So my trip to Ottawa for the last phase of iLeadership and our graduation reinforced a few things for me.

1. I look good (although this time I have specifics - rather than being the "hot one", which was flattering but generic, this time the topic of discussion was my eyes. Which are apparently of note. Woohoo!). On a more serious note, though, it's amazing how much better I've been feeling about myself over the last year. I don't necessarily think it's 'cuz of the weight loss, which has been great in and of itself, but one of my colleagues slipped me a post-it on the first day, saying "you look so confident." I think I might try and frame that post-it and put it on my desk - a reminder that I really am worth other peoples' time and interest.

I have made some fabulous friends through iLeadership, and I hope that I keep in touch with the vast majority of them as we move through our lives and down our *ahem* Leadership Pathways.

2. If I really want to keep my career in government going, I need to move to Ottawa. While this scares the hell out of me, mostly because the loss of what I'd be giving up here in Edmonton is pretty significant, there would be a lot to gain, and I already have a really good support network there. Going to have to do a lot of soul searching over the next couple of years, I think.

3. I really suck at expressing my emotions. Goodbyes in particular, but just in general. I think it's the WASP upbringing. Stiff upper lip and all that. Someone pours their heart out to me and the best I can come up with is "me too" and "the feeling is _totally_ mutual" or "wow, that sucks" or "sorry to hear that" or "I'll miss you too". I mean, seriously. WTF. That's it?! It's kinda like the poetry and passion has been smushed out of my vocabulary. So if you're reading this blog and you've had an emotional encounter with me lately, I apologize. Please know that I _do_ feel, I just can't get it out very easily.

And that is it for now, I guess...

I sincerely hope that everyone has had a wonderful holiday season - although I suppose technically it isn't quite over yet, since there's that whole New Years' thing yet to come.

One of my coworkers sent me a quick message reflecting on Christmas - "So funny how everyone freaks out about Christmas. And then it's over!". It's kinda true, really. I mean... somehow the whole holiday season totally snuck up on me, and now it's almost done. I barely got my Christmas lights up, I barely managed to get gifts for the requisite gift folks... sure didn't get any baking done, or have anyone over for mulled wine/cider...

Then bam! Christmas was here and I was at my parents' and we were eating dinner and the turkey was delicious and then I went to bed and it was over.

There were a couple of other small gatherings on Boxing Day, but of course, by then, the pressure's off - everyone's _had_ their Christmas.

I've suddenly realized that the decade is over. Not just the year, the decade. And I have no idea where the hell it's gone. I mean, I suppose, looking back on the decade, it's been quite eventful. Three university degrees, a year abroad, a developing career in the federal government, getting the hell out of the small town where I went to high school, meeting some amazing people and wonderful friends, saying goodbye to others, new experiences, new countries, weight lost, weight gained, weight lost again, illnesses fought, habits overcome...

I'm not sure where I thought I'd be at 27 years old when the year 2010 hit, but this wasn't it. I'm not good at self-reflection, and not good at visualising... Ask me where I want to be in 2 years, and I can't tell you. There's nothing I'm particularly passionate about - and I've discovered that the few things I _am_ passionate about, require a good-paying job to fulfill (travel, music, history).

I'll be spending NYE at a friend's place - dinner out at an Indian restaurant first, then a night of booze and movies... Then I start the New Year right by doing the Running Room's Resolution Run. Current forecast is a high of -16 degrees C and scattered flurries. Should be interesting. I went out for a run yesterday (-13 degrees) and survived, so I think I'll survive Jan 1. I hope.

While I don't normally make New Year's resolutions (I think they're a load of shit, to be honest), this year I do have a few things in mind:

1) Keep running (if I can lose somewhere between 20 and 30 lbs in a year and 3 months just by running and not really changing my diet at all... win!).

2) Not stress about the whole "relationship" thing (easier said than done, really, but I'll give it a go).

3) Try new things. Be open to new opportunities. Before the end of 2010, I will be able to create a list of things I've never done before that I tried/did in 2010.

All the best to you and yours, and may 2010 bring you naught but happiness!

So... Choir is going to Italy this summer to compete at a festival in Gorizia, right on the border with Slovenia.

I, in all my wisdom, decided that it would be a brilliant idea to extend this trip a few days at the beginning, and for a few weeks at the end - which means I will be in Europe for about 38 days, doing a whirlwind tour of all sorts of places I've never seen before, and in countries where I absolutely do not speak the language.

I'm thoroughly excited, but also ridiculously nervous - it's a lot of planning that needs to take place on my end - and while I've received a verbal and email confirmation that my time off this summer has been approved in order to do this, it still isn't officially there in our system yet, and until it is, I don't know how comfortable I feel booking accommodation and the like! Ah well.

So far the itinerary looks kinda like this, give or take...
July 2 leave Canada
July 3 - 6 Rome and Pompeii
July 7-19 is the choir tour (Florence, Pisa, Lucca, Siena, San Gimignano, Venice, Milan, Verona, and Gorizia (where the competition is) and Ljubljana (Slovenia! My choir director decided she wanted to go, since she's never been to Slovenia, and it's ridiculously close to Gorizia).
July 20-21 - Salzberg
July 22-23 - Vienna
July 24-28 Slovakia (trying to arrange a tour to include finding the village my great-grandparents came from).
July 29- 30 Prague
July 31- Aug 1 - Berlin
Aug 2-3 - Munich
Aug 4-7 - Frankfurt/Koln/Mainz (not necessarily in that order).
Aug 8 - home

I know it's a whirlwind, but I'm looking forward to seeing things I haven't seen yet!

At the end of July I was sent to Victoria for work, and then was in Vancouver towards the end of August for a day. We were conducting interviews for a BC/AB-wide process, so I didn't anticipate that I'd have much in the way of free time. I was wrong, and actually had a fair bit of time to kill in Victoria. But, of course, not anticipating free time, I hadn't taken my camera. Go figure. So I decided to try and find one of the old-school disposable cameras that used to be so amazingly awesome. I looked in drugstores, I looked in tourist shops - finally I actually went into a specialized photography store, and they had some. So I got to take some photos after all.

First, the Fairmont Empress, Victoria. As I stood outside in the sweltering 30 degree heat, I wondered what it would be like to stay in a Fairmont... I've been in the lobbies/bars/restaurants, but staying at one is really out of my budget. Little did I know that the Fairmont in some locations actually offers amazing deals for people there on government business, so I did get to stay at the Fairmont Vancouver when I was there in August. It was a hotel room like most others, so I've got to say, I'm not sure the money spent on the Fairmont name is worth it... But at least now I can say I've stayed at a Fairmont.


Totem pole across the street from the BC legislature in Victoria. There were a few of these scattered on the grounds.

Fountain at the Royal BC Musem. Super pretty. Lots of birds around, too, and relatively isolated. I was a bit sad I didn't get to go to the museum (I was going to go at one point, but it was going to close in less than an hour, and I didn't figure the $20 or whatever it was for admission was worth it).

Art Gallery in Downtown Vancouver. It was lovely.


Library Square, Vancouver. Several government offices are located in this complex. I found myself wondering if they'd gotten the idea for the architecture from the British Museum, or vice versa... Either way, the British Museum's courtyard feels much more airy and spacious, but this was still pretty cool.

So I got sick of the old template. I mean, it's been nearly four years... it was time for a change.

This coincides with a change in my job - I'll be staying in Edmonton, but shifting responsibilities within my organisation next week. I'm looking forward to it.

I was in Victoria and Vancouver a couple of weeks ago - totally forgot to take my camera, so had to buy a disposable, old-fashioned film camera. I can't wait to see how the photos turn out. I will certainly scan and post some when I get them back.

I'm also hoping that there's some good news on the old photo front. When I first when to England, I took my parents' digital camera. It was crap. I didn't like it. I especially didn't like it when the camera did something stupid and weird and deleted ALL my photos from my first three months living in England from off the camera. I was not impressed. And of course, I hadn't downloaded them to my computer. And then it did the same thing to my parents after they went to England. All their photos from that trip, gone. But now McBain is offering a service whereby they can try and retrieve old photos from your memory cards that seem to have been deleted. I'm hopeful that we may recover some of them at least! At $10, it's worth a shot ($35 if they manage to recover anything).

It's been a busy few weeks, as per usual. Work hasn't been too nuts, but other things are popping up. I have another friend getting married this summer - and in contrast to the previous wedding I attended, I'm actually quite looking forward to this one. I think it's 'cuz my self-confidence has been hugely bolstered over the last year. I've managed to handle a program under the scrutiny of the ADM, I've dropped 2-3 sizes, depending on which clothing company you talk to, and I've learned a lot about myself, and most of it for the better. I have a car now, which gives me so much more freedom, and I'm just feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to sing with RES again this year. They have a great program lined up, but given the financial and time commitments they're asking this year, combined with the fact that the friend I normally attended with is not returning, are making it a less appealing option. I'm looking into alternatives - Magnolia, I may be hitting you up for Musical Theatre ideas, depending on how things pan out.

For now, I offer you this - the view from my balcony during a recent rainfall:

07Jul2009

So I've just come back from a trip to Ontario. It was another trip to Goderich (you may recall some talk about this from a while ago... In this entry, to be precise... This time my grandmother just turned 95 years old (on Sunday). And it was less face time... but that's ok.

Anywho, got in to London, ON at about 4:20 p.m. on Friday evening. My parents were meant to be picking me up. No parents. Odd. So I waited, and they finally showed up about 20 mins later, explaining that it took them rather longer to get to London than they'd thought from Goderich - traffic and the like. My grandmother was with them in the car, which was fine... but she can't hear very well, and so it felt like I was shouting whenever I talked to her (this was a pattern for the weekend - the advantage being that if we wanted to talk about anything without her hearing, we just had to lower our voices a little).

She decided we needed to have dinner at this little truck stop about halfway between London and Goderich. It was ... um... food. Not great. Kind of sketchy, in fact, but it was super cheap. My fish and chips were only 7 bucks. But whatever, it was food, and after a day of airplane travel, it was welcome.

I'd decided to stay at a hotel this time, rather than at grandma's. Which was fine, but the walls were superthin and I could hear the conversations in the room next to me relatively well. Ah well. Could have been worse, I'm sure.

On Saturday I was up at 9, had a quick breakfast at the hotel (continental breakfast was included), and then went for a run. I decided to run the beach. My god. When you see this on your morning run, what else do you need?


Yup, it was pretty damn awesome. The afternoon was spent at a craft show with my parents, and out running errands.

Sunday I repeated the morning routine, this time taking my camera (hence the photos). The afternoon was spent at the Huron County Gaol, which I hadn't visited since I was a kid.


On a completely random note, I'd mentioned back a while ago that I'd not come across any cases of individuals being decapitated whilst being hanged.

Turns out that's a result of the 'innovation' of long-drop hangings (which happened after the time period that I studied). I learned one heck of a lot at the gaol.


So there ya go. If they used long-drop hanging on Saddam Hussein, quite possible and not at all fishy.

Anywho, this educational experience was followed by my grandmother's 95th birthday dinner at the White Carnation in Holmesville - a passable buffet. Afterwards, I went and attempted to capture some of the sunset over the lake...


'Twas lovely.

So. Today started well. I got to the airport with few delays (a miracle in and of itself, as it's construction season, after all, and the airport is south of downtown, and I live downtown, and all the construction is between me and the airport...).

So what's the first thing that happens when I get there? I walk in the door and who should be wandering his way through the baggage carousel but one of the ex's friends. He works for Border Services, I should really have expected it... so I did the "mature" thing and pretended I didn't see him and became horribly engrossed in the arrivals/departures board. It's the first time I've seen one of the boy's friends since the breakup - I've even sort of avoided our mutual friends to a certain extent. Which is not good. Going to have to face it at some point, but what can you do?

So then, I'm sitting in the lounge waiting for the plane to Calgary to board (why it was cheaper to fly to Calgary and THEN to Saskatoon, I don't know, but whatever), when who should show but a former boss. That made waiting much more pleasant as at least then there was someone to talk to - and I do like her.

So then, I get to Calgary, and I'm waiting for the next plane, and I turn around and there are two cops walking towards me. One of them had his face hidden behind a tall person sitting near me, but for about 2 seconds, I actually thought it WAS the ex. After all, the airport's in his division. Thankfully it wasn't, but that was near panic-worthy.

So then, I get to Saskatoon, and the waterpark/swimming pool here at the hotel is closed for the week. I think the gym is still open, though, so no excuses there.

And then I realize I've forgotten my camera, so I will have no proof that Saskatoon is much nicer in June than in February.

And now I am waiting for a friend to pick me up for dinner. Yay!

15May2009

Blogger is today telling me that I haven't posted here in 2 months. Holy crap, that's nuts. And there's been a fair bit of stuff going down... So let's see...

March: continued explosion of Work. When you work in employment programs, that's the downside of a recession - your services are more in demand than ever. I did, however, manage to sneak away and get to Ottawa again for training. It was a good week, and it was a nice break from work. Not a vacation by any means, but definitely a nice break. One of the guys I'm on training with (same bunch of supernice people I met in September) finally posted some photos from back in September - we met Carlo Rota one night while we were there, so here ya go!


That's me on the right. Plus three of my colleagues. Woot!

April was fairly work-filled as well. Lots and lots of work. I have a three-day weekend this weekend (yay for Queen Victoria!) and it's the first time that I can recall having more than one day off in any given week in a very long time.

I did, however, go on a trip with the boy in April - we went to Jasper, Kamloops, Kelowna, and Banff... And it went well. Until we hit Banff. I'm not sure what happened, entirely, but something just snapped, and I realized that he was the one thing in my life that was stressing me out a bit that I could either cut back on or get rid of. Working up the courage to tell him that was another matter entirely. You see, he'd more or less moved in over the course of March/April - any time he was in town, my place was where he stayed. And the problem is that I'm an only child. I haven't shared my space, much less my bed with anyone in years. And years. And years. I couldn't take it any more - I just felt... like it was an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. Not to mention that I couldn't sleep properly when he was around, and when I get tired, I become an emotional wreck. I was about thisclose to calling my workplace's 24-hour crisis line a few times.

Having said that, I still like the guy. A lot. I just can't handle having him around all the time. So after the vacation, I told him that. I was in tears and a total wreck the entire time, but I got it out eventually. He took it stunningly well (after all, isn't "I need space" a classic breakup line?), left, went back to his town a few days earlier than he'd intended, and I thought things were better, that he understood that I needed space.

Next time he was up, he more or less moved right back in. Had the conversation again and this time told him outright that while I still enjoyed his company, I needed to take about six steps back and just go back to dating rather than living together. At the end of the night, a kiss goodbye would be it, but then he'd have to go find somewhere else to sleep. Again, he took it surprisingly well, and this is the first weekend I'll see him again after that conversation, so we'll see. We're more or less still together, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm a classic introvert, and for every hour I spend with other people I need an hour or two to just be alone and recover - I'm beginning to wonder if I'm meant for a relationship.

Throw the fact that I may well be moving halfway across the country into the equation and I'm wondering if it would be more merciful to just end it now... but if I stay, I don't want to totally throw this away just yet...

Anywho, enough about that.

May has been busy. It involved a performance with my choir as part of the Edmonton Symphony's presentation of Holst's "Planets". Which was pretty cool. We only had to sing for about 4 minutes in the entire show, at the very end, and weren't actually on stage, so we got to wear jeans and t-shirts and such. Apparently it sounded pretty awesome.

And the other big news for May is that I bought a car! I've never owned a vehicle before, so this was a huge step. Meet my baby!


Ok, yes, I know, it's a shitty photo, but what can you do with only a camera cell phone?! She's a 2008 Kia Rio 5, and is pretty loaded - power everything, heated seats (which is important here in Alberta... heck, in Canada even)... the only thing she doesn't have that I would have wanted is cruise, but I'm not going to be that picky. I love her! Now I just have to figure out the best way to hook my iPod up to the stereo - there's a USB connection that I'd have to find the proper cable for, she's (maybe?) got Bluetooth that I could buy a transmitter for, I could go for the FM transmitter, or there's always a good old 3.5mm aux cable (the same size as most headphone jacks).

I've just learned that I'm headed back to Saskatoon in June for some more training - should be pretty interesting! Saskatoon in February was not so fun, Saskatoon in June may be more exciting.

And that is all!

So, I'm back.

I had a fun trip. It meant that work has backed up like no one's business, and I'm ridiculously behind, and have worked extra hours many days - I've been in the office for 5 hours the last two Saturdays, on Tuesday I worked from 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m... Hence the no blogging. I escaped early today to go to a Dr's appointment. It was pretty exciting. No, I'm serious. I left work ON TIME. I haven't done that since before Christmas, I don't think.

Anywho, the Arctic was pretty nifty. I don't think I could spend any length of time up there. Well, maybe Yellowknife, but not Iqaluit. When we got off the plane and went into Iqaluit, it was so cold, so isolated, so desolate... I looked out my hotel window and was about ready to cry for a bit. But I got over it. The office was small and cute, the people friendly, and the culture amazing. In the airport in Rankin inlet, you saw women carrying their children in the oversized hoods of their beautifully embroidered parkas...

But I leave you with some photos...

Interior of Bullock's Bistro in Yellowknife. A teensy place with seating for maybe a couple dozen people. Great, locally caught fish, though.

Iqaluit from the hotel window. Or at least part of Iqaluit from the hotel window. For a town of 6000 people, it seems to sprawl all over.


Fresh fruit and veg are flown in - there's not enough sunlight in the winter to even greenhouse it, and the cost would be prohibitive. So you get $27.29 jalapeno peppers instead.


View out the window from the office. Showing a raven and a typically dressed Iqaluitian. :)

08Feb09

So one of the programs I manage at work requires that our department give information sessions to potential stakeholders at least once in each federal electoral constituency. Which is fine, you'd think. We've got staff everywhere, right?

Except this program is centralized here where I live and we cover all of AB, the Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. Staff in those locations aren't up to speed on the program and don't feel comfortable giving information sessions, which necessitates someone from my shop going out and delivering the sessions. And to top it all off, they need to deliver these sessions in both official languages. The nominee to deliver them all? Me. I literally have no one else.

Not too worried about the English Sessions, but the French ones have me a bit worried - it's been forever since I've used my French in any sort of public setting.

So I'll be taking off and travelling all over AB/NT/NU for the next week or so - here's the schedule:

10Feb09 - Fly up to Yellowknife. Deliver information sessions in the afternoon.
11Feb09 - Fly from Yellowknife to Iqaluit.
12Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Iqaluit.
13Feb09 - Fly from Iqaluit to Ottawa, Ottawa to Calgary (yes, that's the shortest and most direct way to get from Iqaluit back out here to Alberta).
14-15Feb09 - spend the weekend in Calgary with the boy (yay!)
16Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Calgary, have lunch with a former coworker (yay!)
17Feb09 - Deliver info session in a small town outside Calgary, fly home.

Not going to lie, I'm pretty excited to see Yellowknife and Iqaluit. I mean, they're not exactly your average tourist destination. It'll be pretty nifty to put those pins in the map, and to say that I was in Iqaluit in February. I'm just hoping it's not -47 degrees up there while I'm there, the way it was a couple of weeks ago when a coworker emailed me from there. So far the weather forecast is showing only about -25 or so, so I'm ok with that. After all, that's what we really should be having around here at this time of year, not these crazy +3 temperatures (not that I'm complaining, really).

I'll try and take photos, but this is a working trip - not sure how much I'll manage to see.