The Tudor Rose

Moving on

2011-01-29T11:21:00.002-07:00

So I've realised that the point of this blog (which was mostly to keep in touch with friends while I was away at school in England) has kind of fizzled and died. Along with my will to keep it updated on any sort of regular basis.

They do, however, say that when you have a good theme or good journey to chronicle, that keeping a blog becomes a whole lot easier. Right now, my mission is to finish a marathon before I turn 31, so I've decided to devote my writing to that instead.

You can find the chronicle of this particular journey at my new blog: Katamus Cursa (which, roughly translated, if you ignore the grammatical impossibility of Katamus as a Latin form of my name, means "Kate Running". I figure this is just further proof that I'm still as big a nerd as ever).

Hope to see some of you over there!

Of ... being?

2010-04-27T18:36:00.001-06:00

My friend Nicky posted this on her blog a couple of months ago.

It rings so very true.

“you think you are, and consequently treat yourself, as though you are an old book sitting on a shelf. if you feel that no one needs you, you sit there quietly gathering dust and knowledge - waiting patiently for someone to dust you off and devour everything inside.”

“why do you think you do that to yourself?”

Of keeping in touch

2010-01-31T18:08:00.003-07:00

So my trip to Ottawa for the last phase of iLeadership and our graduation reinforced a few things for me.

1. I look good (although this time I have specifics - rather than being the "hot one", which was flattering but generic, this time the topic of discussion was my eyes. Which are apparently of note. Woohoo!). On a more serious note, though, it's amazing how much better I've been feeling about myself over the last year. I don't necessarily think it's 'cuz of the weight loss, which has been great in and of itself, but one of my colleagues slipped me a post-it on the first day, saying "you look so confident." I think I might try and frame that post-it and put it on my desk - a reminder that I really am worth other peoples' time and interest.

I have made some fabulous friends through iLeadership, and I hope that I keep in touch with the vast majority of them as we move through our lives and down our *ahem* Leadership Pathways.

2. If I really want to keep my career in government going, I need to move to Ottawa. While this scares the hell out of me, mostly because the loss of what I'd be giving up here in Edmonton is pretty significant, there would be a lot to gain, and I already have a really good support network there. Going to have to do a lot of soul searching over the next couple of years, I think.

3. I really suck at expressing my emotions. Goodbyes in particular, but just in general. I think it's the WASP upbringing. Stiff upper lip and all that. Someone pours their heart out to me and the best I can come up with is "me too" and "the feeling is _totally_ mutual" or "wow, that sucks" or "sorry to hear that" or "I'll miss you too". I mean, seriously. WTF. That's it?! It's kinda like the poetry and passion has been smushed out of my vocabulary. So if you're reading this blog and you've had an emotional encounter with me lately, I apologize. Please know that I _do_ feel, I just can't get it out very easily.

And that is it for now, I guess...

Of trips

2010-01-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

So I'm in Ottawa again... Should be a good week. It's the last week of my formal classroom training for the Management Trainee Program, and should be all right, even if I must admit that I'm still a little skeptical that it will offer much beyond a chance to see and hang out with some good friends for a while. Oh, and I get to "graduate" at the end of the week, apparently.

I'm hoping to play geeky tourist for a bit and go skating on the Rideau at some point... That and I found a really great jogging route that I want to try... But not sure that I'll have any daylight hours in which to try it, and I'm not about to go running by myself at night... So we'll see... May just be the treadmill in the hotel for me.

I know this isn't much of an update... Hopefully I'll have something a little more fun and exciting for you to read soon.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Of festivities

2009-12-29T13:02:00.002-07:00

I sincerely hope that everyone has had a wonderful holiday season - although I suppose technically it isn't quite over yet, since there's that whole New Years' thing yet to come.

One of my coworkers sent me a quick message reflecting on Christmas - "So funny how everyone freaks out about Christmas. And then it's over!". It's kinda true, really. I mean... somehow the whole holiday season totally snuck up on me, and now it's almost done. I barely got my Christmas lights up, I barely managed to get gifts for the requisite gift folks... sure didn't get any baking done, or have anyone over for mulled wine/cider...

Then bam! Christmas was here and I was at my parents' and we were eating dinner and the turkey was delicious and then I went to bed and it was over.

There were a couple of other small gatherings on Boxing Day, but of course, by then, the pressure's off - everyone's _had_ their Christmas.

I've suddenly realized that the decade is over. Not just the year, the decade. And I have no idea where the hell it's gone. I mean, I suppose, looking back on the decade, it's been quite eventful. Three university degrees, a year abroad, a developing career in the federal government, getting the hell out of the small town where I went to high school, meeting some amazing people and wonderful friends, saying goodbye to others, new experiences, new countries, weight lost, weight gained, weight lost again, illnesses fought, habits overcome...

I'm not sure where I thought I'd be at 27 years old when the year 2010 hit, but this wasn't it. I'm not good at self-reflection, and not good at visualising... Ask me where I want to be in 2 years, and I can't tell you. There's nothing I'm particularly passionate about - and I've discovered that the few things I _am_ passionate about, require a good-paying job to fulfill (travel, music, history).

I'll be spending NYE at a friend's place - dinner out at an Indian restaurant first, then a night of booze and movies... Then I start the New Year right by doing the Running Room's Resolution Run. Current forecast is a high of -16 degrees C and scattered flurries. Should be interesting. I went out for a run yesterday (-13 degrees) and survived, so I think I'll survive Jan 1. I hope.

While I don't normally make New Year's resolutions (I think they're a load of shit, to be honest), this year I do have a few things in mind:

1) Keep running (if I can lose somewhere between 20 and 30 lbs in a year and 3 months just by running and not really changing my diet at all... win!).

2) Not stress about the whole "relationship" thing (easier said than done, really, but I'll give it a go).

3) Try new things. Be open to new opportunities. Before the end of 2010, I will be able to create a list of things I've never done before that I tried/did in 2010.

All the best to you and yours, and may 2010 bring you naught but happiness!

Of slight insanity

2009-12-17T08:20:00.003-07:00

So... Choir is going to Italy this summer to compete at a festival in Gorizia, right on the border with Slovenia.

I, in all my wisdom, decided that it would be a brilliant idea to extend this trip a few days at the beginning, and for a few weeks at the end - which means I will be in Europe for about 38 days, doing a whirlwind tour of all sorts of places I've never seen before, and in countries where I absolutely do not speak the language.

I'm thoroughly excited, but also ridiculously nervous - it's a lot of planning that needs to take place on my end - and while I've received a verbal and email confirmation that my time off this summer has been approved in order to do this, it still isn't officially there in our system yet, and until it is, I don't know how comfortable I feel booking accommodation and the like! Ah well.

So far the itinerary looks kinda like this, give or take...
July 2 leave Canada
July 3 - 6 Rome and Pompeii
July 7-19 is the choir tour (Florence, Pisa, Lucca, Siena, San Gimignano, Venice, Milan, Verona, and Gorizia (where the competition is) and Ljubljana (Slovenia! My choir director decided she wanted to go, since she's never been to Slovenia, and it's ridiculously close to Gorizia).
July 20-21 - Salzberg
July 22-23 - Vienna
July 24-28 Slovakia (trying to arrange a tour to include finding the village my great-grandparents came from).
July 29- 30 Prague
July 31- Aug 1 - Berlin
Aug 2-3 - Munich
Aug 4-7 - Frankfurt/Koln/Mainz (not necessarily in that order).
Aug 8 - home

I know it's a whirlwind, but I'm looking forward to seeing things I haven't seen yet!

Of jabbing... or not

2009-10-27T15:55:00.004-06:00

So late last week, I came down with a cold, as outlined in my post a couple of days ago. It got me thinking about some other things regarding my health. Top of the list:

It's here. The H1N1 vaccine has finally arrived. It's available. It's out there for me to receive, for free, should I so choose. Heck, so is the regular seasonal flu shot, for that matter.

And I am so very on the fence about the whole thing.

I usually get the flu shot, as I do have (very mild) asthma, and my dad's a senior citizen. But, my god, are the 3+ hour lineups outside in the cold really going to be worth the possibility that I might be protected? But if I don't go soon... will there be enough?

Oh the dilemma.

Thoughts?

(In other news, I had my last two wisdom teeth taken out 1.5 hours ago. Let's see how I feel in another couple of hours when the freezing wears off...)

Of Delta Force

2009-10-25T11:41:00.002-06:00

As indicated in my previous post, I spent the last couple of nights down at Fort Edmonton Park working their annual Spooktacular event as part of the logistics team. Which basically means either manning a bonfire (not exactly a painful job - you get to keep warm on a cold night!) or wandering around keeping an eye out for teenagers drinking or making out in places they shouldn't be, and possibly escorting some intoxicated folks out of the park. It's pretty low-key.

This year, I don't know how the volunteers found FEP, or how FEP found these volunteers, but there was a group of three guys on the logistics team that were, to put it mildly, hardcore. They showed up on Friday night wearing their all-black gear, the cargo pants, the "SECURITY" ball caps. One dude even brought his super-industrial sized St. John's Ambulance first aid backpack of black hugeness (seriously, it was almost as big as my "backpacking through Europe" backpack). They made a point of earnestly pointing out to the logistics coordinator that they work security for a living.

Apparently on Wednesday (the information session for volunteers) they weren't really listening, as they had to ask for clarification on what they could and couldn't do over the evening (bottom line, it's hands-off. You give verbal requsts/commands. If things need to go further, there's an EPS officer on-site). They tried to tell other security teams not to patrol in their area. They even indicated "if we need to get ahold of each other, we're going to use call sign delta on the radio, it's just what we're used to." And from then on in, Team Delta Force was born. At least, that's what we called them behind their backs.

The difference between trying to work security at FEP and just about anywhere else, is that FEP is huge. 160 acres of huge. Which is why it's actually probably better to have people that have worked there on a regular basis doing the security patrols. Saying "I'm right by the windmill" to get people to your location is a lot easier than trying to say "I'm by the old, broken down windmill. If you go out to the parking lot right by the actual Fort, behind the trading post, it's up on the hill, but you sort of have to go around a back path to get up to the top."

Case in point, these guys thought they heard something at one point. They were trying to tell us where they were. "We're at the back end of the park. By the railway tracks, near the houses. By track marker 6." "Houses?" "Yeah, the residential area." "Ok, so you're back by the fort?" "No, we're in the bush." (Translation, once we figured it all out - they were way on the far side of the horse paddock by the Fort, almost out of the park and into peoples' backyards. They were probably hearing someone bbqing on their back deck). Anyone who has worked at FEP will realize just how ridiculous saying "we're in the bush" is, in terms of a landmark.

And another classic Delta Force moment - first aid was required at one point, and they were looking for a first aid kit. If they had been paying attention at the briefing, they would have known that the only people who are supposed to administer first aid are the staff (unless it's a major emergency - arterial bleeding or whatever). In spite of this, dude #3 kept insisting that his hardcore backpack was there (in spite of the fact there were already 2-3 first aid kits on site). We sent first aiders to the location. Turns out it was one of Delta Force that had managed to scrape themselves. The only real first aid issue of the evening. Go figure.

Anywho. They mellowed out last night, so maybe someone had a chat with them. Nevertheless, Delta Force provided hours of amusement mixed with intense frustration on Friday night.

Of coincidences

2009-10-23T11:27:00.002-06:00

I guess it was a lucky coincidence that I managed to get sick the day before I had already scheduled my annual physical with the doctor. And that I had already taken today off work so I can mostly lie on the couch and recuperate. Fortunately it's just a cold, but I've been asked to watch and if a fever comes along I hie me to the ER to be tested for H1N1. Joy.

Annual physical went off without a hitch. Didn't pass out or feel weak during the blood tests, which is one step up from the last couple of times I've had someone try and take blood out of my body.

And tonight, I head down to FEP to throw drunken teenagers out of their Spooktacular event. Yay!

Of running

2009-10-14T18:52:00.002-06:00

So... I think I'm kind of hooked. This whole running thing is actually kind of fun. Especially now that I know that if I work towards something, slow and steady, I can do it and I can accomplish my goals (yeah, I know that's one of those basic things you learn as a kid that's supposed to stick with you, but I'm one of those people to whom things mostly come easily, and when they don't, I get frustrated and give up).

Edmonton sort of becomes dead for running in the winter, but I'm thinking of doing the Running Room's Resolution Run. Which is outdoors. In Edmonton. In the winter. I'm trying to figure out whether or not it would be appropriate to try and seek sponsorship for my choir's upcoming trip to Italy for doing something so crazy as running.... outdoors... in Edmonton... in the winter... possibly hung over from the New Year's Eve celebrations the night previous.

Not to mention that I'd get a snazzy jacket out of the deal.

This is totally weird. I never figured that I would find a physical activity that I actually liked enough to do to this extent. I even went for a run (outdoors!) on Saturday when it was -6 degrees out! It was great! And with the exception of the stomach flu that I managed to get on the weekend (nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" like being sick to your stomach), I have been feeling great lately too. Now, if it actually stops snowing tomorrow, then maybe I can go out for a run again..... If not, treadmill it is. :)

I ran for the cure!

2009-10-04T16:06:00.003-06:00

I did it!!!!

I ran the entire 5k! Even better - apparently the course is actually 6.something km, when you pace it out with your pedometer or fancy iPod gadgets. So I'm thrilled with myself.

Next goal may have to be a 10k run. I'm trying to see if there's a way to work a 10k run into fundraising for my choir's trip to Italy this summer... :)

This would be me and my fellow runners clutching at our bottles of water after crossing the finish line. Yay us!

I ended up raising a little more than $600, and I'm super proud - I didn't think I'd even make $100.

Y'all are awesome. And for those of you who were wondering if the dogs were there again this year... the answer is yes. I left them with their owner whilst I ran, though.

Of Community Involvement

2009-09-16T19:12:00.006-06:00

So last year a friend and I did CIBC's Run for the Cure - a 5k run in support of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. We signed up about a week before the event, didn't do much fundraising, and basically used it as an excuse to walk her dogs for the morning. It was a ton of fun, and immediately afterwards, we decided to do it again this year.

See? It was fun? Where else do you get complete stranger firefighters in pink willing to pose with you? (That's me on the bottom left, in case you're wondering. My hand is at that weird angle because we'd been trying to get the dogs to hold still - there's food in that hand)

So this year, we're more organized. There's more time to fundraise. And this year, in celebration of how much improvement and such I've made over the last year, I hope to actually RUN the 5k this year.

I realize that just about everyone and their entire family does this run, and you've probably already been hit up for donation about half a dozen times, but if you could see your way towards sponsoring me in this run, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm pretty close to my goal - if even 6 people donate $5 (that's about £2.8, or $4.5o US, or 3.25 euro), then I'm there. If you're in Canada and donate, anything $20 and up automatically received a tax receipt (under $20, you have to make sure you request the receipt when donating).

My Donation Page at the CIBC Run for the Cure can be found HERE: TTR's Page

It's a great cause, and so many people have been affected... So please, consider donating. Please.

Of recent trips for work...

2009-09-12T15:17:00.004-06:00

At the end of July I was sent to Victoria for work, and then was in Vancouver towards the end of August for a day. We were conducting interviews for a BC/AB-wide process, so I didn't anticipate that I'd have much in the way of free time. I was wrong, and actually had a fair bit of time to kill in Victoria. But, of course, not anticipating free time, I hadn't taken my camera. Go figure. So I decided to try and find one of the old-school disposable cameras that used to be so amazingly awesome. I looked in drugstores, I looked in tourist shops - finally I actually went into a specialized photography store, and they had some. So I got to take some photos after all.

First, the Fairmont Empress, Victoria. As I stood outside in the sweltering 30 degree heat, I wondered what it would be like to stay in a Fairmont... I've been in the lobbies/bars/restaurants, but staying at one is really out of my budget. Little did I know that the Fairmont in some locations actually offers amazing deals for people there on government business, so I did get to stay at the Fairmont Vancouver when I was there in August. It was a hotel room like most others, so I've got to say, I'm not sure the money spent on the Fairmont name is worth it... But at least now I can say I've stayed at a Fairmont.

Totem pole across the street from the BC legislature in Victoria. There were a few of these scattered on the grounds.

Fountain at the Royal BC Musem. Super pretty. Lots of birds around, too, and relatively isolated. I was a bit sad I didn't get to go to the museum (I was going to go at one point, but it was going to close in less than an hour, and I didn't figure the $20 or whatever it was for admission was worth it).

Art Gallery in Downtown Vancouver. It was lovely.

Library Square, Vancouver. Several government offices are located in this complex. I found myself wondering if they'd gotten the idea for the architecture from the British Museum, or vice versa... Either way, the British Museum's courtyard feels much more airy and spacious, but this was still pretty cool.

Of OUCH!

2009-09-09T20:17:00.003-06:00

So my building's garbage chute and I had a bit of a disagreement a little over a week ago. On Tuesday, Sept 1, to be precise. It seemed to think I wasn't getting my arm out of there fast enough, while I seemed to think it should let me go about my business. The result, my arm was pinched in the latch. Below, you can behold the resulting carnage. And these photos are today - the bruise is more than a week old. You've missed the spectacular blue and purple, and are now getting to see the green/yellow/red fabulousness that it is right now. And yes, there were some choice four-letter words involved.

Of last-minute arrangements

2009-09-03T19:30:00.002-06:00

I was meant to hvae a promotion interview at work last week on Thursday at 10 a.m.

At a little after 9 a.m., I got a phone call from the coordinator saying that my interview was being postponed because one of the board members forgot some paperwork. No date was set.

This was a little bit of an issue, because the same board member goes on vacation after tomorrow for about a month. No interview before tomorrow, no shot at that raise before another month goes by.

Yesterday, I still had no date set, so informed the coordinator that I could be reached by cell outside regular work hours (the coordinator is two time zones ahead), and that I was usually in the office between 7 and 7:15 in the morning.

This morning, my cell rings at 6:55. It's the coordinator saying my interview is at 7:30.

I'm not sure how well I did... I suppose I'll find out in a few weeks when my results come in...

Of amusement

2009-08-30T12:11:00.003-06:00

Wedding was yesterdy - it was a great time. Got to see some people I hadn't seen in a while and hang out with some others I see on a slightly more regular basis...

Totally forgot the wedding gift on my kitchen table and realized when I got to the reception location... but luckily the bride's sister lives in my building and agreed to let me drop it off at hers. Go figure.

Funny story - apparently the groom's brother had a pre-conceived notion that all the bride's friends were going to be nerdy academic types (ie: ugly). When the table I was sitting at (mostly the bride's single girl friends) got up to eat, apparently the question was "who are they?". "Bride's friends." "But they're not ugly!".

But perhaps the most amusing moment of the night came late into the evening. The bride and groom were headed out for the evening, so I decided to head out as well. As I was waiting for my cab, the bride's sister came up to me (we were standing outside the hotel with the smokers), chatting away, she mentioned that apparently the vote from the groom's entourage was that I was the "hot one".

Boost to the self-esteem in a sort of junior-high-esque way. :)

Of attitude

2009-08-24T18:40:00.002-06:00

Perhaps I am a wee bit unusual.

Ok, ok, yes, I know, I _am_ unusual. But not in this sense.

Generally, when I start a new job, even if it's not what I want to be doing, I feign interest and do my best to make the most of a crap situation. Case in point, my first job with the government. Didn't really want it, but needed it for the money. Wasn't interested, and started looking for ways out even before I set foot in the door, but still made an effort and tried not to piss people off.

One of my new staff members is a whole four weeks into the job. Hell, this person hasn't even started the job as of yet - the last four weeks have been training. And already they want to get out. Employee A is making no secret of it. No problem, I can completely understand.

But holy hell does this Employee A's attitude suck. EE A sits in the back of the room with her arms crossed. EE A tries to argue with the security guy about the name that should be on their ID card. EE A refuses to respond when we say goodbye to them at the end of the day and huffs out. Snarky comments abound under their breath to the other employees.

My god. EE A's been on the job 7.5 hours, and already we're going to have to have a chat about attitude. This is ridiculous.

Of pros and cons...

2009-08-22T09:15:00.003-06:00

***Squeamish about blood and/or needles? Skip the first four paragraphs***

I had an interesting day yesterday. I tried to give blood for the first time in about a year (I was on the do-not-call list for a while due to low iron). But they set up a mobile clinic right in my workplace yesterday, so I figured I'd give it another go.

As I was sitting, waiting for the nurse to ask the horribly invasive personal questions that ensure my blood won't horribly infect someone else, I noticed that one of my staff was out there donating blood, too. Good for him, I thought. But more on this later.

My Iron levels were fine, things were looking good... I got so far as the chair, arm outstretched, veins looking good (I'd made sure to eat and drink a lot of water before going - I was pretty proud of myself). So they poke my arm, and things are feeling norm... oh, wait. That _hurt_. Not just the normal 'oh dear, there's a 2-inch needle in my arm' discomfort, but actual pain. And then came the fun words from the nurse poking me "your vein moved. We've got enough that you can keep going, but we could re-start if it's not going to be comfortable". I sucked it up. I said "as long as you can keep that needle from moving around, I'll be ok, 'cuz it's only when it moves that it really hurts." So we kept going.

Normally, once the needle's in, I'm done in, like, 4 minutes. As I watched the # of grams creep slowly, slowly upwards on that bag (yes, I'm one of those people that doesn't mind watching my blood bleed (normally quickly) slowly out of me). I realized it was going to take forever, so I settled in for the long haul. Cuddled my sweater, laid back, staring at the ceiling (the one time I didn't take a book with me!), imagining all the workers above... And then I started to feel nauseous. Normally that wouldn't bother me. I know I'm not going to puke, and usually when I start feeling nauseous after donating blood, I'm thisclose to finishing, so they can take the needle out, finish up, and then deal with my physical issues. Not this time. After only about 250 grams (out of 500-something a person actually donates to create a unit), I started to feel sweaty and gross - a very good sign I'm about to pass out. I fought it for about 30 seconds, then signalled the nurse. We had to stop.

I realize that most of this is beyond my control, but I still feel guilty whenever I can't manage to donate blood. I feel like I've wasted the time of the nurses/staff on duty, and I feel like there's something wrong with me that I'm not strong enough to do it. Completely irrational, I know, but such is the way things work inside my head.

10 minutes, some cold compresses, and a juice box later, I was feeling fine and was about to be back on my feet. At that point, though, a coworker and another staff member walked by (as I was finishing up recovery), and asked about the staff member I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I pointed him out and it suddenly dawned on me that he was actually still there. Turns out the poor guy had not only passed out when he finished donating, but also passed out a second time when they tried to sit him up. He was out of commission for the rest of the day - sent home in a cab to his waiting girlfriend.

So on the downside - no blood donation. On the upside, extra long lunch hour for me!

Yesterday also marked my last dayon my old assignment. I moved my stuff into my new office yesterday afternoon, which was super fun, especially when trying not to use my left arm (no lifting after a blood donation, remember!). There are several pros and cons to this whole new office thing.
Pros: new team to mold to my evil ways, new office with actual walls up to the ceiling, door, and privacy!, new challenge and new learning opportunities
Cons: new team that may not mold to my evil ways, no natural light, no window to gaze out, and my old team with all their humour and hard work does not get to follow me down to the cave (as I'm affectionately calling my new office - it's in the basement, but it's brand new and absolutely lovely).

So all in all, as I've said in other forums, it was a mediocre day.

Of growing up

2009-08-16T21:52:00.002-06:00

So I went to the Fringe on Friday night with a couple of friends that I hadn't seen in a while.

Props to the cast and crew of both LoveHateKill and Bashir Lazhar - go see them if you can!

But while we were munching on dinner before hand, I asked one, with whom I've been in very poor touch over the last couple of years, what she was up to these days.

"I'm getting married and having babies, just like everyone else" she deadpanned.

I bought it for the first five words, and was even trying to sneakily look at her ring finger, but then the babies bit came out and I knew she was totally kidding. Later in the evening, we decided that "buying a condo" should also be added into that generic phrase - either before or after getting married, depending on preference.

I went to a friend's bridal shower this p.m., so that little adage friend #1 shared at dinner on Friday was hitting a little closer to home.

That's not to say that I want to get married, buy a condo, and have babies. Rather the opposite, in fact (except maybe the buying a condo bit... but I need to either win the lottery or have some unknown, long-lost rich relative kick the bucket first). And fortunately I'm blessed with a family and friends that don't ask the awkward "so when are you going to meet a nice man and settle down" question at social gatherings. But with most of my friends at the very least meeting 1 of the criteria listed, if not two, or, in some cases all three (in various combinations - the most popular being the married and a condo/house... fortunately not too many having kids yet), I've noticed that couple-y language is the norm, and when you're one of the only people saying "I" in a room full of "we", you stand out a bit.

But I've whined about this before. Ah well. Like I said in the last post, I've gotten a bit more comfortable in my own skin. Unlike some previous posts, this isn't really a wish to find a significant other. This isn't a "oh, I wish I had what everyone else is having" post (especially not in regards to kids *shudder*).

It's just a short, quick lament for the days when "I" was the norm.

Ps - Bridal Shower was awesome. Low key, no pressure to play silly toilet paper games - and I even won a prize for best score on a "guess how old the bride is in these photos" game. Woot! I can't wait for the hen party next weekend and the wedding the weekend after. And since I know the bride reads this blog from time to time, yes, the love in the house was amazing - but you absolutely deserve it. You're amazing, and I can't tell you how much happiness I wish you.

Of change

2009-08-15T15:37:00.004-06:00

So I got sick of the old template. I mean, it's been nearly four years... it was time for a change.

This coincides with a change in my job - I'll be staying in Edmonton, but shifting responsibilities within my organisation next week. I'm looking forward to it.

I was in Victoria and Vancouver a couple of weeks ago - totally forgot to take my camera, so had to buy a disposable, old-fashioned film camera. I can't wait to see how the photos turn out. I will certainly scan and post some when I get them back.

I'm also hoping that there's some good news on the old photo front. When I first when to England, I took my parents' digital camera. It was crap. I didn't like it. I especially didn't like it when the camera did something stupid and weird and deleted ALL my photos from my first three months living in England from off the camera. I was not impressed. And of course, I hadn't downloaded them to my computer. And then it did the same thing to my parents after they went to England. All their photos from that trip, gone. But now McBain is offering a service whereby they can try and retrieve old photos from your memory cards that seem to have been deleted. I'm hopeful that we may recover some of them at least! At $10, it's worth a shot ($35 if they manage to recover anything).

It's been a busy few weeks, as per usual. Work hasn't been too nuts, but other things are popping up. I have another friend getting married this summer - and in contrast to the previous wedding I attended, I'm actually quite looking forward to this one. I think it's 'cuz my self-confidence has been hugely bolstered over the last year. I've managed to handle a program under the scrutiny of the ADM, I've dropped 2-3 sizes, depending on which clothing company you talk to, and I've learned a lot about myself, and most of it for the better. I have a car now, which gives me so much more freedom, and I'm just feeling a lot more comfortable in my own skin.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to sing with RES again this year. They have a great program lined up, but given the financial and time commitments they're asking this year, combined with the fact that the friend I normally attended with is not returning, are making it a less appealing option. I'm looking into alternatives - Magnolia, I may be hitting you up for Musical Theatre ideas, depending on how things pan out.

For now, I offer you this - the view from my balcony during a recent rainfall:

How I spent my Summer Vacation

2009-07-07T13:21:00.005-06:00

07Jul2009

So I've just come back from a trip to Ontario. It was another trip to Goderich (you may recall some talk about this from a while ago... In this entry, to be precise... This time my grandmother just turned 95 years old (on Sunday). And it was less face time... but that's ok.

Anywho, got in to London, ON at about 4:20 p.m. on Friday evening. My parents were meant to be picking me up. No parents. Odd. So I waited, and they finally showed up about 20 mins later, explaining that it took them rather longer to get to London than they'd thought from Goderich - traffic and the like. My grandmother was with them in the car, which was fine... but she can't hear very well, and so it felt like I was shouting whenever I talked to her (this was a pattern for the weekend - the advantage being that if we wanted to talk about anything without her hearing, we just had to lower our voices a little).

She decided we needed to have dinner at this little truck stop about halfway between London and Goderich. It was ... um... food. Not great. Kind of sketchy, in fact, but it was super cheap. My fish and chips were only 7 bucks. But whatever, it was food, and after a day of airplane travel, it was welcome.

I'd decided to stay at a hotel this time, rather than at grandma's. Which was fine, but the walls were superthin and I could hear the conversations in the room next to me relatively well. Ah well. Could have been worse, I'm sure.

On Saturday I was up at 9, had a quick breakfast at the hotel (continental breakfast was included), and then went for a run. I decided to run the beach. My god. When you see this on your morning run, what else do you need?

Yup, it was pretty damn awesome. The afternoon was spent at a craft show with my parents, and out running errands.

Sunday I repeated the morning routine, this time taking my camera (hence the photos). The afternoon was spent at the Huron County Gaol, which I hadn't visited since I was a kid.

On a completely random note, I'd mentioned back a while ago that I'd not come across any cases of individuals being decapitated whilst being hanged.

Turns out that's a result of the 'innovation' of long-drop hangings (which happened after the time period that I studied). I learned one heck of a lot at the gaol.

So there ya go. If they used long-drop hanging on Saddam Hussein, quite possible and not at all fishy.

Anywho, this educational experience was followed by my grandmother's 95th birthday dinner at the White Carnation in Holmesville - a passable buffet. Afterwards, I went and attempted to capture some of the sunset over the lake...

'Twas lovely.

Of OMG

2009-06-08T15:47:00.002-06:00

So. Today started well. I got to the airport with few delays (a miracle in and of itself, as it's construction season, after all, and the airport is south of downtown, and I live downtown, and all the construction is between me and the airport...).

So what's the first thing that happens when I get there? I walk in the door and who should be wandering his way through the baggage carousel but one of the ex's friends. He works for Border Services, I should really have expected it... so I did the "mature" thing and pretended I didn't see him and became horribly engrossed in the arrivals/departures board. It's the first time I've seen one of the boy's friends since the breakup - I've even sort of avoided our mutual friends to a certain extent. Which is not good. Going to have to face it at some point, but what can you do?

So then, I'm sitting in the lounge waiting for the plane to Calgary to board (why it was cheaper to fly to Calgary and THEN to Saskatoon, I don't know, but whatever), when who should show but a former boss. That made waiting much more pleasant as at least then there was someone to talk to - and I do like her.

So then, I get to Calgary, and I'm waiting for the next plane, and I turn around and there are two cops walking towards me. One of them had his face hidden behind a tall person sitting near me, but for about 2 seconds, I actually thought it WAS the ex. After all, the airport's in his division. Thankfully it wasn't, but that was near panic-worthy.

So then, I get to Saskatoon, and the waterpark/swimming pool here at the hotel is closed for the week. I think the gym is still open, though, so no excuses there.

And then I realize I've forgotten my camera, so I will have no proof that Saskatoon is much nicer in June than in February.

And now I am waiting for a friend to pick me up for dinner. Yay!

Of auditions

2009-06-04T19:39:00.003-06:00

04Jun2009

Had to re-audition for the choir tonight. Short, sweet, simple. Sing a piece, do a little sight-reading in terms of rhythm, do a little sight singing (horrible at the sight singing... *sigh*).

This afternoon I had some serious self-doubt issues. The piece I wanted to sing wasn't feeling right ("Flow My Tears" by John Dowland, in case anyone is interested), so I dug through my old music and tried to find something else that would suit. I found "When Love Is Kind" - a poem of Thomas Moore's set to an old English melody that I sang back in high school... and it was feeling a little better.

I walked into the audition still not quite sure which I'd end up singing. I even asked the accompanist whether she was tired (the accompaniment to the Dowland is ridiculously easy)... and when she indicated she didn't really care, I finally decided to go with WLIK.

Score! It's a ridiculously short piece (probably only about a minute long), but apparently it shows off my "range and range of emotions", so I think the audition went well (in spite of my inability to pick out intervals when sight singing). Did let them know I might not be there in fall, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've been on course for work this week, so have managed to avoid doing any "real" work thus far, including even checking my emails. It's been great! I'll probably have to do some tomorrow, though. Especially since I'm off to Saskatoon for more training next week. It's been pretty good, and I've enjoyed the change in pace, a lot.

Of musings...

2009-06-01T17:55:00.002-06:00

I know I did the right thing...

So why do I still feel like shit?

Of unhappy endings

2009-05-30T12:33:00.003-06:00

30May09

On Monday, the boy and I had a conversation over MSN about how I might potentially be moving to Ottawa in the fall. He said something that really got to me. "I hope I'm not influencing your decision on this." I made some flippant reply about how that was a loaded statement, deftly avoiding the unasked question, and continued the conversation.

But it got me thinking.

He's super nice. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings. But you can't build a relationship on avoiding causing pain to others. We don't really talk any more. It's down to pleasantries like "how was your day?" "How's the weather?" and other such mundane things. When he said he was coming up this weekend, my first thought was not "oh, yay!" but rather just "oh". He's definitely more into the whole thing than I am. And as one of my friends said, when a guy spills his feelings to you and all you can think to say is "Thanks" and look for the door, there's definitely something wrong.

I'm not comfortable having him in my space any more. Whether it's my apartment or my personal space. I realize that most of the blame in this is probably mine, for not speaking up sooner when things were making me uncomfortable, for not pointing out that I thought things were moving too fast. But looking back (hindsight is always 20-20, right?) I realize that there were all sorts of things I should have done differently.

I should have realized that when we had the same conversation about tea back before we were dating, almost word-for-word, THREE separate times (yes, I even went back through my MSN message history in analyzing this relationship), that we would probably quickly run out of things to talk about. When we'd been dating for a whole month and he said that he "accidentally" referred to me as his girlfriend to coworkers, I should have told him that made me uncomfortable and that while I was flattered, I needed more time. I should have never let him take for granted that he could use my space here. I shouldn't have gone on a week's vacation with the guy after only seeing him for 5 months (my mother had half-jokingly told me that if we made it through the week, we might make it in the relationship - further proof that you should always listen to your mother, people!). When we had our first discussion about how I needed space, I should have just ended it there rather than trying to avoid hurting his feelings by telling him I didn't feel the same intensity of emotion for him as he did for me.

So, it was with all these things in mind that I broke up with him today. I think I made the decision on Tuesday, and the rest of the week, waiting for him to be here so I could do it in person rather than being a 21st century idiot and doing it over the phone or by MSN (god forbid).

He's taken it well - well, as well as can be expected. He said it wasn't unexpected, which is good, I guess - better that he had some preparation rather than simply throwing a bucket of ice water on him. I avoided using most of the cheesy breakup lines (although I did basically give him the it's-not-you-its-me reason, which is true - he's a great guy and I wish him all the best), and it ended with him asking if I'd still talk to him, so I'm hopeful that there may be a friendship salvageable there. Only time will tell. He asked if I had any regrets - and the answer is yes, but only because I didn't speak up sooner and let it drag out this long. I don't regret any of the time that I spent with him. We did, after all, have a great time...

In short, I'm feeling kinda shitty and like a horrible person because I've hurt him, but mostly good. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can get on with my life.

In other disturbing news, my dad's skin cancer is back. They removed a huge chunk of his face a while back, but looks like they got it all. Prayers/thoughts/vibes/whatever would be greatly appreciated.

And work is stupid busy again, but I get a two-week "vacation" as I attend two training sessions - one in E-Town this week and one in Saskatoon next week.

In other news, our choir had its final conert of the season last night - it went beautifully, I think. For more info on the program you can check out the associate director's blog at Podium Speak (see his May 29 post). John had taken over the main conducting duties this year as the usual director was on sabattical. I was especially excited about the Sirett piece, as Dr. Sirett was my first ever choir director nearly 20 years ago (oh, dear god, I feel old all of a sudden - it really doesn't seem that long ago that I was a little chorister at St. George's...). The Bruckner went off wonderfully (as he seems to have written in an update today), which was the most worrisome bit...

If I do end up moving to Ottawa, I think it'll be one of the things I miss most. Although having said that, my Dad recently made a comment about how he wondered if I actually enjoyed the choir, since most of the people in it are twice my age. He's right, and I think if I stay in E-Town I might find another choir to work with - the great thing about RES, though, is that it's a huge choir and you get to do all sorts of works that require the power and volume you simply can't get from a smaller choir. I don't know if I could do it if the John's wife (who used to be my boss and who I'm now happy to call a friend) wasn't in the choir as well. I have to re-audition for the choir on Thursday this coming week, and will make it known to the usual director that I may be moving in the fall, but we'll see how it goes - even if I don't move, I don't know if I'll stay with the choir and may look for other things, especially if John's wife leaves, which she's thinking about doing. But as I said to John last night, this year has been a slice, and I've greatly enjoyed it, in spite of moments of frustration (mostly with other choir members and their lack of respect/tact... but that's another blog post for later).

I'll be off to dinner with a friend this evening, and possibly out for another friend's birthday afterwards... Looking forward to it! In spite of the slight low of today, things are looking greatly up.

Of catching up

2009-05-24T09:00:00.004-06:00

24May2009

Having been at work pretty much non-stop for the last 5 months, and having to deal with entertaining the boy in between has meant that I've neglected a few friendships.

Fortunately I have two best friends that understand that even if I don't spend time with them all that often (literally months have passed in some cases), I still appreciate them and like them.

So Friday night it was down to a friend's place (I drove the new car! I'm still loving that I can do that!) for snack and chatting and such, then yesterday over to another friend's place for a run, food, and general games-y goodness.

The run was great - first time I've run outdoors in an extremely long time, and I'm thrilled with my fitness level. It would have killed me if I'd attempted it a year ago, but now I was able to keep up with my friend. I am, however, feeling the impact in my bones today - which is the one disadvantage to running on pavement rather than on a treadmill. Still, I think I shall have to do it more often as the summer progresses. :)

Of the last couple of months

2009-05-15T16:25:00.005-06:00

15May2009

Blogger is today telling me that I haven't posted here in 2 months. Holy crap, that's nuts. And there's been a fair bit of stuff going down... So let's see...

March: continued explosion of Work. When you work in employment programs, that's the downside of a recession - your services are more in demand than ever. I did, however, manage to sneak away and get to Ottawa again for training. It was a good week, and it was a nice break from work. Not a vacation by any means, but definitely a nice break. One of the guys I'm on training with (same bunch of supernice people I met in September) finally posted some photos from back in September - we met Carlo Rota one night while we were there, so here ya go!

That's me on the right. Plus three of my colleagues. Woot!

April was fairly work-filled as well. Lots and lots of work. I have a three-day weekend this weekend (yay for Queen Victoria!) and it's the first time that I can recall having more than one day off in any given week in a very long time.

I did, however, go on a trip with the boy in April - we went to Jasper, Kamloops, Kelowna, and Banff... And it went well. Until we hit Banff. I'm not sure what happened, entirely, but something just snapped, and I realized that he was the one thing in my life that was stressing me out a bit that I could either cut back on or get rid of. Working up the courage to tell him that was another matter entirely. You see, he'd more or less moved in over the course of March/April - any time he was in town, my place was where he stayed. And the problem is that I'm an only child. I haven't shared my space, much less my bed with anyone in years. And years. And years. I couldn't take it any more - I just felt... like it was an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. Not to mention that I couldn't sleep properly when he was around, and when I get tired, I become an emotional wreck. I was about thisclose to calling my workplace's 24-hour crisis line a few times.

Having said that, I still like the guy. A lot. I just can't handle having him around all the time. So after the vacation, I told him that. I was in tears and a total wreck the entire time, but I got it out eventually. He took it stunningly well (after all, isn't "I need space" a classic breakup line?), left, went back to his town a few days earlier than he'd intended, and I thought things were better, that he understood that I needed space.

Next time he was up, he more or less moved right back in. Had the conversation again and this time told him outright that while I still enjoyed his company, I needed to take about six steps back and just go back to dating rather than living together. At the end of the night, a kiss goodbye would be it, but then he'd have to go find somewhere else to sleep. Again, he took it surprisingly well, and this is the first weekend I'll see him again after that conversation, so we'll see. We're more or less still together, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm a classic introvert, and for every hour I spend with other people I need an hour or two to just be alone and recover - I'm beginning to wonder if I'm meant for a relationship.

Throw the fact that I may well be moving halfway across the country into the equation and I'm wondering if it would be more merciful to just end it now... but if I stay, I don't want to totally throw this away just yet...

Anywho, enough about that.

May has been busy. It involved a performance with my choir as part of the Edmonton Symphony's presentation of Holst's "Planets". Which was pretty cool. We only had to sing for about 4 minutes in the entire show, at the very end, and weren't actually on stage, so we got to wear jeans and t-shirts and such. Apparently it sounded pretty awesome.

And the other big news for May is that I bought a car! I've never owned a vehicle before, so this was a huge step. Meet my baby!

Ok, yes, I know, it's a shitty photo, but what can you do with only a camera cell phone?! She's a 2008 Kia Rio 5, and is pretty loaded - power everything, heated seats (which is important here in Alberta... heck, in Canada even)... the only thing she doesn't have that I would have wanted is cruise, but I'm not going to be that picky. I love her! Now I just have to figure out the best way to hook my iPod up to the stereo - there's a USB connection that I'd have to find the proper cable for, she's (maybe?) got Bluetooth that I could buy a transmitter for, I could go for the FM transmitter, or there's always a good old 3.5mm aux cable (the same size as most headphone jacks).

I've just learned that I'm headed back to Saskatoon in June for some more training - should be pretty interesting! Saskatoon in February was not so fun, Saskatoon in June may be more exciting.

And that is all!

Of apologies

2009-03-11T18:36:00.002-06:00

For not writing more often.

I have recently been working 11-hour days and weekends at work, and it's nuts. The last thing I want to do when I get home is sit at a computer again.

Take care, all, and hopefully this will end soon.

Of Arctic adventures

2009-02-26T19:33:00.004-07:00

So, I'm back.

I had a fun trip. It meant that work has backed up like no one's business, and I'm ridiculously behind, and have worked extra hours many days - I've been in the office for 5 hours the last two Saturdays, on Tuesday I worked from 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m... Hence the no blogging. I escaped early today to go to a Dr's appointment. It was pretty exciting. No, I'm serious. I left work ON TIME. I haven't done that since before Christmas, I don't think.

Anywho, the Arctic was pretty nifty. I don't think I could spend any length of time up there. Well, maybe Yellowknife, but not Iqaluit. When we got off the plane and went into Iqaluit, it was so cold, so isolated, so desolate... I looked out my hotel window and was about ready to cry for a bit. But I got over it. The office was small and cute, the people friendly, and the culture amazing. In the airport in Rankin inlet, you saw women carrying their children in the oversized hoods of their beautifully embroidered parkas...

But I leave you with some photos...

Interior of Bullock's Bistro in Yellowknife. A teensy place with seating for maybe a couple dozen people. Great, locally caught fish, though.

Iqaluit from the hotel window. Or at least part of Iqaluit from the hotel window. For a town of 6000 people, it seems to sprawl all over.

Fresh fruit and veg are flown in - there's not enough sunlight in the winter to even greenhouse it, and the cost would be prohibitive. So you get $27.29 jalapeno peppers instead.

View out the window from the office. Showing a raven and a typically dressed Iqaluitian. :)

Of Performances

2009-02-08T13:19:00.003-07:00

08Feb09

So one of the programs I manage at work requires that our department give information sessions to potential stakeholders at least once in each federal electoral constituency. Which is fine, you'd think. We've got staff everywhere, right?

Except this program is centralized here where I live and we cover all of AB, the Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. Staff in those locations aren't up to speed on the program and don't feel comfortable giving information sessions, which necessitates someone from my shop going out and delivering the sessions. And to top it all off, they need to deliver these sessions in both official languages. The nominee to deliver them all? Me. I literally have no one else.

Not too worried about the English Sessions, but the French ones have me a bit worried - it's been forever since I've used my French in any sort of public setting.

So I'll be taking off and travelling all over AB/NT/NU for the next week or so - here's the schedule:

10Feb09 - Fly up to Yellowknife. Deliver information sessions in the afternoon.
11Feb09 - Fly from Yellowknife to Iqaluit.
12Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Iqaluit.
13Feb09 - Fly from Iqaluit to Ottawa, Ottawa to Calgary (yes, that's the shortest and most direct way to get from Iqaluit back out here to Alberta).
14-15Feb09 - spend the weekend in Calgary with the boy (yay!)
16Feb09 - Deliver info sessions in Calgary, have lunch with a former coworker (yay!)
17Feb09 - Deliver info session in a small town outside Calgary, fly home.

Not going to lie, I'm pretty excited to see Yellowknife and Iqaluit. I mean, they're not exactly your average tourist destination. It'll be pretty nifty to put those pins in the map, and to say that I was in Iqaluit in February. I'm just hoping it's not -47 degrees up there while I'm there, the way it was a couple of weeks ago when a coworker emailed me from there. So far the weather forecast is showing only about -25 or so, so I'm ok with that. After all, that's what we really should be having around here at this time of year, not these crazy +3 temperatures (not that I'm complaining, really).

I'll try and take photos, but this is a working trip - not sure how much I'll manage to see.

Of keepers

2009-01-27T19:25:00.002-07:00

27Jan09

So I have the flu.

Sweating through layers and layers of clothes one minute, totally unable to get warm the next. Which sucks. A lot. Especially since the guy mentioned in the previous post is in town (yay!) for a few days (yes, it's a sort of long-distance-ish thing, but we deal with that...).

He called when he arrived this afternoon. He knew I was sick. He knew I had the flu. I told him I would be horrible company. I told him I was quite possibly contagious (I don't know, maybe I am?!).

And yet he came over anyway. Granted, only for about 45 mins - he had tickets to the hockey game tonight - but he showed up. I wasn't quite at my unwashed worst, but close to it...

And he still wants to hang out?! He still wants to spend time with me later this week?!

Ladies and gentlemen, we may have a keeper.

Of new beginnings

2009-01-03T09:10:00.003-07:00

03 Jan 08

So this survey materialized on facebook on about Dec 30, and I was just too lazy to do it there, so...

1) Was 2008 a good year for you?
Yeah... It started out pretty gloomily, but slowly improved, and the last 5 months of the year were the awesomest five months I've had in a long time - new experiences all around.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Tough to say. Probably hearing that I'd gotten the new job. Freedom!

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
I'll go with slippinging down the stairs at Grandin LRT station and straining ligaments in my wrist. It's still not totally back to normal, and may not be for another month.

4) Where were you when 2008 began?
At Bonobo's. I left shortly after midnight.

5) Who were you with?
A whole bunch of my awesome friends from FEP.

6) Where will you be when 2008 ends?
I was hoping to be at Beans' with a bunch of friends and such, but that fell through, so I ended up on my couch watching CBC most of the night.

7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends?
I was all by myself. *sigh*

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2008?
I think I'd made a point of not making any. However, towards September I decided that with the new job I was going to try and get a bit healthier - so I joined the gym at work. It's working! I feel way better these days, and people keep telling me I look better, so...

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?
Only to try and be more open to opportunities, even if they scare me.

10) Did you fall in love in 2008?
I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. But I did find myself someone that seems to be interested in me, and I'm interested in him, and things are going so well I'm wondering when they're going to go wrong *knock wood*. This ties into Question 9, really.

11) If yes, with who?
It's a guy. We'll leave it at that.

12) If yes, do they know?
Yup. Finally. Although it's not because I overcame my fear, it's 'cuz he made the approach.

13) Are you still in love with them?
See question 10.

14) Do you regret it?
Not so far *knock wood*

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008?
Nope.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
Probably, but I think most of the "new" friends I actually made in 2007 or 2006.

17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Why rank? What a load of crap.

18) What was your favorite month of 2008?
Probably August. I did things I'd never done before, went places I'd never been before, and actually took some time off work.

19) Did you travel outside of Canada in 2008?
Yup. To San Francisco.

20) How many different places did you travel to in 2008?
outside the country - 1; inside the country - 5 places, some multiple times

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2008?
Thank goodness, no.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Of course. I've lots of special people in distant places.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008?
Good question. It was obviously so very amazing that I don't remember.

24) What was your favorite song from 2008?
Cemeteries of London, by Coldplay... No One's Gonna Love You by Band of Horses...

25) What was your favorite record(s) from 2008?
In Rainbows, by radiohead

26) How many concerts did you see in 2008?
1. And it was awesome. Radiohead in San Francisco.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008?
See above.

28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
Actually, since I started the new job, I've been drinking more for networking-ish purposes - everyone in government seems to think that hanging out after work involves booze. :)

29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
More than usual - but nothing illegal. I had some fun painkillers due to various things.

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2008?
Not the sort of question I'm willing to answer publicly, I'm afraid.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not ashamed of. I was certainly embarrassed after falling down the stairs, though.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
There was nothing so obviously bad and painful that it sticks out, thank goodness.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2008?
At work, I'm sure I did. Likely after they were assholes to me first.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
At work, all the time. I don't know what makes people think they can walk into an office and treat government employees that way... oh, right, it's "I pay your salary, so you'd better..." syndrom.

36) How much money did you spend in 2008?
Not as much as I made. I've gone from being flat broke two years ago to actually having some decent savings.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2008?
Getting the new job.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008?
More than likely falling down the stairs at Grandin LRT station. Fortunately there was only one anonymous witness.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
Not a big fan of the idea of going back and changing the past, 'cuz you never know what else one little action might affect, and the end of 2008 was pretty awesome for me.

40) What are your plans for 2009?
Continuing to do the best I can at my job, my personal life, etc. That's about it really. We'll see where it goes from there.

Of events and holidays

2008-12-24T13:03:00.002-07:00

24Dec2008

Not much new to report in my world, I'm afraid.

Fell on some stairs a while ago and may have injured my wrist - on a nurse's advice I have it splinted and am carefully observing - if the pain isn't gone by next week, I'll have to go in to a doctor and see about X Rays or something of the sort (joy). Making it difficult to type, I'm afraid.

Going home tonight, so will be offline for a few days.

Happiest of Christmases to everyone!

Of expeditions

2008-12-06T17:15:00.003-07:00

06Dec2008

I've said it before. I'll say it again.

I hate shopping.

I live in the city with the world's largest shopping mall. It's huge. It has a lot of stuff I don't need. But when it comes to getting everything I need all in one spot - it's about as good as it gets. Most of the year, I'll wander in, wander around, get what I want, and wander out. Yeah, it's busy. It's a tourist attraction, after all. But it's convenient. Veni, vidi, vinci, really.

So I look at every trip to that mall as a mission, really (unless I'm going with friends for something not-shopping-related). I have actually been known to sit down with the interactive map available on their website, and plot my strategy, so-to-speak.

Today was simple. Everything I needed was on lower level. I got there shortly after everything opened. I was out less than two hours later. It was an almost-perfect mission (I doubled back on my tracks only once).

I have, however, come to some very strong conclusions. Many of which I've stated before (although not on this blog). So here they are again.

Pets should not be permitted in the mall. It's already pretty squishy in there, without you needing to bring your matching dogs along for the trip. Seriously. What do you dogs need at the mall? And if you weren't going to leave them in the car, why did you ever bother to bring them along? (Service dogs are, of course, exempted from this statement)
They should paint traffic lines down the aisles in both the stores and the hallways. If I'm walking on the right-hand side, you should NOT be walking straight towards me. Stick to YOUR right, for god's sake. I'm even for traffic lights at intersections, if it comes to that. I'm sick of being cut off only to discover that I'm stuck behind the slowest person in the mall. Speaking of which...
There should be both a maximum and a minimum speed limit inside the mall. If you can't keep up to a half-decent walking pace, get out. I would like to be able to get from one store to another in less than a minute, please, especially when the stores are right next to each other. And I also say maximum, because I realize I'm a fast walker, and that I probably piss people off by nearly stepping on their heels all the time. So yes, I realize that to a certain extent, I'm contributing to the problem.
Children should be kept on leashes. I'm quite serious about this. Not only have I nearly run over escaping children, but escaping children have nearly run over me. My mother occasionally used one of those leash things on me, and I turned out ok (although I realize this point is probably debatable).
Children shoud NOT be forced to sit on Santa's knee if they're crying. You're not going to get a good photo, and you should probably focus on what's pissing the kid off/why they're tired/what's scaring them. I mean, a big guy coming down the chimney can be pretty scary, a violation of safety really. How many times do you tell kids not to talk to strangers, not to let people touch them, etc., and then you're FORCING them into interacting with this creepy guy? And if it's nap time, for god's sake, it's nap time. You should have tried to get to the mall earlier. Save all our eardrums, please, and realize that the pic with Santa isn't worth it.
People in the stores should bloody well learn that they're there to serve customers. Suprisingly enough, I had great service in most of the stores I was in today. The stores where I had crappy service? All staffed by young people. Since when did being under the age of 25 mean that you got away with ignoring customers and poor attitude? Not impressed. When I was working retail, if I'd behaved that way, I'd have been reprimanded. And probably fired. We can't just blame the poor customer service on the level of employment in this province any more - there's something wrong with the culture.
Muzak does not make me want to shop more. If you're going to play music in your store, at least make it decent.

And that is all for now.

P.S. - most of the Christmas shopping is now done.

Of music

2008-11-25T19:17:00.004-07:00

25Nov2008

So I've been horribly remiss in updating the blog, as per usual. I've come to the conclusion that now that I'm back in Canada, and have been for a couple of years, my life is pretty boring and not necessarily the sort of thing that people would want to read about. And I don't feel that I have a driving purpose in life to blog about, like some other folks I know. And yet somehow I still have a fairly loyal handful of readers out there, and I do feel sort of neglectful of you.

So here's the whine for this post - I'm getting sick. Sore throat, sniffles. Blech. Ah well. At least it's happening now, and not earlier. Fortunately no choir practice for me tonight as I'm not singing the next concert due to an upcoming business trip to Ottawa (last time I did a concert the night before a business trip, I never really recovered, and was cranky the entire time).

So what's been up for the last couple of weeks? Work, mostly, but also music. On the 21st, my choir performed Handel's "Solomon" with the Alberta Baroque Ensemble and a selection of amazing soloists (hence the gladness that the cold is happening now, and not earlier). I thought it went well, as did most others, apparently. The choir director seems to have concurred, in spite of some very last-minute adjustments, and really, that's the opinion that matters.

Afterwards I went out to celebrate a friend's successful PhD defence. And he got to asking me why I joined the choir. And it took me a while, to be honest. I did have to think long and hard about it. I could answer immediately why I didn't join - to be social. I do have a few friends in the choir but they're very limited to a select number - just enough to give me a buffer zone. I go, I sing, I leave. I don't stay and chat. I avoid the social gatherings after concerts (usually 'cuz it's well past my bedtime... when you work at 7 a.m. anything after 10 p.m. becomes a late night... and not going to lie, average age in the choir is closer to my parents' than my own).

As for why, I suppose there are multiple reasons. I like the music. I know that sounds pretty stupid and obvious, but your average 20-something usually isn't into 'classical'. Hell, the majority of my friends don't come to my concerts, and I can totally understand that (although I sometimes wish that some of them would - no, this isn't a dig to anyone who was out celebrating or had other plans that night; it's not you to whom I'm referring). But for me, I've already gotten to fulfill one ambition - singing Mozart's Requiem - since joining. It's that sort of thing that makes it totally worthwhile to me. It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea. But I digress.

I didn't want my training to go to waste (I trained classically all through high school).

I missed choral work (I was in an awesome choir under the amazing direction of Dr. Mark Sirett, who was such an inspiration - I've always regretted that my family had to move away from that, and unfortunately the choir is now defunct - and was an alto section lead my first couple of years of uni at a local church, but hadn't done choral work since).

When I was still working at the University I was looking for something to keep me busy that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg.

And those are the big reasons I came up with, really.

And y'know, if the job makes me move somewhere else in Canada, with the exception of a few individuals, it's just the music I'll miss. Hopefully I get moved somewhere where something similar exists.

On a completely different note, Magnolia has mentioned a musical theatre project to me that might go up for this summer's Fringe, depending on how the lottery goes. And she's suggested I should audition. Which both scares the crap out of me and is kinda exciting all at the same time. I've not done musical theatre since Kiwanis classes in high school. I have no formal dramatic training. And in all honesty, I'm not sure I want to make the time commitment. The Fringe is not for the half-hearted, and I'm trying to save vacation time to go somewhere super in 2010. But I'm not going to lie. I'm intrigued...

Of Vancouver

2008-11-14T09:13:00.002-07:00

Which is where I currently am for work. Although I've not seen much of it. Honestly. Cab ride to the hotel. Inside of hotel room. Mall across the street. Meeting rooms in hotel. Last night I escaped and made it out for dinner with some friends and had the best catch-up chat I've had in a very long time. But of course, it was night, it was dark, not much to see. Today, more inside of hotel meeting rooms. Cab ride back to airport.

The worst bit is that I have no idea why I'm here. My boss decided it was "a learning experience", but I have nothing to contribute and don't understand half of what's going on.

Ah well.

Someday I will make it out here for a really for real visit. Someday.

Of frustration

2008-11-09T18:05:00.003-07:00

I finally got to see the friend from that last post for the first time since she's gotten back this weekend.

She met a guy while she was on training, and when I heard this, I was incredibly happy for her. And I still am, I guess.

But with the exception of the times when she was driving, she spent a huge portion of the time we were together texting, and I'm pretty sure a lot of them were to the guy in question, although I can't be 100%.

Granted, we were in a sort of house party situation so it's not like we were one on one and having an in-depth conversation, but it felt like she was totally tuned out, not only myself but the other people present, the entire weekend, which really sucked after my friend B and I made an effort to try and sort of make her feel special.

I know she's still probably not feeling all that great. I can understand that none of us out here won't exactly know what happened during her training, and we'll never be able to 100% relate to her circumstances, and I know that infatuation is a glorious feeling (being in the midst of it myself, and knowing that if that text message came I'd probably feel amazing - and no, I don't know if the feelings are reciprocated, but given my track record, I'm probably getting my hopes up for nothing, and yes, perhaps I am a teensy bit jealous of the fact that she's managed to find someone, but I wouldn't have minded so much if not for the behaviour attached to it... but I digress...).

Nevertheless, I'm feeling like there's this wall that went up while she was gone and it makes me sad. I know people change and drift apart, but I'm wondering what's going on with this...

Of dismay and being at a loss...

2008-10-29T18:57:00.002-06:00

29Oct2008

So.

I have a friend.

She tried getting a job with a police force, and for various reasons, it didn't work out. She was bummed. Seriously bummed. But we were around, we let her take things as she needed to take them and tell us what she needed to tell us when she wanted to tell us, offered support, advice, guidance. She picked herself up, moved on, and applied for another job.

I'm not going to lie, I feel partly responsible, since I was one of the folks who suggested this option to her.

She was sent home from training today for failing a test in their stringent recruitment process (by 4%. I understand that they have stringent cut-off points for these tests, but still... 4%? Could she not retake?).

I am completely at a loss as to what to say or do for her this time around. I feel that while I can offer support, that's about it, as my advice and guidance have obviously not been what they needed to be. I feel like I should be doing something, but what the hell is there to do?

Of Worries

2008-10-19T18:18:00.005-06:00

19Oct2008

So I don't know why Blogger won't show the date that I make posts any more, now that I've switched to the new template, but whatever. Hence the date at the top of the post.

I'm worried, my friends. And the bitch of it all is that there's nothing I can do about the worries - it's all beyond my control.

Dad's got another spot. Fingers crossed it's just that - a spot, and not the skin cancer again. But I'm worried about it.
Mom's overworked. To the point where it's actually affecting her health. She's always had low blood pressure... her normal is medically generally a bit low. These last few weeks it's been high. Not just slightly elevated back into the 'normal' range, but into the 'high' range, even medically. She's never going to earn a full pension - she hasn't worked for the government long enough - but if she retires before 65 she'll be penalized even further. That means nearly 6 years to go for her. I'm worried she won't last that long.
The program I'm on for work didn't do any recruiting this year. With the economic uncertainty, it makes me worry that we're heading back into the layoffs of the mid-90s again within the next few years, and let's face it, "indeterminate" status just means that they don't know your end date, not that they can't fire you. Hell, even if they don't fire me, they could end the program and shuffle me off to somewhere I don't want to be... And that worries me.
Going in to the doctor tomorrow to get the results from those lab tests (yes, I've put it off this long so I wouldn't have to take sick time to go and get them). And I'm worried about what those results will be. (Update - it's low iron levels. I now have a giant fistful of pills to take every day, but hopefully they'll make me feel better. 17h49 20Oct08)
Still haven't got the money back from my latest drug plan claims or my latest travel claims - and I could really use that in terms of cash flow (no, I'm not poor, but the raise only kicked in this past week, and between all the travelling I've done and charges I've had to put on various credit cards, I could use the cash). I'm responsible for paying off my corporate card, even if I haven't gotten my travel claim back - and that worries me.

I guess what it boils down to is that I'm worried about the future, be it short, long or medium-term, and there's not a lot a person can do about that.

Of business trips

2008-10-08T20:03:00.003-06:00

So. Went to CowTown and L.A. for the last couple of days to visit regional offices with work. Good times. I'm now exhausted.

Which may not entirely be due to exhaustion. I got a phone call from the doc's office the other day saying they wanted to talk to me about the labwork results, but that it wasn't urgent. I'll probably go in on the 20th. If it's my thyroid, well, we've been through that one before, haven't we? And we all know that having thyroid issues can screw with a person's energy level. Or, it could be my iron levels. I went to donate blood about a week after the lab work and they refused me - too low. Not horribly low, but definitely low. Or it could be something else entirely. I'm trying not to worry about it.

I knew I was exhausted because I was having the BEST conversation ever with the taxi driver on the way home from the airport.
a) turns out he knows my area of town. Used to park across the street from my building when he worked for IBM.
b) guy has a degree in computer science.
c) told the guy I worked for the federal government. So did he.
d) he asked if I was bilingual. Conversation shifted to French. We discussed (in French) hiring processes, various government departments, security issues within the federal government, my job, his previous jobs working on contracts for various departments, French education, etc.

And my French was suffering badly, as it does when I get super tired.

But that is beside the point.

So finally I asked the inevitable.

"What on EARTH are you doing in E-Town if you're a fluently bilingual visible minority, have a degree in computer science, and have worked for the federal government on all sorts of major projects. Not only that, but what the hell are you doing driving a taxi?"

"I wanted some adventure. The money's good out here. Things are good out here."

And I guess it is. Not once did he complain that taxi-driving wasn't making him a living. Not once did he complain about the cold weather or how much better things are out East. Not once did he complain about the people out here. Not once did he complain about the cost of living out here. He pointed out some of the pitfalls of the federal government's hiring process, which are very real pitfalls that I've experienced myself, and indicated that they were part of hte reason he'd left Ottawa to come out here - those pitfalls were preventing him from getting a real, permanent job, although we did reminisce a little about Ottawa itself. He called me by name (after he'd seen it on my credit card), thanked me for giving him the opportunity to speak French and vent a bit about the government, said it was a pleasure (and the feeling was mutual, believe me), wished me a lovely night, and I was almost a bit sad to actually get home.

Why can't all cab rides be that productive/instructive?

Of eharmony

2008-10-03T16:22:00.003-06:00

So after my last post, I felt the need to see if I actually COULD get past all eHarmony's barriers.

Either they've lightened up in the last few years, or I'm not as "screwed up" as I thought I might be. I successfully registered and got my personality profile. I would post excerpts here, but it's not exactly organized in a way that's conducive to quoting out of context. And in some ways I think it's relatively inaccurate (or maybe it was my state of mind when I was answering the questions or something... I don't feel like I cheated and was trying to be more conservative than I usually am, but maybe it was a subconscious thing).

I haven't paid them yet, so it's not like I'll actually get to do any matchmaking (or rather, they'll send me matches, but I won't be able to communicate with them or see their photos unless I pay, and CHRIST - it's $60/month if you only sign up for one month... or, like, $240/year, payable all at once, there are better things I could spend my money on - I'm not that desperate yet), but I was amused that I actually managed to get past their screening, and just felt the need to share.

Of the last couple of weeks...

2008-09-28T09:25:00.002-06:00

So I was going to be really good and keep posting my journal entries as I wrote them, but it just didn't work out - I've left the journal at work (which, after all, is what it's about) and will continue to write as things come to me. This whole process is supposed to be about a lot of personal introspection, which is something I'm not particularly good at... but whatever.

So. Ottawa was superfun, even if I didn't get to play tourist. Lots of good people, lots of decent beer (oops, probably shouldn't have mentioned that - but don't worry, it was on our own tabs, not the government's, we're not wasting the taxpayers' money...).

Job is still going ok. I'm learning. I'm slowly doing as well. Yes, doing. Which is pretty exciting. I'm slowly gaining some responsibility. Although I'm still not 100% on top of what's going on, it's getting there. We're heading down to Calgary and Lethbridge next week to visit some of the field offices. There's going to be at least one, if not two trips to Vancouver (one may just be a fly-in, fly-out sort of thing, not even an overnight stay), at least one, if not two trips to Ottawa (one for training, one, maybe, for some conference with our department), and potentially a trip to Inuvik or Iqaluit - all before Christmas! Not that I'll get to see much, but at least I can add a few pins to my figurative online map -I've never been to Van or to any of the territories before.

Choir has started again for the year. We're doing Handel's "Solomon" Oratorio in November. More info can be found at www.richardeatonsingers.com. There are some pretty big names in Canadian music coming out to be the soloists, so it should be a great night.

I've started taking piano lessons again - apparently one of the biggest problems I'm having is just self-confidence, but what can you do? That will just take time to build, I guess.

I have yet again discovered that a guy I'm interested in is now in a relationship. And obviously not with me. Go figure (yes, for those of you who know me on facebook, this is the reason for my status currently). Probably for the best, given some of the circumstances surrounding things, but this is getting to be a pattern, and I'm not impressed. Anyone have any single male friends they can introduce me to? *sigh* Maybe it's time to resort to eharmony... Although I'd probably not even make it past the personality tests (just google "eharmony rejects" for more on how their process works - it's not exactly the most fair in the world, or check out this link: http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-05-18-eharmony_x.htm). At this point I just feel more defeated than devastated, which is kind of a nice change. If you can say that feeling defeated is nice. Ah well.

I have cleaned my bathroom. It is now sparkling. It won't last, but it's nice for the moment. I should probably tackle the rest of my apartment, but I'm not sure that I will.

Went out last night for a surprise party for a friend's going-away (she's heading off for a 9-week course at the beginning of October, so we likely won't see her again until close to Christmas). Had a great dinner with great people, went out dancing a bit afterwards... and was reminded why I don't go out dancing much any more. I felt old. And I'm feeling slightly hung over this morning, which can't be right, since I only had 3 drinks over the course of the night... I'm hoping I'm not getting sick.

But, in all honesty, all the minor inconveniences aside, life has been pretty not bad lately. I found someone to go to the gym with, and when your gym membership at the building you work in is only $40/year, I have no excuse NOT to join, really. I'm hoping that feeling a little better physically will help with feeling a little better emotionally. I've been making time to hang out with friends, and there are some that I need to get in touch with and arrange things (sorry, Magnolia, I keep meaning to contact you, I'm horrible...). There are so many new beginnings right now both in my life and around me that it's almost impossible not to feel oddly optimistic.

Training Vol. III

2008-09-16T20:31:00.002-06:00

Just hearing the word "conflict" makes me uneasy. What am I worried about?
- Escalating conflict to the point where relationships deteriorate
- Tension at home and at work
- Putting myself out there

Without censoring myself, I would complete the following sentence with...
"In the presence of conflict, I have a tendency to..."
- Concede quickly.

What connection can I make between my response and my Myers Briggs profile?
My introversion is definitely highlighted in the dominant ways in which I react to conflict.

Thanks to the KCSI theory, I learned that it is possible to be more effective when conflicts arise. What ideas struck me the most?
- I need not to be as fearful of conflict as long as I reflect on what I am going to say.
- The importance of "I" statements is as huge as ever.
- There are different ways of dealing with conflict, each effective in their time and place.

To become a more effective leader with regard to conflict resolution, I have decided to take certain actions. These include:
- Being more proactive in spotting conflict before it escalates.
- Not being afraid to be a director on occasion as the case requires.
- Learn to compromise more, whether in a cooperative way or a compromise way.

Training Vol. II

2008-09-16T20:18:00.002-06:00

So to continue from yesterday...

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Did I recognize myself in the results? What surprised me? What did I discover? What did the results confirm?
Hells yes, I recognized myself. I have always known that I was a fairly introverted person, more interested in facts than in imagination. Having done similar personality tests in the past, I was not particularly surprised by the results of this one. It simply confirmed what I already believed about myself.

Taking a step back, I reflect on my profile to gain a better understanding of who I am.
Where does my energy stem from?
My energy comes internally. I am an introvert. I rejuvenate by getting away from crowds and doing things alone - taking a long, hot bath, reading a good book, etc.

What is my automatic approach to understanding a situation?
I like facts. Details. Give me more information. Be straightforward. Follow the agenda. Do not make me rely on the abstract - give me concrete details and information.

How do I naturally arrive at an opinion?
I am a thinker. I need lists of pros and cons. I need to do things objectively and critically. Emotion plays a secondary role in my decisions.

What is my natural approach to action?
I need to create schedules, timetables, and deadlines. I prefer to have advance notice of things. I concentrate on task completion, and need ongoing feedback about results and achievements.

When I learned of my entire cohort's results, what fascinated me? Do I feel that different profiles will cause conflicts within the learning groups?
I was not surprised at where I stood in the group. I always knew I was an introvert. I was actually more surprised that there were other ISTJ individuals in addition to myself. I do not think it will be a conflict to work with these individuals so long as we use our differences in complementary rather than contradictory ways.

I identify the strengths and weaknesses in my profile. I define certain areas I will need to work on to become a better leader.
I need to work on my introversion. I need to know that it is ok to be more of an extrovert and to take further charge in certain situations and put myself out there at risk of criticism. I will need to learn to be more flexible and less reliant on rules and regulations and previous ways of doing things. I will need to lose my personal rigidity, to a certain extent.

Training, Vol. I

2008-09-15T18:22:00.003-06:00

So I'm Ottawa on a training session for my new job. It's only been the first day, and in all honesty, it wasn't too bad. On a completely random note, I had to buy new shoes, since I discovered a pretty massive hole in one of my casual sneakers. Which hurt. PST sucks. But what can you do?

I was hoping to meet some friends for dinner and such while I was here - it hasn't worked out as of yet. M and I were hoping to meet tonight, but he's all governmenty and important and such, and had to work late... P and M and I will hopefully all get together tomorrow night - bit of a reunion (P was my boss 6 years ago when I was still in school, and M was her boss... we all worked in the residences).

Anywho, back to the training. We did the MBTI (Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator) test, learned about each other, and generally sort of discussed leadership in the most general sense possible (how's that for a redundant sentence?).

It was all good, until we hit the last little bit of the day, and they handed us our journals. Our journals have a name. It's Latin for faithful. The journal has an introduction written in 1st person. As in, "Hi, I'm your journal! Write in me because...". And there's a page just inside the cover for us to colour. Seriously.

However, in the interests of participation, here goes nothing - I've written this in my actual paper journal as well, but it's always interesting to hear feedback on what others have to say or what others think about me and my experiences and their experiences.

1. Following the ice-breaker activity and after meeting my colleagues, what remarks affected me the most? What am I feeling right now?
After meeting my colleagues, and learning about their backgrounds and situations, their assignments, and motivations, I am feeling less alone than I was going into this. There are many similar experiences, questions, logistical nightmares, etc.

2. Who in the group caught my attention? Who am I eager to speak with? Why?
I am excited to speak with the other candidates that are closer to my age. My supervisors are not quite the same age as my parents, but they are certainly getting there - definitely boomers or very early gen Xers rather than gen Yers or millenials (for which I'm thankful, seriously). While they are certainly friendly, helpful, and kind, they are at a very different place in their lives than I am, and I'm glad to have some people also just out of school, also trying to figure out what they want from life, that I could see becoming my friends.
I am also quite glad to meet some francophones. It's been too long since I used my French on a regular basis.

3. I would use the following words to describe my cohort.

Fun
Outgoing
Intelligent
Motivated
Helpful
Enthusiastic

4. Am I ready to achieve greater balance in my life? What commitments should I make to ensure personal wellness?

Yes -

I will ask questions when in doubt.
I will do my best to leave work at work.
I will maintain my extra-curricular interests
I will take time to hang out with friends
I will take that couple of days off at Christmas.

Further thoughts...

At this point, I'm just glad that people are friendly. When I was attending the interviews for this position, there were a few people that seemed friendly and nice, but they were difficult to approach or to come by. I am quite happy that my cohort is so open, friendly, accepting of differences. Coming into this trip, it felt like going back to school. It was like... wondering if your classmates are going to like you. Wondering who's going to be your friend. Wondering if the classes are going to be too hard (so far the homework was pretty easy!). Now that I'm here, I think I'm going to be all right.

I'm home!

2008-08-27T11:47:00.003-06:00

And had a blast in SF.

Here are some of the photos from my journey:

Gorgeous flower in Golden Gate Park

The new basilica's spires towering over the roof of the old Mission Dolores.

Sea Lions basking in the sun

More of my photos can be seen by visiting my online gallery at THIS LINK.

Of San Francisco

2008-08-22T09:51:00.002-06:00

So I arrived here last night, about two hours delayed. I have no idea why out flight was delayed, but by the time I got to the airport and checked in, it was showing a 1-hour delay, which later turned into 1 hour and 40 minutes. By the time I took public transit and got to my friends A&M's house, it was close to 9 p.m. SF time (ie: close to 10 p.m. Mountain, where I usually hang out). Ah well, what can you do?

People-watching at the airport was entertaining - there was one guy in heels and a skirt and earrings and makeup and the like. Which, in principle, I don't have a problem with. I work with a transgendered individual, and she's absolutely lovely. Having said that, she does it right. She finds clothes that fit, that are fairly in style, that look good on her. She takes time to do her hair, has it cut nice and femininely, etc. Dude at the airport sure didn't. I was sure he was going to be on my flight (after all, SF is known for its liberal culture when it comes to that sort of thing), but nope, he got on a flight to Chicago. And yes, I'm using he to describe this guy deliberately. If you can make an effort and apply yourself, you get to be called she. If you look like dude at the airport, still dressed in a guy's shirt along with your skirt, heels, and makeup, you're still a he. :-S

I popped over to Starbucks at one point to see about getting a tea and something to munch on, since I was going to be sitting there a while. When I got back to my seat, a whole team of paramedics and EMTs is going to work on some guy a couple of rows over. They were, like, stealth squad. Totally hadn't even heard them come in, or heard anyone call for them, or call for help, or anything. It was pretty impressive. They worked on the guy for what must have been close to 45 minutes (I don't know - I was sitting with my back to him, and the did eventually put up a screen around the area), before wheeling him out, attached to an IV and an oxygen mask. I was still really impressed with their stealthiness, though. If it hadn't been for the people across the row from me staring over my shoulders, I never would have realized they were leaving.

A&M have a lovely place only three blocks from Golden Gate Park, which I think is what I'll spend most of the day exploring today. It's not the clearest of days, but at least it's not ridiculously foggy, so it should be pretty good. I think I'll have to buy a long-sleeved shirt or a sweatshirt at the concert tonight - it's only set to get up to about 16 degrees today, so while it's not cold, it's not exactly warm, either, and I definitely packed for slightly warmer weather (the weather network was showing the temp hovering around 20 all weekend).

Ciao for now!

Of vacations

2008-08-20T20:04:00.002-06:00

So.

The show is over. At least for me. It was good times, helping out backstage for some friends. I learned a lot about how a more professional theatre production than my grade 11 play functions - it was fabulous! Hopefully I can work on some more productions in the future.

Tomorrow I leave for San Francisco. I don't have much planned - I get to see radiohead while I'm there. Possibly the only band I would literally pay an arm and a leg to go see. But I only paid for plane tickets to SF, the concert ticket, and food and such while I'm there.

It's going to be great! I'm so looking forward to it. This is the first summer vacation I've had since I was in grade 11. I've always been working. Or working on a dissertation. While I've had time off, and breaks, I've never had a SUMMER break. Summer after high school - working. Summer after that, working. Summer after that, working. Summer after I finished my degree? Working. Summer after I finished my second degree? Working. Sure, while I was in the UK I made a point of taking some time off and doing fun things (a weekend here, a week in Ireland, a month backpacking when I was done my dissertation - and yes, the week in Ireland was the first real holiday I'd had since starting university), but during the summer, I was still working on my dissertation.

I shall post photos when I return!

Of freedom!

2008-08-16T08:56:00.003-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday was my last day at my previous job.

I am now off on two weeks' worth of glorious vacation time before commencing the new job. YAY! I asked the folks at work to keep my departure low-key, and they definitely complied (thanks to them for that - although none of them read this blog!), although I still walked away with a small fortune in Chapters gift cards to fuel my bibliophilic addiction.

I can tell I needed the vacation pretty badly. Last night after work, I started to feel a bit ill. So I took a quick nap, but I'd promised a friend that I'd be at her birthday celebrations down one of the major bar-filled streets here in town, and had to be there to meet her around 6:45 p.m. We had dinner, and the stomach wasn't feeling any better. And the exhaustion was setting in. So by the time 9:30 rolled around, I was nearly falling asleep in my chair (after all, it was past my bed time!). A headache was also starting to develop.

They moved from the nice Irish pub where we started to another bar nearby near 10:30 or 11. No air conditioning. Pounding music. I couldn't take it. I mean, I'm not the sort of person who goes out drinking and dancing, getting horribly hammered and doing stupid things to begin with... but throw in the heat and the noise and the fact that I wasn't feeling well to begin with - it was either get out or pass out. I left and was home by about 11:30. I felt like ass. And I felt like AN ass. I've missed this particular friend's birthday several years in a row now due to whatever circumstances have popped up, and was really trying to make an effort to go out and enjoy this one. I know she was really disappointed when I left and now I have to figure out a way to make it up to her...

Of Sadness...

2008-07-28T18:32:00.005-06:00

My Templar Knights that I adored so very much a few posts back are unfortunately out of my price range.

I maybe would have spent up to 125 Euros plus shipping, but they're going for 190, and I can't justify spending that on a stuffed toy. Especially when I need to buy a new printer.

Ah well. Maybe some day.

For now I shall have to pine away in longing...

Of Facebook status updates that never were

2008-07-25T06:33:00.002-06:00

Ever wanted to update your facebook status to say what you were really feeling, but then decided it probably wasn't a good idea to broadcast those thoughts to the world?

Yeah, so have I.

And yet I'm going to do it anyway, 'cuz it needs to happen somewhere.

The Tudor Rose:

Is sick of sleeping alone
Does not necessarily think that your kids are cute
Is ridiculously happy that you're happy, but is still so jealous she could cry.
's feet stink
Has the worst cramps she's had in a long time (apologies to any male readers)
's office is a revolving door - so many people are leaving (and no wonder!)
is #*&^%& #)*@#$&
Could not care less
Wishes that certain of her coworkers would just stay on vacation
needs you to get off you bloody high horse.

Having said all that, I'm doing pretty good these days. My work life is more or less balancing my social life. I've met the guy who will be my boss in a month and a half, and he seems pretty cool. I'm going to get to set my own hours in the fall, so as long as I average out 37.5 hours/week over every 2-3 weeks, I can keep working a compressed schedule. I know how it works so I get a day off every two weeks, so w'ell see if that works. :) I only have 15 more business days left at my current place of employment! Woohoo!

And it's the type of place where they won't care if I'm 15 minutes late coming back from lunch so long as I make it up somewhere else. Magnolia, that means we can start doing lunch again in September!

I went to Taste of Edmonton twice (ok, granted, the second time was just after work today to get some Green Tea Ice cream, 'cuz I don't get to Kyoto much...).

I'm looking forward to some amazing Indian cuisine at a coworker's place tomorrow evening, hosting an event on the History of Beer down at FEP next week, and having Friday off next week to go get a massage and my hair done.

I have the last two weeks of August off. I figured I'd be doing nothing of particular importance, so I volunteered to help out with a friend's Fringe show - that'll be superfun!

It's a little under a month before I head to San Francisco for a 4-day vacation, and I get to see Radiohead while I'm there! My favouritest band ever! And then I get to do some more vacation-y sorts of things, and then I start the new job.

Things aren't perfect, but they're pretty damn good.

Of small victories

2008-07-17T17:15:00.002-06:00

So I went to the cemetery. I was there for more than two hours. I went into the mausoleum. And it didn't really freak me out too much.

Or so I thought.

I did wake up about 3 in the morning, thoughts racing, heart beating quickly, breathing rapidly, thinking about that damn cemetery.

But it was nowhere near as bad as last year.

I was able to fall asleep again pretty quickly, and while I didn't get ask much sleep as I would have liked last night, I think I'll be able to do this.

I've asked to be the principle tour guide's backup, so I probably won't have to do the tour much more than once or twice more this summer, but it's reassuring that I can actually hold it together long enough to do it.

Even if I do have to drug myself to sleep afterwards.

Of anniversaries

2008-07-13T17:05:00.002-06:00

So, I've gone back and looked, but I didn't blog about it.

A year ago today, I was having a bitch of a time. It was ridiculously hot outside, I wasn't sleeping properly, I was trying to balance three jobs... It was roughly a year ago (I don't have the date marked in my calendar or anything, but I know it was around the middle of July) that I got as close as I had ever been to a nervous breakdown.

I finished a cemetery tour, walked home, had a bath, went to bed... I couldn't sleep. For the umpteenth night in a row. My mind was racing, and my stress manifested itself in an intense paranoia of the mausoleum at the cemetery - it was like a malignant presence had followed me home and wouldn't let me rest. At about 2 a.m., I wrote an email to my boss and quit the cemetery tour contract. At about 4 a.m., still not able to sleep, I called in sick to work for the day. At about 8 a.m., I called my mother at work and arranged to meet her for lunch. I ended up sitting at a picnic table near Winston Churchill square munching on Taste of Edmonton Food, across from my mother, and bawling my eyes out. I made arrangements to sleep in their basement as much as possible for the next few weeks. The day after, I went and saw my doctor, who prescribed sleep aids to be taken on a short-term basis (there were 15 pills in the bottle, now, a year later, I've still got 9 left...). I slowly got better. With sleep and only trying to balance two jobs, I felt relaxed again.

My cemetery tour boss was quite understanding. I've been blessed with supervisors that are wonderful and empathetic. My supervisor at the U was the same.

Nevertheless, another summer is looming, and I have signed myself up to work cemetery tours again. I would like to say that I'm not terrified. I would like to say that I'm confident I can do this and that it won't negatively affect me. After all, I'm getting good sleep this summer (yay air conditioner!), I'm not trying to balance three jobs, I have a social life, I know that I have friends and family that are there to support me.

But that's one of the catches of having a mental illness, I suppose. Whenever I feel achy or tired, I wonder if I'm falling back into depression. Whenever I think of the cemetery and the mausoleum, my confidence takes a nosedive and I wonder if I'm really up for it. So far I'm only scheduled to be there one night, and with someone else, so we'll see how it goes. I'm trying to convince myself that I will kick this things ass and get past it. After all, the way to tackle a phobia is to face it and deal with it, right?

Either way, good vibes would be extremely welcome for me from about 7 - 8:30 on Wednesday night. And if you're interested, there's a super-awesome tour of Edmonton Cemetery (117 Street and 107 Ave) this Wednesday at 7 p.m. for only $5.

Of amazing excellence

2008-07-12T14:29:00.002-06:00

I think I'm in love. No, seriously. This also proves just how nerdy I am, but I don't care.

A friend of mine posted on facebook that she had discovered these guys. And I want one. I really really really really want one. Or many. But one will do.

Behold....

The Knights Templar!

More information on these guys can be found HERE.

Of choice

2008-07-07T18:49:00.002-06:00

So I mentioned a few entries below that I'm hoping to take piano lessons again in the fall. I've been to see and/or talked to five teachers so far, and have now narrowed it down to 3... This is where I need input.

Here are the options.

Teacher one is an older teacher, has been in the business for YEARS, but has admitted that she's cutting back and working on retiring. If I go with her, I could easily be out of a teacher in a couple of years. Having said that, she's worked with mature students for years, and has a special interest in injury prevention (which is great, considering I spend all day at a keyboard and then would be spending my evenings at another sort of keyboard). She is also a stickler for technical studies which is what killed me when I was taking piano before - that's the part that almost made me fail my grade 10 piano, and she seems like she'll push me super hard on that. Her teaching style makes up for some of what I've lacked in the past - learning about harmonic progressions in the music, and focusing on how those work. I have not yet met this teacher, but our phone conversation was super informative, and she really assessed my needs quite thoroughly. Having said that, I'm worried that I would get bored with the technical aspects and pressure in that regard.
Teacher two is younger - she can't be much older than I am. This means I would likely have the opportunity to grow with her, work with her, and hopefully manage to strike a balance. She has worked with mature students in the past, and has helped them to do what I'm planning on doing, with great results. She doesn't seem like she'd be such a pusher on the technical aspects, but having said that, I don't think she'd let them slide either. She had me play for her today, and watched for any major issues in my technical performance. She was very intent on not letting me get bored with what I was doing, but also on making sure that I'm able to achieve my goals. With her, I'm a bit worried that the technical requirements for the exam that I want to take might not get as much work, but I believe that we'd have the sort of rapport that I might not get from an old-school teacher.

Thoughts? Opinions? Both teachers are the same rate - $50/hour (which isn't as bad as it could be, but still at the more expensive end...).

Of memes...

2008-07-02T11:44:00.002-06:00

If everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't I?

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Packing and just generally getting excited about my first-ever trip to another continent. I was headed to Europe in about 8 days for a month of glorious sightseeing with a bunch of my Girl Guide friends from northern Alberta. It was good times.

What are 5 things on my to-do list?
1. Clean the apartment

2. Go grocery shopping

3. Sleep (I'm off work sick today because I got a grand total of about 1 hours' sleep last night - and I don't function well on that little sleep. It wasn't my intention - I was in bed shortly after midnight, which would have given me a good 5 hours, but the damn partiers outside kept screaming and shouting... I prefer to have Canada Day on a weekend so I don't have to get up for work the next day. Works out much more nicely for all involved).

4. Find a piano teacher for the fall.

5. Eat breakfast.

Where have I lived?

Oakville, Ontario. Kingston, Ontario. Vegreville, Alberta. Sherwood Park, Alberta. Edmonton, Alberta. York, UK.

What would I do if I was a billionaire?
I think I would go nuts if I was a billionaire. I'd probably find a job that I loved, regardless of how crap the salary was, so that I wouldn't go nuts. I would buy my parents the retirement of their dreams in Ontario. I'd travel as much as the job would allow. My closest friends would get their dream vacations and houses and cars. I'd donate to charities I strongly believe in. I'd go back to school and earn my PhD and maybe that conservation degree. The possibilities are endless.

Who would I like to know more about?
My ancestors as well... I've hit some brick walls in that department and would like to learn more about the people whose photographs hang on my walls...

Of varied things

2008-07-01T08:39:00.002-06:00

So I've decided that in the fall I'd like to start taking piano and voice lessons again. I'll have a salary raise, which should just about cover the cost, but I'm still a bit tentative about the whole thing. 10 years ago when I was still taking lessons, teachers at the college I'd like to go through were charging $40/hour, and I don't doubt that that's gone up since. I'll be making about $400 (net) per month more, and if I take BOTH piano and voice, given that people are likely charging at least $50 or $60/hour these days, I'll be spending all of that money, plus a bit, right there. And I was sort of looking forward to the salary increase in order to save more money to buy a car or go on a nice trip or something (I'm thinking South Africa 2010? World Cup? Oh yeah!). I'm torn!

If I manage to get ahold of the voice teacher I'm interested in, then maybe I can arrange to just have 1/2 hour or 45 min lessons or something... that would cut costs a bit. If not, though, I will still sing with the choir, so my voice won't totally go all to hell. And that would save me some money. :)

I've spoken with a few piano teachers, and with the exception of one, they've seemed fairly nice. I have a meeting with one tomorrow after work, and am hoping to arrange a meeting with another sometime this week, and still haven't heard back from a fifth that I'd called, but I'm thinking that I may go with a woman I spoke to on the phone - she has quite a bit of experience in teaching mature students and in things like preventing tendonitis and carpal tunnel... which is important now that I'm "old".

I do really want to do this. I'm just not sure how. *sigh*

Of weird neighbours

2008-06-22T20:46:00.002-06:00

So a few weeks ago, I got a knock on my apartment door. This is unusual, because the only time I get a knock on my apartment door is when I know someone is coming and I have already buzzed them in. Or they're trying to sell me something (even though they shouldn't be in the building in the first place). Not having buzzed anyone in, I ignored it. Shortly thereafter, another knock sounded, accompanied by a male voice calling "it's your neighbour across the hall!". Well. Curiosity now got the better of me, and I wandered over to my door, unlocked it, and cracked it open a touch, keeping my body well-planted behind the door in case he was some nut job. I poked my head around the door, eyebrow raised quizically...

"Hi, I'm your neighbour from across the hall."

"Hi". Eyebrow continued in its quizically raised position. I evaluated the guy. He's probably in his late 30s or early 40s, kinda skinny but wiry, moustache... Kinda Ned Flanders-esque, really. I kept myself mostly behind my door. My building's pretty safe, but I'd never seen this guy before, and I had no evidence that he's come from the apartment across the hall. The door was closed, he had no keys...

"Do you have any power right now?". Personally, I thought this was a pretty stupid question. I had lights on in my apartment that he can see from the hallway, and my television was on, definitely loud enough that he should have been able to hear it a bit from the hallway.

"Yup, sure do". I even opened my door a crack further so that he could see my t.v.

"And you haven't had any power outages today?"

"Not that I'm aware of. All my clocks are still set and such."

"Oh, ok." And he stood there a while longer as though he expected me to say something more.

"Sorry, can't really help you..."

"No, that's ok, thanks". At this point, he turned around and wandered back into the apartment across the hall. At least now I know the guy really is my across-the-hall neighbour.

About half an hour later, there's another knock on my door. Yes, it's neighbour guy again.

"Are you going to be around tonight?" Say what? My eyebrow must have been raised quizically again, because he continued... "I need someone to let Epcor into the building, and because the power's out, my phone isn't working."

"Your phone isn't working because your power's out?"

"Yeah, battery's dead."

The ultimate irony, of course, is that he had his cell phone out and was blabbing away to someone on the other end. Believe me. I heard him out in the hallway about 5 minutes before he actually knocked.

"Um, well, yes, but I don't see how you expect me to let them in, really."

"Well, can't they just buzz your apartment number instead of mine?"

"No, my buzzer number has nothing to do with my apartment number. It's a privacy thing."

"Oh, then what is a person's buzzer number?"

"Whatever the office assigns to them."

"Oh, right. So I could just tell your buzzer number to Epcor and they could come and buzz you?"

"I'm sorry, I'm really not comfortable giving out my buzzer number to people I don't know."

Inwardly, at this point, I was thinking "you know, most repair people have cells these days. If you'd hang yours up, save your battery, and have Epcor CALL you when they got here, you'd have no problems now, would you?"

"Oh, ok." And he stood there again, as though staring at me would make me change my mind. I slowly backed away and closed my door, while he resumed his conversation on his cell phone and walked back into his apartment.

Over the last several weeks, I've heard him quite a bit. He has a distinctive, loud voice, almost like he has no concept of an indoor voice. This is in stark contrast to the lovely eastern European couple that used to live there that were about as quiet as mice. Not that I mind, really, I can't control what people do in the hallways, and as long as I can't hear it when I'm trying to sleep (which, usually I can't...). But this does mean I have some familiarity with what his voice sounds like.

So a few nights ago, I'm asleep. I wake up at about 2:50 a.m. to the sound of this guy's voice in the hallway, obviously talking on the phone to someone, jabbering away about how he should go back to bed now, and then the conversation moves into the stairwell. Where it echoes. Right outside my apartment. Not impressed. And it continued. And continued. At 3:10, I finally got seriously pissed off, wrote a note "Next time you get a 3 a.m. phone call, I'd appreciate it if you don't take it in the stairwell RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM. Thanks.", and stuck it on his door.

Got home from work to find "Hi, didn't get a 3AM phone call, so not sure who this note is for. Thank YOU."

Granted, my handling of the situation was probably not the most diplomatic in the world, but it was 3 a.m., I hadn't slept well the previous few nights, and I was getting sick (yes, I have a cold that makes my head feel like it's a balloon just waiting to burst). Like any other single female with a modicum of brains, I did not want to get stuck in the stairwell with some weird guy that I barely knew who'd already tried to weasle my buzzer number out of me to give to God only knows who. But damn, it sure sounded like him, and as I mentioned earlier, he has a fairly distinctive voice. There's been nothing in the few nights since, but I'm still not impressed. So anyway, I wrote a note apologizing for the misunderstanding. But next time, I'm so headed into that stairwell with my cell on and 911 dialed and ready for me to hit 'send'.

Either way, it's gotten to the point where I'm not even remotely keen to run into my neighbour in the hallway, again, in stark contrast to my first year of living here when it was a PLEASURE to run into any of them. We got off on the wrong foot, I'll admit it. But I like to think that it was the right foot, even if my actions were a bit hasty.

Of change

2008-06-17T16:44:00.002-06:00

So the letter of offer was finally faxed to me yesterday. I signed it, returned it, handed in a letter of resignation at my current place of employ (effective Sept 1) and there you have it.

Starting September 2, I will officially be employed by a different government department.

I called up the person I'll be reporting directly to in the new job in order to find out what exactly the had in mind for me. I was definitely expecting a learning curve, but this sounds more like it will be a learning 90-degree angle. It's straight up at rapid pace and pray to whatever god you believe in that you don't lose your grip. I'll basically be responsible for a large, specific program that rolls around once each year, and encompasses most of northern Alberta, and will have quite a bit of opportunity to hang out with and learn from tons of other staffers and employees. It's scary but super exciting all at the same time.

And in other news, France is out. Sorry, Pat! Mais tu as encore l'Allemagne!

Of things

2008-06-13T19:59:00.002-06:00

So.

I still don't have my official letter of offer.

Having said that, they did sneak me a "sneak preview" copy via email on Thursday.

I start September 2.

And I won't have to move.

Heck, I'll barely have to move offices - it's in the same building, just a different floor.

Oddly enough, after all the worrying about moving and not knowing what the heck was up with everything, I'm slightly disappointed. I was sort of hoping for a change, an upheaval, and knowing that the possibility was there that I could have to pick up and move at a proverbial moment's notice was both a stressor and an extremely exciting prospect. I'd even sort of started scoping out places in the cities they might have sent me to. I was looking forward to catching up with people in those cities.

In the long run, though, it's WONDERFUL that I don't have to move (at least not for another year yet). My salary will be going up substantially, my cost of living only a little. I'll be able to save some more money. Buy a car or go travelling sooner. Take piano and/or voice lessons again. My office environment will be a little less structured. I might actually be able to take an hour for lunch every so often if I skip coffee breaks or stay a little later. I'm actually hoping to work something out with them so I can continue to work a compressed schedule, but we'll see how that goes.

In other news, my fantasy football team is currently sucking. But that's ok. It's my fantasy.

I really wish I was back in Europe and could just head to a pub and have a pint and watch the game. When I was there, even if I ended up sitting in the college bar at a table by myself with my schoolwork spread out in front of me, there was SUCH an atmosphere of fun, welcoming acceptance. It's pretty odd how football fans in Europe (provided you're supporting the same team) will just open their tables/arms/comeraderie to you. There was one day I went by myself to watch a friendly match between England and Jamaica in a pub in York. It was crowded (as I knew it would be), and I was prepared to stand. Instead, this lovely older gentleman from the North found an extra chair and a spot for me to sit. He continued to chat away as we waited for the game to start - wondering what his wife was out buying (she was in York for a shopping trip) and commenting on his favourite players (I learned more about Michael Owen that day than I ever needed to know). It's definitely one of my favourite memories from my time overseas.

I seriously hope that at some point I manage to get to an international competition like the Euro someday. I don't think I have any hope in hell for 2010 World Cup tix. :)

Of Football

2008-06-08T10:37:00.003-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen - approximately two years ago, the World Cup was on (see June 2006 in the archives for more on the ups and downs of watching the football and just how much that interfered with my schooling...). At that time, I wrote a guide for people who aren't bit football fans but who decide that since everyone else is doing it, they're going to watch the games too...

This time around, for Euro 2008, I fortunately have my own TV and am not, for the most part, subjected to this. Having said that, I felt it was time for a bit of a recap, with additions from friends and fellow bloggers after my post...

I. Thou shalt not invite thyself to the football, then spend the entire game whining that thou art bored. You chose to watch it. Suck it up.

II. Thou shalt not interrupt me when I'm texting my friends that _DO_ care about the football and with whom I can actually discuss the unfairness of the foul committed on/by player X and other such important matters.

III. Thou shalt not accuse the players of being shit when thou dost not fully understand the game. That privilege shall be reserved for those of us who know and understand the offside rule and what constitutes a foul and other 'obscure' trivia.

IV. Thou shalt not whine when thy favourite player gets subbed off - especially if he's only your favourite because you think he's hot.

V. Thou shalt listen to me denigrate a player one instant, then laud him to the skies the next without commenting on my lack of steadfastness.

VI. Thou shalt not interrupt me to discuss players' appearances. At least not when the ball is anywhere near a net. During stoppages in play, however, this is acceptable (hey, I'm a straight female, what do you want from me?).

VII. Thou shalt not tell me that the team that won did not deserve to win. Granted, they might have played like crap for MOST of the game, but in the end, they DID manage to score those goals. Although there has been the odd exception to this rule (such as the England-Paraguay game in the 2006 Cup).

VIII. Thou art allowed to ask questions regarding the workings of the game - the rules, why X got a free kick, etc. If, however, you have to ask the same question more than twice in a game, I reserve the right to stop answering and perhaps even make wicked fun of you for your lack of comprehension.

IX. Thou shalt not call the celebrations of all the others watching the game "silly". Maybe you feel no national pride, but I'm betting a lot of others in the room damn well do. This especially applies when you are talking about MY reaction, which was quite minimal when compared to others. You are, however, allowed to point out my potty mouth, as I'm well aware that over the course of the 90 minutes my language goes straight into the toilet and am endeavouring to remedy that problem.

X. Thou shalt not say the players are "doing nothing". I'd like to see you out there for 90 minutes, keeping the ball mostly in your opponent's end. If you must use this statement, please qualify (ie: "They're doing nothing! Their defense is totally missing!" or... "There's absolutely no offense out there!" or... "they're so not covering player X"). The players are NOT inactive.

XI. Thou shalt not whinge about the dramatics of the sport. Yes, all football players take a drama course called "Faking injuries 101" in order to make fouls look particularly deadly and convincing. It's part of the game. It just is. Deal with it.

XII. thou shalt not cry "kick it" or "hit it" at any point during the game. this merely shatters the illusion that thou hast any idea of what is going on whatsoever and reveals thou to be'est a charlatan of the highest echelons. (Contributed by Dr. D&C of http://thelostdoctor.blogspot.com/)

XIII. Thou shalt not take note of the fact that I yell at the ref. for giving too many fouls when he yellow cards my team, and then yell at the ref. for not giving enough fouls when he fails to yellow card the other team. (Contributed by Llewellyn of http://stillfalling.blogspot.com/)

XIV. Thou shalt not whinge and whine about the fact that a certain player has not been put on the field when we have already made three subs and said player isn't on the bench!!! (Contributed by my friend Bids)

XV. Thou shalt not say after watching Team X go down whille wearing your Team X shirt "oh....well ....usually i cheer for Team Y". Show some consistency. (Contributed by Bids)

XVI. Thou wilt be given a red card for breaking any of the solemn commandments. (Contributed by Genderist of http://haikuoftheid.blogspot.com/)

Of quick updates

2008-05-29T16:54:00.003-06:00

Well, ladies and gents, I have still not received my official letter of offer regarding the new position. Bah. Humbug. I did, however, get an email today from my contact. The basic gist of the email conversation is as follows:

Contact X: "Hi, Kate. Your letter of offer will be sent out on June 9 - we have most of the details down."
Me: "Thanks, X! Any word on where I'll be going?"
Contact X: "No."

Argh!

Having said that, I work a compressed schedule these days - put in a little extra time each day and get some extra time off every few weeks, and yesterday was one of those days off. I went down to FEP (www.fortedmontonpark.ca) to wander around and visit - only ONE familiar face in costume on the entire site - a bit of a weird feeling. For more you can check out the last few of Delly Bean's posts.

But mostly I went because the fabulous Delly Bean has been helping me to build a corset. I started this thing back before I went to England (and before I had a decent digital camera) and was making OK progress on it, and then I went away, and the corset sort of ended up on hiatus. But yesterday, I sewed. By hand, 'cuz there were tricky bits, but I sewed.

And here, after nearly three years, is what the corset looks like to date...

Front:

Picture with better colouring so you can see what the fabric really looks like:

Detail of the front. Those little channels are filled with wire-filled candle-wicking to give them a bit of supportiveness:

Inside (will be lined in a royal-ish blue material). The bar in the middle is iron (it was easier to find a blacksmith than a carpenter to make it for me, ironically enough) and will go in a channel between layers of canvas and will sit straight up the breastbone and down onto the stomach:

Of boredom

2008-05-14T16:08:00.002-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen, about a year and a chunk ago, I blogged about being bored at work.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Ok, seriously now...

When you've got nothing to do at work, what do you do?
I've got no students coming to whinge or ask stupid questions *knock wood*
I've got no paperwork to file (I'm dependent on my co-workers for that, anyway) or mail out.
The phones aren't ringing *knock wood*.
I've finished the project my boss set for me.
I've answered all my email.
My desk isn't very messy at the moment, so it doesn't need to be cleaned.
I've read just about every story on the BBC news website.
I've read the Residence handbook yet AGAIN in an effort to educate myself. I may go read the manual yet AGAIN.
I have to look/sound like I'm doing something. Don't get me wrong. In a month we'll be swamped with applications and I'll be whinging about being overworked - I know that's the case. But for the moment...
What would you do? Surf the 'net? Organize your desk yet again? Help!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

You know it's a slow day at work when...

You're looking forward to telling off the guy who hasn't paid when he comes in to complain about the lock change
You're disappointed when he comes in before the locks are actually changed
Your desk has never been neater, and new organizational supplies have been ordered (what would we do without Grand and Toy, really?)
You've read the emails in your inbox twice, just to make sure you haven't missed anything.
You watch your fellow employees file - only after you fought over who got to do the filing in the first place
You water the plant you've been neglecting for the last month
You haven't had to to say "around the corner, first door on the left" yet and you're two hours into your day
You haven't taken a single payment
You don't really need that free yoga they're offering to relieve stress, but you're damn well going anyway
You sign up for a free online HTML course because it's been two years since you built a website and you're feeling a little rusty. You also complete the first week's homework.
You seriously think about signing up for the free CSS course as well
You finally say "around the corner, first door on the left" 2.25 hours into your day
The only student that's had an actual housing question isn't even from our residence
And I'm sure I will think of more shortly, but this is it for the mo.

And then, miraculously, in September, I got the new job. It promised to be a job where no one was ever bored, because there were so many clients and so much work that we'd never run out of anything to do.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, they lied. The office has been the slowest it's been in... about ... 2.5 years. We're running out of work. I'm taking an online French grammar course. And 95% of the internet is blocked by our system's firewall.

I don't handle boredom well. All I can think right now is that I PRAY my new job sends me my formal letter of offer soon and I can get out of here into a job that's slightly more sane. And maybe even get my own desk again. That'd be cool...

Of music Memes...

2008-05-09T18:08:00.003-06:00

As Magnolia has pointed out, Music Memes are super fun.

Name your top 10 most played bands on iTunes:

Billie Holliday
The Smashing Pumpkins
Franz Ferdinand
Jem
Captain Tractor
Coldplay
The Feelers
Hole
The Killers
Sam Cooke

What was the first song you ever heard by 6 (Coldplay)? "Bigger, Stronger". It's a very early-radiohead-esque b-side that one of my guy friends had on a mix cd that I borrowed one summer we were working together.
What is your favorite album of 2 (Smashing Pumpkins)? "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness". Classic.

What is your favorite lyric that 5 (Captain Tractor) has sung? "The words of that song/go 'round in my head/as I'm crawling along /well they might as well leave me for dead..."

How many times have you seen 4 (Jem) live? Can't say that I have. I really only like the one song, "They".

What is your favorite song by 7 (The Feelers)? "The Leaving."

What is a good memory you have involving the music of 10 (Sam Cooke)? Grade 6 musical, baby!

Is there a song of 3 (Franz Ferdinand) that makes you sad? Sometimes "Fade Together" will get me, but I have to be in a crappy mood to begin with.

What is your favorite lyric that 2 (Smashing Pumpkins) has sung? "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage".

How did you get into 3 (Franz Ferdinand)? I'd heard they were good. I'd heard "Do You Want To" and liked it. I bought the album. The end.

What is your favorite song by 4 (Jem)? "They". It's really the only song by her that I'm particularly into, but apparently it's one of my most-played.

Is there a song of 8 (Hole) that makes you sad? No. Much like Jem, I'm only a big fan of one song, really - "Celebrity Skin".

What is your favorite song of 1 (Billie Holiday)? "Me, Myself and I".

What is your favorite album of 1 (Billie Holiday)? None in particular. She's just fantastic.

Of a fun couple of days.

2008-05-02T16:19:00.004-06:00

It's been a fun few days.

My birthday was on Tuesday.

We got carrot cake at work for no particular reason (one of the ladies I work with runs a cake business on the side...) on Wednesday

I've spoken to an NHL hockey player. That was awkward. You could tell he was trying not to let on what he did for a living, and I was trying not to let on that I knew what he did for a living...

I've spoken to a Canadian senator. Good times...

On the walk home this afternoon, I saw a cop blatantly use his lights and siren to run a red light when there was absolutely no reason for him to be doing so.

I also saw the most giant dog ever. Seriously. He must have come up to at least my elbow, if not somewhere between my elbow and my shoulder. I'm sure he was either a mastiff or a bullmastiff... anyway, he was huge. This in and of itself would have been mildly interesting, were it not for the fact that as I watched, two yuppie couples with their teensy little chihuahua-esque dogs were walking by. And the chihuahua-esque dogs were yapping away at the mastiff, straining their leashes, trying to have a go at it. The mastiff was pretty laid-back, so he ignored them for a while. But then, he slowly turns around, plodding on those massively huge paws of his, and makes a half-hearted lunge towards the yippy rats and gives a giant bark. For a moment, the yipping stops. Every pedestrian who can see what's going on has a massive grin on their faces... and then the yipping starts again. The mastiff was on a leash, but even the half-hearted lunge he'd made dragged his owner forwards a couple of feet. It was highly amusing for all of us watching, but maybe you just had to be there.

And that is all...

2008-04-22T16:03:00.002-06:00

I accepted the job offer.

Y'all are right. This is more about building a skill set than about building a specific knowledge base. This is about professional development that will last, even if I end up transferring into another field in a few years. This is about making more money, being more challenged, feeling good about what I'm doing rather than wishing the general public would go away and leave me alone.

Change is scary, right? Even if it's for the better?

Well, shit.

2008-04-21T16:17:00.003-06:00

I got a job offer.

I have no idea what to do.

It's with a department I don't really want to work for. If I don't take this, though, will I get anything better?

Professionally, it's a godsend. I mean, it's management. I may have to move somewhere else in Alberta, but from what I can see, the positions would at least be in this province - I might not have to move at all! Even if I did have to move to Calgary or something... I've lived further away before. The cost of living there isn't any more expensive than it is here, really.

They've given me until 10 a.m. our time on Wednesday to accept or decline the offer.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much.

My god. It's all fine in theory, doing something with my career I've never done before, but when it actually begins to realize itself? I'd just sort of resigned myself to being stuck at my current position a little while longer...

Dammit, I don't know what to do.

Of pain

2008-04-15T17:50:00.003-06:00

So one of the teeth that the dentist worked on started to hurt last week. I went in to have it looked at yesterday. As a result, I am now down one wisdom tooth, up a bottle full of T3 and wishing I could eat really for real solid food again. Yup, they just took my tooth out right then and there. I was in and out of the dentist's in an hour. It was nuts. So I hurt right now (it's about time to take some more pain killers) and would KILL for some potato chips or something similarly salty and crunchy, but it will have to be iced cream instead, I'm afraid.

The first found of job offers was supposed to go out today and I haven't received anything. Ah well. It isn't the only iron in the fire...

Of photo teasers...

2008-04-13T13:16:00.006-06:00

Well, ladies and gentlement, I've done it. I've finally uploaded all my photos. For those of you who know me on Facebook, they're pretty easily accessible there. For those of you who don't, I've got them up on my old standby - Kodak Gallery! More info below...

Ok, so this first one is the requisite tourist shot of me outside Parliament (the Peace Tower, to be specific) in Ottawa. Notice the bright, sunny gorgeousness of the day - didn't last much longer. It was a cold walk back to the hotel after dinner.

This one is the Harbour Park Inn in Goderich, Ontario. Historic building of much significance. More in the photo albums...

The livery, another building of historical significance in Goderich, Ontario...

For more of my photos, check out my profile on Facebook or visit: The Kodak Gallery

Of even more exhaustion

2008-04-12T18:28:00.003-06:00

You'd think that three days with a 93 year old woman wouldn't be all that taxing, wouldn't you? But no, somehow, I'm still exhausted.

The trip down to Goderich from Toronto was pretty uneventful (stayed the night in TO with a friend I haven't seen in over a year, so that was excellent). You know how they say it takes you a few days to get used to a new bed and sleep properly?

Right, so that's 2 nights in Gatineau, 1 in Toronto and 3 in Goderich. You'd think the third night in Goderich might have been ok, but no. I am SO looking forward to getting to my own bed tonight. It's going to be a late one - the flight from Calgary (yes, I'm in Calgary airport right now - whoever invented wireless internet is a god(dess)) gets me into Edmonton at about 8:35 p.m. - ie: 10:35 p.m. Eastern, the time zone I've been in the last few days.

The fun thing about the drive down to my grandma's place is that you go by the house where she lived when she was a kid (although it looks nothing like it used to) and all sorts of other places that figure prominently in my childhood. Hell, the entire town of Goderich figures prominently in my childhood - we used to spend at LEAST a week down there each summer, hanging out, visiting, etc.

First thing that happened when I got to Goderich was that my mother handed me an envelope full of genealogy and family history stuff to peruse. I spent most of the evening, and most of my downtime in general whilst there working on that. I apparently have distant relatives several times removed all over the freaking place that I don't even know about. I think it's time to rejoin Ancestry.co.uk and see about picking up where I left off when I got back from England and was too poor to keep doing family history stuff for a while there (it's not ridiculously expensive, especially not compared to the cost of hiring a private genealogical researcher to do a lot of this stuff for you, but it was something I couldn't really afford when I first got back). Among the highlights were a copy of my great-great grandfather's will (from 1915) and invoices from the funeral parlour for both his and my great-great grandmother's funerals (in 1939 and 1935, respectively).

We ended up at my grandmother's cousin's place for after-dinner tea and chatting that evening (which reminds me, I need to alter a name in my genealogy program...), and when June, the cousin in question, got wind of the fact I was working on family history again, she dragged me up the stairs of her wonderfully Victorian house (it's beautiful. Seriously. The inside (on the main floor, anyway) hasn't been much altered since Victorian times, and June has furnished it in a way that's commensurate with that). I walked away with some more info about her branch of the family, but most special was walking away with a copy of my great-great grandmother's funeral announcement from 1935. Black-bordered and everything. You look at it and it LOOKS old.

It was at this point that we returned to my grandmother's place and my mother mentioned something about remembering having had copies of funeral announcements and calling cards and such from my great grandmother's generation. My grandmother's response... "Oh, I think I threw those out". This spawned a giant search through grandma's apartment on the part of my mother (who is also into the family history stuff)... and no calling cards or funeral announcements. Conclusion - My grandmother had, in fact, thrown them out. They may be in a box of stuff at my parents' house, but it's highly unlikely.

We did, however, find a photograph. On the surface that's not that special, but those of you who've been in my place will know that I have various (copies of) old family photos (originals in my mom's possession) framed and up on my wall. My most recent aquisition (if you can call it that) was getting the Huron County Museum to send me digital images of a few in their possession - so I have printed those and just need to frame them to add to my collection. These photos are sort of special because they're by a well-known and noted photographer operating in the area in the early part of the 20th c. More about him can be found
HERE.

The photos in question from the Museum are HERE, HERE and HERE.

My mom was always sort of pissed that grandma gave those away. Well, whilst digging around for the other stuff, she found another Sallows. It's not on the website (my grandmother didn't even know she had it) but it's taken around the same time as the rest (1920ish) and shows my grandma (yes, the girl feeding the chickens), my great grandma and my great grandpa in a horse-drawn buggy. It's awesome. My mom promptly took it. She says she's giving it to me, though what exactly I'll do with it I don't know - There's this part of me that loves having the old family photos. And then there's part of me that realizes I'm not entirely able to care for them. So I've contacted a friend that works at the Provincial Archives to see if he knows about any really good digitization facilities so that I can take a copy to send to the Sallows Gallery.

Oh, yes, and my grandmother, having no sense of personal history, was almost impossible to draw out into anecdotes about her own past and her childhood. So I didn't get as much there as I'd hoped. I seriously wish that some of my other grandparents were still alive. Or that even my great grandparents were alive (my great-grandfather lived to almost 99 - he was a couple months short of 99 when he died in 1983... *sigh*).

So, yeah, in the midst of the despair there was a bit of light at least.

On the Friday, my mom and I went to the county Museum. Didn't identify ourselves. Part of the museum has a lot of rotating exhibits, and a lot of the stuff my grandmother donated (like, ok, say, the photos... and some china... and some textiles and some furniture... and a lot more) wasn't on display. The museum was founded by some random eccentric guy back in the middle of the 20th c. as a "pioneer museum". The public historian in me was appalled by his chunk of it (it's expanded and grown one hell of a lot since he gave up control and passed away) since it is a whole sort of general mishmash of stuff, but the more modern bits are much more cohesive and tell a pretty good story of the agricultural and political origins of the area.

For the afternoon, I picked up a brochure and went on a historic walking tour of part of the town for about an hour. It points out various buildings and locations of architectural and historical value, and I took tons of photos (again, you'll have to wait until at least tonight for those), including some of myself in the snazzy new hat that I bought. If I ever had all the money in the world I'd start by buying one of the Georgian houses... I'd restore it and modernize to a certain extent while still being true to the original design elements, and I'd live in it. Then I'd buy another Georgian house. I'd restore it and furnish it entirely in a Georgian manner, and it would be a museum. Preferably with some interpreters. Then I'd buy a Victorian house. And do the same thing. And then an Edwardian. And then the Craftsman that I saw on the way out today. And... and... *sigh*

It was like walking down memory lane, though. I spent all my summers in this place as a kid and I don't know when I'm going to get back. I mean, I'm super glad to be coming back to my apartment. I really need a good night's sleep. But I do miss that side of the country and wish I still got to spend time there on a more frequent basis. The problem is that if I get a job out there, I don't want it to be used as an excuse to look after my grandmother. I'd have no problem going to see her for a weekend every couple of months or so, but I don't want to have to be her caregiver. Granted, my mother's not exactly young either (she's only a year shy of 60) but I'd rather not have to look after an aged parent figure until I have to. The prospect is extremely daunting, and it absolutely saddens me to think about it.

Ok, we're supposed to start boarding in about 15 minutes, so I'll put the computer away and maybe read for the next bit - I've rambled on enough.

Of exhaustion

2008-04-08T15:44:00.002-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I am exhausted. And I mean that. Really freaking exhausted. I suppose that's what you get for getting up at what is the Alberta equivalent of 4:45 a.m. I mean, yeah, usually I'm up at 5:30, but that's beside the point. Really. After a week of exhausting nights working on rehearsals for the Requiem, and now this... I just about fell asleep in the taxi on the way here to the airport, where I now sit in a cheesily Canadian-Beer-themed bar, using the wireless internet (apparently my free internet from the hotel doesn't expire until tomorrow, and really, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, even if the signal here in the airport is shite and it literally took about 5 minutes for the post-typing page to pop up).

I have noticed a few things while in my National Capital.

1) Service here is SO much better than out in Alberta. People still have to compete for jobs here. Every single person who has served me, from the folks at the front desk in the hotel, to the waiter at the restaurant on Sunday night to the staff at the Timothy's where I got my coffee this morning to the guy here in the bar (who's kinda cute, but that's best left for when I'm not typing in a place where he can easily see my screen), to the room service delivery ladies... Fantastic, pleasant, cheerful, prompt service. It has been amazing.

2) Ottawa is about as close to Edinburgh or some other major British city as you're going to get in Canada. Everything centres around one main hill area (ie: Parliament Hill). The Byward market area reminds me of nothing so much as a streetcorner in Edinburgh or London. There are certainly enough pubs around. :) There are statues. Monuments. Buildings more than 100 years old. It is fan-freaking-tastic. I can certainly see myself relocating here and not being too horribly disappointed. Yeah, I'd miss people from out west, but... wow. This is awesome.

3) The Musée des Civilizations is still pretty fantastic. I have some photos of various aspects of it that I want to show you - for a museum that's static (ie: not living history) they certainly cover more than I remember (granted, there have probably been significant changes in the last 12-15 years and additions to the museum that I hadn't noticed when I was a kid). I got to go for about 3.5 hours today in between interviews and it was great.

4) I think I was able to sell myself in ways that employers weren't necessarily expecting. Yeah, a history degree might not be practically applicable to the real world, so I harped on my malleability and my transferrable skills. As I said to several of the interviewers, I'm a ball of clay. Feel free to poke and prod me into whatever you need. I have the basic skills to do it and no preconceived notions of how things "should" be.

I am sort of kicking myself for a few things, though.

a) Didn't think to fly in a few days early and take more time to explore and see friends and such. Getting to see H was fantastic, but there are a couple of others I would have visited here if I could.

b) My French doesn't include flirting 101. They don't teach you how to flirt with men in standard French classes. And there were some very cute francophone men at these interviews. And they all have Masters' degrees, so you know they're smart. And by tonight, I was too exhausted to think clearly enough to even TRY to flirt with the cute guy from Québec that I shared a taxi to the airport with.

c) I'm not a more gregarious person. Some of those people could just walk up to anyone and start a conversation, then there's me. None of that capacity here. I think the people in the interviews were surprised when I described myself as shy at first. If people are asking me questions and I'm forced to respond, it's not as difficult as just walking up to some random and saying hi. Ah well.

Ok, I should probably actually eat the food on the table in front of me, and read the news or something productive like that... Photos will follow early next week, hopefully some good ones of the town my grandma lives in and such as well as some Ottawa ones...

Of having a little more self esteem

2008-04-07T11:52:00.002-06:00

Two more of the departments that I've dropped off resumes with have invited me for interviews.

That means one interview today (very shortly - need to head out)... and four tomorrow. May have time to hit the Museum of Civilization tomorrow (or at least the gift shop, which has awesome stuff). Yay!

Of not being amused

2008-04-07T08:34:00.003-06:00

So I'm in Ottawa. Met up with a friend last night, and had an absolute blast chatting over dinner. H is out here for her job (she went on a program similar to the MTP a few years ago) and is absolutely loving it, and I can see why. Wandering around the city last night was lovely. I would share photos, but the internal memory card reader on my comp hasn't been functioning properly since I spilled soda on it at Pearson a couple of years ago, so I'm working on it and praying that it works today! It's finally registering that a memory card is actually IN there, so that's one step ahead of where it usually is. It is, however, telling me that the card isn't formatted, and I'm not about to format it now so that I lose all the pics that are on it! I mean, I understand that it's a 1G card and that there's lots of stuff on it, but whatever...

So anyway. Sleep was... well... better than some sleeps I've had in hotels, but still not great. Ordered room service for breakfast - first time I've ever had room service. Felt a bit decadent. Then wandered over to the conference centre where the interviews are occurring. After a brief intro from someone... still not sure who that guy was... it was off to the feeding frenzy of booths. I've dropped off resumes with about 8 different government departments that hadn't already asked for interviews (only ONE?!?! What is up with that?), set up interview with two of those departments, and am waiting anxiously for the other six to call me and set something up. We shall see how it goes.

So now, I've got nothing to do until our next session at 12:20, besides have lunch. I mean, the last department I talked to - all their interview positions were already filled (yes, some departments were granting interviews on a first-come, first-served basis rather than actually looking at resumes and calling us for interviews later), so I'm on a waiting list. You don't get there early, you're SOL, and there's not much point in my being there (at least that's the impression I was given today) after an hour or so. I'm not amused. Here I am in my suit (and I can't really change - I have my first interview today at 2:10), there's nothing to do (all the museums within walking distance are closed on Mondays - whattup with that?!), and I have only three interviews. It's kind of discouraging, really. Makes me wonder why the government is spending all that money on this and why I'm even here, really. They could have just interviewed me over the phone or something and gotten this over and done with. Ah well. I got my resume in with all the departments I wanted to, have an interview with one department I _REALLY_ want and two with departments I could live with, and as for the rest, we'll see. In the meantime I shall pluck it up, do my best in these interviews, and do my damnedest to land myself a job!

The one really awesome thing about being here, though, is that it's Gatineau. Everyone speaks French (almost) so I'm getting to at least hear more French than I usually do. I've spoken to some of the hotel staff and some of the interviewers in French as well, so I'm getting a bit of practice, which is nice.

I've given up on the card reader for now, and will be going for lunch in a bit. More as things develop later today!

Of music and motion...

2008-04-05T14:26:00.004-06:00

Well, folks... it's been a busy, busy week. And it's going to be a busy, busy week.

It started on Sunday with rehearsal at the Jubilee for the Alberta Ballet/Edmonton Symphony Orchestra/Edmonton Opera/Richard Eaton Singers co-production of Mozart's Requiem. Which I am singing in. And then there was a RES rehearsal on Tuesday. And a Requiem rehearsal on Wednesday. And our dress rehearsal on Thursday, and then yesterday, finally, the performance went up.

I'm really sad that there are no photos. We look awesome. Despite the fact that I swelter on stage for 45 minutes under a felt (yes, felt... like that stuff you played with in arts and crafts when you were a kid... or that you continue to play with as an adult to make such useful items as purses, hats, and miniature stuffed animals...) robe, I'm loving it. This is totally just reinforcing my belief that I should get back into performing on a more dramatic level. Being in the Richard Eaton Singers is certainly good, and gets me singing again, but I miss the drama of musical theatre and opera. Much more opportunity for individual expression. There's another performance tonight. It went over well last night (one of the perks of anonymously taking the LRT back home along with all the patrons after the show is that you get to overhear their conversations) in spite of the choreographer's somewhat controversial agenda (he has unashamedly called it a homage to all those involved in modern warfare, esp those in Iraq).

So, yeah, another show tonight; I'm super sad that there were only two! It's such a letdown when something you've worked so hard to accomplish finally ends, really. The high when you're performing is amazing, but afterwards...

Then I come back home and finish packing.

Yes, packing.

I don't know where the last month or so has gone, but tomorrow I get to the airport bright and freaking early to fly off to Ottawa for my set of job interviews for the Management Trainee Program. I'm a bit nervous, as the rehearsals this week mean I haven't had much of a chance to review information on all the departments that are participating, but whatever. I'll take my laptop and do what reading I can in Calgary when I'm stuck in the airport there on a two-hour layover. Geesh.

I get to visit my grandmother this week as well. She lives down in southern Ontario, so after the interviews are done on Tuesday, I fly down to Toronto, spend the night with my friend and then my mother will come get me on Wednesday morning to drive me to my grandmother's place (mom flew down to grandma's today...). Grandma is 93, hard of hearing and seeing, and we have little to nothing in common. I'm hoping, though, that I can set my laptop up (I have an awesome free MP3 recording program) and have her just talk about her childhood and life as it was back in the 20s and 30s, as much as she can remember - oral history is so valuable and we don't have enough of it, really, from ordinary people.

Fingers crossed that it all goes well - the snow this morning didn't bode well for my mom's flight!

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
For Fun: The Success Principles (Jack Canfield)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of minor oral surgery.

2008-03-25T12:26:00.003-06:00

Went into the Dentist's today. Follow-up appointment from my checkup last month.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have officially survived (I think) my first local anesthetic. That's right. I rule. We'll see how things go when the freezing wears off, but for now, I'm ok, albeit a little drooly.

They've frozen the right side of my face - I apparently have enough room for my wisdom teeth so they got rid of a little gum flap that was over my tooth.

If you have a weak stomach, stop reading now.

So what they do is they actually take a little laser and cut it off. Lasers are supereffective, because they cauterize (ie: burn shut) the wound as they go. So in essence, my wound has already scabbed over. Minimum blood, minimum pain. The thing about cauterization, though, is that you're burning flesh. I now know what the smell of burning human flesh is. And, disturbingly enough, I've smelt worse.

Now, though, when I read about people being burnt at the stake and such, I'll know what the smell was. Not sure how that'll affect me, but we'll see.

Ok, you can start reading again.

On another note, I finally got my tax receipt for my Jan/Feb RSP contributions, so I can finally file my income taxes! Yay! I have a pretty sweet return coming my way.

And that is all.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
For Fun: The Success Principles (Jack Canfield)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of soundtracks

2008-03-23T10:13:00.005-06:00

Magnolia pointed out that a bunch of us in the same blogging circle had completed this meme a little over a year ago... and that since her playlists had changed quite a bit, she was going to redo it.

Well, ditto. :-)

Last time I did this I used my "general listenage" playlist for selection B, and my entire library (including Christmas music et al) for selection A. This time will just be reversed. :)

Life Soundtrack
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits:
a) Martika - "Toy Soldiers" (Hm. Setting the scene for a cheesy 80s angst-ridden movie...)
b) Radiohead - "(Nice Dream)" (I can handle this - makes for a good opening).

Waking Up:
a) Robbie Williams - "Random Acts of Kindness" (ok, good start to the morning)
b) Weezer - "Dope Nose" (in which the Tudor Rose becomes a crack addict)

First day at High School:
a) The Tragically Hip - "Scared" (ha! this scene is perhaps filmed from the bully's POV?)
b) Evanescence - "Haunted" (appropriate for the scariness that was the first day of school!)

Falling in Love:
a) James Blunt - "Out Of My Mind" (well, I don't know about the rest of the lyrics, but the chorus definitely fits)
b) Glenn Miller and his Orchestra - "Adios" (perhaps the object of my affection will also share an affection for Glenn Miller?)

Fight Song:
a) Trespassers William - "I know" (In terms of tempo and composition, not really what you'd expect, but you could almost see an Ang Lee-eque slow-mo martial arts scene for it...)
b) The Beatles - "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)" (some humorous circumstance led to a mixup that involves people now running after each other through an amusement park with guns...)

Breaking Up:
a) Billie Holiday - "My Man" (ok, apparently I'm being broke up with, or iTunes screwed this up royally...)
b) J. S. Bach - "Wo Ist Der Neugeborne König Der Juden" - (from Bach's Christmas oratorio... very snotty breakup, apparently)

Prom:
a) Evanescence - "Taking Over Me" (This is going to be like a prom straight out of Carrie, apparently. Or Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Or some weird mixture of both).
b) Great Big Sea - "Seagulls" (prom is destined to end in disappointment... Don't really want to be there...)

Life:
a) Wolfmother - "Love Train" (ummmm....)
b) The Choir of King's College, Cambridge - "While Shepherds Watched" (apparently thinking back on my life at Christmas?)

Mental Breakdown:
a) Skye - "Say Amen" (A bit peppy for amental breakdown, but apt lyrics describing the confusion... apparently I'm breaking down after my breakup, though)
b) Glenn Miller - "That Old Black Magic" (very apt - sweet, cheerful, loving music to provide a foil to the mental anguish that would be obvious on screen...)

Driving:
a) Radiohead - "Let Down" (Perfect. I love driving to this song. Esp on highway stretches. It's just got a tempo and tonality that's perfect for letting the scenery fly by).
b) JS Bach - "Nun komm' der Heiden Heiland" (organ piece that conveys a bit of a sense of urgency... I'm apparently driving somewhere in a hurry).

Flashback:
a) Stealers Wheel - "Stuck In The Middle With You" (Flashback to dancing at the bar in my university days, apparently).
b) Great Big Sea - "The Chemical Workers' Song" (flashback on all the crap that's happened in life)

Getting Back Together:
a) Neko Case - "At Last" (choosing love over circumstances? Pretty apt...)
b) Glenn Miller - "Moonlight Cocktail" (very apt.)

Wedding:
a) Nine Inch Nails - "Closer". (um, yes, well...)
b) Coldplay - "God Put A Smile On Your Face" (Arranged marriage?)

Birth of Child:
a) Bright Eyes - "Lover I Don't Have To Love" (this movie is turning into a tragedy, a story of an abusive relationship or something...)
b) Seal - "Kiss From A Rose" (Hm... sort of apt in a "light of my life", "advice to a child" kind of way).

Final Battle:
a) Peerless Quartet - "That Aeroplane Glide" (old time-y black and white battle complete with static-y bits on the film strip...)
b) Tadpole - "Backdoor" (that's better. Agressive guitar riffs, aggressive lyrics, definitely fight music...)

Death Scene:
a) Sigur Ros - "Með Blóðnasir" (nice, peaceful death...)
b) Bing Crosby - "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (I don't want to die at Christmas! That's so depressing!)

Funeral Song:
a) Aslan - "Fall On Me" (I have no idea what to make of this. It doesn't fit at all.)
b) Billie Holiday - "Me, Myself and I" (Well, at least I know someone loved me...?)

End Credits:
a) Feist - "I Feel It All" (Nice way to sum up a life, really...)
b) Anon - "Sequence - Missus Gabriel De Celis" (as performed by Anonymous 4... everyone is going to walk out on the credits, this is so inapt. I'm firing my director now...)

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: The Life of Saint Philip Neri (Antonio Gallonio)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of masochism

2008-03-16T19:05:00.005-06:00

I did something today that I'm really ont sure what the hell I was thinking.

I asked my boss at The Body Shop to see if there would be a possibility that I could transfer to the other company location in the city, at a rather large mall on the west end of the city.

I was there, thinking about the money I was earning. The discounts I get on the products that I use on a daily basis. What the hell would I really do with myself on an extra day on the weekend (ok, besides clean my place, and my place really does need it, I'll admit it)? And so I wrote her a note asking if she could see about the possibility.

I'm justifying it because I'd like to buy a car in the next couple of years. And the more money I have saved up for a deposit, the better. Hell, I could even buy a used car outright. And the commute to WEM is much less nasty than the commute to where I'm located right now (bus service runs AT LEAST every 30 mins, so I wouldn't have to leave my place 1.5 hours before I need to be there - I could get it down to 1 hour, max - most trips are only 35-45 mins).

And the ultimate irony? One of my friends just got a job at a third TBS location - the difference being that this third location (at a shopping mall on the east-ish end of town) is one of the franchises in town and the owner doesn't have to worry about the company's bottom line, so long as they're making a profit. Thank god. I asked my friend to ask if they needed someone on weekends (since really, that's all I can work).

I guess, really, I'm just afraid of change. And the extra money is nice. I've been whinging incessantly about the Body Shop and really was considering changing, but now that it's hit me that in a month and a half, I'll not have it any more... I'm ridiculously emotional and sad about it.

I'll give a real weekend a go this weekend (I have Friday, Sunday, Monday, and TUESDAY off from both places of work!) and see if I go nuts. If not, I might be prepping my resume to hand into the Franchise owner (she runs all the stores that are not my store and WEM in town... either way, it's about the same distance to get to any of those from my place... much more convenient than where I am now...)...

Maybe if I take the summer off and then go back?

Dammit, I'm so confused. I'm so used to being busy I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not! I wish that these options hadn't opened up for me to just slide into the same job in another location - no learning a new system, no learning new product, just changing location... I mean... I thought I WANTED this out of my life and now that it's potentially going to be gone, it's like I'm pulling out all the stops to keep what I can of it...

Someone just smack me upside the head.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: The Life of Saint Philip Neri (Antonio Gallonio)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of layoffs

2008-03-10T18:35:00.004-06:00

So.

I got the news on Thursday that The Body Shop is restructing and that as of May 2, my position will no longer exist.

My manager had left me a voice mail message asking to call her back, and when I did she said that "I need to read you this script they've left me." So I listened as she read. She needs to cut hours IMMEDIATELY by about 50 hours per week. I have been laid off, along with one other girl (and another girl is conveniently moving to Ontario, so there's her taken care of!). They will be cutting pretty much everyone else's hours.

I'm not surprised, really. And I'm probably one of the first people who's ever been sort of happy to be laid off. I've not been enjoying The Body Shop lately - the Christmas rush is over, things are ridiculously slow. The company is going in directions I don't entirely agree with (they are REALLY pushing makeup sales these days... I always thought of TBS as a shop with values more like Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty... And they've come out with a line of "body focus" products that are a load of... well, I don't think we've sold a single piece since they came out with it... Cellulite serum? I mean, geesh, for a company that's big on "natural", too, I'm not impressed with all the ingredients in their stuff - it's better than a lot of companies, granted, but still... Ok, rant off... And yes, I will likely write a letter of resignation instead, for the day before my layoff, stating all of these concerns).

But the bottom line is that freedom is in sight. Freedom to have a 'real' weekend like most other people out there. Freedom to say "I sure can hang out tonight, I don't have to work tomorrow." Freedom to do my housework one day and still have a second day to lounge about.

The spending money was nice, but not entirely necessary. I can still get by financially. I think what this will do to my mental health will more than make up for the not-even-$300/month that I was making with TBS.

Thank-you, whatever powers that be are out there, that have saved me the need to upset my boss by my quitting. I was probably going to quit on or near May anyway.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: The Life of Saint Philip Neri (Antonio Gallonio)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of Edward Monkton

2008-02-25T20:46:00.004-07:00

If I have not yet harangued you to check out the works of Edward Monkton, DO IT NOW!!

EdwardMonkton.com

The man is a genius. That is all there is to it. His works grace greeting cards, key chains, and other trinkets of the tchotchke (sp?!) kind... but they are wonderful. They are insightful, even. One of my personal favourites (aside from The Penguin of Death, which graces my cell phone charm and cover and The Madness Hamsters which are just awesome) is "Where Are We Going".

It is kind of small, so in case you can't read it, it goes:
"Where are we going?"
"I don't know. I thought you knew."
"No, I don't know, Maybe he knows."
"No, He definitely doesn't know."
PAUSE
"Maybe no-one knows."
PAUSE
"Oh well. I hope it's nice when we get there."

And that about sums it up for me ladies and gentlemen.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Why History? Ethics and Postmodernity (Keith Jenkins)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of dreams

2008-02-24T10:02:00.010-07:00

I would just like to say to God... (or the fates... or karma... or anyone or anything that might have a hand in it...) that I think way more of my dreams should involve Adam Baldwin:

and/or Zachary Levi

.

Ok, all drooling aside, let's face it. I don't remember my dreams often. When I do, it's usually crappy (as I recall, there was a post back in July of 06 detailing a nightmare I had, and that was the first dream I'd been able to remember in months). So thank you to whatever powers were out there that gave me a fun, ass-kicking, dream last night in which I got to be a spy along with these guys and Yvonne Strahovsky (from the TV series Chuck - yes, I've found that I really rather enjoy that show. Too bad the writer's strike has seriously messed with it... dammit).

That is all.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Why History? Ethics and Postmodernity (Keith Jenkins)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of career advancement

2008-02-16T13:56:00.004-07:00

So I've got a few job interviews/tests/etc. coming up. One's the afternoon of the 26th, one's pretty much most of the day on March 3, and then there's the trip to Ottawa in April.

I'm completely and utterly allowed to take time off work WITH PAY in order to attend job interviews for other branches of the federal government (God bless the union in that regard). Lord knows I don't want to spend the rest of my career in the office I'm in now (there's a stupid low glass ceiling in this particular branch).

But there's this weird part of me that feels slightly guilty for taking all the time off work. How is my current supervisor supposed to provide me with a reference or anything when it's been obvious from the beginning that I don't want to be in the office I'm in and that I'm only using my current position as a stepping stone? Should I be trying to develop good, deep relationships where I am now? But I want to get out as soon as I can. I'm even considering positions at the same salary level and classification, so long as they're out of my current department. Am I killing my career while I try to advance it? ARGH!!

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Why History? Ethics and Postmodernity (Keith Jenkins)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of OMIGOD

2008-02-11T16:56:00.000-07:00

Talk about not giving a person much time. I got an email today that basically indicated that I had to have all sorts of information to the folks in Ottawa by Friday. And I'm going to be in Saskatoon for the next few days (I leave tomorrow night).

Thank God most of it was easy to come by with a phone call or two. And the rest is just a tweak of my CV, really. But HOLY CRAP did I freak out for a moment.

I was a bit up in the air as to whether I was taking my laptop with me to Saskatoon or not. Now I KNOW that I'm definitely taking it with me. There's internet access in our hotel rooms, and if I have to check my email every night while I'm there, so be it.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Why History? Ethics and Postmodernity (Keith Jenkins)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of success (sort of)

2008-02-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

I got some news this afternoon...

You have been successful at the structured interview and have been selected as the top ranking candidates to attend the job fair. Your results will be sent to you in the near future.

The next steps are the following:

Job Fair. You will soon receive an invitation to attend the job fair scheduled in the National Capital Region on April 7-8, 2008.

Woohoo! This pretty much makes up for only getting sent to Saskatoon. And if I can swing things all right, I might spend the rest of the week helping out my current department up in Fort McMurray (instead of flying back to Edmonton - fly there instead... We'll see).

Things are looking pretty up...

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Why History? Ethics and Postmodernity (Keith Jenkins)
For Fun: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of Saskatoon

2008-01-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

Anyone know anything fun to do in Saskatoon on a Wednesday night?

I'm being sent for a training session in mid-February, so I was hoping to not necessarily just sit in the hotel and do laps in the pool or run on the treadmill... although that would be all right...

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
For Fun: Helen of Troy (Margaret George)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of ohmigod!

2008-01-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

(Click it to see it in all its properly-resolutioned glory...)

As if this could describe my life any more perfectly...?

(From the lovely folks at Married To The Sea)

Of interviews

2008-01-16T17:34:00.000-07:00

The interview was for THIS:

I think I did ok. We'll see. I'll know by mid-February.

In the meantime, going to sleep off a headache.

Of eep!

2008-01-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

Job interview.

Tomorrow.

12:45 p.m.

Big one.

Time to go drug myself so I'll actually sleep tonight.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: Le Morte d'Arthur (Malory)
For Fun: Helen of Troy (Margaret George)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: way too many...

Of urgent, demanding, pressing, dilemma-causing matters

2008-01-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a problem. It is a monumental task that's facing me, fraught with peril, disappointment, discovery, and that I'm sure will end in blood, sweat and tears (or at least the last two). I've put it off as long as possible, and there have been holes appearing, making life more difficult by the day.

I need new jeans.

One of my favouritest (not to mention one of few casual-friday-appropriate pairs that I have) pairs of jeans have bit the dust with a hole in wonderful unmentionable areas.

I have previously ranted about my hatred of shopping, but my hatred of jean-shopping tops it all. I may, unfortunately, have to bit the bullet and go to the GAP (*shudder*) to get jeans, since they're really the only pants I've found that actually fit my little waist a bit better than the other companies out there. And they have wide-leg jeans that don't look like you're swimming in them. And yet... it's the GAP.... Their labour practices, while improved over the years, are still somewhat dubious... although probably not more dubious than a bunch of other companies I buy from, I suppose.

Where are Stacy and Clinton when you need them?

Of holidays

2007-12-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

Well, folks, my holiday is over. Not that I really got one to begin with, but I had more of one this year than I did last year! Two whole days in a row. It's nuts, I tell ya.

In spite of that, though, I got to spend even less time with my family than I have over the last few years, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

When I go to my 'rents, I feel trapped (part of that is not having a vehicle, part of that is feeling obliged to spend all my time with them). But this evening when I came back to my apartment, I felt empty. Like I'd not spent time with them. I don't know how it is that my family, that I love so much, ends up meaning so little when I actually get to be with them. It's nuts.

Anyway, here's a belated Christmas/early New Year's gift for y'all: For the first time in digital sound... its... me! It's safe to download - I promise. I made it myself.

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

Of items found from others...

2007-12-08T10:21:00.001-07:00

Found on the BookBonobo's website...

Of parties

2007-12-01T02:09:00.000-07:00

So I tried throwing a small party this evening and had invited about 30 of my friends. I had 10 RSVPs that people were actually coming. Add to this peoples' friends and significant others, and I was expecting about 15-20 people in my apartment this evening.

I had a few last-minute cancellations. That brought my total down to about 12-17 people for the evening.

Only seven showed.

I had a great time with the people that were here. Love them to bits. But that means that about 4-5 people that were on my "Attending" list didn't show up.

And I'm...

Hurt? Pissed off? I can't quite decide which.

At least have the courtesy to tell me you can't come, even if it is just an email at the last minute. Don't just not show.

I think hurt is winning right now. I was looking forward to spending time with these people, and was anticipating seeing them tonight. Instead they've blown me off for whatever reason. Not impressed.

I Am Reading:
Quasi-Academically: The Heritage Crusade and the Spoils of History (David Lowenthal)
For Fun: Santa Claus: A Biography (Gerry Bowler)
Pile of unread books on my bookshelf: 18

Of books

2007-11-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

My self-imposed attempts to keep up with the BookBonobo project having completely failed, largely due to my own laziness (I get home from work and most nights have no more energy than to play the next few moves in Scrabulous on Facebook or watch some pointless TV) and in part due to other reading necessities, I have joined a book club that, to my mind, seems rather more manageable.

Rather than the noble, but in my case apparently unattainable goal of 52 books per year, I've joined a book club on (yes, where else?) Facebook started by a former co-worker. The Constant and Quiet Book Club will be reading a book a month, and discussing on Facebook.

I'd tried the BookBonobo project in an attempt to expand my reading horizons. It's worked, a little. I've read books that I might not have otherwise picked up. But I still find myself gravitating towards history books, or historical fiction, and it's time to move on. Even one of the better comedic books I've picked up recently was historical fiction (Lamb: The Gospel According to Bif, by Christopher Moore, anyone? And on a completely random note - I saw another copy of this in Chapters yesterday that actually looks like an old-school Bible, complete with black leathery cover and gold-embossed print, along with the gold leafing down the edges of the pages and the ribbon bookmark... awesome! No, I didn't buy it. I only have two bookcases, and they're getting suspiciously full... And while the e-Book reader that Sandy recently purchased does look cool, I still need to be able to physically turn pages made of paper. E-Books are not for me.).

So first up is, go figure, a book that is essentially a history of Santa Claus. History. Ah well. I did vote for it. Spirit of the season and all that. And the history nerd in me was really excited. But I'm sure I will get outvoted at some point in the near future and my horizons WILL be expanded.

So, since this will be occuring, I will, from here on in, provide a revised version of my old "Currently Reading" at the bottom of each post. I haven't started Santa Claus yet (waiting for it to come in at Audrey's, so that I can buy it at the US price, rather than the Canadian), but as for the rest of it, here goes:

I Am Reading:
Quasi - Academically: The Heritage Crusade and the Spoils of History (David Lowenthal) 17
For Fun: Le Parfum (Patrick Susskind)
Pile of Unread Books on my bookshelf: 17

Of funerals

2007-11-03T16:56:00.000-06:00

I feel like a bit of an idiot. Today I attended a funeral. I didn't know this woman particularly well. I don't know her family. I don't know most of her friends, and only barely know the rest on a professional level. I didn't interact with her at all outside the university, with the exception of a couple of emails after I went away to England. And yet her death and the fact that I won't ever see her again are affecting me a lot, and I don't entirely understand why.

She was an absolute whirlwind. As somone pointed out today, she was like a force of nature - sometimes a tornado, sometimes a rainbow. To continue quoting from the eulogies, she knew what she wanted, when she wanted it, and as long as she got it at precisely the right moment, she was pretty easy to please. And lord only knows, she's probably up there attempting to micromanage the way Saint Peter runs the gates of heaven. She drove a lot of people nuts at various times. What matters most, though, I think, is that she showed me kindness during a period in my life when I really needed it. And it is that that I will always remember. And from what I heard today, I was not the only one.

What gets me, is that it was yet another person that I know who's died of cancer. It's snatching up the best and brightest, and ripping them away from us.

Dietlind Bechthold was an amazing woman. Especially in the last fourteen months of her life, as you can see chronicled on the short website she and her loved ones mainted.

I will always remember how I finally learned her name. After continued banter about some paper or other I was handing in after a long semester of handing in paper after paper, I finally said something along the lines of "You know my name now, so what's yours?", and it started from there. She'd photocopy papers for me - but only in return for my postering half of the Tory Building... I can still bring to mind our chats about her German courses, the paper she had in storage for me from a prof that I didn't want back, the discussion with another faculty member about the colour of a third faculty member's robes (he claimed 'Crimson', we all thought pink...). She was about the only person behind that counter that didn't scare me half to death - and the only one that ever bothered to learn my name, even after 5 years of handing in papers and picking things up and asking questions.

I wish I had faith. At least then I'd believe that she wasn't gone for good and that maybe we'd get to trade witty insults again some day.

Much love to you, Dietlind.

Of horribly obnoxious people

2007-10-18T19:15:00.001-06:00

So I had my first super-bitchy client today. I wasn't able to accept the madam's paperwork for a few very key reasons, and she was less than impressed (and yes, I use the word madam in multiple senses). She was even more unimpressed when I had to confiscate a piece of her paperwork and refused to accept my explanation. I finally had a much more senior person talk to her. She was still unimpressed. As she packed up and left my area, her purse was zipped with such venom that I wanted to reach out and smack her. I refrained, and just sat in silence, giving a 'tough shit, your own damn fault' look as she huffily turned and teetered out.

The kicker?

All this was in French. I'm fairly confident working in French. That's why they hired me. But I still don't know all the 'lingo', so to speak so there are words that escape me - especially since I don't use the French on a regular basis. Part of the reason I had someone more senior come out and explain was because I was afraid I wasn't communicating something properly. But listening to their exchange, nope, I was using the right words the right way. Big wiping of the sweat from the eyebrow.

I was able to step away and get out of the office shortly afterwards, and it was a good thing I did. The whole incident really drove home just how new I still am at this whole thing, and harped on all my professional insecurities. I was left with shaking hands and a feeling that I wasn't performing adequately. It doesn't help that the two others who were hired at the same time as me are both completely fluently bilingual. I feel ill-trained, ill-equipped, ill-informed, and ill-prepared right now.

Hopefully it will pass soon enough.

On a completely different note, my father had surgery on Wednesday. Just day, laser surgery, but surgery nonetheless. Yup. The skin cancer had made a few inroads. They think they got it all, but he'll be going for fairly frequent checkups from now on. The kicker? My mother didn't tell me until we had lunch together on Monday and she just casually happened to mention something about taking Wednesday afternoon to take my father to his surgery. I'm not sure whether I'm grateful to her that she kept me in the dark and didn't make me worry, or pissed right off that she didn't inform me of something that important a little bit sooner.

*sigh*

On learning new things...

2007-10-05T18:41:00.000-06:00

So I've discovered that I will actually be trained next week. There will be much learning. There will also be much sleeping in, as I won't have to start until 8:25, although it does mean I won't get off until 4:40, unlike my usual 7-3:15 shift.

I have learned that I missed choral performing more than I remembered. All the fun of solo work without all the responsibility to be perfect. Ok, granted, you're still aiming for 100%, but if you only hit 98, there are other voices to help you out.

I have learned that 3.5 weeks of doing nothing but calling people withouth a telephone headset causes shoulder injuries! Horrible ergonomic arrangements. Part of it's my own fault - I shouldn't have been holding the phone the way I was.

I have learned that I can survive on 6 hours of sleep a night, but not for any extended period of time.

And last, but not least, thanks to Mike Rowe and his "Dirty Jobs" show, I have learned that the moulds for bells contain horse shit. And other random interesting facts.

And that is all.

Of monikers

2007-09-29T22:07:00.000-06:00

I've changed my name.

Only on this blog.

But unfortunately my current position with the federal government means that I will need to be as anonymous as I can be for the moment.

If you really feel the need to reach me, and don't already know my email address(es), give me a shout at katcall42 at hotmail dot com - just put something about The Tudor Rose in the subject line so that I don't delete it as spam.

On a completely random note, blogger seems to think I'm German. All the instructions about HTML and formatting have suddenly switched to German.

Much love to you all.

Of the first week

2007-09-24T20:25:00.000-06:00

So I started the new job.

It's been a week and a day, and the only way to describe it is... badly managed, disorganized, negative, and hopefully I will be out of there soon.

I arrived on day one only to be told the person I was meant to meet wouldn't be there until at least an hour after I'd arrived. And all the managers were in Ottawa for the week, so no one had any idea what to do with me.

So for the first hour I sat on the couch in the reception area and read. And then HR came and made me fill out paperwork. And more paperwork. And then I took their respectful workplace online training course. And then I did more paperwork. And then I started scanning.

Day two I shadowed another worker. Day three I started working on callouts and that's all I've been doing since. 7.5 hours a day on the phone.

They haven't told me when I'm actually going to get formal training (I'm supposed to get a week, apparently). I don't even know who my direct supervisor is right now. The people I've been shadowing have only been there 2 or 3 months themselves. It's like a giant revolving door, with people always moving onwards or upwards. One of the people who interviewed me has only been there since January. They're short staffed, but they can't keep anyone. A guy made a joke that he doesn't bother learning anyone's names until they've been there for 6 months. He wasn't entirely joking.

People are overwhelmingly negative about their coworkers, the situation, life in general. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it is starting to. And that's after only one week.

I've run into some people from a past life (ie: from high school) there, as well, which isn't helping the emotional/self-esteem issues. I didn't like them, they didn't like me... it's like they've all come back to haunt me.

On the bright side, one of the other people doing the same job as me started today. She's Quebecois. I've been tempted to talk to her in French so that half the other people in the office won't understand us - she seems quite nice. We talked about BOOKS, for God's sake. Dumas. French literature! I haven't seen anyone else in the office read anything more than a newspaper. Obviously I don't know what they do when they're not at work, but still...

I still have my fingers crossed that they send me out to Vancouver for training. Yeah, it's 8 hours a day in training, but my evenings will be my own...

Anywho. I am volunteering again this year at everyone's favouritest Hallowe'en event (it's my one token volunteer thing... which reminds me, that one perk of the federal government is that they give me one paid "volunteer" day each calendar year... maybe I'll take it off on the Friday of Spook... ) Looking forward to it, although I feel a bit old. They do seem to get younger each year.

First choir concert is coming up on the 4th of October, as well. Details are at www.richardeatonsingers.com, should you require and or desire them.

Of things that are both good and bad

2007-09-11T17:05:00.000-06:00

My contract at the uni is up as of this Saturday. I've gotten all sorts of verbal reassurances that it would be no problem to extend my contract and that they're putting in the effort to make the position permanent and full time, but nothing has been put on paper. No posting for the full time position. No paper to sign to extend my contract. Nothing but verbal reassurances. I trust my boss. I believe she would have done something for me at the last minute. I probably could have stayed at the uni.

But today I was offered a position with the federal government. Indeterminate (ie: permanent). It's good money, too. About $15,000 more than I make at the uni. It means I'll be able to quit The Body Shop.

The problem? I don't want the job. I don't want to go back to an environment where my coffee breaks are monitored, and where, if I take 30 mins and 15 seconds for my lunch, I'm frowned at. I don't want to deal with bitchy people who've been waiting for hours in lineups. While the department mildly interests me, it's not what I want to do.

Nevertheless, I took it. As a certain blogger with a flower moniker once pointed out to me, you don't live to work - you work to live. And unfortunately this is one of those cases. Better to have a job I'm not entirely thrilled with than not be able to pay my rent in a couple of months.

Not to say that if a permanent position at the uni opened up, I wouldn't apply for it and jump at it. Hell, there are some interesting positions with the municipal government that I might apply for (I have to decide about one within the next 24 hours - posting closes tomorrow). In taking an indeterminate position, I'm not screwing myself out of a future that might be happier. I'm just temporarily putting material welfare over spiritual.

I hope I'm not making a massive mistake.

Of Music

2007-08-28T17:08:00.000-06:00

So I took a plunge.

I auditioned for the Richard Eaton Singers.

Holy fucking hell was I nervous. I mean, I haven't sung on a regular basis in... 5 years. Yup. I quit McDougall's choir in 2002. I haven't sung solo in almost that long. I am NOT in practice. Not only that, but I was singing for the guy who, 7 years ago, rejected me as a candidate to take voice lessons through the U of A's Music Department as one of my fine arts options. I was not amused.

Apparently he didn't remember me.

Which is fine. Blank slate and all that, right?

I thought I was going to fail miserably, much like 7 years ago, but instead, with only one week's practice, I pulled off a 'beautifully executed, polished' rendition of my audition piece, and was accepted on the spot.

So now I'll get to sing with the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra (sounds all impressive, doesn't it?) and hopefully work myself back into some sort of vocal shape. The first practice of the season is tonight!

I'm a horrible, horrible blogger

2007-08-17T16:35:00.000-06:00

Honest. I suck. It's been nearly 3 weeks since my last confess... I mean... post.

Work is getting nuts. We have to look after all the applicants and have them ready for school by the beginning of September, and we've got all sorts of people whose applications haven't been successful all pissed off at us for various reasons.

Unfortunately it seems to be another office within our department that's dropped the ball on a lot of stuff, and there's not much we can do to pick up the pieces. They've also got three brand-new people working there, so they're not as able to pick up the slack that others have created.

This means that when I get home at night, I'm emotionally exhausted. As a front line staffer, it means that I'm the one constantly getting... not yelled at, yet... but I'm the one that constantly has to deal with the after effects of these things and peoples' complaints about them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my balcony to spy on the car crash that just occurred on the street below. Looks like there was just some rear-ending that occurred. With any luck, it'll be my cop friend that shows up to deal and I can harass the officer :) My next-door neighbour is probably already out on her balcony watching...