (ie: from high school) there, as well, which isn't helping the emotional/self-esteem issues. I didn't like them, they didn't like me... it's like they've all come back to haunt me.

On the bright side, one of the other people doing the same job as me started today. She's Quebecois. I've been tempted to talk to her in French so that half the other people in the office won't understand us - she seems quite nice. We talked about BOOKS, for God's sake. Dumas. French literature! I haven't seen anyone else in the office read anything more than a newspaper. Obviously I don't know what they do when they're not at work, but still...

I still have my fingers crossed that they send me out to Vancouver for training. Yeah, it's 8 hours a day in training, but my evenings will be my own...

Anywho. I am volunteering again this year at everyone's favouritest Hallowe'en event (it's my one token volunteer thing... which reminds me, that one perk of the federal government is that they give me one paid "volunteer" day each calendar year... maybe I'll take it off on the Friday of Spook... ) Looking forward to it, although I feel a bit old. They do seem to get younger each year.

First choir concert is coming up on the 4th of October, as well. Details are at www.richardeatonsingers.com, should you require and or desire them.

My contract at the uni is up as of this Saturday. I've gotten all sorts of verbal reassurances that it would be no problem to extend my contract and that they're putting in the effort to make the position permanent and full time, but nothing has been put on paper. No posting for the full time position. No paper to sign to extend my contract. Nothing but verbal reassurances. I trust my boss. I believe she would have done something for me at the last minute. I probably could have stayed at the uni.

But today I was offered a position with the federal government. Indeterminate (ie: permanent). It's good money, too. About $15,000 more than I make at the uni. It means I'll be able to quit The Body Shop.

The problem? I don't want the job. I don't want to go back to an environment where my coffee breaks are monitored, and where, if I take 30 mins and 15 seconds for my lunch, I'm frowned at. I don't want to deal with bitchy people who've been waiting for hours in lineups. While the department mildly interests me, it's not what I want to do.

Nevertheless, I took it. As a certain blogger with a flower moniker once pointed out to me, you don't live to work - you work to live. And unfortunately this is one of those cases. Better to have a job I'm not entirely thrilled with than not be able to pay my rent in a couple of months.

Not to say that if a permanent position at the uni opened up, I wouldn't apply for it and jump at it. Hell, there are some interesting positions with the municipal government that I might apply for (I have to decide about one within the next 24 hours - posting closes tomorrow). In taking an indeterminate position, I'm not screwing myself out of a future that might be happier. I'm just temporarily putting material welfare over spiritual.

I hope I'm not making a massive mistake.

So I took a plunge.

I auditioned for the Richard Eaton Singers.

Holy fucking hell was I nervous. I mean, I haven't sung on a regular basis in... 5 years. Yup. I quit McDougall's choir in 2002. I haven't sung solo in almost that long. I am NOT in practice. Not only that, but I was singing for the guy who, 7 years ago, rejected me as a candidate to take voice lessons through the U of A's Music Department as one of my fine arts options. I was not amused.

Apparently he didn't remember me.

Which is fine. Blank slate and all that, right?

I thought I was going to fail miserably, much like 7 years ago, but instead, with only one week's practice, I pulled off a 'beautifully executed, polished' rendition of my audition piece, and was accepted on the spot.

So now I'll get to sing with the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra (sounds all impressive, doesn't it?) and hopefully work myself back into some sort of vocal shape. The first practice of the season is tonight!

Honest. I suck. It's been nearly 3 weeks since my last confess... I mean... post.

Work is getting nuts. We have to look after all the applicants and have them ready for school by the beginning of September, and we've got all sorts of people whose applications haven't been successful all pissed off at us for various reasons.

Unfortunately it seems to be another office within our department that's dropped the ball on a lot of stuff, and there's not much we can do to pick up the pieces. They've also got three brand-new people working there, so they're not as able to pick up the slack that others have created.

This means that when I get home at night, I'm emotionally exhausted. As a front line staffer, it means that I'm the one constantly getting... not yelled at, yet... but I'm the one that constantly has to deal with the after effects of these things and peoples' complaints about them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my balcony to spy on the car crash that just occurred on the street below. Looks like there was just some rear-ending that occurred. With any luck, it'll be my cop friend that shows up to deal and I can harass the officer :) My next-door neighbour is probably already out on her balcony watching...

So I went to see Great Big Sea on Thursday night. It was a fun concert - there were some opening-night glitches, and the Edmonton crowd was not necessarily as excited as I thought they should have been. All in all great music. But then, I love their style of music, with its Celtic roots and modern flair. They did a great version of The Rover that turned the usual metrics on their head and until they actually started singing I wasn't sure it was the same song I'd learned in Ireland. It's music that actually means something to me - harkening back to the Scottish roots and all that...

But this isn't really a concert review. It's more a reflection on why I don't go to concerts very often.

They're so... ephemeral. You're there for an hour or so (maybe a few hours if the openers are good), listening to great music, having fun with your friends. But then they're over and you're back to day-to-day life and it all just goes away. It's kind of depressing, really.

And for me, there's all the what-ifs... what if I'd actually gotten around to learning those instruments I always wanted to learn to play? What if I'd actually dedicated myself to the arts I chose to practice and gotten good enough to actually perform at something more than weddings? What if I'd been born in a different time or a different place? Would I have had the opportunity to do something more with music? It's all these dreams that I haven't been able to fulfill and probably won't because I'm either too scared/too lazy/too busy/any other excuse I could come up with. It's a supremely bittersweet experience - music sweeps me away - but it also reminds me of all the things that could have been...

I'm pissed off. Quite. Below is a letter I emailed to a few of the editors at the Edmonton Journal this morning...

Good morning, Journal staff

I love getting the Journal on weekends. There is always quite a lot to read, and there’s no better way to spend a quiet morning than reading the paper and sipping coffee. This morning, however, my paper has greatly disappointed me.

As it so often is, my paper was delivered outside my apartment door, upside down. I began to skim stories as I was picking it up, and almost immediately had to throw it down again. While I won’t be melodramatic and claim that you have RUINED the final Harry Potter book for me, I was certainly less than impressed with your decision to print a spoiler on the front page of your newspaper.

I, like, many other people, value my sleep and decided to have the book delivered to my apartment. I pre-ordered from an online website for home delivery (and it’s a good thing I did – I’ve ended up being sick the last few days, and a trip to a bookstore would not be high on my priority list at the moment). It’s now 8:58 a.m. Harry Potter has been out for nearly 9 hours. I still do not have it in my hands. And while I’m a fan of the series, knowing that I will get it within the next few hours is enough – I did not need to have it in my paws at midnight.

I was, therefore, unfortunately shocked and disappointed with my door-opening, paper-fetching experience this morning. What about those individuals like me who DON’T have the book yet? How many of those casually picked up their upside-down newspapers this morning and were blasted in the face with the plot outline of a book they hadn’t read and didn’t yet want to know? Could you not have kept the spoiler even on the second page? On the first page of the second section? Anything other than glaring in my face when I perfectly innocently picked up my paper this morning. Sure, there was a little warning at the top of the article – not much good when you pick up your paper upside down, as the warning is on the top half.

So to you, staff of the Edmonton Journal, I say thank-you for taking a little joy out of the event that I’ve been anticipating with a ferocity that is probably only second to Christmas. Or at least Hallowe’en. Again, while I cannot say that you have RUINED the final instalment of the series for me, you have certainly diminished the excitement, mystery and anticipation that I’ve been holding for the last little while.

Bah. Humbug.

And I still don't have the book - I imagine it will arrive sometime this afternoon.

42.













Ok, just kidding.

I just don't have much to say right now, but feel guilty for neglecting the blog. In fact, there's really nothing for me to say. Still in limbo on a couple of other jobs that I've applied for... still working at the uni and at The Body Shop.

First cemetery tour tonight, should be fun...

And that is all.

Ok, if bad things happen in threes, then I'm wondering what the kicker will be...

1) Dad, skin cancer, see previous post.

2) I applied for a couple of nice, permanent, full-time-with-benefits positions in my department of the university. The first position I probably wouldn't have applied for if I hadn't been encouraged by the person who would be supervising that position. The second position I was waffling about, and probably wouldn't have gotten my hopes up about applying if it hadn't been for encouragement from the same individual. I found out about a week ago that I didn't get the first job, and found out today that I didn't get the second. It was down to two candidates for both positions - myself and another individual - and I didn't get either. I'm trying not to take it personally, but when you've been encouraged to apply for the jobs, it feels like a slap in the face when you don't get either. To make matters worse, I have to work with members of the hiring committee on a very close basis for the duration of my contract with the uni. I am NOT looking forward to going to work for the next couple of weeks, and watching the candidates that got 'my' jobs come in and do things precisely the way I wouldn't have.

So what'll #3 be? Anyone want to take bets? So not impressed with the world right now.

Having said that, though, this isn't really anything that bawling my eyes out for a bit and scarfing down a ton of ice cream won't fix (unlike #1, where I get to have a nagging worry sitting in the back of my head for however long it takes).

I've also applied for a job with the City of Edmonton that was recently vacated by a certain MA History grad that I know... although if I can't get myself hired by people who know me, like me, and know what an excellent worker I am, then what hope in hell do I have of getting hired by strangers?

And the cemetery tour gig is going to be a ton of fun - M McD is going to lend me some backup for the first couple of tours (and as far as I'm concerned, he can talk about his own family in that cemetery - I'm not going to pretend to be an expert!).

And my score for some of the music from Spamalot arrived today, so I will be sitting at the piano and playing with that. Perhaps with some ice cream.

It's gotten to the point where I can't process this internally any more, so here goes.

My dad has skin cancer.

Which, if you're going to get cancer, is the sort of type to get, really. You can usually just dig the mole-y melanoma-y thing out, and do a bit of follow-up chemical treatment stuff, and voilà! good to go. One of my former bosses went through having skin cancer in her younger years, and you'd never know it. Healthy, upbeat, fine...

Nevertheless, the 'c' word is a fucking scary one.

It's even fucking scarier when it's happening to someone you know and love. It's even scarier when, during a follow-up appointment, the doctor notices ANOTHER spot, digs it out, and sends it off for biopsy. And then he's doing a little more looking, and oh, look! there's a third spot. And it's in a place where my dad had skin grafts as a kid, making the skin, well, not entirely skin-like, complicating removal.

So, yeah. I get home, and my dad has new stitches and bandages, and we all avoid talking about it over our pleasant, picturesque family dinner, and I get in the vehicle so that my mother can drive me back to my apartment and this is the news that is casually dropped as we're backing out of the driveway, as I'm waving goodbye to my father.

We're still waiting on the results from the second biopsy, but in the meantime, I get to sit here and fucking wait again.

I thought I'd already cried about this as much as possible. I thought I'd exhausted all the tears, all the worry. I thought I'd talked it over with enough people that all my fears had been mostly allayed.

Apparently I was wrong.

Still alive.

Still kicking.

Still waiting on a few things before I write a long post that's full of news.

Quick update, though - looks like I'll be doing cemetery tours at Edmonton Cemetery this summer, so if you're not busy on a Wednesday night and want to find out about all Edmonton's famous dead (ok, well, a fair number of them), swing on by. I can't guarantee I'll be entertaining at M McD and JL and the other Kate were a few years ago, but I'll do my best.

Ciao for now!

I can't even blog about the possibility of something potentially good maybe happening in the future, in the vaguest of terms, without having something come up that completely and utterly ruins any sense I might have had that things might just possibly be going right for a change

I've discovered that blogging about things makes them not happen, apparently.

So keep me in your thoughts, as there are some things on the horizon within the next couple of months.

So... I did something stupid. I decided to Google "high thyroid antibodies".

Never ever search Google for medical information.

It has officially scared the shit out of me, as it seems that in many cases, the immune system just ATTACKS the thyroid, completely destroying it as time progresses. Not a particularly uplifting diagnosis.

The doctor I saw the other day wasn't my usual doctor, and in all honesty, she had to google the test I was administered before she could explain the results to me as well, so that didn't exactly fill me with confidence. I may go back to the usual doctor next week just for a checkup. I feel a bit like I'm wasting their time, and I realize that doctors can't be human encyclopedias, but nonetheless...

So I went for a two-week followup on the puffy face issue.

It looks like I have elevated thyroid antibodies. Which basically means nothing. Except that I'm more susceptible to conditions like hypothyroidism and Hashimoto's thyroiditis. So I basically have to keep watching for depression issues, weight gain that can't really be explained... But in the meantime there's nothing to be done.

It had to happen, really. The internet is so small that it was really only a matter of time until someone from England started reading my blog on a semi-regular basis, and checked into my archives.

She knows who she is, and she knows what she read, and she didn't like it. I can only say that it was written in a period of extreme frustration, stress, and pressure. Nonetheless, I don't apologize for writing it.

I do, however, apologize for publishing it. The offending bits have been deleted.

I do apologize for leaving it up on the internet well after the periods of frustration, stress, and pressure had passed. It was a time when I took a break from her - and I did let her know the reasons for not communicating with her for about a week, although she was living only a few doors away.

I do apologize for not deleting it the instant I became aware that she WAS reading my blog.

Above all, I apologize that it hurt her feelings. That was the last thing I intended. I had written it in this blog (which no one in England knew about) precisely so that I would not blow up at HER, or someone she knew, and precisely so that I would NOT hurt her feelings. In the end this has backfired, and what I was attempting to avoid has happened on a much grander scale.

I'm sorry.

I figured it out.

Why I don't like actually telling people what it is that I do, I mean.

I'm not proud of it.

Granted, I'm not ashamed either, but I sort of figure somehow that with three degrees I might be able to do a little better?

*sigh*

So, I'm feeling better. Still tired, but at least my face is my own. Yay!

Having gotten that out of the way - I am attending the wedding of a co-worker today. I have known her not even six months. I don't know her family, and aside from my fellow co-workers, I don't know her friends. I mean, I'm very happy for her - she's a lovely person, and her fiancé's really quite nice as well - but I'm never a big fan of the whole wedding reception shmooze thing. The ceremony, I can handle. You all just sit there, it's pretty anonymous who's in the crowd, you don't need to talk, just follow the program...

But the reception...

I'm not a particularly social person, I don't just randomly introduce myself to strangers very often... so I will have a grand total of 4 people to talk to at the reception (which is actually an improvement over the last time I went to a wedding) - not counting the bride and groom. Let's face it, at any reception the bride and groom are a write-off for any sort of conversation lasting longer than

"beautiful wedding"

"thanks, and how are you?"

"quite well, really... you're holding up all right? Shoes still not hurting"

"no, they're fi... oh, sorry, there's uncle Sylvester, I really must go say hi..."

*sigh* And it's a LOT colder than I thought it would be today. It apparently feels like -2 degrees with the wind out there. So much for those black strappy sandals I bought. Hopefully it will have warmed up to the 16 they're calling for by this afternoon. And three guesses where my long, black, formal-ish wool coat is... Oh, that's right, at the cleaner's. Sonofa.

Ok. Kate. Step back, take a look at this. You are going. You are sharing in your friend's happiness. Quite bitching about your own potential misery, and start focusing on her undoubted happiness. Be happy for her (and I am, really I am).

And if worse comes to worse, and I'm finding the socializing totally unbearable, I can leave early. I am still slightly under the weather after all, and I do have to get up for work in the morning.

So...

I woke up on Saturday morning at 5:30, with pain in my jaw. I went and looked in the mirror. There was a strange face looking back.

Whatever is going on with my lymph nodes (be it bacteria, be it viruses) has caused my face and neck to swell to about twice their normal size, and there's no sign of it abating as of yet. I'm on antibiotics, just in case, but odds are it's viral. I've seen two doctors, and both seem to agree that this should just go away on its own... in 5-10 days.

Throw a little thyroiditis into the mix, and you have me the way I am right now (the blood work has come back negative for anything more seriously wrong with my thyroid).

Oddly enough, I was mostly symptom free otherwise, until today. The aches and pains of flu and viral infection have set in, combined with the desire to sleep for pretty much most of the day.

At this point, though, it's vanity that's kicking me in the ass more than anything else. I feel like a freak. I have the face of someone at least 50 pounds heavier than myself. I'm scared. I looked in the mirror and the face that looked back wasn't my own.

I'll put up with the aches. I'll put up with the chills. I'll put up with snot, with vomiting...

At this point I just want my face back.

In an effort to find a better-paying, more permanent job, I've been checking out the U's website on a fairly regular basis. But one slipped by me and wouldn't have been brought to my attention were it not for a friend who emailed it to me.

Rare Book and Map Cataloguer at the special collections library.

Ooh! Ooh!

They really seem to want someone with an MLIS, but I'm hopeful because of the rest of the posting... "Qualifications include a Master's degree in Library Science from an accredited library school; an academic background and/or library experience in the humanities (especially history) in addition to interest in cataloguing, analything/descriptive bibliography, research methods and the ability to catalogue materials in the major western languages; a strong service orientation; superior instructional, communication, and writing skills; excellent information management skills; a commitment to collegiality and seeking cooperative solutions. An additional, advanced degree in a related field is also desireable."

So I'm not quite totally there, but I think I have a good 1/2 the qualifications.

Wish me luck.

Funny how at this time last year I was totally feeling like my birthday was a bit of a big deal, and this year, it's just kinda... meh, whatever.

I sort of got two... ish...

The job I interviewed for - nope. Fair enough considering I had a whole 5 hours' notice for that interview.

The job with the government - no alternative test dates. Not going to take Friday morning off. So basically I have to withdraw from the competition.

Ah well. If I stick my present job out, I'm pretty much guaranteed a position one level up in the fall (as definitely one if not both will be leaving for other provinces/countries come September/October). So I'm not too disappointed. Honest. I think maybe I might apply to see if I can start a PhD part time in September 2008 if that happens. Maybe. Still up in the air. I do still want to do the book/library material conservation course at some point too, though. Oh, the decisions...! Oh, the agony!

So my stuff is mostly all moved into the apartment now (that includes clothes and the like!), and so I'm set to actually begin living here. There are still things that need to get done - I need to find picture hangers for a couple of frames, I need to get some other stuff framed, but it's mostly little things like that - the decorative touches that would really turn the place into home. Having said that, though, it's really coming together, and once I get the cardboard and garbage out of here, it'll be brilliant.

I do still need another bookcase. When we moved my stuff, we moved about 8 boxes of books, and damned if I didn't find another 4 boxes worth lying around the 'rents house between then and today. I've got the 'personal/fluff' books in my bedroom on the book case in there, but the more academic/serious books are still in boxes in my living room. That and maybe a small table to set my stereo on. 'Cuz right now it's living on its cardboard box. Functional, but not elegant. Sort of student-first-apartment-esque. And I'm not a student any more. For now, anyway.

Went to see Antony and Cleopatra on Thursday night. Good fun. I can say I'm all cultured up for the month that way, I guess. I have a hard time suspending disbelief when I see shows that people I know are in, though - you can see exactly what that person is bringing of themselves to the character, and at times it seems more like watching your friend than it does like watching the character, if that makes any sense at all...? Having said that, though, it was a good two hours. Very entertaining. So nice to see Shakespeare acted, rather than just reading it.

Needed to pass up several potential engagements on Friday, and having seen the photos from some of them, I'm sad I had to - Magnolia's Vegas-themed party looks like it was an absolute blast, for example.

Got a letter from the folks at the government job I applied for. It wasn't a PFO letter, which is always nice, but they want me to write a test on Friday morning. Which I could do, but it's the second busiest weekend of the year at work, so it's not really feasible. I'm going to call tomorrow morning to see if I can make alternate arrangements, but if they say it's Friday or nothing, then I might just bow out. The only busier weekend they could have picked would have been Labour Day weekend. *Kate knocks wood that something doesn't come up for that weekend*

Anywho. Time to have a bath and go to bed. Although I don't have to get up at 6 tomorrow morning. Nope. My alarm will go off at 7. I will leave my apartment at 8, and I will still make it to work on time. This instead of leaving the 'rents house at 7 a.m. So very excited. Looking very forward to the sleeping in, such as it is.

So I had a student come in yesterday. The conversation went a little something like this:

Him: {unintelligible due to foreign accent} Telus couldn't hook up phone {unintelligible}
Me: I'm sorry, I'm not understanding completely. You're saying Telus couldn't come hook up a phone in your room?
Him: Yes
Me: Ok, which res do you live in?
Him: res X
Me: Ok, that explains it. The phones in that res are run by the University. Did you want to get the phone hooked up?
Him: Yes. And then I'll have internet?
Me: Ok, hang on. You've applied for internet?
Him: Yes
Me: And you paid for internet?
Him: Yes
Me: Ok, then it should be set up, just plug your computer into the socket with the cable. So what you want now is to have a phone?
Him: Yes
Me: So you need to fill out X form and pay Y money.

He does it. Hands in the forms. Life is beautiful. He's going to have a phone for the remaining half month of the semester.

He comes back today. "I came in yesterday for my internet"

Me: Hang on, you said you had internet and you wanted phone
Him: No, I wanted internet
Me: No... you said Telus couldn't hook up your phone.
Him: No, I said internet
Me: I asked you if you had applied for internet. You said yes. I asked you if you had paid for internet. You said yes. You said you wanted a phone.
Him: Don't you dare try to blame this on me. _YOU_ gave me the wrong form and just weren't listening.

At this point I just stared.

Me: I'm not going to argue with you. I'm going to tell you how to fix it. We'll refund the hookup fee at the end of April. Fill in these two forms. This one is to cancel the phone application from yesterday, and this one is to get internet.

The first form he fills out, he cancels his internet instead of phone.

Granted, I know there were some language barriers there. I might not have been understanding him, he might not have been understanding me. But I did my best to find out what exactly he wanted and provide it to him. Especially the first time he came in. I even asked the coworker whose desk backs on to mine if I hadn't been clear the first time around (she had overheard the conversation the first time). She said that if it had gone on any longer she would have come out from behind her desk and confronted him as well - apparently I was as clear as could be, and after all my questions it was also her understanding that he wanted phone service.

So do you want to tell me why I feel this weird combination of pissed off, hurt, and ready to punch a brick wall?

So just logged onto the internet and saw the whole Virginia school shootings thing.

C'mon, bad guys... school shootings have been done. It's no longer a nifty and original way to express your angst and psychoses (not that it ever was... chill, ok?). Go do something else. It just ain't cool any more.

Similarly, I have strained a tendon in my shoulder. Doctor's diagnosis. How? Making a grab for either a mentally ill or completely drugged up woman as she lept out the emergency exit of the MOVING bus I was on yesterday. She was fine. I have a shoulder injury that SHOULD go away with ice and advil and the exercises the doctor showed me how to do, and a bit of mental... not scarring, per se... scabbing, maybe? Christ.

And that is all.

My desk is exposed to the public. So I ran away. To another desk that's behind a wall somewhere where students won't interrupt me. So I can actually write a real entry for this thing.

First: Graduation really wasn't as bad as I've been making it out to be. My 'rents and I are just NOT meant to be together for extended periods of time, and so I was getting hugely frustrated. It's amazing how much better we're getting along after we didn't talk to or see each other for a week.

Next: The saga that was my parents' voyage home. They were meant to get back on Tuesday. 6:30 a.m., I'm rolling out of bed, and the phone in their house is ringing. I let the machine pick up, until I heard my mother's voice. At which point I ran over to the other room and picked up the phone. "We were meant to leave 1/2 an hour ago, but we're still sitting in the airport. They say we're going to be about 2 hours late". Fine by me. Means I leave work later, get paid for more hours, and can still make it to the Body Shop, albeit maybe a few minutes late. I've been at work for a couple of hours when I get another phone call. "We're still at the airport. Don't know how late we're going to be." Fine. Another couple of hours and I check the Air Canada website. Their flight has been cancelled. Lovely. So my parents got home about noon yesterday rather than 2 p.m. on Tuesday. They were put up in a hotel overnight and given food vouchers and such, and were fairly tired when they got back, but it worked out in the end.

And again: So my furniture arrives tonight! Yay! I also want to send a shout out to Magnolia, her significant other, Jill and my friend N, who all came out and helped me move what little stuff I had left at my 'rents to my apartment. Y'all rock!

And as mentioned, I'm stupid busy at work these days (it's a deadline looming tomorrow, so I'm sure at 3 p.m. tomorrow I'll be stupid swamped). My apologies if I'm less than communication-worthy at this point. I have no internet at home until Saturday between 12-2 (my Shaw appointment last night was a casualty of Air Canada's screw-up - I wanted to be free to pick up the 'rents if they arrived in the evening). So it's all work breaks and such.

Take care, all

Ok, sorry, I'm slacking, I know. But it's been busy and circumstances are conspiring against me.

I arranged to have Shaw transfer my cable/internet to the apartment as of last week. That hasn't worked out yet, so I have no internet at either my 'rents (without using their superold Windows 98 computer which SUCKS) or my apartment.

Work is busy, finally. Deadlines are looming, so students are finally getting their shit together. I will be opening many many envelopes today.

Talk to y'all soon.

Ok, so I drove the van around for a bit today, and the thing was being stupid on the way in to pick up my apartment keys (yay!!!), but on the way back out and during my driving in Sherwood Park, it was fine again. I suppose if it starts misbehaving again the next time I drive (which will likely be Thursday or Friday at this rate - no point in driving to work when parking is $10/day and I'm going to need to buy a bus pass anyway), I'll have to take her in. Hopefully I'll last until after my 'rents get back. Which reminds me that I need to buy a bus pass. Shit. Looks like I'll be driving to the transit centre stupid early tomorrow morning to get a (free) parking spot so I can buy a pass. Bugger it all.

So I graduated, eh? Flew to England leaving here Wednesday afternoon and getting in at about 10 a.m. local time on Thursday morning. Meandered up to York where (by this point having been up for about 26 hours) I had a nap at the B&B and then got up again to go to the bar. Had a pint with some of my classmates, went to C and N's new-ish flat, then wandered back to the B&B to sleep again.

Friday morning was the ceremony. I don't do mornings well, usually, but throw in jet lag, the fact that I wasn't all that keen on going to graduation anyway, and that my mother was insisting on treating me like I was in a foreign country and had no idea what I was doing, and I must admit I look fairly pissed off in all the photos. Not to mention tired. Ah well. The ceremony itself was short, sweet, simple. 1.25 hours and we were out of there. Yay! Spent the afternoon and evening with my 'rents walking the city walls and having dinner before retiring back to the hotel room to sleep yet again.

I spent Saturday shopping, then had dinner and drinks with C. Sunday I went down to London where Crispy and I got to meet up for a few hours - took in an exhibit at the British Museum (which was superfun - it was Europe's first look at the new world - paintings done by an artist on journeys to America in the late 1500s) and then went for dinner at a Thai restaurant.

As promised:
The unofficial but much-better-looking-than-the-official graduation portrait.

And the completely unofficial but much better looking informal portrait. The UFO in the background is Central Hall, where the ceremony took place.

Automobiles. Yes, automobiles. I'll describe grad and the trip later, but for now I have a dilemma.

My parents are still in England. I picked up the vehicle from the Park'n'Fly. I drove the vehicle home. I noticed that the fuel indicator kept lighting up, telling me I don't have much gas left... but this would last for about 2 seconds - long enough for the needle to go down about 1/4 of a tank, and then it would go off, the needle would shoot back up to where it was meant to be (just below full - we put a full tank of gas in before we went to the airport). It did this off and on throughout the 1/2 hour drive back to the house.

I'm worried. I don't want to drive the van, but there are things I need to do (like, oh, say, move... go shopping at Ikea... pick up my 'rents from the airport when they arrive next week... just some little things, y'know). I have NO idea where my parents usually get the damn thing serviced, so I can't even pull a "please, pretty please, you know my parents, can you check this out?!". I don't want to go to a random and be charged an arm and a leg. I don't want to pay for repairs (although I know the 'rents would reimburse me)... but the LAST thing I want is to be driving somewhere and have the damn thing die on me.

Input?

I leave tomorrow. I'm not sure what I think about it. I'll let you know how it goes when I get back.

All right. Let's see. Last time I posted was Wednesday morning.

Wednesday at 2 p.m. I went to see the Special Collections Librarian here at the uni. Figured I'd get a bit of an insight into this librarianship/conservation thing, feel out the job market, sniff out funding bodies. While she was lovely, the propects presented to me weren't that great. The Uni's conservator retired four years ago and they haven't been able to secure approval to post the position. The funding isn't there. The U of T is in the same spot. Lovely. So there's demand, but there's no money to hire conservators in this country. Great.

I also went to see an interesting presentation by EPS - about their Hate and Bias Crimes unit. I think I was hoping for more "suggestions on how to be proactive in your community", and it ended up being more of a "this is what a hate crime is and this is who you report it to". Nonetheless an interesting presentation.

Thursday was yoga. New instructor (our usual one is out on holiday). More of an aerobic workout, and, to be honest, it was nice. Worked at The Body Shop during the evening, leaving me stupid tired. I also called my landlady-to-be. I'm leaving the country in two days, I need to get that lease signed, dammit! So I'm going in this morning to do it. It was a bit weird, though, as they have an answering service. I was totally expecting to get her answering machine, but nope, I got this random person. It was weird.

Friday was, well, it was Friday. It was pizza and beer night in our house. Works for me!

Saturday... Worked during the day at TBS. Wasn't as killer as the Saturday before, but it was still good. We're on track to make the quarter, so we're excited about that. I don't know that we'll be sending our manager to Paris, though (there's a bit of a contest going on...)

Sunday. Went and had my eyebrows waxed. I must just be weird, but even when the esthetician is ripping out my hair by the roots, it's still kinda relaxing lying there on that table with the low light and the Enya playing. Then I went for pizza at a friend's place. Pharo's spinach pizza on whole wheat crust is so unbelievably excellent... Makes me sad they don't deliver.

My shoulder has been twinging off and on. It's the same one that started to hurt after the self-defence course, the one the 5-0 guy was wailing on with the red pads. It's like I'm on the edge of dislocating it or something. It's really obnoxious.

Anyway, woke up this morning in a pissy mood. Don't really know why. I just felt like snapping at everyone. Swearing at the phone and just letting it ring...

I went and signed my lease today. I may need a teeny bit of help moving after all... It's not so much heavy stuff as just lots of little pieces. Although my piano is a bit heavy (it's a digital, not an actual piano by any means, but still heavier than most pieces of furniture it's size). I'm not sure when I'm going to do it, though... I don't know what my work hours are like for Easter weekend yet, and I'm meeting my voice teacher (yup! I'm starting again!) on Good Friday afternoon/evening...

Ah well, things will work out. And they're looking pretty up.

So I decided I owed it to my boss to tell her that I applied for the other jobs. She did, after all, hold this position specially for me when she saw that I'd applied, which is part of what would make it hard to leave here. I wandered into her office today and basically told her which positions I'd applied for and why (namely immediate benefits, better pay, and permanence).

She was remarkably understanding, which makes it just that much more painful - knowing I might end up leaving this super-awesome boss for someone that's not so super-awesome... She was an absolute sweetheart and said that in all honesty she didn't figure I'd be here long. I'm still sort of hoping that a position will open up over on this side of things so that I don't have to leave here, but it's not looking all that great at the mo. I _DID_ know the people here before I started working here, which was one of the reasons I took the job instead of holding out for somewhere or something better - it would be difficult to leave such an excellent bunch of people. Especially since I've since heard some not-so-great things about the maturity level of the folks in the office I'd be heading to if I took that other University job in the meantime, and another person I spoke to waxed positive about the job itself, but not the people, office or environment.

So now my fingers are sort of half-assedly crossed that one of the other jobs works out. I don't want to leave the people here, but I know it would be better for me in the long run. Does someone want to tell my why it is that all the jobs that I want or like or have an interest in are the ones that I can't really or can onely barely live off?

Lord, that'll teach me to whine about not being busy.

I haven't had 5 minutes since 3 pm rolled around without a student coming in to drop off an application/confirmation package/extension form or a phone call or email to answer.

Of course, the deadline for the applications for this particular position is in 10 minutes, so of course I'll be getting the majority of them now.

Students. Geesh.

I did it. I applied for the job. I also applied for a federal government job in an office I've worked at before... Not that I want the job, but again, the pay is good and the benefits would be immediate... It would mean working in the same office as my mother again *shudder* but at least we wouldn't be living AND working together. I think I could maybe handle that.

I went to see 300 last night. I can see why the Iranians might be a bit upset - one of the greatest leaders they've had in all history is portrayed as a bit of a femme, and quite frankly, I don't think the Persians had Samurai warriors, but what do I know? - but folks really need to lighten up. It's a story that historically we only know the bare bones of, from some ancient Greek dude, so a little creative license has to be allowed. Lots of blood, lots of gore, lots of well-built nearly-naked men. My kind of movie.

Went dress shopping on the weekend. I have ranted about my hatred of shopping before. I will spare you the details this time. Let's just say that it's stupid difficult to find a nice dress to wear to a co-worker's wedding when you're low-waisted and would rather not wear something that looked like it stepped straight out of the 70s or 80s. My mood was not helped by that.

Found a super-excellent duvet cover at The Bay. Now I just need a duvet to go with it. Not to mention a bed.

Getting frustrated about the whole moving process, as my parents have re-arranged everything that was in their basement being stored while I was away. Do you think I have ANY clue where ANY of my stuff is any more? And do you think they seem even remotely willing to help sort through it all? Not until after they get back from England, anyway, and that'll be halfway through April. Want to go buy stuff at Ikea, but there's no point until _I_ get back from England and have the keys to the apartment and such either. I just want to get the hell out of their house and into a place of my own. At this rate I won't be moved until my lease is fucking up. Sorry. Just frustrated.

Ok, should go answer email. Or not, since we don't have any. Maybe having a job where I actually got to do work _would_ be a good thing.

So I've got a bit of a dilemma. There's a position as a recruiter that's opened up over at the Registrar's Office...

As excerpted from the job posting (is excerpted a word? ah well, it is now)...

This position has a comprehensive benefits program. (Oooh, nice, better than I've got now!)

Duties

• Coordinates the processes of application, selection and distribution of entrance, undergraduate, convocation, and postgraduate awards under the control of the ... Office (Ok, I can handle that)
• Maintains awards records and statistical analysis of awards information using a stand-alone system used only by the ... Office (Ok, I can probably handle that too)
• Prepares information to be uploaded into ... systems (Sounds boring, but do-able)
• Performs financial activities, including deposit of funds and reconciling accounts for all awards endowments and for those funded on an annual basis (Ewwwwwww....)
• Advises and counsels students, University departments, high schools and donors, and is a key player in the efforts to recruit new students to the University (Now that's more like it, although this could be ridiculously frustrating dealing with students and bureaucracy and that...)
• Provides service to scholarship committees (define service...)
• Coordinates and organizes special entrance and undergraduate awards events (oooh, party planner!)
• Provides liaison with granting agencies and transfers information received to students and departments (I can do that!)
• Assists with the training of new staff members within the ... Office (when I'm new, that's ironic)
• Performs other related duties as necessary (I hate this phrase, it could mean anything!)

Qualifications

High School diploma; post-secondary diploma in a related field preferred - check

Considerable years of related office experience; previous experience in a post-secondary environment an asset - check

Computer proficiency using MS Office applications (Word, Excel and Outlook) on Macintosh an asset; knowledge of OMNIS database an asset - check, well, except OMNIS

Knowledge of PeopleSoft Financials, Student Administration and Human Resources modules desireable - ok, not so check, but I learn quickly

Excellent communication (oral and written), interpersonal, organizational and problem solving skills - check

Fast and accurate keyboarding skills (minimum 45 wpm) - check. I can do 90 on a good day

Knowledge of current policies, procedures and environment an asset - check

So I guess what it boils down to is that I don't know if I'd be happy over there, I don't know if I'd like the work, but I imagine there's actually work to do (unlike here right now), it's an indeterminate position with immediate start to my benefits and about $1000 more per month, although they can probably keep me on here after my contract's up. I don't know any of the people over there, and I love my coworkers here and would feel guilty leaving them before my contract is actually up (in September).

Input, please.

So, I'll probably just add the "currently reading" tail back on to my posts from now on, but since the topic has come up....

Europe: A History, by Norman Davies. I'm only 30 pages in to the introduction, 'cuz it's a bit of a slog. I don't doubt that it's a well put-together book, once you get into it, but I was never a fan of historiography to begin with, and you get three guesses as to what the introduction is (as the introduction to all good histories really should be). Fingers crossed that it gets better as I get into the actual history bit.

I've had it recommended to me before, I've seen it in Chapters every time I walk though to get to The Body Shop, so when Lamb: The Gospel According to Bif, Christ's Childhood Pal, by Christopher Moore also came up on the Book Bonobo list, it was time to splurge and buy this book. It's good. It isn't as laugh-out-loud uproariously funny as I thought it would be, but it's definitely giggle-worthy and also very poignant.

And now I need to reprint letters that the folding machine shredded.

So, inspired by a few people around me, like Magnolia and the Book Bonobo, I have realized I need to work on a few things.

1. I've forgotten how to read. Not literally of course, but the days when I would simply devour a novel or a book of fiction are long gone. I've spent so much time critically analyzing historical documents and centuries-old English literature that I forget what reading for pleasure is like. Having said that, I'm glad I have the skills to analyze, but when was the last time I spent a Saturday curled up in an armchair with hot chocolate and a good/trashy/silly/involving book?
2. I need to diversify. I look at the books on the Book Bonobo list for this year and realize I've read next to none of them, and have heard so much good about a lot of the other books on the list. I think it's 'cuz I tend to stick to the tried and true (which for me tends to be historical fiction). In the spirit of experimentation and such, I have borrowed A Complicated Kindness from the little lending library we set up in the office here. We'll see how that goes.
3. My Old English! Magnolia posed a question regarding Old English, I went to look up the answer by consulting the said Old English texts online... and my Old English SUCKS now! Holy crap! I took a full year of the stuff (yes, I read ALL of Beowulf in the original, thanks!), and I can only remember the odd word here and there. Having said that, my grasp of prose is a lot better than that of poetry, so maybe it's mostly just poetic conventions that I need to get my head around again.
4. My Middle English could probably use a bit of work, too.
5. I still have books on my bookshelf that I bought or was given more than 2 years ago that I haven't read. Need to get around to those.
6. I want to catalogue my books. When I get my apartment and have the ability to sort of display a lot of them again, then maybe I'll have some grasp on just how many books I've got, which I can maybe sort of get rid of (heartbreaking, that thought!) and give some old favourites another glance.

I saw this on her blog and felt the compulsion to try it out myself.

I'm having a superhuge overwhelming rush of sentimentality at the moment.

I mean, seriously... within three hours of my posting the news that I got the apartment, y'all knew, congratulated me, and have even offered to help me move! This is unbelievable, especially considering I don't/barely know the lot of you... I am so grateful for your friendship and support over the last couple of months...

As for the nitty gritty... I'll probably move in gradually over April. I'm in England again until the 2nd, so will probably get keys to the place on the third... and I'm not sure when I'm going to manage to do any moving - at this point the only furniture I've got left from the old apartment is a couple of lamps, my TV/stand/DVD player, my desk, my digital piano and... yup, that'd be about it. It was cheaper to sell off most of my stuff than to put it in storage for a year. So there will be much spending at IKEA in the next couple of months. And the family does have a minivan...

So, yeah, hopefully I'll be in in time to have belated birthday celebrations... 'twill be great!

I got it!

I got it!

I got it!

I got it!

I got it!

That is all.

I went... I saw... I liked... I put down a deposit and filled out an application... The place is nice - bright, fairly large, it even has a dishwasher! The balcony is HUGE! I could amost have a party on it alone... and it looks right out over the Legislature building... It's on the end of the building so there's a pretty unobstructed view to the southeast... Lots of storage, kitchen with more counter space than my old one, there's CUPBOARDS in the bathroom (this is a huge improvement over the last place)... and I'm already mentally figuring out where to put all my furniture! (It's hard when you've really just got one big room and need to fit dining, office, living and music rooms in it... but I think I've got it figured out. Bookcases may need to be in the bedroom, however. The building is also a sort of EPS experiment - I had to sign a contract saying I wouldn't do anything illegal while I was living there (no drugs, no trafficking in humans, no weapons, etc.). It's brightly lit, there's a security guard on when the office is closed... For the price, I can't beat it in terms of location and amenities. I'm so excited!!

I was even offered a part-time job while I was there. "If your hours at the university are ever reduced, we could use someone over here with experience in running housing..." Ha! Hilarious!

I'll probably find out later today or tomorrow whether I've got the place, just based on some credit and background checks, so I'll let y'all know.

So the apartment building called again... New vacancy... about $50/month more than the other place, but still within my budget (just... )... Going to see the place tomorrow after work... Keep your fingers crossed for me.

On a completely different note, tomorrow it's "Victory Over Violence", some random training session where they want us to wear "loose, comfortable clothing" with long sleeves to "prevent fluid transfer". Our 5-0 officer says it's not that bad, and that people rarely get cut, but to expect some bruising. Should be fun... looking forward to beating up my boss (in a fun way - I really rather like my boss...)

I got a new mobile phone... It's red and it's shiny... So of course, that means new phone number (I switched companies... *sigh*).

Should you like to have my new phone number, you can contact me via some medium that does not involve me posting my new phone number all over the internet. :)

Nothing like retail therapy to counteract your disappointment, eh?

Didn't get the apartment. That's the way the market is these days, though, I guess... You get a phone call on Tuesday, and by Thursday the place is gone...

Still on the list for May, but we'll see...

Prelude: A piece of music meant as the introduction to another piece of music. Usually is relatively simple in terms of its harmonic complexity, with one main melodic voice.

Fugue: A piece of music whereby the same melody is repeated in different "voices" in various stages. Each 'voice' takes prominence at various points in the piece, singing out a recurring melodic theme while harmonic lines fill in and fill out the remaining lines of music...

It's been a busy day... things are finally picking up at work, which is nice - meant I didn't have time to check peoples' blogs 60 zillion times today, which maybe put me into a bit of withdrawal, but nonetheless, I survived. My mother's away in Calgary, so it's just me and dad at home... and maybe because neither of us ever really speaks,

I've had a lot of time to think recently

and I've realized I don't know how much longer I could have lasted. The cold, combined with the 16 hours of darkness each day, the sedentary desk job, and the fact that my mental health isn't the snappiest to begin with have plummeted me into this weird sort of funk that I can't seem to snap. The energy's gone, and I can't even seem to bother with the things that I do on a regular basis, so

I've had a lot of time to think recently

and so tonight I tried to sit down at the piano and prevent the complete and utter loss of my faculties in that particular discipline. It's incredible to know that I can make a bunch of strings and hammers sound like that, but tonight, it just wasn't working. My fingers stumbled instead of skipping, the rhythm just wasn't there, and Bach brough me to tears instead of a sense of self-satisfaction. No matter how hard I tried, things just didn't seem to go my way. I couldn't make it work. That certainly didn't help my mental status, that lack of success. It makes me feel like a failure, and when I feel that way, things around me slow down, so

I've had a lot of time to think recently

about moving out and getting my own place, which brings me to the potentially exciting news I got today. I got a phone call from the folks who run a building near Grandin LRT station. $770/month could get me a one-bedroom with Grandin LRT station on my doorstep, exercise room... not much more than I was paying for my last place with a few more amenities. I can handle that. I'm third on the list though, so hopefully the other two won't want it. If they want it, then I'm shit out of luck. I'm hoping to get to see in on Friday, but sort of want to have someone there to hold my hand but until then I just get to sit at home, which means

I've had a lot of time to think recently

about the books/library materials conservation course. I have an appointment with the Special Collections librarian at the uni tomorrow. I emailed her the other day to ask if she might be able to help with career advice. She might know if there's a conservator on campus, or where I could go to see about financial aid to attend the program I'd like to attend. I get so excited whenever I look at the program syllabus and prospectus, but then reality hits and I realized that I don't have enough money to go back to England at any point in the near future, so I sit at my boring desk job, nothing to do

I've had a lot of time to think recently

about everything that went on during my year in England, and strangely enough, feel a little homesick for the whole thing. I ranted about it while I was there, I raved about it, but there were so many good little thing that just added up and in the end most of my memories were good ones...

I think.

and I joined Facebook. Such a useless waste of time. Such an addictive useless waste of time. Which provides me with all sorts of other ways to waste more time, such as this fun meme... which I have copied from my facebook Notes...

And I'm doing this two ways - one I'll use my entire library (a), one I'll use my "general listenage" playlist, which I listen to way more often (b).


Life Soundtrack
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits:
a) Our Lady Peace - "Automatic Flowers" (ooo...kkkk....)
b) Our Lady Peace - "Are You Sad" (OLP it is, then...)

Waking Up:
a) The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo De Silos - "Descendit". ( must be a slow morning...)
b) Green Day - "She's A Rebel"

First day at High School:
a) Glenn Miller and His Orchestra - "Skylark" (How idealistic...)
b) The Verve - "Neon Wilderness" (I _wish_ high school had passed in a drugged out blur...)

Falling in Love:
a) JS Back - "Herr, gehe nicht ins Gericht mit Deinem Knecht" - BWV 105 (Ok, so maybe I'm living a period drama?)
b) The Killers - "Somebody Told Me" (Well, at least it's a little peppier...)

Fight Song:
a) Weezer - "Knock-Down-Drag-Out" (How apt...)
b) Edith Piaf - "J'm'en fou pas mal" (Excellent... just blow off the fight... it's the non-fight...)

Breaking Up:
a) Loreena McKennitt - "The Highwayman" (Well... it's about a guy getting shot for true love... oh, the irony...)
b) Radiohead - "I Can't" (I've got no snappy comments for this...)

Prom:
a) The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo De Silos - "Absolve" (Nice, I'm getting forgiven of all my sins... at prom?!!?)
b) Noellie McDonnell - "Stars" (much better than a bunch of chanting monks).

Life:
a) Jack Johnson - "We're Going To Be Friends" (Yes, I admit to owning the Curious George soundtrack. It was a gift.)
b) Bon Jovi - "You Give Love A Bad Name" (Ummm...)

Mental Breakdown:
a) Paul O'Dette - "Mellancoly Galliard" (by John Dowland) (Apparently I will break down slowly, quietly, and unheard/seen by most of the world...)
b) Radiohead - "Vegetable" (Yup, looks like I'll have a nice, quiet breakdown)

Driving:
a) Gary Jules - "Mad World" (Maybe I'm driving after the breakup? After the breakdown?)
b) The Verve - "Come On" (Not much better for driving, really...)

Flashback:
a) The New Pornographers - "The Body Says No" (?!)
b) Glenn Miller - "A Million Dreams Ago" (iTunes finally picks something a bit appropriate...)

Getting Back Together:
a) Queen - "Bohemian Rhapsody" (I shit you not...)
b) Michael Frant & Spearhead - "Yell Fire" (it was iTunes free track of the week at one point...)

Wedding:
a) The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos - "Prefacio de Difuntos" (I give up)
b) Neko Case - "Lion's Jaws" (it's got a good sound, but the lyrics... not so much wedding material...)

Birth of Child:
a) Franz Ferdinand - "You're The Reason I'm Leaving" (yet another reason not to have children)
b) Sigur Ros - "Saeglopur" (if I had any idea what they were really singing, I'd make some snappy comment about it)

Final Battle:
a) por nada - "Eastern Star" (yay, iTunes finally picked something that sort of works!)
b) The Muppets - "Mah-Na-Mah-Na" (geesh... what is it, a battle with styrofoam pool noodles?)

Death Scene:
a) Hefner - "The Hymn For The Alcohol" (Hm... maybe I'll die a sad, lonely, acoholic)
b) Jeff Buckley - "Corpus Christi Carol" (ooh, haunting...)

Funeral Song:
a) Skye - "Solitary" (reflection of the sad, lonely alcoholic death, I guess...)
b) Glenn Miller - "You and I" (I guess if I'm going, I'm taking someone with me...)

End Credits:
a) Jeff Buckley - "Lilac Wine" (kinda depressing, no one would stick around...)
b) Rammstein - "Seemann" (I've got nothing, really...)

So, one of my weird things that I do is that I signed up to browse the Sotheby's auction catalogues online (yup, that's right, you can't actually see the items up for sale unless you register and log in... but moving on...) that pertain to things I'm interested in - textiles, antiques, musical instruments, books, etc. It's almost a guilty pleasure - one of those things you're sort of embarassed about, but that isn't bad for you or anyone around you...so why should I actually be embarrassed?

Not that I will ever be able to afford anything being auctioned at Sotheby's, but it's a bit of escapism, I guess.

Every now and then there's something I strongly covet. A Strad here, a book there (the 1481 edition of Homer's works in Greek was only 80,000 pounds)... But for the most part it's just seeing what all those rich English country folk are auctioning off that's interesting.

Today, for example, there's a piece of 18th century embroidered English silk about 75 cm by 101 cm... Just a random piece that looks like it was taken out of a dress that was being deconstructed... but for only £1500 (high-end estimate, could go for more, this is an auction, remember) you too could own it. What you would do with it is beyond me. Frame it and put it up somewhere? And then the conservator in me cringes at the thought of the fabric being exposed to light and such... Ah well.

For about £120,000 you could have a George III pedestal desk dating from about 1760...

£250 for a pair of Victorian ivory opera glasses...

I was very excited for a moment by what looked like a harpsichord... and it turned out it only looked like a harpsichord. It was, in fact, a marquetry sewing box. Ah well. Only £4000 for that...

And only £100,000 for a four-poster George III mahogany four-poster bed. A bargain, I say!



Someday, when I'm rich and famous... Someday...

Meh is such a great word. Syllable. Whatever. And it pretty much sums up just about everything going on these days, esp. since my last set of posts. Not much exciting has happened, not much shitty has happened... it just is.

Every Friday is jeans day here at work. You pay $2 into a fundraising pot for various costs and you get to wear jeans to an office that is otherwise business-ish attire all the time. The last fundraiser was meant to be last Friday, as the occasion for which money was being raised occurred this week (if that makes any sense). On Friday, there were several office folks lamenting that this would be the last jeans day, so I talked to the person coordinating the fundraising, and she agreed that jeans day could go on, as they still needed to raise funds. I sent an email to the department indicating this would be the case until further notice, and got a snarky one back from one of the other manager sorts saying that staff "should not come to expect this to go on and on". I sent a nice, cheerful message back indicating I was going on the advice of the fundraising coordinator person and that we could terminate it whenever the department felt we should give notice. Poop way to start the morning.

I haven't been sleeping well, either. I had this strange recurring dream... not quite a nightmare... all weekend that involved me having to meet the King of Nepal (does Nepal even have a monarchy?!) and learn all the protocol (protocal??? protocol??? Neither looks right at the mo and I'm too lazy to look it up) involved and I was completely unable to do so. There was also concern about payments and other stuff in there... I don't know about you folks, but usually when I wake up I manage to tell myself it's just a dream and go off and dream about something else. Not this time. Every time I woke up I was sure that I'd somehow fucked up the protocol.

Apartment hunting goes shittily. A lot of places aren't even keeping waiting lists at this point, since they can basically fill up with walk-ins.

I found a suit. I probably won't wear it much, since it needs to be dry cleaned, but it's there and it fits properly.

And hopefully the sore throat will not develop into full-blown illness. Cold FX here I come!

But the good-day vibes haven't worked. I've actually just managed to spark a fairly decent fight between my parents. It's not entirely my fault - they were on edge about lord knows what anyway - but I managed to find a trigger that was sure to set them off.

My dad's the one from whom I've inherited a predisposition to mental illness. I was diagnosed with depression only after years of denying that I could possibly be heading down the same path as him.

He's also a fair bit OCD. Luckily I don't seem to have developed that yet, but we'll see. His major obsession/compulsion is with movies. Loves them. He's retired now, what else is there to do, really? He buys tons, and our basement is almost literally overflowing with DVDs. I know he has Pirates of the Caribbean somewhere (which I've never seen), so I asked if I could borrow it tonight. I couldn't find it. My mom couldn't find it. Dad came down to search and that's when it exploded.

Mom began one of her rants about the thousands (yup, literally) of dollars Dad spends on DVDs, and dad did what he does best. Retreat into silence in front of her withering tirade.

It hurts so much, because dad can't entirely help what he does, and mom is so frustrated and can't see that her anger hurts him.

Lord, I need to get out of this house.

Well, now I feel like a bitch.

Whatever it was that was wrong, necessitated her being transferred out of her room and into a new one. Almost immediately.

And she was supersweet on the way out after the meeting.

I had a student come by this morning. Not an odd occurence in and of itself, but she asked to see a particular sort of person. The problem? We don't have that sort of person in our office. I asked her what her problem was, since I wouldn't be able to help her until I knew what sort of person she needed to see. That issue taken care of, we determined that she needed to see one of the coordinators.

Two of the four coordinators are off sick today, and one is out of town, including the one for this student's area. I explained this to her and asked if it could wait until Monday. Apparently it couldn't. That left only one possibility. I asked him if he would be available to see her, as the matter was somewhat urgent. Unfortunately he has appointments until 2 p.m. today, so that was the earliest he could see her.

This student was visibly upset about something, but was reluctant to talk to me about it - fair enough. I'm just the receptionist! And when I told her it was going to be 2 p.m. before she could be seen, she was adamant that that wasn't good enough. I explained the situation to her again - that this particular coordinator was the only one in today and that he would see her as soon as possible, and that she would be seen today (if he hadn't been available I would have gone to his supervisor). The coordinator in particular even stopped on his way to a meeting to tell her he was sorry he couldn't see her sooner (and these aren't, unfortunately, meetings he could have blown off).

I was feeling sorry for her. Honest. If she had a problem that seemed big enough to bring it down here to talk to someone about, it's pretty big. I told her that we were doing our best for her, and he'd take as much time as she needed, but it just couldn't happen until 2. I could see the tears ready to roll down her cheeks. I felt bad.

Until she opened her mouth and said, in the whiniest tone possible, "but what about me?!".

I was floored. I understand that it's no fun being put off for a bit when you've got a problem that's really pressing down on you. But to hear this after I'd explained that two of the coordinators were off sick (and believe me, they're sick... one is coughing and sounds like death is only a rattle away, the other made it in for five minutes this morning before she nearly collapsed), and that we would get to her as soon as humanly possible... AND after seeing the coordinator himself and hearing from him that he couldn't see her until later?!

I probably didn't handle it all that well after that. I did my best, but I think a bit of iciness crept into my voice. I apologized again that he couldn't see her immediately, but pointed out it wasn't their fault that the other two coordinators were sick. I firmly told her that I'd gotten her an appointment for as soon as possible and I'd schedule her into the coordinator's calendar right away (which I did).

She left in tears. For which I feel somewhat badly. But I'm getting sick of the complete and utter "me first, I'm the most important creature in the world, I need immediate gratification" attitude that a lot of the students around here are demonstrating. That and their complete lack of respect for authority and their neighbours (I'm privy to all of the discipline reports that occur within the complex).

It really makes me sick, to be quite honest, the way some of these students behave. I know they're in the minority. 99% of the students here don't cause trouble. That's all well and good, but the assholes are the ones that get called into the office and that I see on a semi-regular basis. I seriously wonder where they've been and what they've been allowed to get away with in order to develop these attitudes. I would've been SMACKED (well, maybe only figuratively, except by my high school math teacher who still kept a yardstick she called 'Flex' right next to her desk) at school and at home if I'd come CLOSE to saying some of the things these students say or showing the disrespect they show.

I wish I got to meet more of the good kids.

How exciting!

Go to http://libcat0.york.ac.uk, and you can search for me, and see my thesis information. You will need my last name for this, so sorry to those of you who've only ever met me in blogland.

So I've been tagged by Crafty Bean... much like Crispy, however, I will need time to think up some good, interesting, weird shit about myself to post. I've got one thing written in a draft post, but nothing else.

Friday night was a lot of fun - got to see people I don't get to see very often, meet some cool new people, snoop around in Magnolia's house (got to see the famous Red Room), and just generally have a relaxing night out.

Apparently, however, relaxing makes me tired. I worked on Saturday at TBS, and by the time 7 p.m. rolled around, I was dead on my feet. Good thing I was home by that point - I doubt a deathly pale pallor and dark under-eye circles would have made for good make-up sales. I was in bed by 10, and slept until 10:45 the next morning.

My mother has gotten it into her head that I need a suit. I already have a suit that she forced on me about 5 years ago, and I hate it. I look like a black rectangle in it. Needless to say I was not thrilled when she woke up me at 10:45 to inform me that we were going shopping for a suit for me. This from the woman who is constantly harping on me to save my money and not make purchases that aren't necessities (we'll just not talk about spa night at Eveline Charles - for all she knows we just went window shopping and out for dinner). So she says she'll pay for the suit. She paid for the last one. I've worn it maybe twice in the five years. She's not convinced that a more casual-ish suit would be more appropriate - one with a jacket that I could, say, remove from the matching pants and pair with, oh, say, jeans.... khakis... that sort of thing. I might actually wear it then. My office does, in fact, require me to wear business casual. I can usually get away with black/grey pants and a nice sweater (three guesses as to what I'm wearing right now). We even have Jeans Fridays at work (you pay $2 for the privilege of wearing jeans, and the money is a fundraiser to send students on service learning project to help the homeless in Hamilton). Suit? Not so much.

She points out that I may need it for job interviews in the future. Fine. That may be. I think she somtimes forgets that I'm not aiming to do her job - I don't want to be a lawyer, thanks. I'm not going to need to appear in front of panels and judges and the like... And so far I've managed to appear good and professional at my interviews without an actual suit... So whatever.

Perhaps the kicker on this one was that I HATE shopping at the best of times. Which is probably why she dragged me into it with no warning. But to have to shop for something I don't even want? Ouch.

In the end we failed miserably. The only suit that I sort of liked was at J. Michael and they didn't have my size in the bottom half at either of the locations we went to. I mean, I have to have it tailored anyway (waist a size smaller than hips), but they didn't have it available in my hip size - pants or skirt. Story of my life, really.

On the bright side, I did get what I was initially aiming for - a more casual jacket that can be work with jeans, etc. And I didn't have to pay for it (the one that fit nicely was about $30 more than I wanted to pay for a jacket, so my parents were just, like "early birthday present").

On the other hand, I feel more dependent than ever. If I can't even buy my own clothes, then what the hell am I doing wanting to move out on my own?

On the bright side, my parents took a drive past an apartment building that I'd mentioned where rent was affordable and the location was good, and they approved. No balcony on the building - not sure how I feel about that - there'd be no place to store my bike (yup, it lived on my balcony in my last building - it was always interesting getting it out...)... but other than that...

Anywho...