It's Viking week in York. And this weekend's grand finale?
Festival Battle Spectacular!
Clash of Weapons
2.30pm, Eye of York, by Clifford's Tower
Local forces opposing the marriage of King Sihtric of Dublin to Edith, sister of Athelstan, rise up against the king's forces in bloody battle. Who will win the day? Witness the glitter of sword and spear in our afternoon battle.
Bloody? Glittering swords and spears? Bwahahahaha...
No.
Picture this.
The "battlefield" is smaller than a football pitch (soccer field for all you North Americans). Nic, Claire and I arrive about 2:20. We wait. And we wait. And we wait. The Vikings were late. About 20 minutes late in fact. There is "Viking" music playing in the background, which was more like Trinity College Cambridge's choir meeting Enya, the Chieftans and the Boston Symphony. An announcer (yes, announcer, complete with microphone) is attempting to tell the dramatic story of what is about to unfold, using such fun Viking-esque phrases as "whale-road" (there's a technical term for that particular construction - two words to describe something else entirely - but I can't remember what it is... but it's mostly used in Old English poetry, hence the connection). But he's tripping over his own words, and feels the need to remind us that there was no such thing as the telephone and that the Vikings couldn't call the police. Oy.
Flourish of music.
First come the clerics. Flourish of music. Then, accompanied by the announcer attempting to describe all his Vikingly virtues, Athelstan's forces. Flourish. Then a teensy band of Dubliners. Who are oh, so slowly joined by more.
Athelstan and Sithric meet in the middle of the battlefield... But, alas, treachery, and Sithric summons more backup. A party of horsemen [now, when I say horsemen, think Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but without the coconuts even for sound effect... yup...] ride into the 'fray' and throw their spears at Athelstans forces.
WEAK!
I could throw a javelin better than that. And I suck.
So then the fighting begins. The two sides mostly poke feebly at each other. No one dies, there is no blood and gore. They slowly finish fighting, back apart, the two leaders rally their troops... and after a bit more time well wasted, they start to skirmish again. Repeat from "the two sides" to "troops...".
Oh, look, suddenly some of Athelstan's men are going over to Sithric... At least, it would have been sudden if the announcer hadn't had to drag it out with his poetic meanderings.
Then we got fed up with the whole thing and left. We went shopping and had dinner instead. I bought a tank top and contact lens solution. Oh, joy.
But since people seem to like it when I post photos, here are a few from today.
Festival Battle Spectacular!
Clash of Weapons
2.30pm, Eye of York, by Clifford's Tower
Local forces opposing the marriage of King Sihtric of Dublin to Edith, sister of Athelstan, rise up against the king's forces in bloody battle. Who will win the day? Witness the glitter of sword and spear in our afternoon battle.
Bloody? Glittering swords and spears? Bwahahahaha...
No.
Picture this.
The "battlefield" is smaller than a football pitch (soccer field for all you North Americans). Nic, Claire and I arrive about 2:20. We wait. And we wait. And we wait. The Vikings were late. About 20 minutes late in fact. There is "Viking" music playing in the background, which was more like Trinity College Cambridge's choir meeting Enya, the Chieftans and the Boston Symphony. An announcer (yes, announcer, complete with microphone) is attempting to tell the dramatic story of what is about to unfold, using such fun Viking-esque phrases as "whale-road" (there's a technical term for that particular construction - two words to describe something else entirely - but I can't remember what it is... but it's mostly used in Old English poetry, hence the connection). But he's tripping over his own words, and feels the need to remind us that there was no such thing as the telephone and that the Vikings couldn't call the police. Oy.
Flourish of music.
First come the clerics. Flourish of music. Then, accompanied by the announcer attempting to describe all his Vikingly virtues, Athelstan's forces. Flourish. Then a teensy band of Dubliners. Who are oh, so slowly joined by more.
Athelstan and Sithric meet in the middle of the battlefield... But, alas, treachery, and Sithric summons more backup. A party of horsemen [now, when I say horsemen, think Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but without the coconuts even for sound effect... yup...] ride into the 'fray' and throw their spears at Athelstans forces.
WEAK!
I could throw a javelin better than that. And I suck.
So then the fighting begins. The two sides mostly poke feebly at each other. No one dies, there is no blood and gore. They slowly finish fighting, back apart, the two leaders rally their troops... and after a bit more time well wasted, they start to skirmish again. Repeat from "the two sides" to "troops...".
Oh, look, suddenly some of Athelstan's men are going over to Sithric... At least, it would have been sudden if the announcer hadn't had to drag it out with his poetic meanderings.
Then we got fed up with the whole thing and left. We went shopping and had dinner instead. I bought a tank top and contact lens solution. Oh, joy.
But since people seem to like it when I post photos, here are a few from today.
Athelstan's army entering the field
Sithric's army entering the field
Having a meeting to discuss their differences and see if battle can be avoided
And poking each other feebly with spears.
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Kennyng! That's the word! That describes when you use two completely unrelated words to describe something.