An Interview with Melissa Morgan
6 years ago
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
So my trip to Ottawa for the last phase of iLeadership and our graduation reinforced a few things for me.
1. I look good (although this time I have specifics - rather than being the "hot one", which was flattering but generic, this time the topic of discussion was my eyes. Which are apparently of note. Woohoo!). On a more serious note, though, it's amazing how much better I've been feeling about myself over the last year. I don't necessarily think it's 'cuz of the weight loss, which has been great in and of itself, but one of my colleagues slipped me a post-it on the first day, saying "you look so confident." I think I might try and frame that post-it and put it on my desk - a reminder that I really am worth other peoples' time and interest.
I have made some fabulous friends through iLeadership, and I hope that I keep in touch with the vast majority of them as we move through our lives and down our *ahem* Leadership Pathways.
2. If I really want to keep my career in government going, I need to move to Ottawa. While this scares the hell out of me, mostly because the loss of what I'd be giving up here in Edmonton is pretty significant, there would be a lot to gain, and I already have a really good support network there. Going to have to do a lot of soul searching over the next couple of years, I think.
3. I really suck at expressing my emotions. Goodbyes in particular, but just in general. I think it's the WASP upbringing. Stiff upper lip and all that. Someone pours their heart out to me and the best I can come up with is "me too" and "the feeling is _totally_ mutual" or "wow, that sucks" or "sorry to hear that" or "I'll miss you too". I mean, seriously. WTF. That's it?! It's kinda like the poetry and passion has been smushed out of my vocabulary. So if you're reading this blog and you've had an emotional encounter with me lately, I apologize. Please know that I _do_ feel, I just can't get it out very easily.
And that is it for now, I guess...
1. I look good (although this time I have specifics - rather than being the "hot one", which was flattering but generic, this time the topic of discussion was my eyes. Which are apparently of note. Woohoo!). On a more serious note, though, it's amazing how much better I've been feeling about myself over the last year. I don't necessarily think it's 'cuz of the weight loss, which has been great in and of itself, but one of my colleagues slipped me a post-it on the first day, saying "you look so confident." I think I might try and frame that post-it and put it on my desk - a reminder that I really am worth other peoples' time and interest.
I have made some fabulous friends through iLeadership, and I hope that I keep in touch with the vast majority of them as we move through our lives and down our *ahem* Leadership Pathways.
2. If I really want to keep my career in government going, I need to move to Ottawa. While this scares the hell out of me, mostly because the loss of what I'd be giving up here in Edmonton is pretty significant, there would be a lot to gain, and I already have a really good support network there. Going to have to do a lot of soul searching over the next couple of years, I think.
3. I really suck at expressing my emotions. Goodbyes in particular, but just in general. I think it's the WASP upbringing. Stiff upper lip and all that. Someone pours their heart out to me and the best I can come up with is "me too" and "the feeling is _totally_ mutual" or "wow, that sucks" or "sorry to hear that" or "I'll miss you too". I mean, seriously. WTF. That's it?! It's kinda like the poetry and passion has been smushed out of my vocabulary. So if you're reading this blog and you've had an emotional encounter with me lately, I apologize. Please know that I _do_ feel, I just can't get it out very easily.
And that is it for now, I guess...
At the end of July I was sent to Victoria for work, and then was in Vancouver towards the end of August for a day. We were conducting interviews for a BC/AB-wide process, so I didn't anticipate that I'd have much in the way of free time. I was wrong, and actually had a fair bit of time to kill in Victoria. But, of course, not anticipating free time, I hadn't taken my camera. Go figure. So I decided to try and find one of the old-school disposable cameras that used to be so amazingly awesome. I looked in drugstores, I looked in tourist shops - finally I actually went into a specialized photography store, and they had some. So I got to take some photos after all.
First, the Fairmont Empress, Victoria. As I stood outside in the sweltering 30 degree heat, I wondered what it would be like to stay in a Fairmont... I've been in the lobbies/bars/restaurants, but staying at one is really out of my budget. Little did I know that the Fairmont in some locations actually offers amazing deals for people there on government business, so I did get to stay at the Fairmont Vancouver when I was there in August. It was a hotel room like most others, so I've got to say, I'm not sure the money spent on the Fairmont name is worth it... But at least now I can say I've stayed at a Fairmont.
Totem pole across the street from the BC legislature in Victoria. There were a few of these scattered on the grounds.
Fountain at the Royal BC Musem. Super pretty. Lots of birds around, too, and relatively isolated. I was a bit sad I didn't get to go to the museum (I was going to go at one point, but it was going to close in less than an hour, and I didn't figure the $20 or whatever it was for admission was worth it).
Art Gallery in Downtown Vancouver. It was lovely.
Library Square, Vancouver. Several government offices are located in this complex. I found myself wondering if they'd gotten the idea for the architecture from the British Museum, or vice versa... Either way, the British Museum's courtyard feels much more airy and spacious, but this was still pretty cool.
First, the Fairmont Empress, Victoria. As I stood outside in the sweltering 30 degree heat, I wondered what it would be like to stay in a Fairmont... I've been in the lobbies/bars/restaurants, but staying at one is really out of my budget. Little did I know that the Fairmont in some locations actually offers amazing deals for people there on government business, so I did get to stay at the Fairmont Vancouver when I was there in August. It was a hotel room like most others, so I've got to say, I'm not sure the money spent on the Fairmont name is worth it... But at least now I can say I've stayed at a Fairmont.
Totem pole across the street from the BC legislature in Victoria. There were a few of these scattered on the grounds.
Fountain at the Royal BC Musem. Super pretty. Lots of birds around, too, and relatively isolated. I was a bit sad I didn't get to go to the museum (I was going to go at one point, but it was going to close in less than an hour, and I didn't figure the $20 or whatever it was for admission was worth it).
Art Gallery in Downtown Vancouver. It was lovely.
Library Square, Vancouver. Several government offices are located in this complex. I found myself wondering if they'd gotten the idea for the architecture from the British Museum, or vice versa... Either way, the British Museum's courtyard feels much more airy and spacious, but this was still pretty cool.
I was meant to hvae a promotion interview at work last week on Thursday at 10 a.m.
At a little after 9 a.m., I got a phone call from the coordinator saying that my interview was being postponed because one of the board members forgot some paperwork. No date was set.
This was a little bit of an issue, because the same board member goes on vacation after tomorrow for about a month. No interview before tomorrow, no shot at that raise before another month goes by.
Yesterday, I still had no date set, so informed the coordinator that I could be reached by cell outside regular work hours (the coordinator is two time zones ahead), and that I was usually in the office between 7 and 7:15 in the morning.
This morning, my cell rings at 6:55. It's the coordinator saying my interview is at 7:30.
I'm not sure how well I did... I suppose I'll find out in a few weeks when my results come in...
At a little after 9 a.m., I got a phone call from the coordinator saying that my interview was being postponed because one of the board members forgot some paperwork. No date was set.
This was a little bit of an issue, because the same board member goes on vacation after tomorrow for about a month. No interview before tomorrow, no shot at that raise before another month goes by.
Yesterday, I still had no date set, so informed the coordinator that I could be reached by cell outside regular work hours (the coordinator is two time zones ahead), and that I was usually in the office between 7 and 7:15 in the morning.
This morning, my cell rings at 6:55. It's the coordinator saying my interview is at 7:30.
I'm not sure how well I did... I suppose I'll find out in a few weeks when my results come in...
Perhaps I am a wee bit unusual.
Ok, ok, yes, I know, I _am_ unusual. But not in this sense.
Generally, when I start a new job, even if it's not what I want to be doing, I feign interest and do my best to make the most of a crap situation. Case in point, my first job with the government. Didn't really want it, but needed it for the money. Wasn't interested, and started looking for ways out even before I set foot in the door, but still made an effort and tried not to piss people off.
One of my new staff members is a whole four weeks into the job. Hell, this person hasn't even started the job as of yet - the last four weeks have been training. And already they want to get out. Employee A is making no secret of it. No problem, I can completely understand.
But holy hell does this Employee A's attitude suck. EE A sits in the back of the room with her arms crossed. EE A tries to argue with the security guy about the name that should be on their ID card. EE A refuses to respond when we say goodbye to them at the end of the day and huffs out. Snarky comments abound under their breath to the other employees.
My god. EE A's been on the job 7.5 hours, and already we're going to have to have a chat about attitude. This is ridiculous.
Ok, ok, yes, I know, I _am_ unusual. But not in this sense.
Generally, when I start a new job, even if it's not what I want to be doing, I feign interest and do my best to make the most of a crap situation. Case in point, my first job with the government. Didn't really want it, but needed it for the money. Wasn't interested, and started looking for ways out even before I set foot in the door, but still made an effort and tried not to piss people off.
One of my new staff members is a whole four weeks into the job. Hell, this person hasn't even started the job as of yet - the last four weeks have been training. And already they want to get out. Employee A is making no secret of it. No problem, I can completely understand.
But holy hell does this Employee A's attitude suck. EE A sits in the back of the room with her arms crossed. EE A tries to argue with the security guy about the name that should be on their ID card. EE A refuses to respond when we say goodbye to them at the end of the day and huffs out. Snarky comments abound under their breath to the other employees.
My god. EE A's been on the job 7.5 hours, and already we're going to have to have a chat about attitude. This is ridiculous.
***Squeamish about blood and/or needles? Skip the first four paragraphs***
I had an interesting day yesterday. I tried to give blood for the first time in about a year (I was on the do-not-call list for a while due to low iron). But they set up a mobile clinic right in my workplace yesterday, so I figured I'd give it another go.
As I was sitting, waiting for the nurse to ask the horribly invasive personal questions that ensure my blood won't horribly infect someone else, I noticed that one of my staff was out there donating blood, too. Good for him, I thought. But more on this later.
My Iron levels were fine, things were looking good... I got so far as the chair, arm outstretched, veins looking good (I'd made sure to eat and drink a lot of water before going - I was pretty proud of myself). So they poke my arm, and things are feeling norm... oh, wait. That _hurt_. Not just the normal 'oh dear, there's a 2-inch needle in my arm' discomfort, but actual pain. And then came the fun words from the nurse poking me "your vein moved. We've got enough that you can keep going, but we could re-start if it's not going to be comfortable". I sucked it up. I said "as long as you can keep that needle from moving around, I'll be ok, 'cuz it's only when it moves that it really hurts." So we kept going.
Normally, once the needle's in, I'm done in, like, 4 minutes. As I watched the # of grams creep slowly, slowly upwards on that bag (yes, I'm one of those people that doesn't mind watching my blood bleed (normally quickly) slowly out of me). I realized it was going to take forever, so I settled in for the long haul. Cuddled my sweater, laid back, staring at the ceiling (the one time I didn't take a book with me!), imagining all the workers above... And then I started to feel nauseous. Normally that wouldn't bother me. I know I'm not going to puke, and usually when I start feeling nauseous after donating blood, I'm thisclose to finishing, so they can take the needle out, finish up, and then deal with my physical issues. Not this time. After only about 250 grams (out of 500-something a person actually donates to create a unit), I started to feel sweaty and gross - a very good sign I'm about to pass out. I fought it for about 30 seconds, then signalled the nurse. We had to stop.
I realize that most of this is beyond my control, but I still feel guilty whenever I can't manage to donate blood. I feel like I've wasted the time of the nurses/staff on duty, and I feel like there's something wrong with me that I'm not strong enough to do it. Completely irrational, I know, but such is the way things work inside my head.
10 minutes, some cold compresses, and a juice box later, I was feeling fine and was about to be back on my feet. At that point, though, a coworker and another staff member walked by (as I was finishing up recovery), and asked about the staff member I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I pointed him out and it suddenly dawned on me that he was actually still there. Turns out the poor guy had not only passed out when he finished donating, but also passed out a second time when they tried to sit him up. He was out of commission for the rest of the day - sent home in a cab to his waiting girlfriend.
So on the downside - no blood donation. On the upside, extra long lunch hour for me!
Yesterday also marked my last dayon my old assignment. I moved my stuff into my new office yesterday afternoon, which was super fun, especially when trying not to use my left arm (no lifting after a blood donation, remember!). There are several pros and cons to this whole new office thing.
Pros: new team to mold to my evil ways, new office with actual walls up to the ceiling, door, and privacy!, new challenge and new learning opportunities
Cons: new team that may not mold to my evil ways, no natural light, no window to gaze out, and my old team with all their humour and hard work does not get to follow me down to the cave (as I'm affectionately calling my new office - it's in the basement, but it's brand new and absolutely lovely).
So all in all, as I've said in other forums, it was a mediocre day.
I had an interesting day yesterday. I tried to give blood for the first time in about a year (I was on the do-not-call list for a while due to low iron). But they set up a mobile clinic right in my workplace yesterday, so I figured I'd give it another go.
As I was sitting, waiting for the nurse to ask the horribly invasive personal questions that ensure my blood won't horribly infect someone else, I noticed that one of my staff was out there donating blood, too. Good for him, I thought. But more on this later.
My Iron levels were fine, things were looking good... I got so far as the chair, arm outstretched, veins looking good (I'd made sure to eat and drink a lot of water before going - I was pretty proud of myself). So they poke my arm, and things are feeling norm... oh, wait. That _hurt_. Not just the normal 'oh dear, there's a 2-inch needle in my arm' discomfort, but actual pain. And then came the fun words from the nurse poking me "your vein moved. We've got enough that you can keep going, but we could re-start if it's not going to be comfortable". I sucked it up. I said "as long as you can keep that needle from moving around, I'll be ok, 'cuz it's only when it moves that it really hurts." So we kept going.
Normally, once the needle's in, I'm done in, like, 4 minutes. As I watched the # of grams creep slowly, slowly upwards on that bag (yes, I'm one of those people that doesn't mind watching my blood bleed (normally quickly) slowly out of me). I realized it was going to take forever, so I settled in for the long haul. Cuddled my sweater, laid back, staring at the ceiling (the one time I didn't take a book with me!), imagining all the workers above... And then I started to feel nauseous. Normally that wouldn't bother me. I know I'm not going to puke, and usually when I start feeling nauseous after donating blood, I'm thisclose to finishing, so they can take the needle out, finish up, and then deal with my physical issues. Not this time. After only about 250 grams (out of 500-something a person actually donates to create a unit), I started to feel sweaty and gross - a very good sign I'm about to pass out. I fought it for about 30 seconds, then signalled the nurse. We had to stop.
I realize that most of this is beyond my control, but I still feel guilty whenever I can't manage to donate blood. I feel like I've wasted the time of the nurses/staff on duty, and I feel like there's something wrong with me that I'm not strong enough to do it. Completely irrational, I know, but such is the way things work inside my head.
10 minutes, some cold compresses, and a juice box later, I was feeling fine and was about to be back on my feet. At that point, though, a coworker and another staff member walked by (as I was finishing up recovery), and asked about the staff member I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I pointed him out and it suddenly dawned on me that he was actually still there. Turns out the poor guy had not only passed out when he finished donating, but also passed out a second time when they tried to sit him up. He was out of commission for the rest of the day - sent home in a cab to his waiting girlfriend.
So on the downside - no blood donation. On the upside, extra long lunch hour for me!
Yesterday also marked my last dayon my old assignment. I moved my stuff into my new office yesterday afternoon, which was super fun, especially when trying not to use my left arm (no lifting after a blood donation, remember!). There are several pros and cons to this whole new office thing.
Pros: new team to mold to my evil ways, new office with actual walls up to the ceiling, door, and privacy!, new challenge and new learning opportunities
Cons: new team that may not mold to my evil ways, no natural light, no window to gaze out, and my old team with all their humour and hard work does not get to follow me down to the cave (as I'm affectionately calling my new office - it's in the basement, but it's brand new and absolutely lovely).
So all in all, as I've said in other forums, it was a mediocre day.
So. Today started well. I got to the airport with few delays (a miracle in and of itself, as it's construction season, after all, and the airport is south of downtown, and I live downtown, and all the construction is between me and the airport...).
So what's the first thing that happens when I get there? I walk in the door and who should be wandering his way through the baggage carousel but one of the ex's friends. He works for Border Services, I should really have expected it... so I did the "mature" thing and pretended I didn't see him and became horribly engrossed in the arrivals/departures board. It's the first time I've seen one of the boy's friends since the breakup - I've even sort of avoided our mutual friends to a certain extent. Which is not good. Going to have to face it at some point, but what can you do?
So then, I'm sitting in the lounge waiting for the plane to Calgary to board (why it was cheaper to fly to Calgary and THEN to Saskatoon, I don't know, but whatever), when who should show but a former boss. That made waiting much more pleasant as at least then there was someone to talk to - and I do like her.
So then, I get to Calgary, and I'm waiting for the next plane, and I turn around and there are two cops walking towards me. One of them had his face hidden behind a tall person sitting near me, but for about 2 seconds, I actually thought it WAS the ex. After all, the airport's in his division. Thankfully it wasn't, but that was near panic-worthy.
So then, I get to Saskatoon, and the waterpark/swimming pool here at the hotel is closed for the week. I think the gym is still open, though, so no excuses there.
And then I realize I've forgotten my camera, so I will have no proof that Saskatoon is much nicer in June than in February.
And now I am waiting for a friend to pick me up for dinner. Yay!
So what's the first thing that happens when I get there? I walk in the door and who should be wandering his way through the baggage carousel but one of the ex's friends. He works for Border Services, I should really have expected it... so I did the "mature" thing and pretended I didn't see him and became horribly engrossed in the arrivals/departures board. It's the first time I've seen one of the boy's friends since the breakup - I've even sort of avoided our mutual friends to a certain extent. Which is not good. Going to have to face it at some point, but what can you do?
So then, I'm sitting in the lounge waiting for the plane to Calgary to board (why it was cheaper to fly to Calgary and THEN to Saskatoon, I don't know, but whatever), when who should show but a former boss. That made waiting much more pleasant as at least then there was someone to talk to - and I do like her.
So then, I get to Calgary, and I'm waiting for the next plane, and I turn around and there are two cops walking towards me. One of them had his face hidden behind a tall person sitting near me, but for about 2 seconds, I actually thought it WAS the ex. After all, the airport's in his division. Thankfully it wasn't, but that was near panic-worthy.
So then, I get to Saskatoon, and the waterpark/swimming pool here at the hotel is closed for the week. I think the gym is still open, though, so no excuses there.
And then I realize I've forgotten my camera, so I will have no proof that Saskatoon is much nicer in June than in February.
And now I am waiting for a friend to pick me up for dinner. Yay!
04Jun2009
Had to re-audition for the choir tonight. Short, sweet, simple. Sing a piece, do a little sight-reading in terms of rhythm, do a little sight singing (horrible at the sight singing... *sigh*).
This afternoon I had some serious self-doubt issues. The piece I wanted to sing wasn't feeling right ("Flow My Tears" by John Dowland, in case anyone is interested), so I dug through my old music and tried to find something else that would suit. I found "When Love Is Kind" - a poem of Thomas Moore's set to an old English melody that I sang back in high school... and it was feeling a little better.
I walked into the audition still not quite sure which I'd end up singing. I even asked the accompanist whether she was tired (the accompaniment to the Dowland is ridiculously easy)... and when she indicated she didn't really care, I finally decided to go with WLIK.
Score! It's a ridiculously short piece (probably only about a minute long), but apparently it shows off my "range and range of emotions", so I think the audition went well (in spite of my inability to pick out intervals when sight singing). Did let them know I might not be there in fall, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
I've been on course for work this week, so have managed to avoid doing any "real" work thus far, including even checking my emails. It's been great! I'll probably have to do some tomorrow, though. Especially since I'm off to Saskatoon for more training next week. It's been pretty good, and I've enjoyed the change in pace, a lot.
Had to re-audition for the choir tonight. Short, sweet, simple. Sing a piece, do a little sight-reading in terms of rhythm, do a little sight singing (horrible at the sight singing... *sigh*).
This afternoon I had some serious self-doubt issues. The piece I wanted to sing wasn't feeling right ("Flow My Tears" by John Dowland, in case anyone is interested), so I dug through my old music and tried to find something else that would suit. I found "When Love Is Kind" - a poem of Thomas Moore's set to an old English melody that I sang back in high school... and it was feeling a little better.
I walked into the audition still not quite sure which I'd end up singing. I even asked the accompanist whether she was tired (the accompaniment to the Dowland is ridiculously easy)... and when she indicated she didn't really care, I finally decided to go with WLIK.
Score! It's a ridiculously short piece (probably only about a minute long), but apparently it shows off my "range and range of emotions", so I think the audition went well (in spite of my inability to pick out intervals when sight singing). Did let them know I might not be there in fall, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
I've been on course for work this week, so have managed to avoid doing any "real" work thus far, including even checking my emails. It's been great! I'll probably have to do some tomorrow, though. Especially since I'm off to Saskatoon for more training next week. It's been pretty good, and I've enjoyed the change in pace, a lot.
30May09
On Monday, the boy and I had a conversation over MSN about how I might potentially be moving to Ottawa in the fall. He said something that really got to me. "I hope I'm not influencing your decision on this." I made some flippant reply about how that was a loaded statement, deftly avoiding the unasked question, and continued the conversation.
But it got me thinking.
He's super nice. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. But you can't build a relationship on avoiding causing pain to others. We don't really talk any more. It's down to pleasantries like "how was your day?" "How's the weather?" and other such mundane things. When he said he was coming up this weekend, my first thought was not "oh, yay!" but rather just "oh". He's definitely more into the whole thing than I am. And as one of my friends said, when a guy spills his feelings to you and all you can think to say is "Thanks" and look for the door, there's definitely something wrong.
I'm not comfortable having him in my space any more. Whether it's my apartment or my personal space. I realize that most of the blame in this is probably mine, for not speaking up sooner when things were making me uncomfortable, for not pointing out that I thought things were moving too fast. But looking back (hindsight is always 20-20, right?) I realize that there were all sorts of things I should have done differently.
I should have realized that when we had the same conversation about tea back before we were dating, almost word-for-word, THREE separate times (yes, I even went back through my MSN message history in analyzing this relationship), that we would probably quickly run out of things to talk about. When we'd been dating for a whole month and he said that he "accidentally" referred to me as his girlfriend to coworkers, I should have told him that made me uncomfortable and that while I was flattered, I needed more time. I should have never let him take for granted that he could use my space here. I shouldn't have gone on a week's vacation with the guy after only seeing him for 5 months (my mother had half-jokingly told me that if we made it through the week, we might make it in the relationship - further proof that you should always listen to your mother, people!). When we had our first discussion about how I needed space, I should have just ended it there rather than trying to avoid hurting his feelings by telling him I didn't feel the same intensity of emotion for him as he did for me.
So, it was with all these things in mind that I broke up with him today. I think I made the decision on Tuesday, and the rest of the week, waiting for him to be here so I could do it in person rather than being a 21st century idiot and doing it over the phone or by MSN (god forbid).
He's taken it well - well, as well as can be expected. He said it wasn't unexpected, which is good, I guess - better that he had some preparation rather than simply throwing a bucket of ice water on him. I avoided using most of the cheesy breakup lines (although I did basically give him the it's-not-you-its-me reason, which is true - he's a great guy and I wish him all the best), and it ended with him asking if I'd still talk to him, so I'm hopeful that there may be a friendship salvageable there. Only time will tell. He asked if I had any regrets - and the answer is yes, but only because I didn't speak up sooner and let it drag out this long. I don't regret any of the time that I spent with him. We did, after all, have a great time...
In short, I'm feeling kinda shitty and like a horrible person because I've hurt him, but mostly good. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can get on with my life.
In other disturbing news, my dad's skin cancer is back. They removed a huge chunk of his face a while back, but looks like they got it all. Prayers/thoughts/vibes/whatever would be greatly appreciated.
And work is stupid busy again, but I get a two-week "vacation" as I attend two training sessions - one in E-Town this week and one in Saskatoon next week.
In other news, our choir had its final conert of the season last night - it went beautifully, I think. For more info on the program you can check out the associate director's blog at Podium Speak (see his May 29 post). John had taken over the main conducting duties this year as the usual director was on sabattical. I was especially excited about the Sirett piece, as Dr. Sirett was my first ever choir director nearly 20 years ago (oh, dear god, I feel old all of a sudden - it really doesn't seem that long ago that I was a little chorister at St. George's...). The Bruckner went off wonderfully (as he seems to have written in an update today), which was the most worrisome bit...
If I do end up moving to Ottawa, I think it'll be one of the things I miss most. Although having said that, my Dad recently made a comment about how he wondered if I actually enjoyed the choir, since most of the people in it are twice my age. He's right, and I think if I stay in E-Town I might find another choir to work with - the great thing about RES, though, is that it's a huge choir and you get to do all sorts of works that require the power and volume you simply can't get from a smaller choir. I don't know if I could do it if the John's wife (who used to be my boss and who I'm now happy to call a friend) wasn't in the choir as well. I have to re-audition for the choir on Thursday this coming week, and will make it known to the usual director that I may be moving in the fall, but we'll see how it goes - even if I don't move, I don't know if I'll stay with the choir and may look for other things, especially if John's wife leaves, which she's thinking about doing. But as I said to John last night, this year has been a slice, and I've greatly enjoyed it, in spite of moments of frustration (mostly with other choir members and their lack of respect/tact... but that's another blog post for later).
I'll be off to dinner with a friend this evening, and possibly out for another friend's birthday afterwards... Looking forward to it! In spite of the slight low of today, things are looking greatly up.
On Monday, the boy and I had a conversation over MSN about how I might potentially be moving to Ottawa in the fall. He said something that really got to me. "I hope I'm not influencing your decision on this." I made some flippant reply about how that was a loaded statement, deftly avoiding the unasked question, and continued the conversation.
But it got me thinking.
He's super nice. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. But you can't build a relationship on avoiding causing pain to others. We don't really talk any more. It's down to pleasantries like "how was your day?" "How's the weather?" and other such mundane things. When he said he was coming up this weekend, my first thought was not "oh, yay!" but rather just "oh". He's definitely more into the whole thing than I am. And as one of my friends said, when a guy spills his feelings to you and all you can think to say is "Thanks" and look for the door, there's definitely something wrong.
I'm not comfortable having him in my space any more. Whether it's my apartment or my personal space. I realize that most of the blame in this is probably mine, for not speaking up sooner when things were making me uncomfortable, for not pointing out that I thought things were moving too fast. But looking back (hindsight is always 20-20, right?) I realize that there were all sorts of things I should have done differently.
I should have realized that when we had the same conversation about tea back before we were dating, almost word-for-word, THREE separate times (yes, I even went back through my MSN message history in analyzing this relationship), that we would probably quickly run out of things to talk about. When we'd been dating for a whole month and he said that he "accidentally" referred to me as his girlfriend to coworkers, I should have told him that made me uncomfortable and that while I was flattered, I needed more time. I should have never let him take for granted that he could use my space here. I shouldn't have gone on a week's vacation with the guy after only seeing him for 5 months (my mother had half-jokingly told me that if we made it through the week, we might make it in the relationship - further proof that you should always listen to your mother, people!). When we had our first discussion about how I needed space, I should have just ended it there rather than trying to avoid hurting his feelings by telling him I didn't feel the same intensity of emotion for him as he did for me.
So, it was with all these things in mind that I broke up with him today. I think I made the decision on Tuesday, and the rest of the week, waiting for him to be here so I could do it in person rather than being a 21st century idiot and doing it over the phone or by MSN (god forbid).
He's taken it well - well, as well as can be expected. He said it wasn't unexpected, which is good, I guess - better that he had some preparation rather than simply throwing a bucket of ice water on him. I avoided using most of the cheesy breakup lines (although I did basically give him the it's-not-you-its-me reason, which is true - he's a great guy and I wish him all the best), and it ended with him asking if I'd still talk to him, so I'm hopeful that there may be a friendship salvageable there. Only time will tell. He asked if I had any regrets - and the answer is yes, but only because I didn't speak up sooner and let it drag out this long. I don't regret any of the time that I spent with him. We did, after all, have a great time...
In short, I'm feeling kinda shitty and like a horrible person because I've hurt him, but mostly good. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can get on with my life.
In other disturbing news, my dad's skin cancer is back. They removed a huge chunk of his face a while back, but looks like they got it all. Prayers/thoughts/vibes/whatever would be greatly appreciated.
And work is stupid busy again, but I get a two-week "vacation" as I attend two training sessions - one in E-Town this week and one in Saskatoon next week.
In other news, our choir had its final conert of the season last night - it went beautifully, I think. For more info on the program you can check out the associate director's blog at Podium Speak (see his May 29 post). John had taken over the main conducting duties this year as the usual director was on sabattical. I was especially excited about the Sirett piece, as Dr. Sirett was my first ever choir director nearly 20 years ago (oh, dear god, I feel old all of a sudden - it really doesn't seem that long ago that I was a little chorister at St. George's...). The Bruckner went off wonderfully (as he seems to have written in an update today), which was the most worrisome bit...
If I do end up moving to Ottawa, I think it'll be one of the things I miss most. Although having said that, my Dad recently made a comment about how he wondered if I actually enjoyed the choir, since most of the people in it are twice my age. He's right, and I think if I stay in E-Town I might find another choir to work with - the great thing about RES, though, is that it's a huge choir and you get to do all sorts of works that require the power and volume you simply can't get from a smaller choir. I don't know if I could do it if the John's wife (who used to be my boss and who I'm now happy to call a friend) wasn't in the choir as well. I have to re-audition for the choir on Thursday this coming week, and will make it known to the usual director that I may be moving in the fall, but we'll see how it goes - even if I don't move, I don't know if I'll stay with the choir and may look for other things, especially if John's wife leaves, which she's thinking about doing. But as I said to John last night, this year has been a slice, and I've greatly enjoyed it, in spite of moments of frustration (mostly with other choir members and their lack of respect/tact... but that's another blog post for later).
I'll be off to dinner with a friend this evening, and possibly out for another friend's birthday afterwards... Looking forward to it! In spite of the slight low of today, things are looking greatly up.
15May2009
Blogger is today telling me that I haven't posted here in 2 months. Holy crap, that's nuts. And there's been a fair bit of stuff going down... So let's see...
March: continued explosion of Work. When you work in employment programs, that's the downside of a recession - your services are more in demand than ever. I did, however, manage to sneak away and get to Ottawa again for training. It was a good week, and it was a nice break from work. Not a vacation by any means, but definitely a nice break. One of the guys I'm on training with (same bunch of supernice people I met in September) finally posted some photos from back in September - we met Carlo Rota one night while we were there, so here ya go!
That's me on the right. Plus three of my colleagues. Woot!
April was fairly work-filled as well. Lots and lots of work. I have a three-day weekend this weekend (yay for Queen Victoria!) and it's the first time that I can recall having more than one day off in any given week in a very long time.
I did, however, go on a trip with the boy in April - we went to Jasper, Kamloops, Kelowna, and Banff... And it went well. Until we hit Banff. I'm not sure what happened, entirely, but something just snapped, and I realized that he was the one thing in my life that was stressing me out a bit that I could either cut back on or get rid of. Working up the courage to tell him that was another matter entirely. You see, he'd more or less moved in over the course of March/April - any time he was in town, my place was where he stayed. And the problem is that I'm an only child. I haven't shared my space, much less my bed with anyone in years. And years. And years. I couldn't take it any more - I just felt... like it was an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. Not to mention that I couldn't sleep properly when he was around, and when I get tired, I become an emotional wreck. I was about thisclose to calling my workplace's 24-hour crisis line a few times.
Having said that, I still like the guy. A lot. I just can't handle having him around all the time. So after the vacation, I told him that. I was in tears and a total wreck the entire time, but I got it out eventually. He took it stunningly well (after all, isn't "I need space" a classic breakup line?), left, went back to his town a few days earlier than he'd intended, and I thought things were better, that he understood that I needed space.
Next time he was up, he more or less moved right back in. Had the conversation again and this time told him outright that while I still enjoyed his company, I needed to take about six steps back and just go back to dating rather than living together. At the end of the night, a kiss goodbye would be it, but then he'd have to go find somewhere else to sleep. Again, he took it surprisingly well, and this is the first weekend I'll see him again after that conversation, so we'll see. We're more or less still together, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm a classic introvert, and for every hour I spend with other people I need an hour or two to just be alone and recover - I'm beginning to wonder if I'm meant for a relationship.
Throw the fact that I may well be moving halfway across the country into the equation and I'm wondering if it would be more merciful to just end it now... but if I stay, I don't want to totally throw this away just yet...
Anywho, enough about that.
May has been busy. It involved a performance with my choir as part of the Edmonton Symphony's presentation of Holst's "Planets". Which was pretty cool. We only had to sing for about 4 minutes in the entire show, at the very end, and weren't actually on stage, so we got to wear jeans and t-shirts and such. Apparently it sounded pretty awesome.
And the other big news for May is that I bought a car! I've never owned a vehicle before, so this was a huge step. Meet my baby!
Ok, yes, I know, it's a shitty photo, but what can you do with only a camera cell phone?! She's a 2008 Kia Rio 5, and is pretty loaded - power everything, heated seats (which is important here in Alberta... heck, in Canada even)... the only thing she doesn't have that I would have wanted is cruise, but I'm not going to be that picky. I love her! Now I just have to figure out the best way to hook my iPod up to the stereo - there's a USB connection that I'd have to find the proper cable for, she's (maybe?) got Bluetooth that I could buy a transmitter for, I could go for the FM transmitter, or there's always a good old 3.5mm aux cable (the same size as most headphone jacks).
I've just learned that I'm headed back to Saskatoon in June for some more training - should be pretty interesting! Saskatoon in February was not so fun, Saskatoon in June may be more exciting.
And that is all!
Blogger is today telling me that I haven't posted here in 2 months. Holy crap, that's nuts. And there's been a fair bit of stuff going down... So let's see...
March: continued explosion of Work. When you work in employment programs, that's the downside of a recession - your services are more in demand than ever. I did, however, manage to sneak away and get to Ottawa again for training. It was a good week, and it was a nice break from work. Not a vacation by any means, but definitely a nice break. One of the guys I'm on training with (same bunch of supernice people I met in September) finally posted some photos from back in September - we met Carlo Rota one night while we were there, so here ya go!
That's me on the right. Plus three of my colleagues. Woot!
April was fairly work-filled as well. Lots and lots of work. I have a three-day weekend this weekend (yay for Queen Victoria!) and it's the first time that I can recall having more than one day off in any given week in a very long time.
I did, however, go on a trip with the boy in April - we went to Jasper, Kamloops, Kelowna, and Banff... And it went well. Until we hit Banff. I'm not sure what happened, entirely, but something just snapped, and I realized that he was the one thing in my life that was stressing me out a bit that I could either cut back on or get rid of. Working up the courage to tell him that was another matter entirely. You see, he'd more or less moved in over the course of March/April - any time he was in town, my place was where he stayed. And the problem is that I'm an only child. I haven't shared my space, much less my bed with anyone in years. And years. And years. I couldn't take it any more - I just felt... like it was an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. Not to mention that I couldn't sleep properly when he was around, and when I get tired, I become an emotional wreck. I was about thisclose to calling my workplace's 24-hour crisis line a few times.
Having said that, I still like the guy. A lot. I just can't handle having him around all the time. So after the vacation, I told him that. I was in tears and a total wreck the entire time, but I got it out eventually. He took it stunningly well (after all, isn't "I need space" a classic breakup line?), left, went back to his town a few days earlier than he'd intended, and I thought things were better, that he understood that I needed space.
Next time he was up, he more or less moved right back in. Had the conversation again and this time told him outright that while I still enjoyed his company, I needed to take about six steps back and just go back to dating rather than living together. At the end of the night, a kiss goodbye would be it, but then he'd have to go find somewhere else to sleep. Again, he took it surprisingly well, and this is the first weekend I'll see him again after that conversation, so we'll see. We're more or less still together, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm a classic introvert, and for every hour I spend with other people I need an hour or two to just be alone and recover - I'm beginning to wonder if I'm meant for a relationship.
Throw the fact that I may well be moving halfway across the country into the equation and I'm wondering if it would be more merciful to just end it now... but if I stay, I don't want to totally throw this away just yet...
Anywho, enough about that.
May has been busy. It involved a performance with my choir as part of the Edmonton Symphony's presentation of Holst's "Planets". Which was pretty cool. We only had to sing for about 4 minutes in the entire show, at the very end, and weren't actually on stage, so we got to wear jeans and t-shirts and such. Apparently it sounded pretty awesome.
And the other big news for May is that I bought a car! I've never owned a vehicle before, so this was a huge step. Meet my baby!
Ok, yes, I know, it's a shitty photo, but what can you do with only a camera cell phone?! She's a 2008 Kia Rio 5, and is pretty loaded - power everything, heated seats (which is important here in Alberta... heck, in Canada even)... the only thing she doesn't have that I would have wanted is cruise, but I'm not going to be that picky. I love her! Now I just have to figure out the best way to hook my iPod up to the stereo - there's a USB connection that I'd have to find the proper cable for, she's (maybe?) got Bluetooth that I could buy a transmitter for, I could go for the FM transmitter, or there's always a good old 3.5mm aux cable (the same size as most headphone jacks). I've just learned that I'm headed back to Saskatoon in June for some more training - should be pretty interesting! Saskatoon in February was not so fun, Saskatoon in June may be more exciting.
And that is all!
So, I'm back.
I had a fun trip. It meant that work has backed up like no one's business, and I'm ridiculously behind, and have worked extra hours many days - I've been in the office for 5 hours the last two Saturdays, on Tuesday I worked from 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m... Hence the no blogging. I escaped early today to go to a Dr's appointment. It was pretty exciting. No, I'm serious. I left work ON TIME. I haven't done that since before Christmas, I don't think.
Anywho, the Arctic was pretty nifty. I don't think I could spend any length of time up there. Well, maybe Yellowknife, but not Iqaluit. When we got off the plane and went into Iqaluit, it was so cold, so isolated, so desolate... I looked out my hotel window and was about ready to cry for a bit. But I got over it. The office was small and cute, the people friendly, and the culture amazing. In the airport in Rankin inlet, you saw women carrying their children in the oversized hoods of their beautifully embroidered parkas...
But I leave you with some photos...
Interior of Bullock's Bistro in Yellowknife. A teensy place with seating for maybe a couple dozen people. Great, locally caught fish, though.
Iqaluit from the hotel window. Or at least part of Iqaluit from the hotel window. For a town of 6000 people, it seems to sprawl all over.
Fresh fruit and veg are flown in - there's not enough sunlight in the winter to even greenhouse it, and the cost would be prohibitive. So you get $27.29 jalapeno peppers instead.
View out the window from the office. Showing a raven and a typically dressed Iqaluitian. :)
I had a fun trip. It meant that work has backed up like no one's business, and I'm ridiculously behind, and have worked extra hours many days - I've been in the office for 5 hours the last two Saturdays, on Tuesday I worked from 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m... Hence the no blogging. I escaped early today to go to a Dr's appointment. It was pretty exciting. No, I'm serious. I left work ON TIME. I haven't done that since before Christmas, I don't think.
Anywho, the Arctic was pretty nifty. I don't think I could spend any length of time up there. Well, maybe Yellowknife, but not Iqaluit. When we got off the plane and went into Iqaluit, it was so cold, so isolated, so desolate... I looked out my hotel window and was about ready to cry for a bit. But I got over it. The office was small and cute, the people friendly, and the culture amazing. In the airport in Rankin inlet, you saw women carrying their children in the oversized hoods of their beautifully embroidered parkas...
But I leave you with some photos...
Interior of Bullock's Bistro in Yellowknife. A teensy place with seating for maybe a couple dozen people. Great, locally caught fish, though.
Iqaluit from the hotel window. Or at least part of Iqaluit from the hotel window. For a town of 6000 people, it seems to sprawl all over.
Fresh fruit and veg are flown in - there's not enough sunlight in the winter to even greenhouse it, and the cost would be prohibitive. So you get $27.29 jalapeno peppers instead. 
View out the window from the office. Showing a raven and a typically dressed Iqaluitian. :)
08Feb09
So one of the programs I manage at work requires that our department give information sessions to potential stakeholders at least once in each federal electoral constituency. Which is fine, you'd think. We've got staff everywhere, right?
Except this program is centralized here where I live and we cover all of AB, the Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. Staff in those locations aren't up to speed on the program and don't feel comfortable giving information sessions, which necessitates someone from my shop going out and delivering the sessions. And to top it all off, they need to deliver these sessions in both official languages. The nominee to deliver them all? Me. I literally have no one else.
Not too worried about the English Sessions, but the French ones have me a bit worried - it's been forever since I've used my French in any sort of public setting.
So I'll be taking off and travelling all over AB/NT/NU for the next week or so - here's the schedule:
10Feb09 - Fly up to Yellowknife. Deliver information sessions in the afternoon.
11Feb09 - Fly from Yellowknife to Iqaluit.
12Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Iqaluit.
13Feb09 - Fly from Iqaluit to Ottawa, Ottawa to Calgary (yes, that's the shortest and most direct way to get from Iqaluit back out here to Alberta).
14-15Feb09 - spend the weekend in Calgary with the boy (yay!)
16Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Calgary, have lunch with a former coworker (yay!)
17Feb09 - Deliver info session in a small town outside Calgary, fly home.
Not going to lie, I'm pretty excited to see Yellowknife and Iqaluit. I mean, they're not exactly your average tourist destination. It'll be pretty nifty to put those pins in the map, and to say that I was in Iqaluit in February. I'm just hoping it's not -47 degrees up there while I'm there, the way it was a couple of weeks ago when a coworker emailed me from there. So far the weather forecast is showing only about -25 or so, so I'm ok with that. After all, that's what we really should be having around here at this time of year, not these crazy +3 temperatures (not that I'm complaining, really).
I'll try and take photos, but this is a working trip - not sure how much I'll manage to see.
So one of the programs I manage at work requires that our department give information sessions to potential stakeholders at least once in each federal electoral constituency. Which is fine, you'd think. We've got staff everywhere, right?
Except this program is centralized here where I live and we cover all of AB, the Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. Staff in those locations aren't up to speed on the program and don't feel comfortable giving information sessions, which necessitates someone from my shop going out and delivering the sessions. And to top it all off, they need to deliver these sessions in both official languages. The nominee to deliver them all? Me. I literally have no one else.
Not too worried about the English Sessions, but the French ones have me a bit worried - it's been forever since I've used my French in any sort of public setting.
So I'll be taking off and travelling all over AB/NT/NU for the next week or so - here's the schedule:
10Feb09 - Fly up to Yellowknife. Deliver information sessions in the afternoon.
11Feb09 - Fly from Yellowknife to Iqaluit.
12Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Iqaluit.
13Feb09 - Fly from Iqaluit to Ottawa, Ottawa to Calgary (yes, that's the shortest and most direct way to get from Iqaluit back out here to Alberta).
14-15Feb09 - spend the weekend in Calgary with the boy (yay!)
16Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Calgary, have lunch with a former coworker (yay!)
17Feb09 - Deliver info session in a small town outside Calgary, fly home.
Not going to lie, I'm pretty excited to see Yellowknife and Iqaluit. I mean, they're not exactly your average tourist destination. It'll be pretty nifty to put those pins in the map, and to say that I was in Iqaluit in February. I'm just hoping it's not -47 degrees up there while I'm there, the way it was a couple of weeks ago when a coworker emailed me from there. So far the weather forecast is showing only about -25 or so, so I'm ok with that. After all, that's what we really should be having around here at this time of year, not these crazy +3 temperatures (not that I'm complaining, really).
I'll try and take photos, but this is a working trip - not sure how much I'll manage to see.
03 Jan 08
So this survey materialized on facebook on about Dec 30, and I was just too lazy to do it there, so...
1) Was 2008 a good year for you?
Yeah... It started out pretty gloomily, but slowly improved, and the last 5 months of the year were the awesomest five months I've had in a long time - new experiences all around.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Tough to say. Probably hearing that I'd gotten the new job. Freedom!
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
I'll go with slippinging down the stairs at Grandin LRT station and straining ligaments in my wrist. It's still not totally back to normal, and may not be for another month.
4) Where were you when 2008 began?
At Bonobo's. I left shortly after midnight.
5) Who were you with?
A whole bunch of my awesome friends from FEP.
6) Where will you be when 2008 ends?
I was hoping to be at Beans' with a bunch of friends and such, but that fell through, so I ended up on my couch watching CBC most of the night.
7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends?
I was all by myself. *sigh*
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008?
I think I'd made a point of not making any. However, towards September I decided that with the new job I was going to try and get a bit healthier - so I joined the gym at work. It's working! I feel way better these days, and people keep telling me I look better, so...
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?
Only to try and be more open to opportunities, even if they scare me.
10) Did you fall in love in 2008?
I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. But I did find myself someone that seems to be interested in me, and I'm interested in him, and things are going so well I'm wondering when they're going to go wrong *knock wood*. This ties into Question 9, really.
11) If yes, with who?
It's a guy. We'll leave it at that.
12) If yes, do they know?
Yup. Finally. Although it's not because I overcame my fear, it's 'cuz he made the approach.
13) Are you still in love with them?
See question 10.
14) Do you regret it?
Not so far *knock wood*
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008?
Nope.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
Probably, but I think most of the "new" friends I actually made in 2007 or 2006.
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Why rank? What a load of crap.
18) What was your favorite month of 2008?
Probably August. I did things I'd never done before, went places I'd never been before, and actually took some time off work.
19) Did you travel outside of Canada in 2008?
Yup. To San Francisco.
20) How many different places did you travel to in 2008?
outside the country - 1; inside the country - 5 places, some multiple times
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2008?
Thank goodness, no.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Of course. I've lots of special people in distant places.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008?
Good question. It was obviously so very amazing that I don't remember.
24) What was your favorite song from 2008?
Cemeteries of London, by Coldplay... No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses...
25) What was your favorite record(s) from 2008?
In Rainbows, by radiohead
26) How many concerts did you see in 2008?
1. And it was awesome. Radiohead in San Francisco.
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008?
See above.
28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
Actually, since I started the new job, I've been drinking more for networking-ish purposes - everyone in government seems to think that hanging out after work involves booze. :)
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
More than usual - but nothing illegal. I had some fun painkillers due to various things.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2008?
Not the sort of question I'm willing to answer publicly, I'm afraid.
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not ashamed of. I was certainly embarrassed after falling down the stairs, though.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
There was nothing so obviously bad and painful that it sticks out, thank goodness.
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
At work, I'm sure I did. Likely after they were assholes to me first.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
At work, all the time. I don't know what makes people think they can walk into an office and treat government employees that way... oh, right, it's "I pay your salary, so you'd better..." syndrom.
36) How much money did you spend in 2008?
Not as much as I made. I've gone from being flat broke two years ago to actually having some decent savings.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2008?
Getting the new job.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008?
More than likely falling down the stairs at Grandin LRT station. Fortunately there was only one anonymous witness.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
Not a big fan of the idea of going back and changing the past, 'cuz you never know what else one little action might affect, and the end of 2008 was pretty awesome for me.
40) What are your plans for 2009?
Continuing to do the best I can at my job, my personal life, etc. That's about it really. We'll see where it goes from there.
So this survey materialized on facebook on about Dec 30, and I was just too lazy to do it there, so...
1) Was 2008 a good year for you?
Yeah... It started out pretty gloomily, but slowly improved, and the last 5 months of the year were the awesomest five months I've had in a long time - new experiences all around.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Tough to say. Probably hearing that I'd gotten the new job. Freedom!
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
I'll go with slippinging down the stairs at Grandin LRT station and straining ligaments in my wrist. It's still not totally back to normal, and may not be for another month.
4) Where were you when 2008 began?
At Bonobo's. I left shortly after midnight.
5) Who were you with?
A whole bunch of my awesome friends from FEP.
6) Where will you be when 2008 ends?
I was hoping to be at Beans' with a bunch of friends and such, but that fell through, so I ended up on my couch watching CBC most of the night.
7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends?
I was all by myself. *sigh*
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008?
I think I'd made a point of not making any. However, towards September I decided that with the new job I was going to try and get a bit healthier - so I joined the gym at work. It's working! I feel way better these days, and people keep telling me I look better, so...
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?
Only to try and be more open to opportunities, even if they scare me.
10) Did you fall in love in 2008?
I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. But I did find myself someone that seems to be interested in me, and I'm interested in him, and things are going so well I'm wondering when they're going to go wrong *knock wood*. This ties into Question 9, really.
11) If yes, with who?
It's a guy. We'll leave it at that.
12) If yes, do they know?
Yup. Finally. Although it's not because I overcame my fear, it's 'cuz he made the approach.
13) Are you still in love with them?
See question 10.
14) Do you regret it?
Not so far *knock wood*
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008?
Nope.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
Probably, but I think most of the "new" friends I actually made in 2007 or 2006.
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Why rank? What a load of crap.
18) What was your favorite month of 2008?
Probably August. I did things I'd never done before, went places I'd never been before, and actually took some time off work.
19) Did you travel outside of Canada in 2008?
Yup. To San Francisco.
20) How many different places did you travel to in 2008?
outside the country - 1; inside the country - 5 places, some multiple times
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2008?
Thank goodness, no.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Of course. I've lots of special people in distant places.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008?
Good question. It was obviously so very amazing that I don't remember.
24) What was your favorite song from 2008?
Cemeteries of London, by Coldplay... No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses...
25) What was your favorite record(s) from 2008?
In Rainbows, by radiohead
26) How many concerts did you see in 2008?
1. And it was awesome. Radiohead in San Francisco.
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008?
See above.
28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
Actually, since I started the new job, I've been drinking more for networking-ish purposes - everyone in government seems to think that hanging out after work involves booze. :)
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
More than usual - but nothing illegal. I had some fun painkillers due to various things.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2008?
Not the sort of question I'm willing to answer publicly, I'm afraid.
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not ashamed of. I was certainly embarrassed after falling down the stairs, though.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
There was nothing so obviously bad and painful that it sticks out, thank goodness.
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
At work, I'm sure I did. Likely after they were assholes to me first.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
At work, all the time. I don't know what makes people think they can walk into an office and treat government employees that way... oh, right, it's "I pay your salary, so you'd better..." syndrom.
36) How much money did you spend in 2008?
Not as much as I made. I've gone from being flat broke two years ago to actually having some decent savings.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2008?
Getting the new job.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008?
More than likely falling down the stairs at Grandin LRT station. Fortunately there was only one anonymous witness.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
Not a big fan of the idea of going back and changing the past, 'cuz you never know what else one little action might affect, and the end of 2008 was pretty awesome for me.
40) What are your plans for 2009?
Continuing to do the best I can at my job, my personal life, etc. That's about it really. We'll see where it goes from there.
So. Went to CowTown and L.A. for the last couple of days to visit regional offices with work. Good times. I'm now exhausted.
Which may not entirely be due to exhaustion. I got a phone call from the doc's office the other day saying they wanted to talk to me about the labwork results, but that it wasn't urgent. I'll probably go in on the 20th. If it's my thyroid, well, we've been through that one before, haven't we? And we all know that having thyroid issues can screw with a person's energy level. Or, it could be my iron levels. I went to donate blood about a week after the lab work and they refused me - too low. Not horribly low, but definitely low. Or it could be something else entirely. I'm trying not to worry about it.
I knew I was exhausted because I was having the BEST conversation ever with the taxi driver on the way home from the airport.
a) turns out he knows my area of town. Used to park across the street from my building when he worked for IBM.
b) guy has a degree in computer science.
c) told the guy I worked for the federal government. So did he.
d) he asked if I was bilingual. Conversation shifted to French. We discussed (in French) hiring processes, various government departments, security issues within the federal government, my job, his previous jobs working on contracts for various departments, French education, etc.
And my French was suffering badly, as it does when I get super tired.
But that is beside the point.
So finally I asked the inevitable.
"What on EARTH are you doing in E-Town if you're a fluently bilingual visible minority, have a degree in computer science, and have worked for the federal government on all sorts of major projects. Not only that, but what the hell are you doing driving a taxi?"
"I wanted some adventure. The money's good out here. Things are good out here."
And I guess it is. Not once did he complain that taxi-driving wasn't making him a living. Not once did he complain about the cold weather or how much better things are out East. Not once did he complain about the people out here. Not once did he complain about the cost of living out here. He pointed out some of the pitfalls of the federal government's hiring process, which are very real pitfalls that I've experienced myself, and indicated that they were part of hte reason he'd left Ottawa to come out here - those pitfalls were preventing him from getting a real, permanent job, although we did reminisce a little about Ottawa itself. He called me by name (after he'd seen it on my credit card), thanked me for giving him the opportunity to speak French and vent a bit about the government, said it was a pleasure (and the feeling was mutual, believe me), wished me a lovely night, and I was almost a bit sad to actually get home.
Why can't all cab rides be that productive/instructive?
Which may not entirely be due to exhaustion. I got a phone call from the doc's office the other day saying they wanted to talk to me about the labwork results, but that it wasn't urgent. I'll probably go in on the 20th. If it's my thyroid, well, we've been through that one before, haven't we? And we all know that having thyroid issues can screw with a person's energy level. Or, it could be my iron levels. I went to donate blood about a week after the lab work and they refused me - too low. Not horribly low, but definitely low. Or it could be something else entirely. I'm trying not to worry about it.
I knew I was exhausted because I was having the BEST conversation ever with the taxi driver on the way home from the airport.
a) turns out he knows my area of town. Used to park across the street from my building when he worked for IBM.
b) guy has a degree in computer science.
c) told the guy I worked for the federal government. So did he.
d) he asked if I was bilingual. Conversation shifted to French. We discussed (in French) hiring processes, various government departments, security issues within the federal government, my job, his previous jobs working on contracts for various departments, French education, etc.
And my French was suffering badly, as it does when I get super tired.
But that is beside the point.
So finally I asked the inevitable.
"What on EARTH are you doing in E-Town if you're a fluently bilingual visible minority, have a degree in computer science, and have worked for the federal government on all sorts of major projects. Not only that, but what the hell are you doing driving a taxi?"
"I wanted some adventure. The money's good out here. Things are good out here."
And I guess it is. Not once did he complain that taxi-driving wasn't making him a living. Not once did he complain about the cold weather or how much better things are out East. Not once did he complain about the people out here. Not once did he complain about the cost of living out here. He pointed out some of the pitfalls of the federal government's hiring process, which are very real pitfalls that I've experienced myself, and indicated that they were part of hte reason he'd left Ottawa to come out here - those pitfalls were preventing him from getting a real, permanent job, although we did reminisce a little about Ottawa itself. He called me by name (after he'd seen it on my credit card), thanked me for giving him the opportunity to speak French and vent a bit about the government, said it was a pleasure (and the feeling was mutual, believe me), wished me a lovely night, and I was almost a bit sad to actually get home.
Why can't all cab rides be that productive/instructive?
So I was going to be really good and keep posting my journal entries as I wrote them, but it just didn't work out - I've left the journal at work (which, after all, is what it's about) and will continue to write as things come to me. This whole process is supposed to be about a lot of personal introspection, which is something I'm not particularly good at... but whatever.
So. Ottawa was superfun, even if I didn't get to play tourist. Lots of good people, lots of decent beer (oops, probably shouldn't have mentioned that - but don't worry, it was on our own tabs, not the government's, we're not wasting the taxpayers' money...).
Job is still going ok. I'm learning. I'm slowly doing as well. Yes, doing. Which is pretty exciting. I'm slowly gaining some responsibility. Although I'm still not 100% on top of what's going on, it's getting there. We're heading down to Calgary and Lethbridge next week to visit some of the field offices. There's going to be at least one, if not two trips to Vancouver (one may just be a fly-in, fly-out sort of thing, not even an overnight stay), at least one, if not two trips to Ottawa (one for training, one, maybe, for some conference with our department), and potentially a trip to Inuvik or Iqaluit - all before Christmas! Not that I'll get to see much, but at least I can add a few pins to my figurative online map -I've never been to Van or to any of the territories before.
Choir has started again for the year. We're doing Handel's "Solomon" Oratorio in November. More info can be found at www.richardeatonsingers.com. There are some pretty big names in Canadian music coming out to be the soloists, so it should be a great night.
I've started taking piano lessons again - apparently one of the biggest problems I'm having is just self-confidence, but what can you do? That will just take time to build, I guess.
I have yet again discovered that a guy I'm interested in is now in a relationship. And obviously not with me. Go figure (yes, for those of you who know me on facebook, this is the reason for my status currently). Probably for the best, given some of the circumstances surrounding things, but this is getting to be a pattern, and I'm not impressed. Anyone have any single male friends they can introduce me to? *sigh* Maybe it's time to resort to eharmony... Although I'd probably not even make it past the personality tests (just google "eharmony rejects" for more on how their process works - it's not exactly the most fair in the world, or check out this link: http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-05-18-eharmony_x.htm). At this point I just feel more defeated than devastated, which is kind of a nice change. If you can say that feeling defeated is nice. Ah well.
I have cleaned my bathroom. It is now sparkling. It won't last, but it's nice for the moment. I should probably tackle the rest of my apartment, but I'm not sure that I will.
Went out last night for a surprise party for a friend's going-away (she's heading off for a 9-week course at the beginning of October, so we likely won't see her again until close to Christmas). Had a great dinner with great people, went out dancing a bit afterwards... and was reminded why I don't go out dancing much any more. I felt old. And I'm feeling slightly hung over this morning, which can't be right, since I only had 3 drinks over the course of the night... I'm hoping I'm not getting sick.
But, in all honesty, all the minor inconveniences aside, life has been pretty not bad lately. I found someone to go to the gym with, and when your gym membership at the building you work in is only $40/year, I have no excuse NOT to join, really. I'm hoping that feeling a little better physically will help with feeling a little better emotionally. I've been making time to hang out with friends, and there are some that I need to get in touch with and arrange things (sorry, Magnolia, I keep meaning to contact you, I'm horrible...). There are so many new beginnings right now both in my life and around me that it's almost impossible not to feel oddly optimistic.
So. Ottawa was superfun, even if I didn't get to play tourist. Lots of good people, lots of decent beer (oops, probably shouldn't have mentioned that - but don't worry, it was on our own tabs, not the government's, we're not wasting the taxpayers' money...).
Job is still going ok. I'm learning. I'm slowly doing as well. Yes, doing. Which is pretty exciting. I'm slowly gaining some responsibility. Although I'm still not 100% on top of what's going on, it's getting there. We're heading down to Calgary and Lethbridge next week to visit some of the field offices. There's going to be at least one, if not two trips to Vancouver (one may just be a fly-in, fly-out sort of thing, not even an overnight stay), at least one, if not two trips to Ottawa (one for training, one, maybe, for some conference with our department), and potentially a trip to Inuvik or Iqaluit - all before Christmas! Not that I'll get to see much, but at least I can add a few pins to my figurative online map -I've never been to Van or to any of the territories before.
Choir has started again for the year. We're doing Handel's "Solomon" Oratorio in November. More info can be found at www.richardeatonsingers.com. There are some pretty big names in Canadian music coming out to be the soloists, so it should be a great night.
I've started taking piano lessons again - apparently one of the biggest problems I'm having is just self-confidence, but what can you do? That will just take time to build, I guess.
I have yet again discovered that a guy I'm interested in is now in a relationship. And obviously not with me. Go figure (yes, for those of you who know me on facebook, this is the reason for my status currently). Probably for the best, given some of the circumstances surrounding things, but this is getting to be a pattern, and I'm not impressed. Anyone have any single male friends they can introduce me to? *sigh* Maybe it's time to resort to eharmony... Although I'd probably not even make it past the personality tests (just google "eharmony rejects" for more on how their process works - it's not exactly the most fair in the world, or check out this link: http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-05-18-eharmony_x.htm). At this point I just feel more defeated than devastated, which is kind of a nice change. If you can say that feeling defeated is nice. Ah well.
I have cleaned my bathroom. It is now sparkling. It won't last, but it's nice for the moment. I should probably tackle the rest of my apartment, but I'm not sure that I will.
Went out last night for a surprise party for a friend's going-away (she's heading off for a 9-week course at the beginning of October, so we likely won't see her again until close to Christmas). Had a great dinner with great people, went out dancing a bit afterwards... and was reminded why I don't go out dancing much any more. I felt old. And I'm feeling slightly hung over this morning, which can't be right, since I only had 3 drinks over the course of the night... I'm hoping I'm not getting sick.
But, in all honesty, all the minor inconveniences aside, life has been pretty not bad lately. I found someone to go to the gym with, and when your gym membership at the building you work in is only $40/year, I have no excuse NOT to join, really. I'm hoping that feeling a little better physically will help with feeling a little better emotionally. I've been making time to hang out with friends, and there are some that I need to get in touch with and arrange things (sorry, Magnolia, I keep meaning to contact you, I'm horrible...). There are so many new beginnings right now both in my life and around me that it's almost impossible not to feel oddly optimistic.
Just hearing the word "conflict" makes me uneasy. What am I worried about?
- Escalating conflict to the point where relationships deteriorate
- Tension at home and at work
- Putting myself out there
Without censoring myself, I would complete the following sentence with...
"In the presence of conflict, I have a tendency to..."
- Concede quickly.
What connection can I make between my response and my Myers Briggs profile?
My introversion is definitely highlighted in the dominant ways in which I react to conflict.
Thanks to the KCSI theory, I learned that it is possible to be more effective when conflicts arise. What ideas struck me the most?
- I need not to be as fearful of conflict as long as I reflect on what I am going to say.
- The importance of "I" statements is as huge as ever.
- There are different ways of dealing with conflict, each effective in their time and place.
To become a more effective leader with regard to conflict resolution, I have decided to take certain actions. These include:
- Being more proactive in spotting conflict before it escalates.
- Not being afraid to be a director on occasion as the case requires.
- Learn to compromise more, whether in a cooperative way or a compromise way.
- Escalating conflict to the point where relationships deteriorate
- Tension at home and at work
- Putting myself out there
Without censoring myself, I would complete the following sentence with...
"In the presence of conflict, I have a tendency to..."
- Concede quickly.
What connection can I make between my response and my Myers Briggs profile?
My introversion is definitely highlighted in the dominant ways in which I react to conflict.
Thanks to the KCSI theory, I learned that it is possible to be more effective when conflicts arise. What ideas struck me the most?
- I need not to be as fearful of conflict as long as I reflect on what I am going to say.
- The importance of "I" statements is as huge as ever.
- There are different ways of dealing with conflict, each effective in their time and place.
To become a more effective leader with regard to conflict resolution, I have decided to take certain actions. These include:
- Being more proactive in spotting conflict before it escalates.
- Not being afraid to be a director on occasion as the case requires.
- Learn to compromise more, whether in a cooperative way or a compromise way.
So to continue from yesterday...
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Did I recognize myself in the results? What surprised me? What did I discover? What did the results confirm?
Hells yes, I recognized myself. I have always known that I was a fairly introverted person, more interested in facts than in imagination. Having done similar personality tests in the past, I was not particularly surprised by the results of this one. It simply confirmed what I already believed about myself.
Taking a step back, I reflect on my profile to gain a better understanding of who I am.
Where does my energy stem from?
My energy comes internally. I am an introvert. I rejuvenate by getting away from crowds and doing things alone - taking a long, hot bath, reading a good book, etc.
What is my automatic approach to understanding a situation?
I like facts. Details. Give me more information. Be straightforward. Follow the agenda. Do not make me rely on the abstract - give me concrete details and information.
How do I naturally arrive at an opinion?
I am a thinker. I need lists of pros and cons. I need to do things objectively and critically. Emotion plays a secondary role in my decisions.
What is my natural approach to action?
I need to create schedules, timetables, and deadlines. I prefer to have advance notice of things. I concentrate on task completion, and need ongoing feedback about results and achievements.
When I learned of my entire cohort's results, what fascinated me? Do I feel that different profiles will cause conflicts within the learning groups?
I was not surprised at where I stood in the group. I always knew I was an introvert. I was actually more surprised that there were other ISTJ individuals in addition to myself. I do not think it will be a conflict to work with these individuals so long as we use our differences in complementary rather than contradictory ways.
I identify the strengths and weaknesses in my profile. I define certain areas I will need to work on to become a better leader.
I need to work on my introversion. I need to know that it is ok to be more of an extrovert and to take further charge in certain situations and put myself out there at risk of criticism. I will need to learn to be more flexible and less reliant on rules and regulations and previous ways of doing things. I will need to lose my personal rigidity, to a certain extent.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Did I recognize myself in the results? What surprised me? What did I discover? What did the results confirm?
Hells yes, I recognized myself. I have always known that I was a fairly introverted person, more interested in facts than in imagination. Having done similar personality tests in the past, I was not particularly surprised by the results of this one. It simply confirmed what I already believed about myself.
Taking a step back, I reflect on my profile to gain a better understanding of who I am.
Where does my energy stem from?
My energy comes internally. I am an introvert. I rejuvenate by getting away from crowds and doing things alone - taking a long, hot bath, reading a good book, etc.
What is my automatic approach to understanding a situation?
I like facts. Details. Give me more information. Be straightforward. Follow the agenda. Do not make me rely on the abstract - give me concrete details and information.
How do I naturally arrive at an opinion?
I am a thinker. I need lists of pros and cons. I need to do things objectively and critically. Emotion plays a secondary role in my decisions.
What is my natural approach to action?
I need to create schedules, timetables, and deadlines. I prefer to have advance notice of things. I concentrate on task completion, and need ongoing feedback about results and achievements.
When I learned of my entire cohort's results, what fascinated me? Do I feel that different profiles will cause conflicts within the learning groups?
I was not surprised at where I stood in the group. I always knew I was an introvert. I was actually more surprised that there were other ISTJ individuals in addition to myself. I do not think it will be a conflict to work with these individuals so long as we use our differences in complementary rather than contradictory ways.
I identify the strengths and weaknesses in my profile. I define certain areas I will need to work on to become a better leader.
I need to work on my introversion. I need to know that it is ok to be more of an extrovert and to take further charge in certain situations and put myself out there at risk of criticism. I will need to learn to be more flexible and less reliant on rules and regulations and previous ways of doing things. I will need to lose my personal rigidity, to a certain extent.
So I'm Ottawa on a training session for my new job. It's only been the first day, and in all honesty, it wasn't too bad. On a completely random note, I had to buy new shoes, since I discovered a pretty massive hole in one of my casual sneakers. Which hurt. PST sucks. But what can you do?
I was hoping to meet some friends for dinner and such while I was here - it hasn't worked out as of yet. M and I were hoping to meet tonight, but he's all governmenty and important and such, and had to work late... P and M and I will hopefully all get together tomorrow night - bit of a reunion (P was my boss 6 years ago when I was still in school, and M was her boss... we all worked in the residences).
Anywho, back to the training. We did the MBTI (Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator) test, learned about each other, and generally sort of discussed leadership in the most general sense possible (how's that for a redundant sentence?).
It was all good, until we hit the last little bit of the day, and they handed us our journals. Our journals have a name. It's Latin for faithful. The journal has an introduction written in 1st person. As in, "Hi, I'm your journal! Write in me because...". And there's a page just inside the cover for us to colour. Seriously.
However, in the interests of participation, here goes nothing - I've written this in my actual paper journal as well, but it's always interesting to hear feedback on what others have to say or what others think about me and my experiences and their experiences.
1. Following the ice-breaker activity and after meeting my colleagues, what remarks affected me the most? What am I feeling right now?
After meeting my colleagues, and learning about their backgrounds and situations, their assignments, and motivations, I am feeling less alone than I was going into this. There are many similar experiences, questions, logistical nightmares, etc.
2. Who in the group caught my attention? Who am I eager to speak with? Why?
I am excited to speak with the other candidates that are closer to my age. My supervisors are not quite the same age as my parents, but they are certainly getting there - definitely boomers or very early gen Xers rather than gen Yers or millenials (for which I'm thankful, seriously). While they are certainly friendly, helpful, and kind, they are at a very different place in their lives than I am, and I'm glad to have some people also just out of school, also trying to figure out what they want from life, that I could see becoming my friends.
I am also quite glad to meet some francophones. It's been too long since I used my French on a regular basis.
3. I would use the following words to describe my cohort.
4. Am I ready to achieve greater balance in my life? What commitments should I make to ensure personal wellness?
Yes -
Further thoughts...
At this point, I'm just glad that people are friendly. When I was attending the interviews for this position, there were a few people that seemed friendly and nice, but they were difficult to approach or to come by. I am quite happy that my cohort is so open, friendly, accepting of differences. Coming into this trip, it felt like going back to school. It was like... wondering if your classmates are going to like you. Wondering who's going to be your friend. Wondering if the classes are going to be too hard (so far the homework was pretty easy!). Now that I'm here, I think I'm going to be all right.
I was hoping to meet some friends for dinner and such while I was here - it hasn't worked out as of yet. M and I were hoping to meet tonight, but he's all governmenty and important and such, and had to work late... P and M and I will hopefully all get together tomorrow night - bit of a reunion (P was my boss 6 years ago when I was still in school, and M was her boss... we all worked in the residences).
Anywho, back to the training. We did the MBTI (Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator) test, learned about each other, and generally sort of discussed leadership in the most general sense possible (how's that for a redundant sentence?).
It was all good, until we hit the last little bit of the day, and they handed us our journals. Our journals have a name. It's Latin for faithful. The journal has an introduction written in 1st person. As in, "Hi, I'm your journal! Write in me because...". And there's a page just inside the cover for us to colour. Seriously.
However, in the interests of participation, here goes nothing - I've written this in my actual paper journal as well, but it's always interesting to hear feedback on what others have to say or what others think about me and my experiences and their experiences.
1. Following the ice-breaker activity and after meeting my colleagues, what remarks affected me the most? What am I feeling right now?
After meeting my colleagues, and learning about their backgrounds and situations, their assignments, and motivations, I am feeling less alone than I was going into this. There are many similar experiences, questions, logistical nightmares, etc.
2. Who in the group caught my attention? Who am I eager to speak with? Why?
I am excited to speak with the other candidates that are closer to my age. My supervisors are not quite the same age as my parents, but they are certainly getting there - definitely boomers or very early gen Xers rather than gen Yers or millenials (for which I'm thankful, seriously). While they are certainly friendly, helpful, and kind, they are at a very different place in their lives than I am, and I'm glad to have some people also just out of school, also trying to figure out what they want from life, that I could see becoming my friends.
I am also quite glad to meet some francophones. It's been too long since I used my French on a regular basis.
3. I would use the following words to describe my cohort.
- Fun
- Outgoing
- Intelligent
- Motivated
- Helpful
- Enthusiastic
4. Am I ready to achieve greater balance in my life? What commitments should I make to ensure personal wellness?
Yes -
- I will ask questions when in doubt.
- I will do my best to leave work at work.
- I will maintain my extra-curricular interests
- I will take time to hang out with friends
- I will take that couple of days off at Christmas.
Further thoughts...
At this point, I'm just glad that people are friendly. When I was attending the interviews for this position, there were a few people that seemed friendly and nice, but they were difficult to approach or to come by. I am quite happy that my cohort is so open, friendly, accepting of differences. Coming into this trip, it felt like going back to school. It was like... wondering if your classmates are going to like you. Wondering who's going to be your friend. Wondering if the classes are going to be too hard (so far the homework was pretty easy!). Now that I'm here, I think I'm going to be all right.
Ever wanted to update your facebook status to say what you were really feeling, but then decided it probably wasn't a good idea to broadcast those thoughts to the world?
Yeah, so have I.
And yet I'm going to do it anyway, 'cuz it needs to happen somewhere.
The Tudor Rose:
Having said all that, I'm doing pretty good these days. My work life is more or less balancing my social life. I've met the guy who will be my boss in a month and a half, and he seems pretty cool. I'm going to get to set my own hours in the fall, so as long as I average out 37.5 hours/week over every 2-3 weeks, I can keep working a compressed schedule. I know how it works so I get a day off every two weeks, so w'ell see if that works. :) I only have 15 more business days left at my current place of employment! Woohoo!
And it's the type of place where they won't care if I'm 15 minutes late coming back from lunch so long as I make it up somewhere else. Magnolia, that means we can start doing lunch again in September!
I went to Taste of Edmonton twice (ok, granted, the second time was just after work today to get some Green Tea Ice cream, 'cuz I don't get to Kyoto much...).
I'm looking forward to some amazing Indian cuisine at a coworker's place tomorrow evening, hosting an event on the History of Beer down at FEP next week, and having Friday off next week to go get a massage and my hair done.
I have the last two weeks of August off. I figured I'd be doing nothing of particular importance, so I volunteered to help out with a friend's Fringe show - that'll be superfun!
It's a little under a month before I head to San Francisco for a 4-day vacation, and I get to see Radiohead while I'm there! My favouritest band ever! And then I get to do some more vacation-y sorts of things, and then I start the new job.
Things aren't perfect, but they're pretty damn good.
Yeah, so have I.
And yet I'm going to do it anyway, 'cuz it needs to happen somewhere.
The Tudor Rose:
- Is sick of sleeping alone
- Does not necessarily think that your kids are cute
- Is ridiculously happy that you're happy, but is still so jealous she could cry.
- 's feet stink
- Has the worst cramps she's had in a long time (apologies to any male readers)
- 's office is a revolving door - so many people are leaving (and no wonder!)
- is #*&^%& #)*@#$&
- Could not care less
- Wishes that certain of her coworkers would just stay on vacation
- needs you to get off you bloody high horse.
Having said all that, I'm doing pretty good these days. My work life is more or less balancing my social life. I've met the guy who will be my boss in a month and a half, and he seems pretty cool. I'm going to get to set my own hours in the fall, so as long as I average out 37.5 hours/week over every 2-3 weeks, I can keep working a compressed schedule. I know how it works so I get a day off every two weeks, so w'ell see if that works. :) I only have 15 more business days left at my current place of employment! Woohoo!
And it's the type of place where they won't care if I'm 15 minutes late coming back from lunch so long as I make it up somewhere else. Magnolia, that means we can start doing lunch again in September!
I went to Taste of Edmonton twice (ok, granted, the second time was just after work today to get some Green Tea Ice cream, 'cuz I don't get to Kyoto much...).
I'm looking forward to some amazing Indian cuisine at a coworker's place tomorrow evening, hosting an event on the History of Beer down at FEP next week, and having Friday off next week to go get a massage and my hair done.
I have the last two weeks of August off. I figured I'd be doing nothing of particular importance, so I volunteered to help out with a friend's Fringe show - that'll be superfun!
It's a little under a month before I head to San Francisco for a 4-day vacation, and I get to see Radiohead while I'm there! My favouritest band ever! And then I get to do some more vacation-y sorts of things, and then I start the new job.
Things aren't perfect, but they're pretty damn good.
So I went to the cemetery. I was there for more than two hours. I went into the mausoleum. And it didn't really freak me out too much.
Or so I thought.
I did wake up about 3 in the morning, thoughts racing, heart beating quickly, breathing rapidly, thinking about that damn cemetery.
But it was nowhere near as bad as last year.
I was able to fall asleep again pretty quickly, and while I didn't get ask much sleep as I would have liked last night, I think I'll be able to do this.
I've asked to be the principle tour guide's backup, so I probably won't have to do the tour much more than once or twice more this summer, but it's reassuring that I can actually hold it together long enough to do it.
Even if I do have to drug myself to sleep afterwards.
Or so I thought.
I did wake up about 3 in the morning, thoughts racing, heart beating quickly, breathing rapidly, thinking about that damn cemetery.
But it was nowhere near as bad as last year.
I was able to fall asleep again pretty quickly, and while I didn't get ask much sleep as I would have liked last night, I think I'll be able to do this.
I've asked to be the principle tour guide's backup, so I probably won't have to do the tour much more than once or twice more this summer, but it's reassuring that I can actually hold it together long enough to do it.
Even if I do have to drug myself to sleep afterwards.
So I've decided that in the fall I'd like to start taking piano and voice lessons again. I'll have a salary raise, which should just about cover the cost, but I'm still a bit tentative about the whole thing. 10 years ago when I was still taking lessons, teachers at the college I'd like to go through were charging $40/hour, and I don't doubt that that's gone up since. I'll be making about $400 (net) per month more, and if I take BOTH piano and voice, given that people are likely charging at least $50 or $60/hour these days, I'll be spending all of that money, plus a bit, right there. And I was sort of looking forward to the salary increase in order to save more money to buy a car or go on a nice trip or something (I'm thinking South Africa 2010? World Cup? Oh yeah!). I'm torn!
If I manage to get ahold of the voice teacher I'm interested in, then maybe I can arrange to just have 1/2 hour or 45 min lessons or something... that would cut costs a bit. If not, though, I will still sing with the choir, so my voice won't totally go all to hell. And that would save me some money. :)
I've spoken with a few piano teachers, and with the exception of one, they've seemed fairly nice. I have a meeting with one tomorrow after work, and am hoping to arrange a meeting with another sometime this week, and still haven't heard back from a fifth that I'd called, but I'm thinking that I may go with a woman I spoke to on the phone - she has quite a bit of experience in teaching mature students and in things like preventing tendonitis and carpal tunnel... which is important now that I'm "old".
I do really want to do this. I'm just not sure how. *sigh*
If I manage to get ahold of the voice teacher I'm interested in, then maybe I can arrange to just have 1/2 hour or 45 min lessons or something... that would cut costs a bit. If not, though, I will still sing with the choir, so my voice won't totally go all to hell. And that would save me some money. :)
I've spoken with a few piano teachers, and with the exception of one, they've seemed fairly nice. I have a meeting with one tomorrow after work, and am hoping to arrange a meeting with another sometime this week, and still haven't heard back from a fifth that I'd called, but I'm thinking that I may go with a woman I spoke to on the phone - she has quite a bit of experience in teaching mature students and in things like preventing tendonitis and carpal tunnel... which is important now that I'm "old".
I do really want to do this. I'm just not sure how. *sigh*
