06Dec2008

I've said it before. I'll say it again.

I hate shopping.

I live in the city with the world's largest shopping mall. It's huge. It has a lot of stuff I don't need. But when it comes to getting everything I need all in one spot - it's about as good as it gets. Most of the year, I'll wander in, wander around, get what I want, and wander out. Yeah, it's busy. It's a tourist attraction, after all. But it's convenient. Veni, vidi, vinci, really.

So I look at every trip to that mall as a mission, really (unless I'm going with friends for something not-shopping-related). I have actually been known to sit down with the interactive map available on their website, and plot my strategy, so-to-speak.

Today was simple. Everything I needed was on lower level. I got there shortly after everything opened. I was out less than two hours later. It was an almost-perfect mission (I doubled back on my tracks only once).

I have, however, come to some very strong conclusions. Many of which I've stated before (although not on this blog). So here they are again.

• Pets should not be permitted in the mall. It's already pretty squishy in there, without you needing to bring your matching dogs along for the trip. Seriously. What do you dogs need at the mall? And if you weren't going to leave them in the car, why did you ever bother to bring them along? (Service dogs are, of course, exempted from this statement)
• They should paint traffic lines down the aisles in both the stores and the hallways. If I'm walking on the right-hand side, you should NOT be walking straight towards me. Stick to YOUR right, for god's sake. I'm even for traffic lights at intersections, if it comes to that. I'm sick of being cut off only to discover that I'm stuck behind the slowest person in the mall. Speaking of which...
  
• There should be both a maximum and a minimum speed limit inside the mall. If you can't keep up to a half-decent walking pace, get out. I would like to be able to get from one store to another in less than a minute, please, especially when the stores are right next to each other. And I also say maximum, because I realize I'm a fast walker, and that I probably piss people off by nearly stepping on their heels all the time. So yes, I realize that to a certain extent, I'm contributing to the problem.
  
• Children should be kept on leashes. I'm quite serious about this. Not only have I nearly run over escaping children, but escaping children have nearly run over me. My mother occasionally used one of those leash things on me, and I turned out ok (although I realize this point is probably debatable).
• Children shoud NOT be forced to sit on Santa's knee if they're crying. You're not going to get a good photo, and you should probably focus on what's pissing the kid off/why they're tired/what's scaring them. I mean, a big guy coming down the chimney can be pretty scary, a violation of safety really. How many times do you tell kids not to talk to strangers, not to let people touch them, etc., and then you're FORCING them into interacting with this creepy guy? And if it's nap time, for god's sake, it's nap time. You should have tried to get to the mall earlier. Save all our eardrums, please, and realize that the pic with Santa isn't worth it.
• People in the stores should bloody well learn that they're there to serve customers. Suprisingly enough, I had great service in most of the stores I was in today. The stores where I had crappy service? All staffed by young people. Since when did being under the age of 25 mean that you got away with ignoring customers and poor attitude? Not impressed. When I was working retail, if I'd behaved that way, I'd have been reprimanded. And probably fired. We can't just blame the poor customer service on the level of employment in this province any more - there's something wrong with the culture.
• Muzak does not make me want to shop more. If you're going to play music in your store, at least make it decent.

And that is all for now.

P.S. - most of the Christmas shopping is now done.