So... Choir is going to Italy this summer to compete at a festival in Gorizia, right on the border with Slovenia.

I, in all my wisdom, decided that it would be a brilliant idea to extend this trip a few days at the beginning, and for a few weeks at the end - which means I will be in Europe for about 38 days, doing a whirlwind tour of all sorts of places I've never seen before, and in countries where I absolutely do not speak the language.

I'm thoroughly excited, but also ridiculously nervous - it's a lot of planning that needs to take place on my end - and while I've received a verbal and email confirmation that my time off this summer has been approved in order to do this, it still isn't officially there in our system yet, and until it is, I don't know how comfortable I feel booking accommodation and the like! Ah well.

So far the itinerary looks kinda like this, give or take...
July 2 leave Canada
July 3 - 6 Rome and Pompeii
July 7-19 is the choir tour (Florence, Pisa, Lucca, Siena, San Gimignano, Venice, Milan, Verona, and Gorizia (where the competition is) and Ljubljana (Slovenia! My choir director decided she wanted to go, since she's never been to Slovenia, and it's ridiculously close to Gorizia).
July 20-21 - Salzberg
July 22-23 - Vienna
July 24-28 Slovakia (trying to arrange a tour to include finding the village my great-grandparents came from).
July 29- 30 Prague
July 31- Aug 1 - Berlin
Aug 2-3 - Munich
Aug 4-7 - Frankfurt/Koln/Mainz (not necessarily in that order).
Aug 8 - home

I know it's a whirlwind, but I'm looking forward to seeing things I haven't seen yet!

04Jun2009

Had to re-audition for the choir tonight. Short, sweet, simple. Sing a piece, do a little sight-reading in terms of rhythm, do a little sight singing (horrible at the sight singing... *sigh*).

This afternoon I had some serious self-doubt issues. The piece I wanted to sing wasn't feeling right ("Flow My Tears" by John Dowland, in case anyone is interested), so I dug through my old music and tried to find something else that would suit. I found "When Love Is Kind" - a poem of Thomas Moore's set to an old English melody that I sang back in high school... and it was feeling a little better.

I walked into the audition still not quite sure which I'd end up singing. I even asked the accompanist whether she was tired (the accompaniment to the Dowland is ridiculously easy)... and when she indicated she didn't really care, I finally decided to go with WLIK.

Score! It's a ridiculously short piece (probably only about a minute long), but apparently it shows off my "range and range of emotions", so I think the audition went well (in spite of my inability to pick out intervals when sight singing). Did let them know I might not be there in fall, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've been on course for work this week, so have managed to avoid doing any "real" work thus far, including even checking my emails. It's been great! I'll probably have to do some tomorrow, though. Especially since I'm off to Saskatoon for more training next week. It's been pretty good, and I've enjoyed the change in pace, a lot.

30May09

On Monday, the boy and I had a conversation over MSN about how I might potentially be moving to Ottawa in the fall. He said something that really got to me. "I hope I'm not influencing your decision on this." I made some flippant reply about how that was a loaded statement, deftly avoiding the unasked question, and continued the conversation.

But it got me thinking.

He's super nice. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. But you can't build a relationship on avoiding causing pain to others. We don't really talk any more. It's down to pleasantries like "how was your day?" "How's the weather?" and other such mundane things. When he said he was coming up this weekend, my first thought was not "oh, yay!" but rather just "oh". He's definitely more into the whole thing than I am. And as one of my friends said, when a guy spills his feelings to you and all you can think to say is "Thanks" and look for the door, there's definitely something wrong.

I'm not comfortable having him in my space any more. Whether it's my apartment or my personal space. I realize that most of the blame in this is probably mine, for not speaking up sooner when things were making me uncomfortable, for not pointing out that I thought things were moving too fast. But looking back (hindsight is always 20-20, right?) I realize that there were all sorts of things I should have done differently.

I should have realized that when we had the same conversation about tea back before we were dating, almost word-for-word, THREE separate times (yes, I even went back through my MSN message history in analyzing this relationship), that we would probably quickly run out of things to talk about. When we'd been dating for a whole month and he said that he "accidentally" referred to me as his girlfriend to coworkers, I should have told him that made me uncomfortable and that while I was flattered, I needed more time. I should have never let him take for granted that he could use my space here. I shouldn't have gone on a week's vacation with the guy after only seeing him for 5 months (my mother had half-jokingly told me that if we made it through the week, we might make it in the relationship - further proof that you should always listen to your mother, people!). When we had our first discussion about how I needed space, I should have just ended it there rather than trying to avoid hurting his feelings by telling him I didn't feel the same intensity of emotion for him as he did for me.

So, it was with all these things in mind that I broke up with him today. I think I made the decision on Tuesday, and the rest of the week, waiting for him to be here so I could do it in person rather than being a 21st century idiot and doing it over the phone or by MSN (god forbid).

He's taken it well - well, as well as can be expected. He said it wasn't unexpected, which is good, I guess - better that he had some preparation rather than simply throwing a bucket of ice water on him. I avoided using most of the cheesy breakup lines (although I did basically give him the it's-not-you-its-me reason, which is true - he's a great guy and I wish him all the best), and it ended with him asking if I'd still talk to him, so I'm hopeful that there may be a friendship salvageable there. Only time will tell. He asked if I had any regrets - and the answer is yes, but only because I didn't speak up sooner and let it drag out this long. I don't regret any of the time that I spent with him. We did, after all, have a great time...

In short, I'm feeling kinda shitty and like a horrible person because I've hurt him, but mostly good. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can get on with my life.

In other disturbing news, my dad's skin cancer is back. They removed a huge chunk of his face a while back, but looks like they got it all. Prayers/thoughts/vibes/whatever would be greatly appreciated.

And work is stupid busy again, but I get a two-week "vacation" as I attend two training sessions - one in E-Town this week and one in Saskatoon next week.

In other news, our choir had its final conert of the season last night - it went beautifully, I think. For more info on the program you can check out the associate director's blog at Podium Speak (see his May 29 post). John had taken over the main conducting duties this year as the usual director was on sabattical. I was especially excited about the Sirett piece, as Dr. Sirett was my first ever choir director nearly 20 years ago (oh, dear god, I feel old all of a sudden - it really doesn't seem that long ago that I was a little chorister at St. George's...). The Bruckner went off wonderfully (as he seems to have written in an update today), which was the most worrisome bit...

If I do end up moving to Ottawa, I think it'll be one of the things I miss most. Although having said that, my Dad recently made a comment about how he wondered if I actually enjoyed the choir, since most of the people in it are twice my age. He's right, and I think if I stay in E-Town I might find another choir to work with - the great thing about RES, though, is that it's a huge choir and you get to do all sorts of works that require the power and volume you simply can't get from a smaller choir. I don't know if I could do it if the John's wife (who used to be my boss and who I'm now happy to call a friend) wasn't in the choir as well. I have to re-audition for the choir on Thursday this coming week, and will make it known to the usual director that I may be moving in the fall, but we'll see how it goes - even if I don't move, I don't know if I'll stay with the choir and may look for other things, especially if John's wife leaves, which she's thinking about doing. But as I said to John last night, this year has been a slice, and I've greatly enjoyed it, in spite of moments of frustration (mostly with other choir members and their lack of respect/tact... but that's another blog post for later).

I'll be off to dinner with a friend this evening, and possibly out for another friend's birthday afterwards... Looking forward to it! In spite of the slight low of today, things are looking greatly up.

15May2009

Blogger is today telling me that I haven't posted here in 2 months. Holy crap, that's nuts. And there's been a fair bit of stuff going down... So let's see...

March: continued explosion of Work. When you work in employment programs, that's the downside of a recession - your services are more in demand than ever. I did, however, manage to sneak away and get to Ottawa again for training. It was a good week, and it was a nice break from work. Not a vacation by any means, but definitely a nice break. One of the guys I'm on training with (same bunch of supernice people I met in September) finally posted some photos from back in September - we met Carlo Rota one night while we were there, so here ya go!


That's me on the right. Plus three of my colleagues. Woot!

April was fairly work-filled as well. Lots and lots of work. I have a three-day weekend this weekend (yay for Queen Victoria!) and it's the first time that I can recall having more than one day off in any given week in a very long time.

I did, however, go on a trip with the boy in April - we went to Jasper, Kamloops, Kelowna, and Banff... And it went well. Until we hit Banff. I'm not sure what happened, entirely, but something just snapped, and I realized that he was the one thing in my life that was stressing me out a bit that I could either cut back on or get rid of. Working up the courage to tell him that was another matter entirely. You see, he'd more or less moved in over the course of March/April - any time he was in town, my place was where he stayed. And the problem is that I'm an only child. I haven't shared my space, much less my bed with anyone in years. And years. And years. I couldn't take it any more - I just felt... like it was an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. Not to mention that I couldn't sleep properly when he was around, and when I get tired, I become an emotional wreck. I was about thisclose to calling my workplace's 24-hour crisis line a few times.

Having said that, I still like the guy. A lot. I just can't handle having him around all the time. So after the vacation, I told him that. I was in tears and a total wreck the entire time, but I got it out eventually. He took it stunningly well (after all, isn't "I need space" a classic breakup line?), left, went back to his town a few days earlier than he'd intended, and I thought things were better, that he understood that I needed space.

Next time he was up, he more or less moved right back in. Had the conversation again and this time told him outright that while I still enjoyed his company, I needed to take about six steps back and just go back to dating rather than living together. At the end of the night, a kiss goodbye would be it, but then he'd have to go find somewhere else to sleep. Again, he took it surprisingly well, and this is the first weekend I'll see him again after that conversation, so we'll see. We're more or less still together, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm a classic introvert, and for every hour I spend with other people I need an hour or two to just be alone and recover - I'm beginning to wonder if I'm meant for a relationship.

Throw the fact that I may well be moving halfway across the country into the equation and I'm wondering if it would be more merciful to just end it now... but if I stay, I don't want to totally throw this away just yet...

Anywho, enough about that.

May has been busy. It involved a performance with my choir as part of the Edmonton Symphony's presentation of Holst's "Planets". Which was pretty cool. We only had to sing for about 4 minutes in the entire show, at the very end, and weren't actually on stage, so we got to wear jeans and t-shirts and such. Apparently it sounded pretty awesome.

And the other big news for May is that I bought a car! I've never owned a vehicle before, so this was a huge step. Meet my baby!


Ok, yes, I know, it's a shitty photo, but what can you do with only a camera cell phone?! She's a 2008 Kia Rio 5, and is pretty loaded - power everything, heated seats (which is important here in Alberta... heck, in Canada even)... the only thing she doesn't have that I would have wanted is cruise, but I'm not going to be that picky. I love her! Now I just have to figure out the best way to hook my iPod up to the stereo - there's a USB connection that I'd have to find the proper cable for, she's (maybe?) got Bluetooth that I could buy a transmitter for, I could go for the FM transmitter, or there's always a good old 3.5mm aux cable (the same size as most headphone jacks).

I've just learned that I'm headed back to Saskatoon in June for some more training - should be pretty interesting! Saskatoon in February was not so fun, Saskatoon in June may be more exciting.

And that is all!

25Nov2008

So I've been horribly remiss in updating the blog, as per usual. I've come to the conclusion that now that I'm back in Canada, and have been for a couple of years, my life is pretty boring and not necessarily the sort of thing that people would want to read about. And I don't feel that I have a driving purpose in life to blog about, like some other folks I know. And yet somehow I still have a fairly loyal handful of readers out there, and I do feel sort of neglectful of you.

So here's the whine for this post - I'm getting sick. Sore throat, sniffles. Blech. Ah well. At least it's happening now, and not earlier. Fortunately no choir practice for me tonight as I'm not singing the next concert due to an upcoming business trip to Ottawa (last time I did a concert the night before a business trip, I never really recovered, and was cranky the entire time).

So what's been up for the last couple of weeks? Work, mostly, but also music. On the 21st, my choir performed Handel's "Solomon" with the Alberta Baroque Ensemble and a selection of amazing soloists (hence the gladness that the cold is happening now, and not earlier). I thought it went well, as did most others, apparently. The choir director seems to have concurred, in spite of some very last-minute adjustments, and really, that's the opinion that matters.

Afterwards I went out to celebrate a friend's successful PhD defence. And he got to asking me why I joined the choir. And it took me a while, to be honest. I did have to think long and hard about it. I could answer immediately why I didn't join - to be social. I do have a few friends in the choir but they're very limited to a select number - just enough to give me a buffer zone. I go, I sing, I leave. I don't stay and chat. I avoid the social gatherings after concerts (usually 'cuz it's well past my bedtime... when you work at 7 a.m. anything after 10 p.m. becomes a late night... and not going to lie, average age in the choir is closer to my parents' than my own).

As for why, I suppose there are multiple reasons. I like the music. I know that sounds pretty stupid and obvious, but your average 20-something usually isn't into 'classical'. Hell, the majority of my friends don't come to my concerts, and I can totally understand that (although I sometimes wish that some of them would - no, this isn't a dig to anyone who was out celebrating or had other plans that night; it's not you to whom I'm referring). But for me, I've already gotten to fulfill one ambition - singing Mozart's Requiem - since joining. It's that sort of thing that makes it totally worthwhile to me. It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea. But I digress.

I didn't want my training to go to waste (I trained classically all through high school).

I missed choral work (I was in an awesome choir under the amazing direction of Dr. Mark Sirett, who was such an inspiration - I've always regretted that my family had to move away from that, and unfortunately the choir is now defunct - and was an alto section lead my first couple of years of uni at a local church, but hadn't done choral work since).

When I was still working at the University I was looking for something to keep me busy that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg.

And those are the big reasons I came up with, really.

And y'know, if the job makes me move somewhere else in Canada, with the exception of a few individuals, it's just the music I'll miss. Hopefully I get moved somewhere where something similar exists.

On a completely different note, Magnolia has mentioned a musical theatre project to me that might go up for this summer's Fringe, depending on how the lottery goes. And she's suggested I should audition. Which both scares the crap out of me and is kinda exciting all at the same time. I've not done musical theatre since Kiwanis classes in high school. I have no formal dramatic training. And in all honesty, I'm not sure I want to make the time commitment. The Fringe is not for the half-hearted, and I'm trying to save vacation time to go somewhere super in 2010. But I'm not going to lie. I'm intrigued...

Well, folks... it's been a busy, busy week. And it's going to be a busy, busy week.

It started on Sunday with rehearsal at the Jubilee for the Alberta Ballet/Edmonton Symphony Orchestra/Edmonton Opera/Richard Eaton Singers co-production of Mozart's Requiem. Which I am singing in. And then there was a RES rehearsal on Tuesday. And a Requiem rehearsal on Wednesday. And our dress rehearsal on Thursday, and then yesterday, finally, the performance went up.

I'm really sad that there are no photos. We look awesome. Despite the fact that I swelter on stage for 45 minutes under a felt (yes, felt... like that stuff you played with in arts and crafts when you were a kid... or that you continue to play with as an adult to make such useful items as purses, hats, and miniature stuffed animals...) robe, I'm loving it. This is totally just reinforcing my belief that I should get back into performing on a more dramatic level. Being in the Richard Eaton Singers is certainly good, and gets me singing again, but I miss the drama of musical theatre and opera. Much more opportunity for individual expression. There's another performance tonight. It went over well last night (one of the perks of anonymously taking the LRT back home along with all the patrons after the show is that you get to overhear their conversations) in spite of the choreographer's somewhat controversial agenda (he has unashamedly called it a homage to all those involved in modern warfare, esp those in Iraq).

So, yeah, another show tonight; I'm super sad that there were only two! It's such a letdown when something you've worked so hard to accomplish finally ends, really. The high when you're performing is amazing, but afterwards...

Then I come back home and finish packing.

Yes, packing.

I don't know where the last month or so has gone, but tomorrow I get to the airport bright and freaking early to fly off to Ottawa for my set of job interviews for the Management Trainee Program. I'm a bit nervous, as the rehearsals this week mean I haven't had much of a chance to review information on all the departments that are participating, but whatever. I'll take my laptop and do what reading I can in Calgary when I'm stuck in the airport there on a two-hour layover. Geesh.

I get to visit my grandmother this week as well. She lives down in southern Ontario, so after the interviews are done on Tuesday, I fly down to Toronto, spend the night with my friend and then my mother will come get me on Wednesday morning to drive me to my grandmother's place (mom flew down to grandma's today...). Grandma is 93, hard of hearing and seeing, and we have little to nothing in common. I'm hoping, though, that I can set my laptop up (I have an awesome free MP3 recording program) and have her just talk about her childhood and life as it was back in the 20s and 30s, as much as she can remember - oral history is so valuable and we don't have enough of it, really, from ordinary people.

Fingers crossed that it all goes well - the snow this morning didn't bode well for my mom's flight!

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
For Fun: The Success Principles (Jack Canfield)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

So I started the new job.

It's been a week and a day, and the only way to describe it is... badly managed, disorganized, negative, and hopefully I will be out of there soon.

I arrived on day one only to be told the person I was meant to meet wouldn't be there until at least an hour after I'd arrived. And all the managers were in Ottawa for the week, so no one had any idea what to do with me.

So for the first hour I sat on the couch in the reception area and read. And then HR came and made me fill out paperwork. And more paperwork. And then I took their respectful workplace online training course. And then I did more paperwork. And then I started scanning.

Day two I shadowed another worker. Day three I started working on callouts and that's all I've been doing since. 7.5 hours a day on the phone.

They haven't told me when I'm actually going to get formal training (I'm supposed to get a week, apparently). I don't even know who my direct supervisor is right now. The people I've been shadowing have only been there 2 or 3 months themselves. It's like a giant revolving door, with people always moving onwards or upwards. One of the people who interviewed me has only been there since January. They're short staffed, but they can't keep anyone. A guy made a joke that he doesn't bother learning anyone's names until they've been there for 6 months. He wasn't entirely joking.

People are overwhelmingly negative about their coworkers, the situation, life in general. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it is starting to. And that's after only one week.

I've run into some people from a past life (ie: from high school) there, as well, which isn't helping the emotional/self-esteem issues. I didn't like them, they didn't like me... it's like they've all come back to haunt me.

On the bright side, one of the other people doing the same job as me started today. She's Quebecois. I've been tempted to talk to her in French so that half the other people in the office won't understand us - she seems quite nice. We talked about BOOKS, for God's sake. Dumas. French literature! I haven't seen anyone else in the office read anything more than a newspaper. Obviously I don't know what they do when they're not at work, but still...

I still have my fingers crossed that they send me out to Vancouver for training. Yeah, it's 8 hours a day in training, but my evenings will be my own...

Anywho. I am volunteering again this year at everyone's favouritest Hallowe'en event (it's my one token volunteer thing... which reminds me, that one perk of the federal government is that they give me one paid "volunteer" day each calendar year... maybe I'll take it off on the Friday of Spook... ) Looking forward to it, although I feel a bit old. They do seem to get younger each year.

First choir concert is coming up on the 4th of October, as well. Details are at www.richardeatonsingers.com, should you require and or desire them.