**Warning - bitch session about to begin. My apologies. I'm not a bitcher in person. Honest. It's just that the blog is my outlet... And it's a topic I've bitched about before, so you can skip it if you want.***
So. 'Tis the season. The season of love, the season of passion, etc. Valentine's day promos have shot up all over the fucking place, and I... I am bitter, as usual.
Don't get me wrong, couples are great. I'm all for love and that. I'm happy for my friends that have significant others. But there's this chunk of me that just gets... yeah, bitter is still the word I'm looking for... that all these other people out there have significant others and I don't. It's like this depressed jealousy - it can't work up enough energy to be vindictive and bitchy or to take pleasure in causing other people misery... but it's still there, eating away at me and making me sad, and I'm feeling that strange, pervasive loneliness keenly today.
Things change when people pair off... It wasn't so bad when most of the people I hung out with on a regular basis were all single... but just about everyone I work with now at the Uni is in some sort of a long-term significant relationship or other...
I dunno, like I said, this is just a giant bitch session - more to get how I'm feeling off my chest than to accuse anyone of being obnoxiously couple-y or anything. I guess I just don't know how to deal with people who have moved on to that phase of their lives while I'm still stuck well behind, without feeling like I'm missing something or inadequate somehow. I know, I know, I'm not exactly making an effort to meet people, and for now I'm blaming it on circumstance, but in all truth I'm not THAT desperate to meet anyone, really. There are so many good things about being single, but I'm having trouble seeing them today.
But now, I am off to a party, where I will hang out with a good mix of both single and not-so-single but still wonderfully awesome people and hopefully forget about this shit for at least a few hours.
So. 'Tis the season. The season of love, the season of passion, etc. Valentine's day promos have shot up all over the fucking place, and I... I am bitter, as usual.
Don't get me wrong, couples are great. I'm all for love and that. I'm happy for my friends that have significant others. But there's this chunk of me that just gets... yeah, bitter is still the word I'm looking for... that all these other people out there have significant others and I don't. It's like this depressed jealousy - it can't work up enough energy to be vindictive and bitchy or to take pleasure in causing other people misery... but it's still there, eating away at me and making me sad, and I'm feeling that strange, pervasive loneliness keenly today.
Things change when people pair off... It wasn't so bad when most of the people I hung out with on a regular basis were all single... but just about everyone I work with now at the Uni is in some sort of a long-term significant relationship or other...
I dunno, like I said, this is just a giant bitch session - more to get how I'm feeling off my chest than to accuse anyone of being obnoxiously couple-y or anything. I guess I just don't know how to deal with people who have moved on to that phase of their lives while I'm still stuck well behind, without feeling like I'm missing something or inadequate somehow. I know, I know, I'm not exactly making an effort to meet people, and for now I'm blaming it on circumstance, but in all truth I'm not THAT desperate to meet anyone, really. There are so many good things about being single, but I'm having trouble seeing them today.
But now, I am off to a party, where I will hang out with a good mix of both single and not-so-single but still wonderfully awesome people and hopefully forget about this shit for at least a few hours.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think Valentine's Day is like the Masons...the group you want to be a part of, and when you do become a part of it, you realise there's not much to be had, and it was a GIANT waste of your money, anyways.
But anyways, You life is not a linear narrative, m'dear. You are taking your own path to your own destination, and you should be so proud of what you've accomplished thus far (an MA!) and what you can accomplish. Besides, your path will lead you to places that others cannot go, because of spouses and kids and Valentine's Day. You have friends that love you, and you love them, and that is excellent. Believe it or not, you have things in your life to be envious of.
One of the things that someone who is paired off rarely does is expound the glories of being single. It's like after finding someone, you don't dare say anything about how nice the single life is for fear of being hypocritical after all that time expressing how much you would like to be in a relationship. Plus, somehow it feels mean to your partner. Well, as you know, I don't really have a problem with being honest about my hypocrisy. And I adore TK, nostalgia about being single doesn't change that--much like wanting to have someone in your life does not diminish all that you are as an independent person.
My long-winded point is don't beat yourself up for your feelings--you deserve more kindness from yourself than that.
And trust me, the Valentines stuff just becomes irritating in a new way when you are in a couple situation.
When I was still single, I felt much the same way so a couple of friends and I founded an anti-Valentine's day holiday entitled: SAD or "Singles Awareness Day".
It's platforms and rules banished such things as the wearing of red (or any shade thereof), forms of public affection from couples and even mentioning the words "love" or "valentine" - I should see if we still have our manifesto somewhere (you might get a kick out of it).
Point is, Sarah is totally right - and I sympathize... Hooray for SAD and feel free to wear black!!! ;)