An Interview with Melissa Morgan
6 years ago
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
My friend Nicky posted this on her blog a couple of months ago.
It rings so very true.
“you think you are, and consequently treat yourself, as though you are an old book sitting on a shelf. if you feel that no one needs you, you sit there quietly gathering dust and knowledge - waiting patiently for someone to dust you off and devour everything inside.”
“why do you think you do that to yourself?”
So my trip to Ottawa for the last phase of iLeadership and our graduation reinforced a few things for me.
1. I look good (although this time I have specifics - rather than being the "hot one", which was flattering but generic, this time the topic of discussion was my eyes. Which are apparently of note. Woohoo!). On a more serious note, though, it's amazing how much better I've been feeling about myself over the last year. I don't necessarily think it's 'cuz of the weight loss, which has been great in and of itself, but one of my colleagues slipped me a post-it on the first day, saying "you look so confident." I think I might try and frame that post-it and put it on my desk - a reminder that I really am worth other peoples' time and interest.
I have made some fabulous friends through iLeadership, and I hope that I keep in touch with the vast majority of them as we move through our lives and down our *ahem* Leadership Pathways.
2. If I really want to keep my career in government going, I need to move to Ottawa. While this scares the hell out of me, mostly because the loss of what I'd be giving up here in Edmonton is pretty significant, there would be a lot to gain, and I already have a really good support network there. Going to have to do a lot of soul searching over the next couple of years, I think.
3. I really suck at expressing my emotions. Goodbyes in particular, but just in general. I think it's the WASP upbringing. Stiff upper lip and all that. Someone pours their heart out to me and the best I can come up with is "me too" and "the feeling is _totally_ mutual" or "wow, that sucks" or "sorry to hear that" or "I'll miss you too". I mean, seriously. WTF. That's it?! It's kinda like the poetry and passion has been smushed out of my vocabulary. So if you're reading this blog and you've had an emotional encounter with me lately, I apologize. Please know that I _do_ feel, I just can't get it out very easily.
And that is it for now, I guess...
1. I look good (although this time I have specifics - rather than being the "hot one", which was flattering but generic, this time the topic of discussion was my eyes. Which are apparently of note. Woohoo!). On a more serious note, though, it's amazing how much better I've been feeling about myself over the last year. I don't necessarily think it's 'cuz of the weight loss, which has been great in and of itself, but one of my colleagues slipped me a post-it on the first day, saying "you look so confident." I think I might try and frame that post-it and put it on my desk - a reminder that I really am worth other peoples' time and interest.
I have made some fabulous friends through iLeadership, and I hope that I keep in touch with the vast majority of them as we move through our lives and down our *ahem* Leadership Pathways.
2. If I really want to keep my career in government going, I need to move to Ottawa. While this scares the hell out of me, mostly because the loss of what I'd be giving up here in Edmonton is pretty significant, there would be a lot to gain, and I already have a really good support network there. Going to have to do a lot of soul searching over the next couple of years, I think.
3. I really suck at expressing my emotions. Goodbyes in particular, but just in general. I think it's the WASP upbringing. Stiff upper lip and all that. Someone pours their heart out to me and the best I can come up with is "me too" and "the feeling is _totally_ mutual" or "wow, that sucks" or "sorry to hear that" or "I'll miss you too". I mean, seriously. WTF. That's it?! It's kinda like the poetry and passion has been smushed out of my vocabulary. So if you're reading this blog and you've had an emotional encounter with me lately, I apologize. Please know that I _do_ feel, I just can't get it out very easily.
And that is it for now, I guess...
I sincerely hope that everyone has had a wonderful holiday season - although I suppose technically it isn't quite over yet, since there's that whole New Years' thing yet to come.
One of my coworkers sent me a quick message reflecting on Christmas - "So funny how everyone freaks out about Christmas. And then it's over!". It's kinda true, really. I mean... somehow the whole holiday season totally snuck up on me, and now it's almost done. I barely got my Christmas lights up, I barely managed to get gifts for the requisite gift folks... sure didn't get any baking done, or have anyone over for mulled wine/cider...
Then bam! Christmas was here and I was at my parents' and we were eating dinner and the turkey was delicious and then I went to bed and it was over.
There were a couple of other small gatherings on Boxing Day, but of course, by then, the pressure's off - everyone's _had_ their Christmas.
I've suddenly realized that the decade is over. Not just the year, the decade. And I have no idea where the hell it's gone. I mean, I suppose, looking back on the decade, it's been quite eventful. Three university degrees, a year abroad, a developing career in the federal government, getting the hell out of the small town where I went to high school, meeting some amazing people and wonderful friends, saying goodbye to others, new experiences, new countries, weight lost, weight gained, weight lost again, illnesses fought, habits overcome...
I'm not sure where I thought I'd be at 27 years old when the year 2010 hit, but this wasn't it. I'm not good at self-reflection, and not good at visualising... Ask me where I want to be in 2 years, and I can't tell you. There's nothing I'm particularly passionate about - and I've discovered that the few things I _am_ passionate about, require a good-paying job to fulfill (travel, music, history).
I'll be spending NYE at a friend's place - dinner out at an Indian restaurant first, then a night of booze and movies... Then I start the New Year right by doing the Running Room's Resolution Run. Current forecast is a high of -16 degrees C and scattered flurries. Should be interesting. I went out for a run yesterday (-13 degrees) and survived, so I think I'll survive Jan 1. I hope.
While I don't normally make New Year's resolutions (I think they're a load of shit, to be honest), this year I do have a few things in mind:
1) Keep running (if I can lose somewhere between 20 and 30 lbs in a year and 3 months just by running and not really changing my diet at all... win!).
2) Not stress about the whole "relationship" thing (easier said than done, really, but I'll give it a go).
3) Try new things. Be open to new opportunities. Before the end of 2010, I will be able to create a list of things I've never done before that I tried/did in 2010.
All the best to you and yours, and may 2010 bring you naught but happiness!
One of my coworkers sent me a quick message reflecting on Christmas - "So funny how everyone freaks out about Christmas. And then it's over!". It's kinda true, really. I mean... somehow the whole holiday season totally snuck up on me, and now it's almost done. I barely got my Christmas lights up, I barely managed to get gifts for the requisite gift folks... sure didn't get any baking done, or have anyone over for mulled wine/cider...
Then bam! Christmas was here and I was at my parents' and we were eating dinner and the turkey was delicious and then I went to bed and it was over.
There were a couple of other small gatherings on Boxing Day, but of course, by then, the pressure's off - everyone's _had_ their Christmas.
I've suddenly realized that the decade is over. Not just the year, the decade. And I have no idea where the hell it's gone. I mean, I suppose, looking back on the decade, it's been quite eventful. Three university degrees, a year abroad, a developing career in the federal government, getting the hell out of the small town where I went to high school, meeting some amazing people and wonderful friends, saying goodbye to others, new experiences, new countries, weight lost, weight gained, weight lost again, illnesses fought, habits overcome...
I'm not sure where I thought I'd be at 27 years old when the year 2010 hit, but this wasn't it. I'm not good at self-reflection, and not good at visualising... Ask me where I want to be in 2 years, and I can't tell you. There's nothing I'm particularly passionate about - and I've discovered that the few things I _am_ passionate about, require a good-paying job to fulfill (travel, music, history).
I'll be spending NYE at a friend's place - dinner out at an Indian restaurant first, then a night of booze and movies... Then I start the New Year right by doing the Running Room's Resolution Run. Current forecast is a high of -16 degrees C and scattered flurries. Should be interesting. I went out for a run yesterday (-13 degrees) and survived, so I think I'll survive Jan 1. I hope.
While I don't normally make New Year's resolutions (I think they're a load of shit, to be honest), this year I do have a few things in mind:
1) Keep running (if I can lose somewhere between 20 and 30 lbs in a year and 3 months just by running and not really changing my diet at all... win!).
2) Not stress about the whole "relationship" thing (easier said than done, really, but I'll give it a go).
3) Try new things. Be open to new opportunities. Before the end of 2010, I will be able to create a list of things I've never done before that I tried/did in 2010.
All the best to you and yours, and may 2010 bring you naught but happiness!
As indicated in my previous post, I spent the last couple of nights down at Fort Edmonton Park working their annual Spooktacular event as part of the logistics team. Which basically means either manning a bonfire (not exactly a painful job - you get to keep warm on a cold night!) or wandering around keeping an eye out for teenagers drinking or making out in places they shouldn't be, and possibly escorting some intoxicated folks out of the park. It's pretty low-key.
This year, I don't know how the volunteers found FEP, or how FEP found these volunteers, but there was a group of three guys on the logistics team that were, to put it mildly, hardcore. They showed up on Friday night wearing their all-black gear, the cargo pants, the "SECURITY" ball caps. One dude even brought his super-industrial sized St. John's Ambulance first aid backpack of black hugeness (seriously, it was almost as big as my "backpacking through Europe" backpack). They made a point of earnestly pointing out to the logistics coordinator that they work security for a living.
Apparently on Wednesday (the information session for volunteers) they weren't really listening, as they had to ask for clarification on what they could and couldn't do over the evening (bottom line, it's hands-off. You give verbal requsts/commands. If things need to go further, there's an EPS officer on-site). They tried to tell other security teams not to patrol in their area. They even indicated "if we need to get ahold of each other, we're going to use call sign delta on the radio, it's just what we're used to." And from then on in, Team Delta Force was born. At least, that's what we called them behind their backs.
The difference between trying to work security at FEP and just about anywhere else, is that FEP is huge. 160 acres of huge. Which is why it's actually probably better to have people that have worked there on a regular basis doing the security patrols. Saying "I'm right by the windmill" to get people to your location is a lot easier than trying to say "I'm by the old, broken down windmill. If you go out to the parking lot right by the actual Fort, behind the trading post, it's up on the hill, but you sort of have to go around a back path to get up to the top."
Case in point, these guys thought they heard something at one point. They were trying to tell us where they were. "We're at the back end of the park. By the railway tracks, near the houses. By track marker 6." "Houses?" "Yeah, the residential area." "Ok, so you're back by the fort?" "No, we're in the bush." (Translation, once we figured it all out - they were way on the far side of the horse paddock by the Fort, almost out of the park and into peoples' backyards. They were probably hearing someone bbqing on their back deck). Anyone who has worked at FEP will realize just how ridiculous saying "we're in the bush" is, in terms of a landmark.
And another classic Delta Force moment - first aid was required at one point, and they were looking for a first aid kit. If they had been paying attention at the briefing, they would have known that the only people who are supposed to administer first aid are the staff (unless it's a major emergency - arterial bleeding or whatever). In spite of this, dude #3 kept insisting that his hardcore backpack was there (in spite of the fact there were already 2-3 first aid kits on site). We sent first aiders to the location. Turns out it was one of Delta Force that had managed to scrape themselves. The only real first aid issue of the evening. Go figure.
Anywho. They mellowed out last night, so maybe someone had a chat with them. Nevertheless, Delta Force provided hours of amusement mixed with intense frustration on Friday night.
This year, I don't know how the volunteers found FEP, or how FEP found these volunteers, but there was a group of three guys on the logistics team that were, to put it mildly, hardcore. They showed up on Friday night wearing their all-black gear, the cargo pants, the "SECURITY" ball caps. One dude even brought his super-industrial sized St. John's Ambulance first aid backpack of black hugeness (seriously, it was almost as big as my "backpacking through Europe" backpack). They made a point of earnestly pointing out to the logistics coordinator that they work security for a living.
Apparently on Wednesday (the information session for volunteers) they weren't really listening, as they had to ask for clarification on what they could and couldn't do over the evening (bottom line, it's hands-off. You give verbal requsts/commands. If things need to go further, there's an EPS officer on-site). They tried to tell other security teams not to patrol in their area. They even indicated "if we need to get ahold of each other, we're going to use call sign delta on the radio, it's just what we're used to." And from then on in, Team Delta Force was born. At least, that's what we called them behind their backs.
The difference between trying to work security at FEP and just about anywhere else, is that FEP is huge. 160 acres of huge. Which is why it's actually probably better to have people that have worked there on a regular basis doing the security patrols. Saying "I'm right by the windmill" to get people to your location is a lot easier than trying to say "I'm by the old, broken down windmill. If you go out to the parking lot right by the actual Fort, behind the trading post, it's up on the hill, but you sort of have to go around a back path to get up to the top."
Case in point, these guys thought they heard something at one point. They were trying to tell us where they were. "We're at the back end of the park. By the railway tracks, near the houses. By track marker 6." "Houses?" "Yeah, the residential area." "Ok, so you're back by the fort?" "No, we're in the bush." (Translation, once we figured it all out - they were way on the far side of the horse paddock by the Fort, almost out of the park and into peoples' backyards. They were probably hearing someone bbqing on their back deck). Anyone who has worked at FEP will realize just how ridiculous saying "we're in the bush" is, in terms of a landmark.
And another classic Delta Force moment - first aid was required at one point, and they were looking for a first aid kit. If they had been paying attention at the briefing, they would have known that the only people who are supposed to administer first aid are the staff (unless it's a major emergency - arterial bleeding or whatever). In spite of this, dude #3 kept insisting that his hardcore backpack was there (in spite of the fact there were already 2-3 first aid kits on site). We sent first aiders to the location. Turns out it was one of Delta Force that had managed to scrape themselves. The only real first aid issue of the evening. Go figure.
Anywho. They mellowed out last night, so maybe someone had a chat with them. Nevertheless, Delta Force provided hours of amusement mixed with intense frustration on Friday night.
So... I think I'm kind of hooked. This whole running thing is actually kind of fun. Especially now that I know that if I work towards something, slow and steady, I can do it and I can accomplish my goals (yeah, I know that's one of those basic things you learn as a kid that's supposed to stick with you, but I'm one of those people to whom things mostly come easily, and when they don't, I get frustrated and give up).
Edmonton sort of becomes dead for running in the winter, but I'm thinking of doing the Running Room's Resolution Run. Which is outdoors. In Edmonton. In the winter. I'm trying to figure out whether or not it would be appropriate to try and seek sponsorship for my choir's upcoming trip to Italy for doing something so crazy as running.... outdoors... in Edmonton... in the winter... possibly hung over from the New Year's Eve celebrations the night previous.
Not to mention that I'd get a snazzy jacket out of the deal.
This is totally weird. I never figured that I would find a physical activity that I actually liked enough to do to this extent. I even went for a run (outdoors!) on Saturday when it was -6 degrees out! It was great! And with the exception of the stomach flu that I managed to get on the weekend (nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" like being sick to your stomach), I have been feeling great lately too. Now, if it actually stops snowing tomorrow, then maybe I can go out for a run again..... If not, treadmill it is. :)
Edmonton sort of becomes dead for running in the winter, but I'm thinking of doing the Running Room's Resolution Run. Which is outdoors. In Edmonton. In the winter. I'm trying to figure out whether or not it would be appropriate to try and seek sponsorship for my choir's upcoming trip to Italy for doing something so crazy as running.... outdoors... in Edmonton... in the winter... possibly hung over from the New Year's Eve celebrations the night previous.
Not to mention that I'd get a snazzy jacket out of the deal.
This is totally weird. I never figured that I would find a physical activity that I actually liked enough to do to this extent. I even went for a run (outdoors!) on Saturday when it was -6 degrees out! It was great! And with the exception of the stomach flu that I managed to get on the weekend (nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" like being sick to your stomach), I have been feeling great lately too. Now, if it actually stops snowing tomorrow, then maybe I can go out for a run again..... If not, treadmill it is. :)
So last year a friend and I did CIBC's Run for the Cure - a 5k run in support of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. We signed up about a week before the event, didn't do much fundraising, and basically used it as an excuse to walk her dogs for the morning. It was a ton of fun, and immediately afterwards, we decided to do it again this year.
See? It was fun? Where else do you get complete stranger firefighters in pink willing to pose with you? (That's me on the bottom left, in case you're wondering. My hand is at that weird angle because we'd been trying to get the dogs to hold still - there's food in that hand)
So this year, we're more organized. There's more time to fundraise. And this year, in celebration of how much improvement and such I've made over the last year, I hope to actually RUN the 5k this year.
I realize that just about everyone and their entire family does this run, and you've probably already been hit up for donation about half a dozen times, but if you could see your way towards sponsoring me in this run, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm pretty close to my goal - if even 6 people donate $5 (that's about £2.8, or $4.5o US, or 3.25 euro), then I'm there. If you're in Canada and donate, anything $20 and up automatically received a tax receipt (under $20, you have to make sure you request the receipt when donating).
My Donation Page at the CIBC Run for the Cure can be found HERE: TTR's Page
It's a great cause, and so many people have been affected... So please, consider donating. Please.
See? It was fun? Where else do you get complete stranger firefighters in pink willing to pose with you? (That's me on the bottom left, in case you're wondering. My hand is at that weird angle because we'd been trying to get the dogs to hold still - there's food in that hand)So this year, we're more organized. There's more time to fundraise. And this year, in celebration of how much improvement and such I've made over the last year, I hope to actually RUN the 5k this year.
I realize that just about everyone and their entire family does this run, and you've probably already been hit up for donation about half a dozen times, but if you could see your way towards sponsoring me in this run, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm pretty close to my goal - if even 6 people donate $5 (that's about £2.8, or $4.5o US, or 3.25 euro), then I'm there. If you're in Canada and donate, anything $20 and up automatically received a tax receipt (under $20, you have to make sure you request the receipt when donating).
My Donation Page at the CIBC Run for the Cure can be found HERE: TTR's Page
It's a great cause, and so many people have been affected... So please, consider donating. Please.
At the end of July I was sent to Victoria for work, and then was in Vancouver towards the end of August for a day. We were conducting interviews for a BC/AB-wide process, so I didn't anticipate that I'd have much in the way of free time. I was wrong, and actually had a fair bit of time to kill in Victoria. But, of course, not anticipating free time, I hadn't taken my camera. Go figure. So I decided to try and find one of the old-school disposable cameras that used to be so amazingly awesome. I looked in drugstores, I looked in tourist shops - finally I actually went into a specialized photography store, and they had some. So I got to take some photos after all.
First, the Fairmont Empress, Victoria. As I stood outside in the sweltering 30 degree heat, I wondered what it would be like to stay in a Fairmont... I've been in the lobbies/bars/restaurants, but staying at one is really out of my budget. Little did I know that the Fairmont in some locations actually offers amazing deals for people there on government business, so I did get to stay at the Fairmont Vancouver when I was there in August. It was a hotel room like most others, so I've got to say, I'm not sure the money spent on the Fairmont name is worth it... But at least now I can say I've stayed at a Fairmont.
Totem pole across the street from the BC legislature in Victoria. There were a few of these scattered on the grounds.
Fountain at the Royal BC Musem. Super pretty. Lots of birds around, too, and relatively isolated. I was a bit sad I didn't get to go to the museum (I was going to go at one point, but it was going to close in less than an hour, and I didn't figure the $20 or whatever it was for admission was worth it).
Art Gallery in Downtown Vancouver. It was lovely.
Library Square, Vancouver. Several government offices are located in this complex. I found myself wondering if they'd gotten the idea for the architecture from the British Museum, or vice versa... Either way, the British Museum's courtyard feels much more airy and spacious, but this was still pretty cool.
First, the Fairmont Empress, Victoria. As I stood outside in the sweltering 30 degree heat, I wondered what it would be like to stay in a Fairmont... I've been in the lobbies/bars/restaurants, but staying at one is really out of my budget. Little did I know that the Fairmont in some locations actually offers amazing deals for people there on government business, so I did get to stay at the Fairmont Vancouver when I was there in August. It was a hotel room like most others, so I've got to say, I'm not sure the money spent on the Fairmont name is worth it... But at least now I can say I've stayed at a Fairmont.
Totem pole across the street from the BC legislature in Victoria. There were a few of these scattered on the grounds.
Fountain at the Royal BC Musem. Super pretty. Lots of birds around, too, and relatively isolated. I was a bit sad I didn't get to go to the museum (I was going to go at one point, but it was going to close in less than an hour, and I didn't figure the $20 or whatever it was for admission was worth it).
Art Gallery in Downtown Vancouver. It was lovely.
Library Square, Vancouver. Several government offices are located in this complex. I found myself wondering if they'd gotten the idea for the architecture from the British Museum, or vice versa... Either way, the British Museum's courtyard feels much more airy and spacious, but this was still pretty cool.
Wedding was yesterdy - it was a great time. Got to see some people I hadn't seen in a while and hang out with some others I see on a slightly more regular basis...
Totally forgot the wedding gift on my kitchen table and realized when I got to the reception location... but luckily the bride's sister lives in my building and agreed to let me drop it off at hers. Go figure.
Funny story - apparently the groom's brother had a pre-conceived notion that all the bride's friends were going to be nerdy academic types (ie: ugly). When the table I was sitting at (mostly the bride's single girl friends) got up to eat, apparently the question was "who are they?". "Bride's friends." "But they're not ugly!".
But perhaps the most amusing moment of the night came late into the evening. The bride and groom were headed out for the evening, so I decided to head out as well. As I was waiting for my cab, the bride's sister came up to me (we were standing outside the hotel with the smokers), chatting away, she mentioned that apparently the vote from the groom's entourage was that I was the "hot one".
Boost to the self-esteem in a sort of junior-high-esque way. :)
Totally forgot the wedding gift on my kitchen table and realized when I got to the reception location... but luckily the bride's sister lives in my building and agreed to let me drop it off at hers. Go figure.
Funny story - apparently the groom's brother had a pre-conceived notion that all the bride's friends were going to be nerdy academic types (ie: ugly). When the table I was sitting at (mostly the bride's single girl friends) got up to eat, apparently the question was "who are they?". "Bride's friends." "But they're not ugly!".
But perhaps the most amusing moment of the night came late into the evening. The bride and groom were headed out for the evening, so I decided to head out as well. As I was waiting for my cab, the bride's sister came up to me (we were standing outside the hotel with the smokers), chatting away, she mentioned that apparently the vote from the groom's entourage was that I was the "hot one".
Boost to the self-esteem in a sort of junior-high-esque way. :)
***Squeamish about blood and/or needles? Skip the first four paragraphs***
I had an interesting day yesterday. I tried to give blood for the first time in about a year (I was on the do-not-call list for a while due to low iron). But they set up a mobile clinic right in my workplace yesterday, so I figured I'd give it another go.
As I was sitting, waiting for the nurse to ask the horribly invasive personal questions that ensure my blood won't horribly infect someone else, I noticed that one of my staff was out there donating blood, too. Good for him, I thought. But more on this later.
My Iron levels were fine, things were looking good... I got so far as the chair, arm outstretched, veins looking good (I'd made sure to eat and drink a lot of water before going - I was pretty proud of myself). So they poke my arm, and things are feeling norm... oh, wait. That _hurt_. Not just the normal 'oh dear, there's a 2-inch needle in my arm' discomfort, but actual pain. And then came the fun words from the nurse poking me "your vein moved. We've got enough that you can keep going, but we could re-start if it's not going to be comfortable". I sucked it up. I said "as long as you can keep that needle from moving around, I'll be ok, 'cuz it's only when it moves that it really hurts." So we kept going.
Normally, once the needle's in, I'm done in, like, 4 minutes. As I watched the # of grams creep slowly, slowly upwards on that bag (yes, I'm one of those people that doesn't mind watching my blood bleed (normally quickly) slowly out of me). I realized it was going to take forever, so I settled in for the long haul. Cuddled my sweater, laid back, staring at the ceiling (the one time I didn't take a book with me!), imagining all the workers above... And then I started to feel nauseous. Normally that wouldn't bother me. I know I'm not going to puke, and usually when I start feeling nauseous after donating blood, I'm thisclose to finishing, so they can take the needle out, finish up, and then deal with my physical issues. Not this time. After only about 250 grams (out of 500-something a person actually donates to create a unit), I started to feel sweaty and gross - a very good sign I'm about to pass out. I fought it for about 30 seconds, then signalled the nurse. We had to stop.
I realize that most of this is beyond my control, but I still feel guilty whenever I can't manage to donate blood. I feel like I've wasted the time of the nurses/staff on duty, and I feel like there's something wrong with me that I'm not strong enough to do it. Completely irrational, I know, but such is the way things work inside my head.
10 minutes, some cold compresses, and a juice box later, I was feeling fine and was about to be back on my feet. At that point, though, a coworker and another staff member walked by (as I was finishing up recovery), and asked about the staff member I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I pointed him out and it suddenly dawned on me that he was actually still there. Turns out the poor guy had not only passed out when he finished donating, but also passed out a second time when they tried to sit him up. He was out of commission for the rest of the day - sent home in a cab to his waiting girlfriend.
So on the downside - no blood donation. On the upside, extra long lunch hour for me!
Yesterday also marked my last dayon my old assignment. I moved my stuff into my new office yesterday afternoon, which was super fun, especially when trying not to use my left arm (no lifting after a blood donation, remember!). There are several pros and cons to this whole new office thing.
Pros: new team to mold to my evil ways, new office with actual walls up to the ceiling, door, and privacy!, new challenge and new learning opportunities
Cons: new team that may not mold to my evil ways, no natural light, no window to gaze out, and my old team with all their humour and hard work does not get to follow me down to the cave (as I'm affectionately calling my new office - it's in the basement, but it's brand new and absolutely lovely).
So all in all, as I've said in other forums, it was a mediocre day.
I had an interesting day yesterday. I tried to give blood for the first time in about a year (I was on the do-not-call list for a while due to low iron). But they set up a mobile clinic right in my workplace yesterday, so I figured I'd give it another go.
As I was sitting, waiting for the nurse to ask the horribly invasive personal questions that ensure my blood won't horribly infect someone else, I noticed that one of my staff was out there donating blood, too. Good for him, I thought. But more on this later.
My Iron levels were fine, things were looking good... I got so far as the chair, arm outstretched, veins looking good (I'd made sure to eat and drink a lot of water before going - I was pretty proud of myself). So they poke my arm, and things are feeling norm... oh, wait. That _hurt_. Not just the normal 'oh dear, there's a 2-inch needle in my arm' discomfort, but actual pain. And then came the fun words from the nurse poking me "your vein moved. We've got enough that you can keep going, but we could re-start if it's not going to be comfortable". I sucked it up. I said "as long as you can keep that needle from moving around, I'll be ok, 'cuz it's only when it moves that it really hurts." So we kept going.
Normally, once the needle's in, I'm done in, like, 4 minutes. As I watched the # of grams creep slowly, slowly upwards on that bag (yes, I'm one of those people that doesn't mind watching my blood bleed (normally quickly) slowly out of me). I realized it was going to take forever, so I settled in for the long haul. Cuddled my sweater, laid back, staring at the ceiling (the one time I didn't take a book with me!), imagining all the workers above... And then I started to feel nauseous. Normally that wouldn't bother me. I know I'm not going to puke, and usually when I start feeling nauseous after donating blood, I'm thisclose to finishing, so they can take the needle out, finish up, and then deal with my physical issues. Not this time. After only about 250 grams (out of 500-something a person actually donates to create a unit), I started to feel sweaty and gross - a very good sign I'm about to pass out. I fought it for about 30 seconds, then signalled the nurse. We had to stop.
I realize that most of this is beyond my control, but I still feel guilty whenever I can't manage to donate blood. I feel like I've wasted the time of the nurses/staff on duty, and I feel like there's something wrong with me that I'm not strong enough to do it. Completely irrational, I know, but such is the way things work inside my head.
10 minutes, some cold compresses, and a juice box later, I was feeling fine and was about to be back on my feet. At that point, though, a coworker and another staff member walked by (as I was finishing up recovery), and asked about the staff member I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I pointed him out and it suddenly dawned on me that he was actually still there. Turns out the poor guy had not only passed out when he finished donating, but also passed out a second time when they tried to sit him up. He was out of commission for the rest of the day - sent home in a cab to his waiting girlfriend.
So on the downside - no blood donation. On the upside, extra long lunch hour for me!
Yesterday also marked my last dayon my old assignment. I moved my stuff into my new office yesterday afternoon, which was super fun, especially when trying not to use my left arm (no lifting after a blood donation, remember!). There are several pros and cons to this whole new office thing.
Pros: new team to mold to my evil ways, new office with actual walls up to the ceiling, door, and privacy!, new challenge and new learning opportunities
Cons: new team that may not mold to my evil ways, no natural light, no window to gaze out, and my old team with all their humour and hard work does not get to follow me down to the cave (as I'm affectionately calling my new office - it's in the basement, but it's brand new and absolutely lovely).
So all in all, as I've said in other forums, it was a mediocre day.
So I went to the Fringe on Friday night with a couple of friends that I hadn't seen in a while.
Props to the cast and crew of both LoveHateKill and Bashir Lazhar - go see them if you can!
But while we were munching on dinner before hand, I asked one, with whom I've been in very poor touch over the last couple of years, what she was up to these days.
"I'm getting married and having babies, just like everyone else" she deadpanned.
I bought it for the first five words, and was even trying to sneakily look at her ring finger, but then the babies bit came out and I knew she was totally kidding. Later in the evening, we decided that "buying a condo" should also be added into that generic phrase - either before or after getting married, depending on preference.
I went to a friend's bridal shower this p.m., so that little adage friend #1 shared at dinner on Friday was hitting a little closer to home.
That's not to say that I want to get married, buy a condo, and have babies. Rather the opposite, in fact (except maybe the buying a condo bit... but I need to either win the lottery or have some unknown, long-lost rich relative kick the bucket first). And fortunately I'm blessed with a family and friends that don't ask the awkward "so when are you going to meet a nice man and settle down" question at social gatherings. But with most of my friends at the very least meeting 1 of the criteria listed, if not two, or, in some cases all three (in various combinations - the most popular being the married and a condo/house... fortunately not too many having kids yet), I've noticed that couple-y language is the norm, and when you're one of the only people saying "I" in a room full of "we", you stand out a bit.
But I've whined about this before. Ah well. Like I said in the last post, I've gotten a bit more comfortable in my own skin. Unlike some previous posts, this isn't really a wish to find a significant other. This isn't a "oh, I wish I had what everyone else is having" post (especially not in regards to kids *shudder*).
It's just a short, quick lament for the days when "I" was the norm.
Ps - Bridal Shower was awesome. Low key, no pressure to play silly toilet paper games - and I even won a prize for best score on a "guess how old the bride is in these photos" game. Woot! I can't wait for the hen party next weekend and the wedding the weekend after. And since I know the bride reads this blog from time to time, yes, the love in the house was amazing - but you absolutely deserve it. You're amazing, and I can't tell you how much happiness I wish you.
Props to the cast and crew of both LoveHateKill and Bashir Lazhar - go see them if you can!
But while we were munching on dinner before hand, I asked one, with whom I've been in very poor touch over the last couple of years, what she was up to these days.
"I'm getting married and having babies, just like everyone else" she deadpanned.
I bought it for the first five words, and was even trying to sneakily look at her ring finger, but then the babies bit came out and I knew she was totally kidding. Later in the evening, we decided that "buying a condo" should also be added into that generic phrase - either before or after getting married, depending on preference.
I went to a friend's bridal shower this p.m., so that little adage friend #1 shared at dinner on Friday was hitting a little closer to home.
That's not to say that I want to get married, buy a condo, and have babies. Rather the opposite, in fact (except maybe the buying a condo bit... but I need to either win the lottery or have some unknown, long-lost rich relative kick the bucket first). And fortunately I'm blessed with a family and friends that don't ask the awkward "so when are you going to meet a nice man and settle down" question at social gatherings. But with most of my friends at the very least meeting 1 of the criteria listed, if not two, or, in some cases all three (in various combinations - the most popular being the married and a condo/house... fortunately not too many having kids yet), I've noticed that couple-y language is the norm, and when you're one of the only people saying "I" in a room full of "we", you stand out a bit.
But I've whined about this before. Ah well. Like I said in the last post, I've gotten a bit more comfortable in my own skin. Unlike some previous posts, this isn't really a wish to find a significant other. This isn't a "oh, I wish I had what everyone else is having" post (especially not in regards to kids *shudder*).
It's just a short, quick lament for the days when "I" was the norm.
Ps - Bridal Shower was awesome. Low key, no pressure to play silly toilet paper games - and I even won a prize for best score on a "guess how old the bride is in these photos" game. Woot! I can't wait for the hen party next weekend and the wedding the weekend after. And since I know the bride reads this blog from time to time, yes, the love in the house was amazing - but you absolutely deserve it. You're amazing, and I can't tell you how much happiness I wish you.
So I got sick of the old template. I mean, it's been nearly four years... it was time for a change.
This coincides with a change in my job - I'll be staying in Edmonton, but shifting responsibilities within my organisation next week. I'm looking forward to it.
I was in Victoria and Vancouver a couple of weeks ago - totally forgot to take my camera, so had to buy a disposable, old-fashioned film camera. I can't wait to see how the photos turn out. I will certainly scan and post some when I get them back.
I'm also hoping that there's some good news on the old photo front. When I first when to England, I took my parents' digital camera. It was crap. I didn't like it. I especially didn't like it when the camera did something stupid and weird and deleted ALL my photos from my first three months living in England from off the camera. I was not impressed. And of course, I hadn't downloaded them to my computer. And then it did the same thing to my parents after they went to England. All their photos from that trip, gone. But now McBain is offering a service whereby they can try and retrieve old photos from your memory cards that seem to have been deleted. I'm hopeful that we may recover some of them at least! At $10, it's worth a shot ($35 if they manage to recover anything).
It's been a busy few weeks, as per usual. Work hasn't been too nuts, but other things are popping up. I have another friend getting married this summer - and in contrast to the previous wedding I attended, I'm actually quite looking forward to this one. I think it's 'cuz my self-confidence has been hugely bolstered over the last year. I've managed to handle a program under the scrutiny of the ADM, I've dropped 2-3 sizes, depending on which clothing company you talk to, and I've learned a lot about myself, and most of it for the better. I have a car now, which gives me so much more freedom, and I'm just feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin.
I'm trying to decide whether or not to sing with RES again this year. They have a great program lined up, but given the financial and time commitments they're asking this year, combined with the fact that the friend I normally attended with is not returning, are making it a less appealing option. I'm looking into alternatives - Magnolia, I may be hitting you up for Musical Theatre ideas, depending on how things pan out.
For now, I offer you this - the view from my balcony during a recent rainfall:
This coincides with a change in my job - I'll be staying in Edmonton, but shifting responsibilities within my organisation next week. I'm looking forward to it.
I was in Victoria and Vancouver a couple of weeks ago - totally forgot to take my camera, so had to buy a disposable, old-fashioned film camera. I can't wait to see how the photos turn out. I will certainly scan and post some when I get them back.
I'm also hoping that there's some good news on the old photo front. When I first when to England, I took my parents' digital camera. It was crap. I didn't like it. I especially didn't like it when the camera did something stupid and weird and deleted ALL my photos from my first three months living in England from off the camera. I was not impressed. And of course, I hadn't downloaded them to my computer. And then it did the same thing to my parents after they went to England. All their photos from that trip, gone. But now McBain is offering a service whereby they can try and retrieve old photos from your memory cards that seem to have been deleted. I'm hopeful that we may recover some of them at least! At $10, it's worth a shot ($35 if they manage to recover anything).
It's been a busy few weeks, as per usual. Work hasn't been too nuts, but other things are popping up. I have another friend getting married this summer - and in contrast to the previous wedding I attended, I'm actually quite looking forward to this one. I think it's 'cuz my self-confidence has been hugely bolstered over the last year. I've managed to handle a program under the scrutiny of the ADM, I've dropped 2-3 sizes, depending on which clothing company you talk to, and I've learned a lot about myself, and most of it for the better. I have a car now, which gives me so much more freedom, and I'm just feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin.
I'm trying to decide whether or not to sing with RES again this year. They have a great program lined up, but given the financial and time commitments they're asking this year, combined with the fact that the friend I normally attended with is not returning, are making it a less appealing option. I'm looking into alternatives - Magnolia, I may be hitting you up for Musical Theatre ideas, depending on how things pan out.
For now, I offer you this - the view from my balcony during a recent rainfall:
07Jul2009
So I've just come back from a trip to Ontario. It was another trip to Goderich (you may recall some talk about this from a while ago... In this entry, to be precise... This time my grandmother just turned 95 years old (on Sunday). And it was less face time... but that's ok.
Anywho, got in to London, ON at about 4:20 p.m. on Friday evening. My parents were meant to be picking me up. No parents. Odd. So I waited, and they finally showed up about 20 mins later, explaining that it took them rather longer to get to London than they'd thought from Goderich - traffic and the like. My grandmother was with them in the car, which was fine... but she can't hear very well, and so it felt like I was shouting whenever I talked to her (this was a pattern for the weekend - the advantage being that if we wanted to talk about anything without her hearing, we just had to lower our voices a little).
She decided we needed to have dinner at this little truck stop about halfway between London and Goderich. It was ... um... food. Not great. Kind of sketchy, in fact, but it was super cheap. My fish and chips were only 7 bucks. But whatever, it was food, and after a day of airplane travel, it was welcome.
I'd decided to stay at a hotel this time, rather than at grandma's. Which was fine, but the walls were superthin and I could hear the conversations in the room next to me relatively well. Ah well. Could have been worse, I'm sure.
On Saturday I was up at 9, had a quick breakfast at the hotel (continental breakfast was included), and then went for a run. I decided to run the beach. My god. When you see this on your morning run, what else do you need?
Yup, it was pretty damn awesome. The afternoon was spent at a craft show with my parents, and out running errands.
Sunday I repeated the morning routine, this time taking my camera (hence the photos). The afternoon was spent at the Huron County Gaol, which I hadn't visited since I was a kid.
On a completely random note, I'd mentioned back a while ago that I'd not come across any cases of individuals being decapitated whilst being hanged.
Turns out that's a result of the 'innovation' of long-drop hangings (which happened after the time period that I studied). I learned one heck of a lot at the gaol.
So there ya go. If they used long-drop hanging on Saddam Hussein, quite possible and not at all fishy.
Anywho, this educational experience was followed by my grandmother's 95th birthday dinner at the White Carnation in Holmesville - a passable buffet. Afterwards, I went and attempted to capture some of the sunset over the lake...
'Twas lovely.
So I've just come back from a trip to Ontario. It was another trip to Goderich (you may recall some talk about this from a while ago... In this entry, to be precise... This time my grandmother just turned 95 years old (on Sunday). And it was less face time... but that's ok.
Anywho, got in to London, ON at about 4:20 p.m. on Friday evening. My parents were meant to be picking me up. No parents. Odd. So I waited, and they finally showed up about 20 mins later, explaining that it took them rather longer to get to London than they'd thought from Goderich - traffic and the like. My grandmother was with them in the car, which was fine... but she can't hear very well, and so it felt like I was shouting whenever I talked to her (this was a pattern for the weekend - the advantage being that if we wanted to talk about anything without her hearing, we just had to lower our voices a little).
She decided we needed to have dinner at this little truck stop about halfway between London and Goderich. It was ... um... food. Not great. Kind of sketchy, in fact, but it was super cheap. My fish and chips were only 7 bucks. But whatever, it was food, and after a day of airplane travel, it was welcome.
I'd decided to stay at a hotel this time, rather than at grandma's. Which was fine, but the walls were superthin and I could hear the conversations in the room next to me relatively well. Ah well. Could have been worse, I'm sure.
On Saturday I was up at 9, had a quick breakfast at the hotel (continental breakfast was included), and then went for a run. I decided to run the beach. My god. When you see this on your morning run, what else do you need?
Yup, it was pretty damn awesome. The afternoon was spent at a craft show with my parents, and out running errands.
Sunday I repeated the morning routine, this time taking my camera (hence the photos). The afternoon was spent at the Huron County Gaol, which I hadn't visited since I was a kid.
On a completely random note, I'd mentioned back a while ago that I'd not come across any cases of individuals being decapitated whilst being hanged.
Turns out that's a result of the 'innovation' of long-drop hangings (which happened after the time period that I studied). I learned one heck of a lot at the gaol.
So there ya go. If they used long-drop hanging on Saddam Hussein, quite possible and not at all fishy.
Anywho, this educational experience was followed by my grandmother's 95th birthday dinner at the White Carnation in Holmesville - a passable buffet. Afterwards, I went and attempted to capture some of the sunset over the lake...
'Twas lovely.
So. Today started well. I got to the airport with few delays (a miracle in and of itself, as it's construction season, after all, and the airport is south of downtown, and I live downtown, and all the construction is between me and the airport...).
So what's the first thing that happens when I get there? I walk in the door and who should be wandering his way through the baggage carousel but one of the ex's friends. He works for Border Services, I should really have expected it... so I did the "mature" thing and pretended I didn't see him and became horribly engrossed in the arrivals/departures board. It's the first time I've seen one of the boy's friends since the breakup - I've even sort of avoided our mutual friends to a certain extent. Which is not good. Going to have to face it at some point, but what can you do?
So then, I'm sitting in the lounge waiting for the plane to Calgary to board (why it was cheaper to fly to Calgary and THEN to Saskatoon, I don't know, but whatever), when who should show but a former boss. That made waiting much more pleasant as at least then there was someone to talk to - and I do like her.
So then, I get to Calgary, and I'm waiting for the next plane, and I turn around and there are two cops walking towards me. One of them had his face hidden behind a tall person sitting near me, but for about 2 seconds, I actually thought it WAS the ex. After all, the airport's in his division. Thankfully it wasn't, but that was near panic-worthy.
So then, I get to Saskatoon, and the waterpark/swimming pool here at the hotel is closed for the week. I think the gym is still open, though, so no excuses there.
And then I realize I've forgotten my camera, so I will have no proof that Saskatoon is much nicer in June than in February.
And now I am waiting for a friend to pick me up for dinner. Yay!
So what's the first thing that happens when I get there? I walk in the door and who should be wandering his way through the baggage carousel but one of the ex's friends. He works for Border Services, I should really have expected it... so I did the "mature" thing and pretended I didn't see him and became horribly engrossed in the arrivals/departures board. It's the first time I've seen one of the boy's friends since the breakup - I've even sort of avoided our mutual friends to a certain extent. Which is not good. Going to have to face it at some point, but what can you do?
So then, I'm sitting in the lounge waiting for the plane to Calgary to board (why it was cheaper to fly to Calgary and THEN to Saskatoon, I don't know, but whatever), when who should show but a former boss. That made waiting much more pleasant as at least then there was someone to talk to - and I do like her.
So then, I get to Calgary, and I'm waiting for the next plane, and I turn around and there are two cops walking towards me. One of them had his face hidden behind a tall person sitting near me, but for about 2 seconds, I actually thought it WAS the ex. After all, the airport's in his division. Thankfully it wasn't, but that was near panic-worthy.
So then, I get to Saskatoon, and the waterpark/swimming pool here at the hotel is closed for the week. I think the gym is still open, though, so no excuses there.
And then I realize I've forgotten my camera, so I will have no proof that Saskatoon is much nicer in June than in February.
And now I am waiting for a friend to pick me up for dinner. Yay!
30May09
On Monday, the boy and I had a conversation over MSN about how I might potentially be moving to Ottawa in the fall. He said something that really got to me. "I hope I'm not influencing your decision on this." I made some flippant reply about how that was a loaded statement, deftly avoiding the unasked question, and continued the conversation.
But it got me thinking.
He's super nice. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. But you can't build a relationship on avoiding causing pain to others. We don't really talk any more. It's down to pleasantries like "how was your day?" "How's the weather?" and other such mundane things. When he said he was coming up this weekend, my first thought was not "oh, yay!" but rather just "oh". He's definitely more into the whole thing than I am. And as one of my friends said, when a guy spills his feelings to you and all you can think to say is "Thanks" and look for the door, there's definitely something wrong.
I'm not comfortable having him in my space any more. Whether it's my apartment or my personal space. I realize that most of the blame in this is probably mine, for not speaking up sooner when things were making me uncomfortable, for not pointing out that I thought things were moving too fast. But looking back (hindsight is always 20-20, right?) I realize that there were all sorts of things I should have done differently.
I should have realized that when we had the same conversation about tea back before we were dating, almost word-for-word, THREE separate times (yes, I even went back through my MSN message history in analyzing this relationship), that we would probably quickly run out of things to talk about. When we'd been dating for a whole month and he said that he "accidentally" referred to me as his girlfriend to coworkers, I should have told him that made me uncomfortable and that while I was flattered, I needed more time. I should have never let him take for granted that he could use my space here. I shouldn't have gone on a week's vacation with the guy after only seeing him for 5 months (my mother had half-jokingly told me that if we made it through the week, we might make it in the relationship - further proof that you should always listen to your mother, people!). When we had our first discussion about how I needed space, I should have just ended it there rather than trying to avoid hurting his feelings by telling him I didn't feel the same intensity of emotion for him as he did for me.
So, it was with all these things in mind that I broke up with him today. I think I made the decision on Tuesday, and the rest of the week, waiting for him to be here so I could do it in person rather than being a 21st century idiot and doing it over the phone or by MSN (god forbid).
He's taken it well - well, as well as can be expected. He said it wasn't unexpected, which is good, I guess - better that he had some preparation rather than simply throwing a bucket of ice water on him. I avoided using most of the cheesy breakup lines (although I did basically give him the it's-not-you-its-me reason, which is true - he's a great guy and I wish him all the best), and it ended with him asking if I'd still talk to him, so I'm hopeful that there may be a friendship salvageable there. Only time will tell. He asked if I had any regrets - and the answer is yes, but only because I didn't speak up sooner and let it drag out this long. I don't regret any of the time that I spent with him. We did, after all, have a great time...
In short, I'm feeling kinda shitty and like a horrible person because I've hurt him, but mostly good. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can get on with my life.
In other disturbing news, my dad's skin cancer is back. They removed a huge chunk of his face a while back, but looks like they got it all. Prayers/thoughts/vibes/whatever would be greatly appreciated.
And work is stupid busy again, but I get a two-week "vacation" as I attend two training sessions - one in E-Town this week and one in Saskatoon next week.
In other news, our choir had its final conert of the season last night - it went beautifully, I think. For more info on the program you can check out the associate director's blog at Podium Speak (see his May 29 post). John had taken over the main conducting duties this year as the usual director was on sabattical. I was especially excited about the Sirett piece, as Dr. Sirett was my first ever choir director nearly 20 years ago (oh, dear god, I feel old all of a sudden - it really doesn't seem that long ago that I was a little chorister at St. George's...). The Bruckner went off wonderfully (as he seems to have written in an update today), which was the most worrisome bit...
If I do end up moving to Ottawa, I think it'll be one of the things I miss most. Although having said that, my Dad recently made a comment about how he wondered if I actually enjoyed the choir, since most of the people in it are twice my age. He's right, and I think if I stay in E-Town I might find another choir to work with - the great thing about RES, though, is that it's a huge choir and you get to do all sorts of works that require the power and volume you simply can't get from a smaller choir. I don't know if I could do it if the John's wife (who used to be my boss and who I'm now happy to call a friend) wasn't in the choir as well. I have to re-audition for the choir on Thursday this coming week, and will make it known to the usual director that I may be moving in the fall, but we'll see how it goes - even if I don't move, I don't know if I'll stay with the choir and may look for other things, especially if John's wife leaves, which she's thinking about doing. But as I said to John last night, this year has been a slice, and I've greatly enjoyed it, in spite of moments of frustration (mostly with other choir members and their lack of respect/tact... but that's another blog post for later).
I'll be off to dinner with a friend this evening, and possibly out for another friend's birthday afterwards... Looking forward to it! In spite of the slight low of today, things are looking greatly up.
On Monday, the boy and I had a conversation over MSN about how I might potentially be moving to Ottawa in the fall. He said something that really got to me. "I hope I'm not influencing your decision on this." I made some flippant reply about how that was a loaded statement, deftly avoiding the unasked question, and continued the conversation.
But it got me thinking.
He's super nice. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. But you can't build a relationship on avoiding causing pain to others. We don't really talk any more. It's down to pleasantries like "how was your day?" "How's the weather?" and other such mundane things. When he said he was coming up this weekend, my first thought was not "oh, yay!" but rather just "oh". He's definitely more into the whole thing than I am. And as one of my friends said, when a guy spills his feelings to you and all you can think to say is "Thanks" and look for the door, there's definitely something wrong.
I'm not comfortable having him in my space any more. Whether it's my apartment or my personal space. I realize that most of the blame in this is probably mine, for not speaking up sooner when things were making me uncomfortable, for not pointing out that I thought things were moving too fast. But looking back (hindsight is always 20-20, right?) I realize that there were all sorts of things I should have done differently.
I should have realized that when we had the same conversation about tea back before we were dating, almost word-for-word, THREE separate times (yes, I even went back through my MSN message history in analyzing this relationship), that we would probably quickly run out of things to talk about. When we'd been dating for a whole month and he said that he "accidentally" referred to me as his girlfriend to coworkers, I should have told him that made me uncomfortable and that while I was flattered, I needed more time. I should have never let him take for granted that he could use my space here. I shouldn't have gone on a week's vacation with the guy after only seeing him for 5 months (my mother had half-jokingly told me that if we made it through the week, we might make it in the relationship - further proof that you should always listen to your mother, people!). When we had our first discussion about how I needed space, I should have just ended it there rather than trying to avoid hurting his feelings by telling him I didn't feel the same intensity of emotion for him as he did for me.
So, it was with all these things in mind that I broke up with him today. I think I made the decision on Tuesday, and the rest of the week, waiting for him to be here so I could do it in person rather than being a 21st century idiot and doing it over the phone or by MSN (god forbid).
He's taken it well - well, as well as can be expected. He said it wasn't unexpected, which is good, I guess - better that he had some preparation rather than simply throwing a bucket of ice water on him. I avoided using most of the cheesy breakup lines (although I did basically give him the it's-not-you-its-me reason, which is true - he's a great guy and I wish him all the best), and it ended with him asking if I'd still talk to him, so I'm hopeful that there may be a friendship salvageable there. Only time will tell. He asked if I had any regrets - and the answer is yes, but only because I didn't speak up sooner and let it drag out this long. I don't regret any of the time that I spent with him. We did, after all, have a great time...
In short, I'm feeling kinda shitty and like a horrible person because I've hurt him, but mostly good. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can get on with my life.
In other disturbing news, my dad's skin cancer is back. They removed a huge chunk of his face a while back, but looks like they got it all. Prayers/thoughts/vibes/whatever would be greatly appreciated.
And work is stupid busy again, but I get a two-week "vacation" as I attend two training sessions - one in E-Town this week and one in Saskatoon next week.
In other news, our choir had its final conert of the season last night - it went beautifully, I think. For more info on the program you can check out the associate director's blog at Podium Speak (see his May 29 post). John had taken over the main conducting duties this year as the usual director was on sabattical. I was especially excited about the Sirett piece, as Dr. Sirett was my first ever choir director nearly 20 years ago (oh, dear god, I feel old all of a sudden - it really doesn't seem that long ago that I was a little chorister at St. George's...). The Bruckner went off wonderfully (as he seems to have written in an update today), which was the most worrisome bit...
If I do end up moving to Ottawa, I think it'll be one of the things I miss most. Although having said that, my Dad recently made a comment about how he wondered if I actually enjoyed the choir, since most of the people in it are twice my age. He's right, and I think if I stay in E-Town I might find another choir to work with - the great thing about RES, though, is that it's a huge choir and you get to do all sorts of works that require the power and volume you simply can't get from a smaller choir. I don't know if I could do it if the John's wife (who used to be my boss and who I'm now happy to call a friend) wasn't in the choir as well. I have to re-audition for the choir on Thursday this coming week, and will make it known to the usual director that I may be moving in the fall, but we'll see how it goes - even if I don't move, I don't know if I'll stay with the choir and may look for other things, especially if John's wife leaves, which she's thinking about doing. But as I said to John last night, this year has been a slice, and I've greatly enjoyed it, in spite of moments of frustration (mostly with other choir members and their lack of respect/tact... but that's another blog post for later).
I'll be off to dinner with a friend this evening, and possibly out for another friend's birthday afterwards... Looking forward to it! In spite of the slight low of today, things are looking greatly up.
24May2009
Having been at work pretty much non-stop for the last 5 months, and having to deal with entertaining the boy in between has meant that I've neglected a few friendships.
Fortunately I have two best friends that understand that even if I don't spend time with them all that often (literally months have passed in some cases), I still appreciate them and like them.
So Friday night it was down to a friend's place (I drove the new car! I'm still loving that I can do that!) for snack and chatting and such, then yesterday over to another friend's place for a run, food, and general games-y goodness.
The run was great - first time I've run outdoors in an extremely long time, and I'm thrilled with my fitness level. It would have killed me if I'd attempted it a year ago, but now I was able to keep up with my friend. I am, however, feeling the impact in my bones today - which is the one disadvantage to running on pavement rather than on a treadmill. Still, I think I shall have to do it more often as the summer progresses. :)
Having been at work pretty much non-stop for the last 5 months, and having to deal with entertaining the boy in between has meant that I've neglected a few friendships.
Fortunately I have two best friends that understand that even if I don't spend time with them all that often (literally months have passed in some cases), I still appreciate them and like them.
So Friday night it was down to a friend's place (I drove the new car! I'm still loving that I can do that!) for snack and chatting and such, then yesterday over to another friend's place for a run, food, and general games-y goodness.
The run was great - first time I've run outdoors in an extremely long time, and I'm thrilled with my fitness level. It would have killed me if I'd attempted it a year ago, but now I was able to keep up with my friend. I am, however, feeling the impact in my bones today - which is the one disadvantage to running on pavement rather than on a treadmill. Still, I think I shall have to do it more often as the summer progresses. :)
15May2009
Blogger is today telling me that I haven't posted here in 2 months. Holy crap, that's nuts. And there's been a fair bit of stuff going down... So let's see...
March: continued explosion of Work. When you work in employment programs, that's the downside of a recession - your services are more in demand than ever. I did, however, manage to sneak away and get to Ottawa again for training. It was a good week, and it was a nice break from work. Not a vacation by any means, but definitely a nice break. One of the guys I'm on training with (same bunch of supernice people I met in September) finally posted some photos from back in September - we met Carlo Rota one night while we were there, so here ya go!
That's me on the right. Plus three of my colleagues. Woot!
April was fairly work-filled as well. Lots and lots of work. I have a three-day weekend this weekend (yay for Queen Victoria!) and it's the first time that I can recall having more than one day off in any given week in a very long time.
I did, however, go on a trip with the boy in April - we went to Jasper, Kamloops, Kelowna, and Banff... And it went well. Until we hit Banff. I'm not sure what happened, entirely, but something just snapped, and I realized that he was the one thing in my life that was stressing me out a bit that I could either cut back on or get rid of. Working up the courage to tell him that was another matter entirely. You see, he'd more or less moved in over the course of March/April - any time he was in town, my place was where he stayed. And the problem is that I'm an only child. I haven't shared my space, much less my bed with anyone in years. And years. And years. I couldn't take it any more - I just felt... like it was an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. Not to mention that I couldn't sleep properly when he was around, and when I get tired, I become an emotional wreck. I was about thisclose to calling my workplace's 24-hour crisis line a few times.
Having said that, I still like the guy. A lot. I just can't handle having him around all the time. So after the vacation, I told him that. I was in tears and a total wreck the entire time, but I got it out eventually. He took it stunningly well (after all, isn't "I need space" a classic breakup line?), left, went back to his town a few days earlier than he'd intended, and I thought things were better, that he understood that I needed space.
Next time he was up, he more or less moved right back in. Had the conversation again and this time told him outright that while I still enjoyed his company, I needed to take about six steps back and just go back to dating rather than living together. At the end of the night, a kiss goodbye would be it, but then he'd have to go find somewhere else to sleep. Again, he took it surprisingly well, and this is the first weekend I'll see him again after that conversation, so we'll see. We're more or less still together, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm a classic introvert, and for every hour I spend with other people I need an hour or two to just be alone and recover - I'm beginning to wonder if I'm meant for a relationship.
Throw the fact that I may well be moving halfway across the country into the equation and I'm wondering if it would be more merciful to just end it now... but if I stay, I don't want to totally throw this away just yet...
Anywho, enough about that.
May has been busy. It involved a performance with my choir as part of the Edmonton Symphony's presentation of Holst's "Planets". Which was pretty cool. We only had to sing for about 4 minutes in the entire show, at the very end, and weren't actually on stage, so we got to wear jeans and t-shirts and such. Apparently it sounded pretty awesome.
And the other big news for May is that I bought a car! I've never owned a vehicle before, so this was a huge step. Meet my baby!
Ok, yes, I know, it's a shitty photo, but what can you do with only a camera cell phone?! She's a 2008 Kia Rio 5, and is pretty loaded - power everything, heated seats (which is important here in Alberta... heck, in Canada even)... the only thing she doesn't have that I would have wanted is cruise, but I'm not going to be that picky. I love her! Now I just have to figure out the best way to hook my iPod up to the stereo - there's a USB connection that I'd have to find the proper cable for, she's (maybe?) got Bluetooth that I could buy a transmitter for, I could go for the FM transmitter, or there's always a good old 3.5mm aux cable (the same size as most headphone jacks).
I've just learned that I'm headed back to Saskatoon in June for some more training - should be pretty interesting! Saskatoon in February was not so fun, Saskatoon in June may be more exciting.
And that is all!
Blogger is today telling me that I haven't posted here in 2 months. Holy crap, that's nuts. And there's been a fair bit of stuff going down... So let's see...
March: continued explosion of Work. When you work in employment programs, that's the downside of a recession - your services are more in demand than ever. I did, however, manage to sneak away and get to Ottawa again for training. It was a good week, and it was a nice break from work. Not a vacation by any means, but definitely a nice break. One of the guys I'm on training with (same bunch of supernice people I met in September) finally posted some photos from back in September - we met Carlo Rota one night while we were there, so here ya go!
That's me on the right. Plus three of my colleagues. Woot!
April was fairly work-filled as well. Lots and lots of work. I have a three-day weekend this weekend (yay for Queen Victoria!) and it's the first time that I can recall having more than one day off in any given week in a very long time.
I did, however, go on a trip with the boy in April - we went to Jasper, Kamloops, Kelowna, and Banff... And it went well. Until we hit Banff. I'm not sure what happened, entirely, but something just snapped, and I realized that he was the one thing in my life that was stressing me out a bit that I could either cut back on or get rid of. Working up the courage to tell him that was another matter entirely. You see, he'd more or less moved in over the course of March/April - any time he was in town, my place was where he stayed. And the problem is that I'm an only child. I haven't shared my space, much less my bed with anyone in years. And years. And years. I couldn't take it any more - I just felt... like it was an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. Not to mention that I couldn't sleep properly when he was around, and when I get tired, I become an emotional wreck. I was about thisclose to calling my workplace's 24-hour crisis line a few times.
Having said that, I still like the guy. A lot. I just can't handle having him around all the time. So after the vacation, I told him that. I was in tears and a total wreck the entire time, but I got it out eventually. He took it stunningly well (after all, isn't "I need space" a classic breakup line?), left, went back to his town a few days earlier than he'd intended, and I thought things were better, that he understood that I needed space.
Next time he was up, he more or less moved right back in. Had the conversation again and this time told him outright that while I still enjoyed his company, I needed to take about six steps back and just go back to dating rather than living together. At the end of the night, a kiss goodbye would be it, but then he'd have to go find somewhere else to sleep. Again, he took it surprisingly well, and this is the first weekend I'll see him again after that conversation, so we'll see. We're more or less still together, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm a classic introvert, and for every hour I spend with other people I need an hour or two to just be alone and recover - I'm beginning to wonder if I'm meant for a relationship.
Throw the fact that I may well be moving halfway across the country into the equation and I'm wondering if it would be more merciful to just end it now... but if I stay, I don't want to totally throw this away just yet...
Anywho, enough about that.
May has been busy. It involved a performance with my choir as part of the Edmonton Symphony's presentation of Holst's "Planets". Which was pretty cool. We only had to sing for about 4 minutes in the entire show, at the very end, and weren't actually on stage, so we got to wear jeans and t-shirts and such. Apparently it sounded pretty awesome.
And the other big news for May is that I bought a car! I've never owned a vehicle before, so this was a huge step. Meet my baby!
Ok, yes, I know, it's a shitty photo, but what can you do with only a camera cell phone?! She's a 2008 Kia Rio 5, and is pretty loaded - power everything, heated seats (which is important here in Alberta... heck, in Canada even)... the only thing she doesn't have that I would have wanted is cruise, but I'm not going to be that picky. I love her! Now I just have to figure out the best way to hook my iPod up to the stereo - there's a USB connection that I'd have to find the proper cable for, she's (maybe?) got Bluetooth that I could buy a transmitter for, I could go for the FM transmitter, or there's always a good old 3.5mm aux cable (the same size as most headphone jacks). I've just learned that I'm headed back to Saskatoon in June for some more training - should be pretty interesting! Saskatoon in February was not so fun, Saskatoon in June may be more exciting.
And that is all!
03 Jan 08
So this survey materialized on facebook on about Dec 30, and I was just too lazy to do it there, so...
1) Was 2008 a good year for you?
Yeah... It started out pretty gloomily, but slowly improved, and the last 5 months of the year were the awesomest five months I've had in a long time - new experiences all around.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Tough to say. Probably hearing that I'd gotten the new job. Freedom!
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
I'll go with slippinging down the stairs at Grandin LRT station and straining ligaments in my wrist. It's still not totally back to normal, and may not be for another month.
4) Where were you when 2008 began?
At Bonobo's. I left shortly after midnight.
5) Who were you with?
A whole bunch of my awesome friends from FEP.
6) Where will you be when 2008 ends?
I was hoping to be at Beans' with a bunch of friends and such, but that fell through, so I ended up on my couch watching CBC most of the night.
7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends?
I was all by myself. *sigh*
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008?
I think I'd made a point of not making any. However, towards September I decided that with the new job I was going to try and get a bit healthier - so I joined the gym at work. It's working! I feel way better these days, and people keep telling me I look better, so...
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?
Only to try and be more open to opportunities, even if they scare me.
10) Did you fall in love in 2008?
I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. But I did find myself someone that seems to be interested in me, and I'm interested in him, and things are going so well I'm wondering when they're going to go wrong *knock wood*. This ties into Question 9, really.
11) If yes, with who?
It's a guy. We'll leave it at that.
12) If yes, do they know?
Yup. Finally. Although it's not because I overcame my fear, it's 'cuz he made the approach.
13) Are you still in love with them?
See question 10.
14) Do you regret it?
Not so far *knock wood*
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008?
Nope.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
Probably, but I think most of the "new" friends I actually made in 2007 or 2006.
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Why rank? What a load of crap.
18) What was your favorite month of 2008?
Probably August. I did things I'd never done before, went places I'd never been before, and actually took some time off work.
19) Did you travel outside of Canada in 2008?
Yup. To San Francisco.
20) How many different places did you travel to in 2008?
outside the country - 1; inside the country - 5 places, some multiple times
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2008?
Thank goodness, no.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Of course. I've lots of special people in distant places.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008?
Good question. It was obviously so very amazing that I don't remember.
24) What was your favorite song from 2008?
Cemeteries of London, by Coldplay... No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses...
25) What was your favorite record(s) from 2008?
In Rainbows, by radiohead
26) How many concerts did you see in 2008?
1. And it was awesome. Radiohead in San Francisco.
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008?
See above.
28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
Actually, since I started the new job, I've been drinking more for networking-ish purposes - everyone in government seems to think that hanging out after work involves booze. :)
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
More than usual - but nothing illegal. I had some fun painkillers due to various things.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2008?
Not the sort of question I'm willing to answer publicly, I'm afraid.
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not ashamed of. I was certainly embarrassed after falling down the stairs, though.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
There was nothing so obviously bad and painful that it sticks out, thank goodness.
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
At work, I'm sure I did. Likely after they were assholes to me first.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
At work, all the time. I don't know what makes people think they can walk into an office and treat government employees that way... oh, right, it's "I pay your salary, so you'd better..." syndrom.
36) How much money did you spend in 2008?
Not as much as I made. I've gone from being flat broke two years ago to actually having some decent savings.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2008?
Getting the new job.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008?
More than likely falling down the stairs at Grandin LRT station. Fortunately there was only one anonymous witness.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
Not a big fan of the idea of going back and changing the past, 'cuz you never know what else one little action might affect, and the end of 2008 was pretty awesome for me.
40) What are your plans for 2009?
Continuing to do the best I can at my job, my personal life, etc. That's about it really. We'll see where it goes from there.
So this survey materialized on facebook on about Dec 30, and I was just too lazy to do it there, so...
1) Was 2008 a good year for you?
Yeah... It started out pretty gloomily, but slowly improved, and the last 5 months of the year were the awesomest five months I've had in a long time - new experiences all around.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Tough to say. Probably hearing that I'd gotten the new job. Freedom!
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
I'll go with slippinging down the stairs at Grandin LRT station and straining ligaments in my wrist. It's still not totally back to normal, and may not be for another month.
4) Where were you when 2008 began?
At Bonobo's. I left shortly after midnight.
5) Who were you with?
A whole bunch of my awesome friends from FEP.
6) Where will you be when 2008 ends?
I was hoping to be at Beans' with a bunch of friends and such, but that fell through, so I ended up on my couch watching CBC most of the night.
7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends?
I was all by myself. *sigh*
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008?
I think I'd made a point of not making any. However, towards September I decided that with the new job I was going to try and get a bit healthier - so I joined the gym at work. It's working! I feel way better these days, and people keep telling me I look better, so...
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?
Only to try and be more open to opportunities, even if they scare me.
10) Did you fall in love in 2008?
I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. But I did find myself someone that seems to be interested in me, and I'm interested in him, and things are going so well I'm wondering when they're going to go wrong *knock wood*. This ties into Question 9, really.
11) If yes, with who?
It's a guy. We'll leave it at that.
12) If yes, do they know?
Yup. Finally. Although it's not because I overcame my fear, it's 'cuz he made the approach.
13) Are you still in love with them?
See question 10.
14) Do you regret it?
Not so far *knock wood*
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008?
Nope.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
Probably, but I think most of the "new" friends I actually made in 2007 or 2006.
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Why rank? What a load of crap.
18) What was your favorite month of 2008?
Probably August. I did things I'd never done before, went places I'd never been before, and actually took some time off work.
19) Did you travel outside of Canada in 2008?
Yup. To San Francisco.
20) How many different places did you travel to in 2008?
outside the country - 1; inside the country - 5 places, some multiple times
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2008?
Thank goodness, no.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Of course. I've lots of special people in distant places.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008?
Good question. It was obviously so very amazing that I don't remember.
24) What was your favorite song from 2008?
Cemeteries of London, by Coldplay... No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses...
25) What was your favorite record(s) from 2008?
In Rainbows, by radiohead
26) How many concerts did you see in 2008?
1. And it was awesome. Radiohead in San Francisco.
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008?
See above.
28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
Actually, since I started the new job, I've been drinking more for networking-ish purposes - everyone in government seems to think that hanging out after work involves booze. :)
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
More than usual - but nothing illegal. I had some fun painkillers due to various things.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2008?
Not the sort of question I'm willing to answer publicly, I'm afraid.
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not ashamed of. I was certainly embarrassed after falling down the stairs, though.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
There was nothing so obviously bad and painful that it sticks out, thank goodness.
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
At work, I'm sure I did. Likely after they were assholes to me first.
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
At work, all the time. I don't know what makes people think they can walk into an office and treat government employees that way... oh, right, it's "I pay your salary, so you'd better..." syndrom.
36) How much money did you spend in 2008?
Not as much as I made. I've gone from being flat broke two years ago to actually having some decent savings.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2008?
Getting the new job.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008?
More than likely falling down the stairs at Grandin LRT station. Fortunately there was only one anonymous witness.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
Not a big fan of the idea of going back and changing the past, 'cuz you never know what else one little action might affect, and the end of 2008 was pretty awesome for me.
40) What are your plans for 2009?
Continuing to do the best I can at my job, my personal life, etc. That's about it really. We'll see where it goes from there.
24Dec2008
Not much new to report in my world, I'm afraid.
Fell on some stairs a while ago and may have injured my wrist - on a nurse's advice I have it splinted and am carefully observing - if the pain isn't gone by next week, I'll have to go in to a doctor and see about X Rays or something of the sort (joy). Making it difficult to type, I'm afraid.
Going home tonight, so will be offline for a few days.
Happiest of Christmases to everyone!
Not much new to report in my world, I'm afraid.
Fell on some stairs a while ago and may have injured my wrist - on a nurse's advice I have it splinted and am carefully observing - if the pain isn't gone by next week, I'll have to go in to a doctor and see about X Rays or something of the sort (joy). Making it difficult to type, I'm afraid.
Going home tonight, so will be offline for a few days.
Happiest of Christmases to everyone!
25Nov2008
So I've been horribly remiss in updating the blog, as per usual. I've come to the conclusion that now that I'm back in Canada, and have been for a couple of years, my life is pretty boring and not necessarily the sort of thing that people would want to read about. And I don't feel that I have a driving purpose in life to blog about, like some other folks I know. And yet somehow I still have a fairly loyal handful of readers out there, and I do feel sort of neglectful of you.
So here's the whine for this post - I'm getting sick. Sore throat, sniffles. Blech. Ah well. At least it's happening now, and not earlier. Fortunately no choir practice for me tonight as I'm not singing the next concert due to an upcoming business trip to Ottawa (last time I did a concert the night before a business trip, I never really recovered, and was cranky the entire time).
So what's been up for the last couple of weeks? Work, mostly, but also music. On the 21st, my choir performed Handel's "Solomon" with the Alberta Baroque Ensemble and a selection of amazing soloists (hence the gladness that the cold is happening now, and not earlier). I thought it went well, as did most others, apparently. The choir director seems to have concurred, in spite of some very last-minute adjustments, and really, that's the opinion that matters.
Afterwards I went out to celebrate a friend's successful PhD defence. And he got to asking me why I joined the choir. And it took me a while, to be honest. I did have to think long and hard about it. I could answer immediately why I didn't join - to be social. I do have a few friends in the choir but they're very limited to a select number - just enough to give me a buffer zone. I go, I sing, I leave. I don't stay and chat. I avoid the social gatherings after concerts (usually 'cuz it's well past my bedtime... when you work at 7 a.m. anything after 10 p.m. becomes a late night... and not going to lie, average age in the choir is closer to my parents' than my own).
As for why, I suppose there are multiple reasons. I like the music. I know that sounds pretty stupid and obvious, but your average 20-something usually isn't into 'classical'. Hell, the majority of my friends don't come to my concerts, and I can totally understand that (although I sometimes wish that some of them would - no, this isn't a dig to anyone who was out celebrating or had other plans that night; it's not you to whom I'm referring). But for me, I've already gotten to fulfill one ambition - singing Mozart's Requiem - since joining. It's that sort of thing that makes it totally worthwhile to me. It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea. But I digress.
I didn't want my training to go to waste (I trained classically all through high school).
I missed choral work (I was in an awesome choir under the amazing direction of Dr. Mark Sirett, who was such an inspiration - I've always regretted that my family had to move away from that, and unfortunately the choir is now defunct - and was an alto section lead my first couple of years of uni at a local church, but hadn't done choral work since).
When I was still working at the University I was looking for something to keep me busy that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg.
And those are the big reasons I came up with, really.
And y'know, if the job makes me move somewhere else in Canada, with the exception of a few individuals, it's just the music I'll miss. Hopefully I get moved somewhere where something similar exists.
On a completely different note, Magnolia has mentioned a musical theatre project to me that might go up for this summer's Fringe, depending on how the lottery goes. And she's suggested I should audition. Which both scares the crap out of me and is kinda exciting all at the same time. I've not done musical theatre since Kiwanis classes in high school. I have no formal dramatic training. And in all honesty, I'm not sure I want to make the time commitment. The Fringe is not for the half-hearted, and I'm trying to save vacation time to go somewhere super in 2010. But I'm not going to lie. I'm intrigued...
So I've been horribly remiss in updating the blog, as per usual. I've come to the conclusion that now that I'm back in Canada, and have been for a couple of years, my life is pretty boring and not necessarily the sort of thing that people would want to read about. And I don't feel that I have a driving purpose in life to blog about, like some other folks I know. And yet somehow I still have a fairly loyal handful of readers out there, and I do feel sort of neglectful of you.
So here's the whine for this post - I'm getting sick. Sore throat, sniffles. Blech. Ah well. At least it's happening now, and not earlier. Fortunately no choir practice for me tonight as I'm not singing the next concert due to an upcoming business trip to Ottawa (last time I did a concert the night before a business trip, I never really recovered, and was cranky the entire time).
So what's been up for the last couple of weeks? Work, mostly, but also music. On the 21st, my choir performed Handel's "Solomon" with the Alberta Baroque Ensemble and a selection of amazing soloists (hence the gladness that the cold is happening now, and not earlier). I thought it went well, as did most others, apparently. The choir director seems to have concurred, in spite of some very last-minute adjustments, and really, that's the opinion that matters.
Afterwards I went out to celebrate a friend's successful PhD defence. And he got to asking me why I joined the choir. And it took me a while, to be honest. I did have to think long and hard about it. I could answer immediately why I didn't join - to be social. I do have a few friends in the choir but they're very limited to a select number - just enough to give me a buffer zone. I go, I sing, I leave. I don't stay and chat. I avoid the social gatherings after concerts (usually 'cuz it's well past my bedtime... when you work at 7 a.m. anything after 10 p.m. becomes a late night... and not going to lie, average age in the choir is closer to my parents' than my own).
As for why, I suppose there are multiple reasons. I like the music. I know that sounds pretty stupid and obvious, but your average 20-something usually isn't into 'classical'. Hell, the majority of my friends don't come to my concerts, and I can totally understand that (although I sometimes wish that some of them would - no, this isn't a dig to anyone who was out celebrating or had other plans that night; it's not you to whom I'm referring). But for me, I've already gotten to fulfill one ambition - singing Mozart's Requiem - since joining. It's that sort of thing that makes it totally worthwhile to me. It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea. But I digress.
I didn't want my training to go to waste (I trained classically all through high school).
I missed choral work (I was in an awesome choir under the amazing direction of Dr. Mark Sirett, who was such an inspiration - I've always regretted that my family had to move away from that, and unfortunately the choir is now defunct - and was an alto section lead my first couple of years of uni at a local church, but hadn't done choral work since).
When I was still working at the University I was looking for something to keep me busy that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg.
And those are the big reasons I came up with, really.
And y'know, if the job makes me move somewhere else in Canada, with the exception of a few individuals, it's just the music I'll miss. Hopefully I get moved somewhere where something similar exists.
On a completely different note, Magnolia has mentioned a musical theatre project to me that might go up for this summer's Fringe, depending on how the lottery goes. And she's suggested I should audition. Which both scares the crap out of me and is kinda exciting all at the same time. I've not done musical theatre since Kiwanis classes in high school. I have no formal dramatic training. And in all honesty, I'm not sure I want to make the time commitment. The Fringe is not for the half-hearted, and I'm trying to save vacation time to go somewhere super in 2010. But I'm not going to lie. I'm intrigued...
So. Went to CowTown and L.A. for the last couple of days to visit regional offices with work. Good times. I'm now exhausted.
Which may not entirely be due to exhaustion. I got a phone call from the doc's office the other day saying they wanted to talk to me about the labwork results, but that it wasn't urgent. I'll probably go in on the 20th. If it's my thyroid, well, we've been through that one before, haven't we? And we all know that having thyroid issues can screw with a person's energy level. Or, it could be my iron levels. I went to donate blood about a week after the lab work and they refused me - too low. Not horribly low, but definitely low. Or it could be something else entirely. I'm trying not to worry about it.
I knew I was exhausted because I was having the BEST conversation ever with the taxi driver on the way home from the airport.
a) turns out he knows my area of town. Used to park across the street from my building when he worked for IBM.
b) guy has a degree in computer science.
c) told the guy I worked for the federal government. So did he.
d) he asked if I was bilingual. Conversation shifted to French. We discussed (in French) hiring processes, various government departments, security issues within the federal government, my job, his previous jobs working on contracts for various departments, French education, etc.
And my French was suffering badly, as it does when I get super tired.
But that is beside the point.
So finally I asked the inevitable.
"What on EARTH are you doing in E-Town if you're a fluently bilingual visible minority, have a degree in computer science, and have worked for the federal government on all sorts of major projects. Not only that, but what the hell are you doing driving a taxi?"
"I wanted some adventure. The money's good out here. Things are good out here."
And I guess it is. Not once did he complain that taxi-driving wasn't making him a living. Not once did he complain about the cold weather or how much better things are out East. Not once did he complain about the people out here. Not once did he complain about the cost of living out here. He pointed out some of the pitfalls of the federal government's hiring process, which are very real pitfalls that I've experienced myself, and indicated that they were part of hte reason he'd left Ottawa to come out here - those pitfalls were preventing him from getting a real, permanent job, although we did reminisce a little about Ottawa itself. He called me by name (after he'd seen it on my credit card), thanked me for giving him the opportunity to speak French and vent a bit about the government, said it was a pleasure (and the feeling was mutual, believe me), wished me a lovely night, and I was almost a bit sad to actually get home.
Why can't all cab rides be that productive/instructive?
Which may not entirely be due to exhaustion. I got a phone call from the doc's office the other day saying they wanted to talk to me about the labwork results, but that it wasn't urgent. I'll probably go in on the 20th. If it's my thyroid, well, we've been through that one before, haven't we? And we all know that having thyroid issues can screw with a person's energy level. Or, it could be my iron levels. I went to donate blood about a week after the lab work and they refused me - too low. Not horribly low, but definitely low. Or it could be something else entirely. I'm trying not to worry about it.
I knew I was exhausted because I was having the BEST conversation ever with the taxi driver on the way home from the airport.
a) turns out he knows my area of town. Used to park across the street from my building when he worked for IBM.
b) guy has a degree in computer science.
c) told the guy I worked for the federal government. So did he.
d) he asked if I was bilingual. Conversation shifted to French. We discussed (in French) hiring processes, various government departments, security issues within the federal government, my job, his previous jobs working on contracts for various departments, French education, etc.
And my French was suffering badly, as it does when I get super tired.
But that is beside the point.
So finally I asked the inevitable.
"What on EARTH are you doing in E-Town if you're a fluently bilingual visible minority, have a degree in computer science, and have worked for the federal government on all sorts of major projects. Not only that, but what the hell are you doing driving a taxi?"
"I wanted some adventure. The money's good out here. Things are good out here."
And I guess it is. Not once did he complain that taxi-driving wasn't making him a living. Not once did he complain about the cold weather or how much better things are out East. Not once did he complain about the people out here. Not once did he complain about the cost of living out here. He pointed out some of the pitfalls of the federal government's hiring process, which are very real pitfalls that I've experienced myself, and indicated that they were part of hte reason he'd left Ottawa to come out here - those pitfalls were preventing him from getting a real, permanent job, although we did reminisce a little about Ottawa itself. He called me by name (after he'd seen it on my credit card), thanked me for giving him the opportunity to speak French and vent a bit about the government, said it was a pleasure (and the feeling was mutual, believe me), wished me a lovely night, and I was almost a bit sad to actually get home.
Why can't all cab rides be that productive/instructive?
